June 10,
2014
Day 736
I am feeling
accomplished this week - unlike last week when I got absolutely nothing
done. It was VBS week and it had been 3
yrs since I last worked. I had forgotten
how tiring it is. And I don't quite
understand that. I worked with the 4 and
5 year olds which were not a huge group.
We averaged about a dozen every night.
My only job was to teach them the night's memory verse and just kind of
help oversee everything. It wasn't like
I was running myself ragged every night.
But I was tired! I had grouchy kids (my own) because they were getting
to sleep late every night. I had the
impending arrival of Paul's death date hanging over my head, so I suppose that
may have played into my fatigue levels, emotionally, anyway. I had to do the water billing and get ready
for the city council meeting, which took time out of a couple of days. And then I decided it was a good idea to do
my monthly grocery shopping the same week, too.
Never again!
But this week I
have gotten caught up on my laundry and the housework. Today I am actually painting my porch, which
I like seeing the results, although I am not enjoying the labor so much. My friend Danielle and I got the pool up and
running over yesterday and today so the kids are happy about that, esp. since
it's been in the 90s yesterday and today.
I did have one
nice day last week. I went shopping and
did lunch with Arien (Will's girlfriend).
What a blessing that time with her was!
I'm thinking that maybe this something that I should do with all the
kids when they start bringing home their future spouses. I just want to start things off right.
I always
thought I had the best mother-in-law.
She genuinely seemed to love me and very rarely offered any advice or
criticism - to my face, anyway. She took
an interest in the things I was interested in and was always willing to
babysit. In the end, she turned on me
and decided I was to blame for Paul's death, which has been devastating, but I
still want to be the kind of MIL she was for all those good years. She was always a good example to me of how
that role should be performed. Even
though I know the day that I actually become a mother-in-law is some ways off
in the future yet, I find myself thinking more about Paul's mom these days.
Of course, this
first time around with Arien I have the added blessing of already knowing her
and sharing a number of interests. She's
a very easy person to love and the fact that I prayed for this relationship
with Will just makes the whole thing so much sweeter. I am very thankful for the way God has worked
in all our lives.
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All three of
the older boys are up at camp this week, which
has made for differing dynamics here at home with just having the
Littles. I find that I am a little more
scared at night. I'm also having to do
more work! Will is up there full-time,
of course. I won't see him again until
mid-July, unless I catch a glimpse of him Friday when I retrieve Ben. Ben is at Special Camp, of which he had mixed
feelings about attending. He'd rather go
to Sr. High camp, but without Paul to help him, I don't see that as a real
option. Plus, Will pointed out to me
that there are a lot of activities Ben couldn't begin to participate in. When he attended Jr. High camp with Pastor
two years ago, Pastor mentioned that a couple of the camp leaders approached
Ben about the idea of attending Special Camp the following year, which he did
do. I think that, all around, Special
Camp is the best place for him, even if the teaching is a bit below Ben's level.
Will became
very, very good friends with a guy at Faith this year named Kyle. Kyle has several brothers - all their names
start with "K." One is married
to the daughter of a friend of mine, actually.
Well, I was delighted when Ben's counselor walked into the dorm Monday
and it was Kyle's brother, Kevin! I
mentioned to him that Will was on staff this summer so if he had any questions
or concerns he could address them with Will and Kevin got excited and said,
"Heywood! I knew
it!" And then he turned to me and
said, "You're Will's mom?!"
Anyway, I felt like I was leaving Ben in good hands. I texted Will later and told him who Ben had
for a counselor and he said he was hoping it would work out that way when he
found out Kevin was going to counsel.
And David is up
there this week participating in the Water and Work week where teenagers can
try out for part-time positions at camp.
He had mixed feelings about going, too.
I remained neutral on whether or not he should go. On one hand, I think it would be very good
for him to work some this summer. Even
if he doesn't get any weeks, just being up there this week would be beneficial
for him. I fully intend to prod this
child into seeking some sort of part-time job this fall and working at camp
would be a good start to that process.
