Slipping Through My Fingers

I thought I'd post a picture of how Will looked once he got all decked out in his wrestling gear. He did finally find two single socks, one black and one blue, that he decided would be a close enough match. I went outside and found that he had decorated himself with his hunting paint. Anyway, it just makes me laugh!

It also makes me a little wistful. Exactly four years from this weekend Will will march down the aisle to "Pomp and Circumstance" as he graduates from high school. There's a lot of growing that is going to happen between now and then but I can hear the clock ticking.

This weekend I rented "Momma Mia" with Meryl Streep. It's a great movie! In fact, as I type, I have it playing again, just to hear the music. It's all ABBA songs from the Seventies and there's one called "Slipping Through My Fingers" that just made me choke up both times I listened to it. It's about time and our children's lives, how it just goes so fast and how the days just slip through our fingers.

So I'm going to hold onto pictures like this one because soon they will be all I have as my boy becomes a man.

And a Bit of Sunshine

I forgot to mention one really nice thing that happened within the chaos and upset of this week. We have "Secret Saints" at church, women who secretly bless each other with cards and small gifts and commit to praying to them for a year. Well, I heard from mine last night and there was a gift for me at church. More than the gift, I so appreciate this Saint. She must know me pretty well or else I'm really transparent on how rough my weeks sometimes are because she always writes just the right thing to lift me up. Last night was no different. She gave me a room scenter thing (with oil and little sticks - unique) and chocolate. See, she knows me because she must know about my chocolate addiction! So I took the room scent thing out of the box and set it up today on the living room buffet. It really scents up the room and as I pass through the room I especially smell it and it makes me smile, just to know someone thought of me. And it's a reminder too, that God is thinking of and loving me through others, even during this busy and sometimes hard season of motherhood.

My Week

A report on my week: Can I just say I am really looking forward to this weekend? Tomorrow afternoon Paul and the older boys are taking off for the Father/Son retreat up at camp in Ventura. They won't be back until around suppertime on Saturday. It would be fantastic if I didn't have Sam, but I guess I can deal with one toddler! He still takes naps, which is immensely helpful. And he can't talk back yet. Today I am going to stock up on junk food - Bunny Tracks ice-cream, salted roasted peanuts, chips, frozen pizza and crescent rolls, I'm thinking. Then tomorrow, after my chiropractic appointment I'll swing by Blockbuster and get a couple of movies I know Paul would never want to watch. I'd like to see "Baby Mama" with Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. But I need to check the rating. I don't want anything R rated, even if it's only my eyes that will see it. Paul and the boys don't think anything is worth watching unless it involves high speed chases ( that's why they love Paul's Dukes of Hazzard collections), blood and high intrigue (why they watch 24). I like kissing and babies. I don't get to watch too many things I like!



Saturday I may paint the living room ceiling. It would be good to do that when there aren't that many people around. I have two graduation parties I am supposed to go to, but I'm not sure I'll have a vehicle. Paul is taking the good van because it has the hitch on it. We took insurance off his red van while we still have the old green one, that we had hoped to sell by now, but haven't. I suppose it's just as well. Paul went to move it the other day and it wouldn't start. So if he doesn't get that running tonight then I'll be without a vehicle, which is fine. He has been working on the kitchen ceiling all week and I'd rather have him put his time there than that van. I'm not so sure I'd want to drive it if it was recently dead, in case it died again, and he wouldn't be around to rescue me. If we did have an emergency, I could always drive the truck.



All right, so this week: I don't remember much about Monday. Tuesday, the boys softball games were rained out. I was absolutely delighted! You all know how I feel about those games! Yesterday I took Sam with me to Ben's therapy and allergy shots. I had to take him because he has developed several hard bumps on one of his palms and I wanted to get the nurse's opinion. She and another nurse decided they are some type of warts. Hopefully, they'll disappear soon. But that kid was a pistol there. I looked up from my magazine to see him climbing over the arms of the chairs. After I put a stop to that he decided he'd like to bang on the blinds. I stopped that. He immediately climbed back up to the blinds, turned around to see if I was watching and banged again. There was nobody around, so I smacked his hand, which did not please him. But it did keep him away from the blinds. I know I am supposed to be cherishing these toddler days, but there are some days I find myself praying for them to pass quickly!



