Nov. 20, 2015
Day 905
Well, today didn't
start out as planned. Lizzie bought
herself a kindle this week and since it came we've had all kinds of trouble
with the content from Sam's kindle getting onto hers and stuff like that. I really hate electronics... so, I called
Kindle today and was on the phone with them for TWO hours while my kids went
crazy and started bleeding and yelling at each other. Argh...
But I do think the
problem is resolved. And the people at
Amazon/Kindle are super nice on the phone, even if they have hard-to-understand
Indian accents.
We have snow! Lots of snow!
Not as much as some parts of the state, but I think we have a good
5-6" outdoors. The kids are beyond
excited. It started snowing in earnest
around 5 last night and when we got home Sam and Lizzie were outside playing in
it and then requesting hot chocolate at 8:30 pm (which ended up being buggy, a
fact they didn't discover until they had drank most of it - I may have just
scarred them, as well as given them some intestinal parasites).
Actually, I wasn't
too thrilled about the snow last night.
For months, David has been planning on attending the Back on Track
conference which is something they started doing for the teens in the area this
time every year. I think it's designed
to kind of renew the camp fever that they come home with every July and
August. This year's theme has to do with
God in the midst of suffering. So, David
was especially interested in attending.
By the time I got halfway to church the snow was really coming
down. I got him there and turned around
and went home and it was the most harrowing drive I've had in a long time. I had a great deal of difficulty seeing because
the snow was coming right at me. The
roads were slick and I had a couple of instances were I began to spin - one
time on the hill leading into Swan, which has steep ditches on either side of
it. Fortunately, God kept us on the road
and I did make it home.
But I knew I
couldn't go back out at 10 and retrieve him.
It's a two day conference. They
were coming back last night and going back this morning. So I did some quick texting and found a place
for him to spend the night with one of the other youth group guys that went. I'll have to get him this afternoon but the
roads have been plowed now and it's sunny out. Of course, last night I couldn't help but lament the fact that if Paul was still alive he could go retrieve David late at night in the snow. He never minded driving in it. Sigh...
And next week
we're supposed to have some days in the 50s, so I think we'll probably lose
most of the snow. I'm not
complaining. The older I get, the less I
like the snow - because of things like last night.
But it sure is
pretty.
************************************
The last of my
fall birthdays was Tuesday, with Ben's 19th.
I'm always relieved once his arrives.
It is work to get through
4 birthdays and Halloween, all within 3 1/2 weeks!
He had his very
last IEP meeting on his birthday, too.
So I brought cupcakes. We didn't
have a ton of stuff to discuss, mostly because it's his senior year. He's not doing a whole lot of academics
because he's doing so much work experience.
But, they did tell me is reading at an 11th grade level now, which blows
my mind. When he started 9th grade, he
was barely at a 5th grade level. His
teachers and principal all made the comment that what you see on the surface
with Ben is not all there is. They said
he knows so much more than he lets on or that anyone would dream, just meeting
him. I know that - my mom's been telling
me that since he was two years old!
We left the
meeting and there were a group of girls, maybe a dozen or so, sitting in the
hallway for some reason (school was out - they must have been part of an
after-school group) and when they saw Ben they burst into, "Happy birthday
to You!" and serenaded him.
Sweet. The white board in his
classroom was covered in birthday messages and the lunch room ladies made him a
sign and taped all kinds of candy to it.
He is well loved.
***************************
I had an interview
Wed. at Buena Vista. I'm going to try to
condense this. Short story: finishing my
bachelors is going to take more than I had originally hoped.
Shorter story: I'm still going to do it.
The rep I spoke
with a couple weeks ago told me that I could totally do an English degree
on-line. She was only partially right. I am going to have to travel to Newton (40
min away) for a few classes - unless by the time I need them they are offered
on-line, which is a possibility. And
when I was thinking on-line, I was thinking, do-on-my-time type of
classes. Well, some of the classes are
like that. But most are what they call
"blackboard collaboratives" which means I have to be in front of my
computer at certain times participating in class and listening to the
instructor.
Also, it's going
to take 4 years doing this part-time.
And they're going to be 4 intense years, even with only one class
per 8 week term.
When I left that
day, my head was whirling and I felt sick at heart. I don't know how this is all going to work
out. I hate the thought of taking away
more time from the kids. I don't know
HOW I will add attending class 5 hours a week, plus doing schoolwork on top of
everything else I don't have time to do.
I don't know how that last year of school will work out when I really
need to get to work in 3 years.
I don't know.
But, then I had to
go to Walmart. And the employees I dealt
with were all middle aged and older women.
And they were grumpy. And I knew
with an absolute certainty that I do not want that for my future. I have to provide for my kids. There's no way around that fact. I will be losing Social Security for Ben and
David in the next few years which doesn't leave me a lot of income. I've got my investments and some in savings -
but not enough to live off of very long.
