The title is a description of my old life...but these days I ramble on about widowhood, homeschooling, single parenting, adoption, special-needs parenting, & living a life I never planned for or expected - a life that God, thankfully, continues to strengthen & equip me for daily...
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
I remember, a year ago, writing on this
Wednesday night.I'm a date person, but
I'm also a day person.It was the
first Wednesday night in June that Paul suffered his final seizure around 11:40
or so on Wednesday night and collapsed on the floor.I called the paramedics right around midnight
and his death was called somewhere between 1 - 2 am.I will never know for sure whether or not he
actually died on June 5 or June 6.I
have my suspicions, but it really doesn't matter in the end.
But it's Wednesday again and my mind and heart
are drawn back to that Wednesday night when everything changed.I feel it all over again.Not as badly as last year or with the numbness
and shock of the actual night, but it's still piercing tonight.I type this and see that at this moment it's
11:04 at night.We turned out the lights
that night right around 11.Paul kissed
me for the last time and uttered his very last words which were, of course,
"I love you."
In time, I imagine I will only observe the
date, even to just myself.One of these
years, soon, the first Wed. of June will be the 1st and the actual death date
will still be nearly a week away.I
can't imagine that being quite as painful as when the 6th is just a few days
hence from the Wednesday.
But tonight I'm reliving things a bit.Time helps.It soothes.