Oh, I remember now what I did Monday - I rearranged the boys' bedroom and completely cleaned it. That was a big job! But I think it looks better now. And it's nice and neat! When we had Sam and had to move him upstairs I just kind of dumped his bed in the first available spot. With this rearranging it's more organized. I wish we could get that fooseball table out of there, but there is just no other place to put it. I need a basement!



Ben had a melt-down last night. It wasn't an anger melt-down, but a tearful one. This happened earlier this week, too. It was really unusual. The boys had listened to a tape on Daniel Boone for history. Apparently, the tape told of Daniel's baby dying. That really upset Ben and he was telling me about it afterwards and just burst into tears. Since empathy is definitely not his strong point (usually lacking all together) I was kind of pleased and thought, "Oh, the Namenda must be working!" But then I realized his response was really over the top and just not quite normal. He calmed down after awhile, especially when I told him that the baby went to Heaven. So last night at supper the boys were talking about camp and on the way to church Ben burst out wailing about how he was going to miss me while at camp. Now, he didn't get enough sleep the night before. He was up by 6am because he said he wanted to watch our street lights come on (???). I didn't care, as long as he let me go back to sleep (he awakened us at 6 to let us know his plans). This kid normally sleeps 12 hours. His bedtime isn't until 8:30 but every night between 7:30 and 8:00 he is trotting up the steps, headed for bed. And I do know that when he is tired, he gets weepy. I do the same thing. But Ben's is more like uncontrolled wailing, which is very startling if you're not used to it. So, I stayed in the van with him for a good 15 minutes until he was under control, I thought. But a half hour later they brought him up to me (I was in the nursery) and Ben was wailing again. I hate that! He's so loud and I needed to get him out of the building, pronto, before he disturbed everyone. But when I went to leave the nursery then Sam started crying! Oh well - he's got to grow up sometime. So I hustled Ben outside and he managed to tell me in between cries that one of the girls had been mean to him in Patch Club.



Now, we have had trouble with this particular family's kids before. They seem to pick on my boys a lot and Paul has about had it and is threatening to talk to the parents, I believe. I suppose it's necessary, although, knowing the parents, I have my doubts as to how effective any talking will be :( I hope I'm wrong on that. I'd prefer to avoid any confrontation, though. It's actually a good life lesson for my kids, I suppose, in how to handle not-so-nice people. But it still makes me want to pinch the offenders' little heads off! Had Ben not been overly tired and having a normal day, it's possible that this girl's meanness would not have affected him so much - I hope. So anyway, we went to the van and I just stayed in there with him until church was over. I am just really concerned now about camp. I know the boys get up early and stay up late and I'm afraid that Ben won't be able to handle that without melting down. Maybe I need to talk his counselor. Perhaps we could make arrangements that if Ben is showing signs of fatigue, Will could go ahead and take him back to the cabin and get him down for bed early. The only thing is that we usually don't know Ben is tired until he bursts out crying! Oh, I wish I could go, too! Loosening the tight bonds between the two of us as Ben grows up is going to be the hardest thing I ever do in my life, I think.



Today Ben seems fine, but has commented several times on this girl's nastiness to him. I keep giving him the Biblical answer of "turning the other cheek" while growling on the inside. Why is it human nature to pick on the weak? I have to leave here in a couple of hours to run some errands and take Ben to his class.

I got ahold of Will's football coach for next year. Whoa! Apparently high school football is different than junior high. He will have to be at the school from 6:30 - 8 three mornings a week all summer long weight lifting. I hope they don't have a problem with Will being gone for about 4 weeks total this summer! I sure hope I don't have to take him to the school at 6:30 in the morning! When I told the coach that Will is homeschooled he said, "Hmmm" - just like that. I hope that isn't a problem either!