Of course, having him gone, though, means that I don't have my right
hand man here at home! David's been very
mopey in recent weeks. I ask him what's
wrong and he says, "I don't know!" and I believe him. I don't think he really knows what is
bothering him. But then he'll mention
things - tiny, insignificant things - later that he has blown up in his mind
into great big, dreadful things. I guess
I should be glad he still talks to me, at least. He did mention the only reason he agreed to
go to Water and Work week was to please Will (whom he adores, desires to
emulate, and constantly feels like he cannot measure up to, even if he doesn't
admit that to himself). At one point
last week he said he hoped he didn't get any weeks to work but then later he
said he hoped he did get weeks.
So, his emotions are more over the place than mine are. I don't know what causes that in a guy. I don't think they have the hormone
fluctuations that we females do. But at
any rate, I think it's good he's there this week and I've been praying that God
would use this experience in his life for good and for maturing.
The other
night. the 6th, we were all up at the cemetery for awhile. David announced he wanted to walk home, which
was fine. A couple of days later he told
me that he had done that because he "had a lot on my mind." I commented that the solitude is probably why
a lot of people enjoy running and walking on a regular basis. David agreed and then added, "Plus,
you're all alone." Um, yes...that,
too.
*********************
Monday afternoon
we got back from taking Ben to camp and I kid you not, it was like a couple of
hell's demons followed us into the house.
The girls really hadn't been all that awful going up. They were a little spirited at lunch, which
was kind of embarrassing because I had also driven my friend, Maureen, because
her daughter was attending camp. She
insisted on paying for lunch since I drove.
I rather imagine she was counting her blessings later that she had
stopped with only having three children!
In one
afternoon, I dealt with all this:
* Ellie calling
Lizzie, "ugly girl" and then lying about it
* Ellie messing
with the thermostat so that it showed a big zero instead of the normal 74
degrees. And then lying about it.
* Ellie taking
my budget notebook, ripping about 10 sheets out of them, crumpling them,
throwing them on the floor. And then
lying about it.
* Lizzie had
the neighbor girl over and I suddenly hear shrieking coming from the
bathroom. I have a rotating,
battery-operated face cleaner thing. She
and the neighbor girl thought it was a grand idea to use this in the neighbor's
hair and it got thoroughly stuck. It
took me a good 15 min. to untangle the neighbor girl's hair.
* Ellie took a
pen and scribbled on several greeting cards that were on the tv cabinet. And then lied about it.
* Lizzie and
Ellie took it upon themselves to wash my van, without asking, which means I now
have water spots on the windshield, the van windows, and the kitchen
window. I had just washed all those
things a couple of days ago.
I am too old
for this and I am way too tired for this.
Oh, and then
today, Ellie threw paint at the bathroom window. My contractor got the new upstairs bathroom
window in the other night but he didn't have enough shims so he cautioned me to
not open or touch the window until he gets it firmed up. Well, Lizzie informed me this morning that
Ellie had just hurled a container of paint (thimble sized) that she got at VBS
at the window. I don't even know why the
paint was upstairs in the first place.
Ugh! So I very lightly and
carefully managed to get most of it off the window without knocking it out and
watching it tumble two stories below to hit my van and then the driveway. Thank you, Lord.
This time Ellie
didn't lie about it. I guess I should be
grateful for that.
*********************************
My Stitch Fix
box arrived today - always fun! I timed
it so I'd have something to look forward to this part of the month. I had to laugh the other day. I sometimes enjoy reading the reviews posted
by other SF participants. One was
gushing about a dress she had received and she exclaimed, "It can go
straight from church to the bar!"
Um, not sure what kind of church she goes to, but I have a pretty good
idea now...
*************************
One day last
week Lizzie really smelled. I sniffed
her and realized it was armpit stink. It
was more than just B.O. after playing outside.
This was deep and pubescent in nature.
She's only 6! But I had her put
on some deodorant. She was so proud of
that and has been bugging me to let her wear it all the time now. I'm not.
Speaking of
armpits...the last two times we've been in church I've had sleeveless tops
on. Both times, Lizzie has been on the
floor for some reason, peered upwards and in a loud whisper announced,
"Mom! You have dirty
armpits!" It's called stubble, but
it's not really something you want to try to explain in church...
