Called to be Faithful

I'm feeling much better about my writing now. I'll tell you why. By the time Monday night rolled around I was in a serious funk. However, just before leaving the house, I had had a revelation, which was a source of wonderment for me. And then we conversed and well, I'll just tell you how it all happened...

I was putting away groceries out in the other freezer in the garage. The thought went through my mind as I did so that I might spend a tremendous amount of time and effort on my writing over the course of the rest of my life - and I might never see the results I want to. Suddenly, I was reminded of a little marble plaque I have sitting on my kitchen windowsill. It was given to me just a few weeks ago. It says, "We are not called to be succesful; we are called to be faithful." What a thunderbolt that was! If I am called to write - and I believe I am, by virtue of how much thought I give it - then it doesn't matter if anyone ever publishes me again. I am only to write. That is all. God will take care of the rest.

I was telling this to Melissa that night and she started nodding her head. She said it reminded her of a song by some Christian performer that I need to go YouTube. He has a song about singing on a "little stage" - if that's what glorifies God.

I then went on to express to her how I wished I just didn't feel things so much. I have often wished that in life, apart from writing. I tend to adopt a careless, "tough" attitude and it's because it's the opposite of what is really going on. I am a highly sensitive person. I also have an amazing memory. So, I can remember hurts absorbed when I was a five year old. Seriously. It's a burden. And so I'm taking writing rejection pretty hard, as a result. But Melissa looked at me and said, "But Sarah - that's what makes you a good writer! You can express emotions on the page because you've already felt them!" I had never thought of it like that before. Hmmm....

So this new purpose in life has been an encouragement to me this week. I don't have to make it big in writing. In fact, I never have to be published again. But what I have to do is to keep writing, because that's my calling.

And then, I have taken some practical steps. I am realizing that while I have some natural ability, to think I am going to make it on that is nonsense. There is always going to be someone out there more talented than I am. So, I picked up an issue of Writer's Digest the other night and I am slowly going through it. I am even reading the ads. The world of writing is SO much bigger than I realized! I'm going to subscribe to it. I also plan to buy the 2011 Christian Writers Guide. FaithWriters offers on-line classes. I'm fitting them into my days. I will never be so good that I can't get better.

And I'm just going to keep pressing forward. I don't know what will happen and you know what? It really doesn't matter. My life is just a vapor, as the Psalmist reminds us. I've probably already lived almost half of it. It really matters not a whit if someday there is a book with my name on the cover. So what? A couple of generations from now and even my descendants won't know who I was. But this is what will matter: when I make my arrival into Heaven, meet my King, and am told, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

That's all that matters. Nothing more.