Right this second Will is driving me nuts. He's so grown up most of the time. This morning he hooked the camper up to the van and drove around and backed into the driveway, perfectly, something I could never have done. But at this moment he is insisting that he be allowed to cut up perfectly good pairs of dress socks and/or his long john tops in order to complete his wrestling attire (he and David wrestle daily on the trampoline, emulating their WWE heroes. Two weeks ago Will took old linoleum, cut out large strips, and spray painted them to resemble trophy belts or something) I am objecting to the destruction of good clothing and he's getting frustrated. And I'm getting irritated because he keeps bringing socks out of my sock basket and asking if it is ok to cut this one up, all the while I am trying to blog about my week! I suggested he spray paint his arms if it's that important (please don't take me up on that!) but he's still intent on finding some socks without mates that he can use. At the same time he wants them to match, which I'm thinking is an impossibility with my missing mates basket of socks. Trust me, if he finds a pair, he's not getting them! I suppose this is another one of the things I need to cherish - not his desire to cut up our clothes -, but this half-boy, half-man stage. Soon he'll be completely a young man and my boy will be gone forever.



Well, I smell my chicken burning (I'm making supper in advance right now) and Ben is threatening to make his own lunch. David has to take a spelling test and Will is still pawing through the sock basket. Duty calls...

Mother's What?

I had a lovely Mother's Day yesterday. Paul made me a nice breakfast and had Sam toddle into the kitchen with a corsage box that he handed to me (the corsage had 4 flowers on it, Paul pointed out to me). Pastor preached a nice, Mother-appropriate sermon, and they gave each of the moms a carnation on their way out the door. We went to Old Country Buffet for lunch, where, of course, we ate way too much, which is what you are supposed to do at buffets. It sure was crowded, though - no surprise! What mother is going to cook on Mother's Day? Well, I suppose some do, but I sure won't be counted among those numbers! We came home, took a quick nap, and then headed back to church so Paul could attend choir practice.



Afterwards, I called my mom to wish her a happy day, and I chatted with her all the way home. We got home and the 4 boys scattered like the wind, peeling off their clothes as they went. I finally got them all corralled and managed to get all of us in one spot on the corner of the deck and Paul snapped this picture. As we were getting into place, Will asked, "Why did you call Grandma?" I said, "Because it's Mother's Day." Will said, "Oh-h-h! I totally forgot! I wondered why Dad made you breakfast and why we went out to eat!" Apparently he missed the flowers and Pastor's message as well! As my friend Patti says, these children are the "absent minded professor" types. I think I got one!



After we took the picture I got my cards and Paul showed me a shelf he is making for the backroom to put the telephone and answering machine on. It's a big piece of wood that he is in the process of cutting out "P (heartshape) S" Very nice! I wonder how long it will take him to get it done? I wonder how many other 38 year old men would do something like that for their long-time wives? It reminds me of my little 10+1 metal thingy Paul soldered together for me for our 11th anniversary - also quite creative! Then, Paul about lost his mind trying to find what he did with my other present. It took him about a half hour but he finally found where he had stashed 3 new spatulas for me. They're pretty - one is blue, one is yellow, and one is red and they have clear handles. They're much nicer than my other spatulas that have their tips broken off from over-use!



So, it was a very nice day, even if my first-born forgot that it was my day! Actually, David made up for it. As I was tucking him in, he said, "Mom, if I haven't told you before, you're a great mom!" And for a moment, I believed him. Happy Mother's Day to me!

Basketball Baby

Sam is 18 months old now and has a new passion - basketball. I shouldn't be surprised because

all the boys are a bit sports crazy (some recessive gene, apparently, since Paul and I are completely non-athletic and I'm not even all that crazy about watching sports, either!). No doubt this was fueled in part by Will's enthusiasm for the sport. Every warmish day we have had this winter and spring has found Will out on the driveway shooting baskets and trying to entice David to play with him. David is usually a non-willing participant. Will generally has to bribe him by offering to help him with his chores in exchange for one game of basketball. And it seems like every time those two play, either a fight will break out about how many more minutes David actually has to play or David will run into the house complaining about some injury willfully inflicted (he's sure) by his brother! So a lot of days Will just plays alone.

