June 17,
2015
Day 743
It's clouding
up. I think it's going to rain. Again.
It's been raining so much I haven't had time to do any more painting on
the porch or to cover up the gutter I painted - that the rain keeps washing the paint off
of. But I haven't had a whole lot of
time for painting, either. Things have
been kind of crazy, like normal.
I went up to
camp last Friday to collect Ben. He was
eating lunch when we arrived so we waited.
His poor counselor seemed so stressed so I finally asked him if it had
been a hard week. He said it had been
but some of that was due to stuff outside of camp. He had never worked with special needs
individuals before so the week was a real eye-opener for him. I thought about pointing out to him that it's
not a real picnic raising one, either, but I didn't. Because, the truth is, being a counselor to a
handful of guys for a few days and parenting a child with special needs are
far, far apart in scope and experience.
Kevin, the counselor, did say that of all the guys in his cabin Ben was
the easiest and most mature. He said one
day he couldn't find Ben anywhere and finally discovered him exiting the
cabin. He asked Ben where he had been
and Ben slowly and seriously replied, "Well, I needed a Fig
Newton." Those have always been
Ben's favorite cookie, so he came well-stocked.
Anyway, that kind of tickled his counselor.
One of the
Ben's cabin mates was eating his lunch when we were there and he pointed at the
Littles and asked me if they were all mine.
I told him they sure were. He sat
there for a few minutes and then asked, "But how come, but how
come..." and Kevin jumped in, anticipating the question, "Eat your
food, Mike!" But Mike continued,
"How come they don't look like you?" Ha, ha, ha!
I think this is the first time I've ever actually encountered that very
natural question. When I explained to
him the girls were adopted he was perfectly fine with that and was content to
then eat his food. Counselor Kevin, on
the other hand, seemed a bit embarrassed.
***************************
Saturday, David
came home. I had really been praying
about last week for him and those prayers were answered. He was like a different kid when I picked him
up - so peaceful. He said he didn't
realize all that went into maintaining a camp until this week. I imagine not. He was awarded two weeks, which pleased him.
That means,
total, David will be gone for 5 weeks this summer between last week, the weeks
he works, Sr. High camp, and his missions trip in August. I'm going to have to get some names and phone
numbers of Pleasantville teenagers I could hire to help out with
babysitting. Even if I manage to get
through this summer on my own, I can see the handwriting on the wall. David's life is only going to get busier and busier
in the next few years, which means he won't be available as much for watching
the Littles. It's going to be awhile
before they are old enough to stay home alone.
Or, I guess I
could just start staying home.
***************************
Ellie continues
her current reign of terror. Her
birthday is coming up and I always post a picture of the kids on my timeline
with a little paragraph about what I appreciate about them on their actual
birthday. I'm thinking ahead of what I
might say about her and I am just coming up empty. I can't think of one good thing to say about
this kid right now. Isn't that terrible?
She took a
brand new, "Family size" (hah - if your family only has 1.7 children
maybe) bag of Doritos ($3.89 at Walmart) and for absolutely no good reason,
stomped all over the bag until the chips were crushed. And so far, this has actually been a
"good" week for her.
Sigh...
*******************************
Ben's case
manager was over this morning. She had
this new, "risk assessment" form DHS is making her fill out on each
of her clients so we had to go through that.
There were lots of questions on Ben's health and behaviors. But then she asked if we had knives in the
home and laughed and said, well of course you do - every kitchen has knives. I agreed.
I do, indeed, have knives in my kitchen.
But then the next question was if we have guns and if so, are they kept
locked up. I told her I was trying to
determine the need for such a question.
Is the state simply wondering if Ben has access to weapons that he might
decide to use improperly or is this question more intrusive in nature, a tool
of the gun control proponents? She
didn't know - she was just following orders.
I was honest and told her we do have guns and yes, they are properly
stored and locked at all times. But, I
also pointed out to her the kitchen knives are laying in an unlocked drawer and
accessible to even my 3 year old if she thought that was something she wanted
to mess with. For that matter, we have
hammers and saws and chemicals out in
the garage - all of which can cause injury in the wrong hands.
I'm not a
conspiracy theorist and I don't worry about Big Brother monitoring my Facebook
or phone records. But this kind of
question kind of sets my teeth on edge.
That said, I
have nothing against my case manager.
She's new to us and seems to be doing a fine job. I've been fighting with HIRTA who don't think
they should have to provide transportation for Ben's ride home from Pella. He starts tomorrow and because of that I will
have to make an hour and a half round trip to bring him home. As far as I know, I've run out of appeal
options. It doesn't make sense to me
because COC is in our same county and Ben is entitled to transportation
services. But some things you just can't
fight. I suppose in some ways, it's my
own fault because I could have Ben receive all his services in Indianola, which
is closer (although out of county) and then I wouldn't have a transportation
issue. But he wants to go to Pella and
if he's capable of knowing his own desires then I want to accommodate them as
much as possible. Anyway, this new case
manager of mine is really on the issue.
She has made a number of phone calls on our behalf and is hopeful that
we're going to be able to work this out with HIRTA or some other transportation
company. But it won't be in time for
tomorrow.
