Dec. 1, 2015
Day 916
Thanksgiving was
last week and I began to feel a bit panicky - like I always do. Christmas was only 4 weeks away and I hadn't
done a thing yet! I'd like to be one of
those people who is ready by Nov. 1, but I don't think that will ever happen.
But, I'm feeling a
lot better now. I spent a lot of
yesterday on the computer, running up charges on my credit card (all budgeted for - don't worry) and those
brown UPS trucks ought to start chugging up my street any time now. The tree is up and so are a lot of the
decorations. I've got this!
Emotionally, I'm
hanging in there. It's harder, I can
tell. I started noticing a weighed
feeling in my spirit about a week and a half ago or so. But so far it isn't as hard as it was the
last two years at this time. I don't
know. Maybe it's going to get
worse. But so far, I'm hanging on.
Thanksgiving was
good this year. We went to see my folks
and both brothers and families made it from out of state. That always makes it more fun. I love it when my kids can see their cousins. It helps alleviate my guilt for taking them
away from their cousins on the other side of the family!
It took me 5 hours
to get back home Friday. But that was
because we stopped and saw Sara on the way back, hit a drive through for lunch (which is never a quick process when
you have 6 people in the van) and then
David wanted to brave the crowds and run into a couple of stores in W. Des
Moines. He especially wanted to go to
Barnes and Noble so he could get the issue of Sports Illustrated featuring the
Iowa Hawkeyes (undefeated this season - man, how I wish Paul was alive to see
this. He was so down on the Hawkeyes the
last few years because they weren't doing so well then. If he could only see
them now!) That's out at Jordan Creek
Mall and I literally could not find a parking place because it was Black Friday. I had to just keep driving around while he
went in the store.
I eventually made
it home and got my entire house cleaned before bed, which made me feel much
more peaceful inside.
But then I got the
mail and I was so sad. We've known for a
few weeks that it was a distinct possibility but the letter that arrived
confirmed it: Pastor and Marcia are leaving.
I do not doubt
this is God's will for their lives and for our church. But I don't understand. They've been here for almost 20 years. They have been so wonderful. Marcia has been mentoring/counseling me since
before Paul's death. Since his death,
they've been my "go to" people for my many questions.
And now God is
moving them.
I told the Littles
that night because I didn't want them to hear it from any other kids and
wonder. I was so shocked when Ellie's
eyes immediately began to well and she started crying. Then, I looked at Lizzie, whose head was bent
over, and within moments, two big, fat tears plopped onto the table. I never dreamed the kids would be upset over
this!
So I quickly told
them the things I've been telling myself.
God knows. God has a plan. Someday we might even understand it. We're not leaving our church. In time, God will give us a new pastor.
I didn't tell them
this, but I've had the thought that as much as this has to do with Pastor and
Marcia and our church as a whole, I think God can and will use this to help nudge
me into a little more independence. It's
been 2 1/2 years now and I've been feeling for some time that it's time to step
out and start living again. It's time to
figure out what that life is going to look like. I suspect that God is going to use this
separation as one of the methods of getting me to move.
But, oh, I don't
like it. I'm going to miss them so much!
***************************************
Last night I had
parent-teacher conferences for Ellie. I
was about dumbfounded when her teacher expressed to me that "Ellie is just
perfect!" She said that
Ellie is one the most helpful, mature, obedient, and kind students in her
class. I wanted to interject,
"You're sure you're talking about MY Ellie?" but I just smiled and
nodded. The teacher said Ellie is the
first to help the younger students and whenever anything gets spilled, Ellie is
right there cleaning it up, even if she didn't make the mess. She showed me Ellie's work binder in which
the kids practice writing their letters.
Every single page was carefully filled with her writing. The teacher said she figures she's doing good
if she can get the kids to trace and write maybe three of the letters before
losing interest. But Ellie consistently
fills up the entire page with her letters.
Wow. I began to think that maybe I've misjudged
this girl of mine.
But then before
bed, during her bath, she took dixie cups and deliberately threw them full of
water all over the bathroom floor and hamper, completely saturating
everything. That's the Ellie I know!
*******************************
I don't have
anything else to write about.
Now, I'll think of
a few things, I'm sure.
Oh, I got my
official acceptance letter from BVU on Saturday. I guess I'm in. I emailed my adviser this morning asking
about filling out loan applications. I
need to buy another laptop. And whatever books I need for this first
class. And I think that's it. I'm good to go.
Last night, my
friend, Deb, was here working with Ben.
She said, "Sam tells me
you're going back to school?"
So I explained everything to her and she told me she really thought this
was a fantastic thing. She said it's a
step forward and those steps are what I need to be taking right now. She reminded me that a good portion of
college work is writing papers and "Those will be a breeze for
you!" I hope she's right. I've been helping Will write them for the
past two years (including last night - he has this neat application where we
can both be writing on the same paper at the same time on different computers. I'm going to have to have him download that
for me. Not that I'll be getting any
help writing my papers, though) so I guess I'm in practice, anyway!
Well, the kiddos
will be home soon so I suppose I had better wrap this up. Plus, I really don't have anything else to
write about!
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