But over the past month or so Sam has become very interested in the game. He loves to pick up the basketball, which is bigger than his head, and try to shoot baskets. As soon as I noticed his interest I reassembled a kid-sized basketball hoop and stand we had from when the other boys were little. But Sam isn't all that interested in that. He wants to use the real hoop! I also bought him a kid-sized orange ball (it's actually a soccer ball, but Walmart didn't have any mini-basketballs) but he'd rather lug around the real ball.

The other night while Ben and David played their softball game, I could not get Sam to stay near our area on the field. He was insisting on heading towards a concrete area. I kept pulling him back and he kept taking off again. He was carrying his tennis ball and it finally dawned on me that there were basketball hoops on the concrete - it was a court - and that's what Sam wanted! So I indulged him and followed him over (it was either that or wrestle a tiger because Sam was not going to stay with me! It was so cute. He got to the court and with his little tennis ball he crouched as if he were attempting to shoot a basket and then he'd let his ball fly. But these were regulation hoops and Sam soon got very disgusted that he wasn't making any baskets. So he asked me, by motioning, to lift him up. I did, but I'm not exactly Amazon sized, and Sam was frustrated that he still couldn't make a basket. This went on for a good 20 minutes until I finally got him to admit defeat and head back to the ballgame.

But do you want to know a silly thought that went through my mind as I watched Sam's dedication that night? Earlier that same day I had taken him in for his 18 month check up and he weighed in at 28 lbs and measured 35 inches tall. The dr said this will no doubt be his pattern for the rest of his growing years which means he'll be tall and thin. I don't know why that makes me feel so proud, but it does! I had nothing to do with his size, other than contributing half of his genetic make-up, but even then I couldn't exactly control which genes I gave him. Would I be less pleased if the dr said, "Well, he's as average as can be!" or "You got a short one here!" Probably. It's just silly. But anyway, having that in the back of my mind and then watching his absolute dedication to the game made me start wondering if maybe Sam is the next white Michael Jordan! If I get him in high school basketball and the right recruiter is there (because of course, Sam will still be just as crazy about basketball in 16 years as he is now, and it goes without saying that he would be the star of his team) he could eventually make it to the NBA! And then I imagined myself giving an interview and saying, "Well, he showed an unusual interest in the sport even as a toddler!" Could happen. After all, Tiger Wood's dad had him out on the golf course by his first birthday! Maybe I should have given Sam a more distinctive name, like "Blaze" or "Wind"...

Well, whatever happens, it's a pretty sure bet that I'll be sitting through a whole lot more sporting events, watching my kids play. It sure doesn't seem like Sam is going to be the sensitive, quiet, musical, artistic type who doesn't need his mother to cart him all over the universe going from practice to practice to game to game. It's all right. I think I'd rather watch a ballgame than sit through a piano recital, anyway!

Ben's Decision

This is hardly news anymore, since I have broadcast it in emails, on Facebook, and it was announced at church last night by our pastor, but I thought I would blog a little bit on Ben's salvation decision this week. It actually reminds me of when he took his first steps, the summer before he turned 3. I had to tell everyone! And that was because something had happened that I didn't know ever would, for sure. I hoped, but until I saw it, it wasn't real. When Ben took his first steps I took that to mean that he was progressing and that if, nothing else, I wouldn't be having a wheelchair bound child as we had been told might be a distinct possibility. The decision for salvation is completely different, but still I can draw some parallels between the two.

Paul and I have had a very "hands off" approach with all the boys in the area of their eternal souls. We never wanted to walk them into any decision they weren't ready for and by doing so have the potential for doubts when they were older. This needed to be something that happened when they were ready and as the Holy Spirit worked in their hearts. I have always cringed a bit when I have had moms exclaim to me their excitement over their child getting saved - at age 3! I'm not saying it can't happen then, but I am a bit skeptical. So, we have done the right things with the boys, in that we have exposed to them the Gospel from their earliest years. Will made the decision around age 7 (although he didn't tell us for a couple more years!) and David came under conviction quite young, when he was only 5 and prayed the sinner's prayer then. I am confident, though, that even at that age, being David, he was sincere.