***********************
A bunch of guys
from church came out last Saturday and worked on the garage, pulling off the
old siding and putting up sheeting, and wrapping the thing. They even got most of one side sided. I was out there for a little bit, pulling off
the old stuff - nasty, dry, and crumbling
. I was afraid it might be termite
infested, but it wasn't. I did find a
couple of old wasp's nests under the siding.
It's not even done yet but it looks SO
much better than that eyesore I've been looking at for almost 11 years!
********************************
I was tired one
day last week and laying down on the loveseat.
Lizzie came over to me and started giving me a facial massage. I have no idea where she learned to do
something like that, but it felt so-o-o good.
Before I knew it, I was dozing.
When I woke up, she and Ellie were doing my make-up and hair. I looked a little scary.
*****************************
I have our
summer vacation planned now. I couldn't
do this until I knew David's work schedule at camp. We're just going away for 3 days to a KOA
campground in Nebraska. I'm a little
nervous because this time I won't have Will to help. But I think I can do it. The campground looks like fun. They have all sorts of free activities and
fun things to do. I'm also going to take
the kids to the zoo and Children's Museum in Omaha. I had hoped to visit friends while out there
but I just don't think we're going to have the time. We won't be gone very long. We're renting a little cabin. The older boys want me to buy a camper. This is a compromise. They can still get their camping experience
and I have running water, air conditioning, and wi-fi.
****************************************
Sunday Lizzie
was looking at me and asked, "Has anyone told you yet today..." And then she paused. I was wearing a brand new top out of my most
recent Stitch Fix box and felt pretty confident as a result. So, I mentally supplied the last of her
sentence in my head with, "how nice you look?" And then Lizzie continued, "...how tired
you look?" Talk about being
deflated!
Although, if
anyone had reason to be tired that day, it wasn't me! Arien's sister let it drop Sunday morning
that the night before, Will and Arien had been on the phone for FIVE
hours, until 4 am Sunday morning! I
teased Will about that later and he replied, "Well, if anyone should
understand, it should be you!" I
do, I really do, but I don't recall any five hour phone conversations with
Paul, either, while we were dating. Of
course, back then you had to pay for your long distance calling. That might have had something to do with it.
My boy has got
it bad...
*********************************
Elisabeth
Elliot died Monday morning. That makes
me happy - for her, of course. I
remember reading, "Through Gates of Splendor" when I was around 11 or
12. I read a lot of her books throughout
the years. Probably the biggest
influence this woman had on my life, though, was the 15 minute daily radio
program she used to host. I listened to
this every single day in those early years of marriage and parenthood. In fact, I can remember where I was driving
in Omaha when I heard her talking about the necessity of "doing the next thing"
when trials and great grief arrive. When
you don't know what do, you do what you do know to do. When Paul died, that phrase, "Do the
next thing" would leap into my mind in Elisabeth's voice over and over
again in the first few months and so, I would get up and feed the kids breakfast or make a needed phone call. I didn't know what next week would bring, but I knew what needed to be done right now. I still
think about that phrase from time to time.
I don't know if
Paul has had a chance to speak with her or not.
I rather imagine there's a lot of saints desiring some of her time. But when he does, I hope he thanks her for the
better wife and mother I became as a result of her ministry.
This afternoon I met with Marcia and we were talking about Elisabeth's death. Marcia actually jotted down one of her quotes (that I left out in the van, otherwise I'd copy it here) she thought I could use. Marcia made the comment that if Elisabeth had not been widowed like she was, she probably would not have had the ministry and tremendous impact that she did on the world. Hmm...something to think about.
***********************************
Yesterday,
Lizzie and I had to run some errands. We
both needed some new shorts and capris to get through summer and my vacuum
needed replacing. We were eating lunch
and I asked her if she was ok with the fact that I had changed her name at
adoption. That's something I worry about
from time to time, wondering if I did the right thing. A name is really kind of an integral part of someone's identity
and to just go changing it...I don't know.
At the time it seemed like the right thing to do and Paul and I seemed
to have some valid reasons for choosing to do that. But since then I've wondered if I was too
hasty in making that kind of decision.
Surprised, Lizzie exclaimed that yes, she was glad we had changed her
name. She liked "Elizabeth" a
whole lot better than her birth name!
Then, slyly, she asked, "What you say if I told you that I wished
you hadn't changed it?" Ha,
ha...smart girl.
Then, Lizzie
asked me a question. She said,
"Have you ever wished you never adopted us?"
Be still, my
heart...
I was
honest. I told her that adoption was one
of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. And I told her I imagined that getting
adopted was probably very difficult, too, adjusting to a whole new family and
environment. Lizzie nodded in
agreement. I also told her that
parenting, in general, can be hard, regardless of whether the kids are adopted
or biological.
As parents, we lie to our kids all the time. It's part of the role, I think.
That was the best catch in the entire history of Little League!
You are the sweetest little girl alive!
How did you know that all I wanted for my birthday was this perfect drawing of zombies eating villagers?!
You are the smartest five year old I have ever met!
No, of course I don't mind giving up my planned girls night out so that I can watch you sing...for five seconds...in the choir
And so on. My mind did a quick replay of the last three years - Lizzie being a pill for much of the first couple of years, Paul's death which changed parenting for me, Ellie's propensity toward destructiveness and lying, the fatigue, the near constant feelings of failure...
I then told Lizzie the honest and absolute
truth which is that I have never regretted my decision to adopt her and her
sister.
Not even once.
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