I have to find a way to generate a decent income! I don't want to do it by working an $8 an
hour a job, working twice as many hours to make up for the low pay and having
to find a sitter for my kids during the
evenings and summers.
I was talking to
Will later and he said, "Do you really have any other choice? (about
attending school)" No, I suppose
not.
But how will I do
this? The class I am signed up for in
January (Intro to Literary Theory) meets every Mon. and Thurs. nights. My moms group and my writing group meet on
Mondays. I hate the thought of giving up
those relationships for 4 years (other than the occasional term when I don't
have to be in class on a Monday).
I want to
write! How does going to school fit in
with writing? It would be one thing, I
guess, if I could parlay my writing abilities into a $60,000 annual
income. But I'm not quite sure that's a
reasonable goal, esp. with the way the publishing world has changed.
And will the kids
be ok? I am going to have to give up
Wed. night church and teaching Patch Club.
Will they become spiritually bankrupt with the combination of attending
public school, having a stressed, too busy mom, and only being in church one
day a week? Although, as sweet Arien
reminded me this week, our spiritual lives are not dependent on how often we
are in church...
And if I do this,
I'll be almost 49 when I finish. That's
old! But I guess I'll turn 49 regardless
of whether or not I go back to school.
So, there's
that. But then I remember how I have
diligently prayed for career direction for about 15 months now.
And then there's
the possibility of remarriage. I mean,
there's not. Nobody's asked me out, I'm
not looking, and if someone did, I'd probably tell them I am not ready. But, this week I went to lunch with a friend
who had a not-so-good second marriage after being widowed after 50 yrs of
marriage. So, granted, she's going to be
more cautious than the average remarried
person. But she asked me what I'm
thinking regarding marrying again. And
then she strongly cautioned me to wait until the kids are older. And those are kind of my thoughts, anyway, as
much as I miss being married. Ever since
the girls arrived our household has been in a constant state of change. They need some stable years before
introducing new people into the mix.
If I am
financially independent then I will be less likely to fall into a bad marriage
because I need to be taken care of.
So...the short of
it (after a very long explanation). I do
not know how this is going to work. But
I'm going to do my best to make it happen.
After going to
Walmart Wed. I got in the van, turned on my mp3 player (which is permanently on
"shuffle") and told God,
"Ok, I need you to send me a song here to tell me what to do!" And Steven Curtis Chapman's "Take
Another Step" began to play.
*************************************
Last weekend Will
started experiencing jaw pain and bad headaches. He tried everything - oils, drugs. He was convinced it was a sinus infection,
but I was dubious because he hadn't been sick.
I suggested maybe he had a bad tooth.
No, no, no - it was definitely a sinus infection. He got sicker and sicker as the week went on
and asked me to call the dr. I did but
couldn't get an appointment. Wed.
morning he texted me and told me he was lightheaded. I told him to go to Urgent Care. They tested him for the flu and told him he
didn't have it. He came home, his body
shaking and went straight to bed.
Thursday morning he actually felt a little better but still had terrible
jaw pain. He asked me to call the
dentist. Didn't I suggest it could be a
tooth problem?...
He went and I was
right. Unfortunately, being right comes
with a price tag for me. The dentist
cleaned out the tooth which he said is "dead." Will said when he took the filling out a stench
just poured out of his mouth. Yuck. It's
packed right now but he's scheduled for a root canal and crown around
Christmas.
**********************************
The other night
Sam was taking a shower and I realized he'd been in there for quite some time. I went into the bathroom and didn't hear a
thing in the tub, other than the water running.
I pulled back the curtain and he was laying in the tub, the spray
pummeling his body - sound asleep!
************************************
And here's another
one for the "ugh" file. I
recently arranged with the city's CPA to start reconciling our books every
month. I'm doing it because 1) I can't
balance those things but also because 2) I want a second set of eyes on the
city's checkbook. It seems like every month
I hear of some small town Iowa clerk who has been arrested for
embezzlement. I know I've written about
this before. I don't ever want
accusations like that leveled my direction.
This week the news
hit the wires of the clerk in Casey who is accused of using the city's credit
card (I have one of those, too) for personal expenses to the tune of
$300,000. The night before the state
auditors were to come in and go through the city's financial records, she
burned down City Hall! Now she's headed
for federal court and prison.
*******************************
Well, that's all I
know this week. I have to be up a little
early tomorrow morning. The water guy
called me and needs to stop by my house at seven AM (!) to re-test our water. He did it Friday and the results were a
little funky so now he has to get a new sample in. And since his work shift starts I don't know
- sometime- he has to be here at 7. I
suppose I really should be dressed before I let a man into my house. I need to get my sink cleaned out too.
I'm going to do my
two week shopping on Monday and then Tuesday will be super busy. I have to get a filling done that day,
too. And then it's time for
Thanksgiving. And after that the
Christmas rush begins. I'm not sure when
I'll get to breathe again, actually.
Maybe in 4 years.
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