But with Ben, we just haven't known where he is mentally, if he was even capable of such a decision. For a couple of years now, he has asked questions pertaining to salvation but they have been very "young" questions, like, "If I say 'hell' a whole bunch of times, will I go there?'" and things like that. When we have pressed a little bit, Ben has quickly lost interest and changed the subject or wandered off. I have had many people say to me over the years that they think Ben understands a whole lot more than he lets on, but I have always kind of hoped they were wrong, because if it were true, then it might mean that Ben had reached an understanding of salvation and was rejecting it, which would make him hell-bound.

David is getting baptized next month. Our pastor had called Tues. morning to discuss that and I was not home. But he reached me on my cell phone. When I did get home Ben asked me why Pastor had called. I explained that it had to do with David's baptism. Ben wanted to know what that was all about. I explained and at one point Ben said, "saved from what?" And so I was able to go through the Gospel with him yet again. And he wandered off and I didn't think any more about it. That night, he, David, Sam, and I were in the van on the way home from softball. All of a sudden, Ben piped up with some questions. It soon became evident to me that he had been mulling over the morning's conversation all day long. I answered his questions, and as quickly as I would, Ben would have another. Sweet little David, with his evangelist's heart, immediately jumped into the conversation as well. He has been burdened for Ben for years. When he was younger he would solemnly inform Ben that he was on his way to hell if he didn't repent of his sins immediately! We finally had to tell him to stop doing that! Soon, Ben said, "I want to get saved, Mom." But I wanted to make sure he was sure. So I quizzed him quite a bit, making sure he understand and was still ready. I didn't want him to pray a prayer, for me to get all excited, and have everyone all happy that the poor, mentally impaired Heywood boy was going to Heaven, and have it not be real. But Ben was quite firm in his decision, which shouldn't surprise me. He's that way about everything. Once he decides something, he to be physically restrained in order to persuade him otherwise!

Paul wasn't around for the other boys' decisions and I think that has always been a bit of disappointment to him, so I persuaded Ben to wait until we got home. As soon as Paul and Will pulled in the driveway, Ben announced to his dad that he was "ready to get saved." Paul was quite surprised and did some gentle quizzing on his own of Ben. But soon the two of them were kneeling down at the couch and Ben became a child of God.

Honestly, I'm thrilled! All my chicks are safe now, at least until Sam reaches the age of accountability. My mom commented that it will be interesting to see what changes occur in Ben's life now. I hadn't even thought of that, that his salvation might influence his behavior in a good way! It's extra thrilling to me, too, because it's Ben. After his birth, the doctors didn't give us a whole lot of hope for his life. We were told up front that he would be a burden to us all his life. In many ways, that has been true, as Ben has taken tremendous amounts of time, money, and energy. With all that, it has been very easy to forget that he is a person and not just a consumer of all my resources. But this salvation experience really impressed on me the fact that Ben is a person, created in the image of God, with an eternal soul. The fact that he has physical and mental impairments while here on earth is really beside the point. He is just as human and just as needful of salvation as my other boys. And Jesus died for him, too. In fact, as I was trying to explain to Ben, that even if there had been no other people on the earth and only Ben (a fact that Ben couldn't wrap his literal mind around - "why wouldn't there be any other people?"- so I dropped that) Jesus still would have died. That fact alone shows how much God esteems even the most "broken" of humans. We're all precious to Him.

It's been a happy week at our house - and in the streets of Heaven, I imagine!

Friday

When I was a teenager and home on a Friday night I thought it was indicative of my status in life - so unloved and unpopular that I had no where to go! Now, I love being home on Friday nights!





