Monday, January 26, 2009


Oh, what a busy trio of days I have had! I even got a new post inspiration Sat. and it's still floating around in my head. When I do get time to write it, I just hope I can remember all the wonderful thoughts I had!

Paul took down half the kitchen ceiling Sat. What a mess. 150 years of dirt and grit fell down, covering everything. I just am so tired of the never ending work on this house. He's really discouraged, too. He just doesn't have the energy he used to to do the work that this old of a house requires. I remember our last house and how cute it finally looked at the end, right before we sold it. But I'm really despairing that we will ever get to that point with this one. We just don't know what to do as far as staying here. Do we move and hope we can sell this house for a profit or should we go ahead and start on a basement (and then the question is, do it ourselves or hire it out?). We have to have more room but yet I don't want to be in a position of not being able to afford our mortgage and me having to go back to work. So many questions. And then our van is going crazy. Mechanically, it works great - still starts on the coldest of mornings. But everything electrical in it, the locks the wipers, doors are on the fritz. Today I got out at the store, deliberately left it unlocked and moments later it locked itself. I was in a panic and called Paul and he reminded me that I had his door key in my purse. The only lock it would open was the back hatch. So I had to climb through the entire van and push open the one door that will actually open. And then the key got stuck in the lock and it is still there. But anyway, we had a discussion about the van yesterday, trying to figure out what to do. We don't have thousands set aside for a new vehicle so we'd have to get some sort of loan, which I hate to do. But we have to have something reliable and when I'm getting locked out of my own van, it's not reliable! And then the question is - do we sell this van as is or invest the time and $ to fix it and then sell it for more? But if Paul spends his time working on the van, he won't be working on my house. So, round and round we go. Oh, and then - what do we look for? With all my heart, I want an SUV. I love the way they look - very sporty and very non-soccer mom-ish. But I don't know if they make them big enough for our family size. The boys aren't getting any smaller. And then I wonder how they compare, gas mileage. So, it's a lot to consider.

And now Paul is saying he'd like to go away overnight for our anniversary next month, since last year's trip was kind of a bust. But I don't feel like planning yet another trip, as well as finding places for all the boys to spend the night. But if he'd do all the work, then I'd be willing! We really do need some time away from the boys. Yesterday, tempers got a little short, to the point that Will had to ask me to "please not fight on the way home from church" because his friend would be coming home with us for the afternoon. How pathetic is that that he has to ask that of his own parents? What a poor example we are setting for our children! My parents never fought in front of us kids, which gave us plenty of security. David asked if we were getting a divorce - poor little kid. I didn't even know they could hear us! I just felt wretched. Paul woke me up at 4 this morning and said he was so sorry and I appreciate that, although apologies are good in the waking hours, too! It's just the stress from the house situation, the van situation, and of course, the eternal never-enough-money situation. I think Satan has been working overtime and he seems to particularly pick on us on Sundays, I have noticed!

Twice this weekend Ben burst into wailing. But this time it was different. Before when he has done that it has usually signified to me that he is overly tired. But each of these times he assured me that something really was wrong and was able to articulate what he was feeling and we were able to talk about it with him. I am thinking that this is just pure adolescent mood swings. I remember Will being a little weepy when he was about the same age, too. I'm actually encouraged by some of the things we were able to talk about with Ben this weekend. Maybe we are poised on the edge of a breakthrough with him, because things have been so difficult for the past few months, especially.

Today I visited a new chiropractor. I was pleasantly surprised by him, how thoroughly I was questioned and the care shown. They are a cash-only office, which may be ok, though. They will provide forms for insurance reimbursement so I am going to call our ins. company tomorrow and see what they will cover. I am hoping this dr. can help with the last bit of healing from my stroke. I am very interested in seeing if he can help Ben with his continual allergy problems. But, unfortunately, it will depend on our insurance. He is up in Ankeny, which is a good 40 min. drive for me - a drawback. But he reminds me so much of a naturopath we went to in Harlan before we moved and I'd really like to be under the care of someone schooled in that, esp. for Ben.

Time to pop the pizzas in the oven. Sam is stinky and it's gotten to the point I can stand it anymore (imagine how he must feel!). Hopefully I can get back to the computer tonight and jot down my thoughts on how I am such a weenie!

1 comment:

  1. Where to begin? Hope you are able to get the relief you need from the new chiro. I miss going to mine and desperately need to get back in there but it is a money issue. The van and house are a hard call. I miss my SUV and wish we would have never gotten a minivan, but I do thank God that it works and gets me from point A to point B, even if it isn't exactly what I would like. An overnight trip for your anniversary? I could only dream!! In the 5 1/2 years we have been married, I can count on ONE hand the number of dates we have had, let alone overnights. Those don't exist but we BADLY need them. The fights seem to happen more and more these days and the "I'm sorry" doesn't seem to follow. I pray that things will let up for both you and me soon. I do look forward to reading your weenie post. It has been great to get to know you more through your blogging.