On Disappointment, Turkeys, and School Fees

I'm going to get the bad news out of the way because I'm hoping I can snap back into my previous good mood. I'm so disgusted with myself for allowing myself to sink this low. It's pathetic! I didn't place with my latest FW piece - and I am so bummed. I had told myself repeatedly this last week that it was unlikely to happen for a number of reasons. And I was right! But every time I'd get a critique on my piece my hopes would be lifted and I'd think well, maybe I did have a winner here! The thing is, what I wrote was good. I've read enough other stuff and of course, I'm familiar with my own writing, and I knew this was one of my better ones. But the competition was fierce. There were 45 entries at my level alone. I am kind of anxious to see if I even made it into the top 50, but I won't know until tonight when that's posted.

So I find my thoughts going to dark places today. I wonder if perhaps I am tapped out at what I can produce on my own. Maybe I need some writing classes. They do offer those on FW, but when am I supposed to take those? I barely have time to get my pieces written and in each week. Sigh...

Of course, it didn't help that as I was discovering this bad news, Ben and David were at each other's throats. It is just awful. Chore time is the trigger. Ben is not capable of directing himself when it comes to doing work. So that falls to David to instruct Ben on what to pick up next. That absolutely infuriates Ben that his younger brother is the "boss" of him. And then horrible things happen. I get very upset with the both of them, although Ben is the primary culprit. Why can they not just do the work? It's not that difficult - and it would go a whole lot faster if they would keep their mouths shut and just do what they know they need to do. Oh, I get so mad! So, I am getting very antsy for the start of school!

I had something interesting happen on Monday. It was my grocery day. I have a friend who I know is in pretty severe financial straits at the moment. So, I picked up a few extra things for them. It wasn't my first instinct to do so, though, so don't be quick to paint a halo over my head! Paul's hours are way down right now - it's that time of year. So, I naturally fret about how we're going to pay the bills and buy groceries for ourselves. But I was made aware of this need and after talking with Paul, I really felt as though I should do something. I had a full list for us, but I went ahead and got several bags of groceries for my friend and her family. Do you know that I still came in under-budget? I am just baffled at how that happened! So, it makes me wonder - was it God?

Sam's been going around this week, saying, "Hmm - that's not a bad idea!" Little tape recorder again! Yesterday morning he insisted I dress him as soon as he awoke. Then he informed me, "Sam go outside and get Clifford, the big red dog." I didn't know what that meant, other than he's been watching way too much tv! But he went out and soon re-appeared with his little plastic doggie that pulls on a string - which, by the way, is neither red nor big. Goofball!

I forgot to mention that two weeks ago Paul got hit by a turkey on the way to work. He was driving his work van and a turkey flew out of the side of the highway and hit his windshield so hard he shattered the whole thing! How bizarre...

I had to get some make-up Monday so I was at the Clinique counter. I forgot that this time of year they have their buy it in advance deal where if you pre-pay and agree not to pick it up for a few weeks until a certain date, they throw in a bunch of freebies along with what you bought. And this year, they added a twist that if you purchased a minimum of $40, then they'd also give you a tote bag. It's always stuff I can use at some point, so I don't mind spending the extra upfront in order to get the freebies. David was right there with me and when the clerk rang up the order he gasped and said, "Mom! How can you spend $43 on make-up? Can we afford that?" And then when he heard the clerk's explanation of how I could get the totebag, David told me, "Mom, you know you really don't need a new bag - you have plenty of bags already!" Sheesh - pipe down, my 5 foot conscience!

I found out yesterday we have to pay "book fees" for Ben this year. It's not that much, but it would quickly add up if I had multiple children in school. I thought public education was supposed to be free - ???? And the thing is, Ben isn't even using any actual textbooks. All they are doing is running off papers for him to do. I suppose "book fee" is a term that actually means "tax."

Tuesday Paul didn't have any hours so he and David worked on the basement all day. They are getting close to the point where we'll be able to have concrete poured. I had talked about taking the boys swimming one afternoon this week, so Paul suggested to me that we go that day, since the heat index was over 100 degrees. I had co-op pick-up that afternoon. The truck was more than 2 hours late! I could not believe it! I even nervously ran down to Knoxville to run an errand for Paul, just sure that the truck would arrive while I was gone. But it didn't. The nice thing was that I had a very long time to chat with two other women in the co-up. The bad thing was that it screwed up my whole afternoon! Oh well. When I got home, we changed and loaded up in the van. We had over 2 hours at the pool, which is plenty of time for me to cool down. I just can't really see myself ever voluntarily going to the pool, if I didn't have kids to take - as long as I have air conditioning I can stay in.

I'll see if I can get my two latest FW pieces posted soon. Doing that is on my to-do list. That particular list has been a major source of discouragement lately. It's just growing and growing and growing and I can't keep up with it. I could chuck it, I suppose, but then I think I'd be in a worse state - knowing I had so much to do but having no plan of attack as to how to get it done!

Well, I guess I'd better go try and get some more things crossed off. Will comes home Sat. He leaves again Tues. evening for football camp, but I am looking forward to having him home for a couple of days, anyway. It will be nice to have all my chicks under one roof!