As I was typing this, Ben made my night, maybe my week. Last night two sheriff's cars came into town and ended up at my neighbor's. This neighbor, Jean, is a single mom and has 3 young children. She has been married a couple of times, maybe 3, has had at least two different men living in her home since she moved to Swan a year ago, and mentioned to me a few weeks ago that she is now engaged to the one that currently resides with her. She's a very nice girl (yes, quite a bit younger than me!) but has obviously made some bad choices along the way. Well, one of the neighbor kids told my kids when the police arrived that Jean's current boyfriend had beat her up. I don't know if that is true or not, or how this neighbor kid knew that. Indeed, when I saw Jean today, out mowing, she didn't look battered. But anyway, the whole episode really caught Ben's attention and he had lots of questions last night. Well, just now he said to me, "They (meaning Jean and her boyfriend) are not good parents because the police had to come." I diplomatically said that Jean is probably a good mother, but has made some bad choices. Ben agreed and said, "But you and Dad made good choices. That means you are good parents!" I can accept that!





This was the second day in a row that I didn't get any school done with the kids - just too busy, running all over. Paul had his last neurology appt. in Ames at 8 this morning. For the past year or so, he's been participating in an epilepsy drug study. Every so often we have to go up to the McFarland Clinic for that. We finally decided to withdraw from the study this spring because ever since his dosage increased in Dec., Paul has been extremely fatigued. Even on the study drugs, his seizures didn't change in intensity or frequency. So, we'll live with the seizures and just keep him on the drug he's been on since 1996. Then, we got some breakfast and he went to work and I had to run into Michaels and Walmart in Ankeny. Then, I had to go to Walgreens and pick up 4 prescriptions for the boys. Unbelievable, all the meds! Some of it was just Ben's allergy stuff. To my utter surprise, his insurance didn't cover his Claritin. But I also picked up his Namenda, the alzheimer's drug he is taking, and I had been told his insurance would not cover it until he had been on it for 6 months. But it was completely covered! He also had a nose spray and Will had some triamcinolone for his hand. I was surprised his insurance covered that. Ben uses that for his skin and we have had trouble in the past getting that covered because that stuff is expensive! I remember once we were billed $118 for a 4 oz tube of it! Then I needed to go to the library. This was all with Sam in tow, which is not as easy as it used to be. He's squirmy and doesn't like to sit for any length of time.





I went home, greeted the boys, and took off again. Yesterday I drove to Knoxville planning to take care of all our vehicle stuff - renewing the tags on our current vehicles and licensing our new van. But, I was told that we had to have the sellers sign this new form, some disclosure type of statement. It's something the Iowa legislature quietly passed sometime since we last purchased a vehicle. Paul said I should have forged the guy's signature, but I couldn't do that (I can forge Paul's signature and have many times, but not someone else's!). But the county courthouse is a good half hour from my house, once I climb to the second floor, anyway, where the vehicle dept. is. So I had to do that today instead, making another hour round trip. While I was gone the boys kept Sam entertained on the trampoline. This week he decided he loves that thing. Today he spent an entire hour out there, jumping! None of the other three have ever tumbled off that thing - wonder if Sam will?





I came home and got to work on dinner. It turned out that Paul was off by 3, so he was able to take the boys to their 6pm softball practice. I was so happy! Sam slept almost the entire time while they were gone and so I had the house to myself, which was Heaven! It really gave me a taste for two weeks from now when Paul and the boys will be going overnight to the Father/Son retreat up at camp. I'll have Sam, but that won't be much of a problem. I am getting so excited about that! I plan to eat junk food and watch chick flicks and stay up really late (you know, like to 11:00!). The next day I have a couple of graduation parties to attend, but it won't be difficult with only Sam. I'm sure I'll be getting plenty giddy as the day approaches!





Tomorrow morning we'll be getting up early again. We're going up to Ames to help my brother and his family move. It's a joyous thing. It's kind of a long story, but they have struggled for several years to get to the point that they will be at tomorrow - homeowners in Iowa. From the time God put that desire in their hearts they have met roadblock after roadblock as they waited for His perfect timing. Finally, all the pieces are in place and tomorrow night they will be sleeping in their new home! So, I'm very happy for them. And I'll see my parents, too, because they are driving down to help.



So, that's the latest installment in my life! Nothing too exciting - just the days that form the quickly passing years!