*************************
I have this
Facebook friend who really isn't a friend in real life. She sent me a friend request because we have
some mutual friends and she liked some stuff I had said in reply to them. She's kind of on thin ice with me right now, the more stuff
she posts. Last week she posted an
article about whether or not it is right for Christians to pledge allegiance to
the American flag. I responded and a
couple of her friends suggested that I would be happier living in a Muslim
country under Sharia law. Nice friends
she has. Well, she posed a question last
week that I never responded to, but read the replies with interest and then,
growing dismay. She asked what were some
things regarding Christianity that her friends had once accepted but now
rejected. I was appalled at the volume
of answers she received. What was so sad
was that many of these friends of hers talked about being raised in the church
but growing up and then rejecting things like the deity of Christ or the
inerrancy of Scripture. A couple claim
to be atheists now, even. As I read, it
became apparent to me that the majority of respondents were coming from two
camps. They struggled with accepting
that a loving God can allow hurtful things - and therefore they reject the idea
of a God, period. Or, at least, the idea
that He's a personal God. The other
group seemed to have all been hurt by Christians in one form or another, so
therefore Christianity was the inherent problem, not the people. I suppose in some ways, this was good. It made me think. But it really made me sad, too.
*******************************
Ellie told me
the other day that she knows what her middle name is. I asked her to tell me and she confidently
replied, "Elephant!" Her
siblings often call her, "Ellie the Elephant" so I suppose that makes
sense that she thinks that's actually her name.
**************************************
I hurt my ear a
week ago and it is still a little sore.
I had taken a shower and had water on the ears, so I grabbed a q-tip to
soak it up. I put the q-tip in and pain
exploded in my head. Basically, what I
did was jam a stick down my ear. Quality
control wasn't the highest on this box of q-tips (they were the Walmart version
of q-tips) and the one I took didn't have a padded tip. You can believe I'll never again use a q-tip
without checking! I had to keep a cotton
ball in my ear for several days.
Fortunately, it was my deaf ear, so I didn't have to worry about
damaging my hearing. I never saw any
blood or fluid, so I don't think I got
deep enough to puncture anything, either. But, wow...
************************
I was at the
store last week with a couple of the kids, picking out Father's Day cards. As I looked for one for my dad, the resentful
through arose, "I get to pick out a card for MY dad, but my kids don't get
to do that anymore." Sigh...
All week long
at VBS I needed to write a nametag for myself.
Every single time I wrote, "Mrs. Heywood" I felt funny about
it, like I shouldn't be doing that. I almost felt embarrassed. And I know that's dumb. "Mrs." is a title you get to keep
even if you don't get to keep your husband.
When we were in Florida, one of Ben's classmates asked me if I was a
"Mrs" or a "Ms" now that I was widowed. I cheerfully told her it was still,
"Mrs." Why didn't that bother
me, but writing my nametag did? I don't
know. Maybe it was just my mood last week.
Tomorrow is
June 11, the anniversary of the funeral.
Last year I took the kids on a picnic that day and I think I'll try to
do that again tomorrow, if the weather cooperates (scattered showers in the
forecast). It's still hard.
I mentioned
earlier that on Saturday, which was the anniversary, we all went out to eat,
which is what we did last year, and what we'll probably do every year.
Arien came with us, which just felt right. I was talking about this with her mother, my
friend. And she said something and I
wish I could remember it exactly, but I can't.
It was something to the effect that this - Will and Arien dating - is
the first new, good, and momentous thing
that has happened since Paul's death.
It's also a promise of a brighter future. I think she's right and that's why it seemed
appropriate to include her that night.
Of course, I know nothing is ever guaranteed and I know that Will and
Arien are just embarking on their journey.
A lot can and will happen before anything permanent occurs. But seeing this, early as it is, gives me a
sense of hope for a brighter future.
*******************************
After thinking
about it and talking about it for months, I have started my book.
I did! I am writing a book!
I actually sat
down in front of a blank Word document and began typing about ten days
ago. I haven't gotten very far, but
that's ok. This is going to take awhile.
Amazingly, I
already have a title for it. Normally, I
have the hardest time titling anything I write.
This title actually came to me the summer Paul died and then I was able
to very quickly come up with a subtitle when I started typing.
It's his
story. It's mine. It's the kids'. And it's an encouragement for other widows
that widowhood is not the end.
It's actually a new
beginning.
I think you are amazing to help at VBS at all. I find evenings SO hard, I'm fried just dealing with my own kids -- much less helping every evening for a week at a VBS. I know evening VBS are a wonderful blessing and I'm glad your church put it on! I'm sure many lives were changed for the better.
ReplyDeleteYEAH!!!!! you started your book SO proud of you!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete