Day 474
I'm
pushing upward to day 500. I didn't
realize that was coming so quickly.
Let's see, looking at my calendar, it looks like that will happen on
Oct. 16. That's already a planned busy
day. Actually, we'll be together as a
family that night, all 7 of us, so that might be kind of a nice way to
commemorate surviving 500 days.
Yesterday
was a wonderful day, a reprieve from the daily grind and hardships that
my busy schedule, grief, homeschooling, adoption adjustment, single parenting
and all the other stuff brings.
We finally
made it up to Living History Farms. We
had not been there in 13 years, since David was two and fell asleep, head-first
into his lunch at the Machine Shed! Last
time we made a weekend of it, driving from western Iowa
We had a
good time. Quite honestly, it was more
of an educational field trip than anything else, but it was fun. The kids were full of questions and I've done
enough reading over the years that I was able to answer most of their questions
about what they were seeing. The place is divided up into 3 farms, a year 1700
farm (a tepee is the primary dwelling), an 1850 farm with a crude cabin and
outbuildings, and a 1900s farm with a traditional farmhouse and barn. Then they have a town that's designed to be a
replica of about 1875. Another building
and cropwalk showcases farming in about 1950s Iowa
Will met
us at the Machine Shed around 2 for a late lunch. By that time we had seen
everything anyway. Of course, the
Machine Shed food is always SO good!
He had
already made plans to come home for the weekend, so after we were done eating
we all headed home. There, I had
cupcakes for the girls. Sept. 19 was the
day of the girls' adoption last year.
Doing LHF was not to celebrate that.
I don't want to set any expensive precedents here! It just happened to work out they were the
same day. I actually found a fun cupcake
method on Pinterest that I tried and it worked!
They're cupcakes with mini-m&ms on the inside - pure awesomeness...
A little
bit later we headed down to Pville for a football game. I had not planned to go, but I was so much
enjoying our family time that I kind of hated for us to split up in the
evening. So we all went. The September weather was warm, with just a
hint of chill as darkness descended. The
Littles had, amazingly, chosen to get along with eachother ALL DAY LONG and
that continued at the game. I felt so
much contentment as I sat watching the game.
I know I groan about the constant presence of my kids at time and how
draining it is to be "on" all the time for them. But last night, I just felt gratefulness to
have them all there with me.
I was just
really thankful for the gift of yesterday.
This is how I described it on Facebook:
...
So much of the time, anymore, life is just plain HARD. I think it's to be expected,
I know it's having a refining effect on my soul, and I'm pretty sure it won't
always be this difficult. But today - today was just perfect, a reprieve. I
felt like God was smiling as He gave us this gift of today and saying,
"See - you're making it. You're still a family, you're figuring things
out!" And like that, there's strength for another step, for the
not-so-extraordinary days that await.
Today, I'm back to
not-so-extraordinary. The Littles are
not being nearly so congenial with one another, I had an allergy attack in the
middle of the night that left me drugged and fighting rather intense sinus pain
today. My body aches from all the
unaccustomed walking it was subjected to yesterday. But I'm still smiling because of the sweet memories!
*********************************
I've been busy wrapping up the
kids' winter shopping in the last couple of weeks. My friend, Mari, sent me her 30% off Kohls
coupon and my card was sure smoking after I got done using it. All I have left to do is buy some winter
mittens, hats, and gloves. Oh, and David
needs boots. Of course, that will
necessitate finding someone that sells boots intended to fit the Jolly Green
Giant. I took him to Scheels last week
just to get an accurate measurement of his feet. The salesman proclaimed him to be a size 16,
scratched his head, and said, "I don't think we sell anything that large
here!" I did manage to find him a
pair of tennies on the internet - for $75.
I'm a little nervous, though, because at all the sites I perused, I
didn't see any shoes offered for over a size 18. I think I'm going to try to order him a 17 or
18 in boots, just so he can keep them longer.
Paul had very normal sized feet but we paid close to a hundred dollars
every time he needed a new pair of work boots.
Whoever said raising a child to adulthood was expensive wasn't
joking! And I bet he didn't even have a
15 year old with size 16 feet...
**************************************
The gubernatorial election is
coming up in a month and a half, along with votes for various senate
seats. Terry Brandstad is going to win
the governor's seat in Iowa
One of
the seats here in the state that is up for grabs is that being contested
between David Young and Stacy Appel. I'm
not crazy about Young. There was
something fishy about how he got the nod to be candidate anyway and the PR team
he has hired to make his commercials ought to be fired - talk about
yawnfests! But I'll vote for him. I've been hearing and seeing ads by his
opponent this time around, as well as last time,
when she was defeated. She looks and
sounds like a fifty-something, brassy dyed-blond, grandmother who's probably a
hard to get along with person. Doesn't
appeal to me. So the other day I was
shocked when I happened to see one of her commercials where she parades her
children in front of the camera and announces that "As a mom of six, ages 5 to 17 yrs, I'm
well equipped to handle problems, blah, blah, blah..." What?
Her kids are the same ages as mine!
In fact, I've got one nearly three years older than her oldest. That means that only 5 years ago she was
pushing a newborn out her shriveled baby making parts! All this means that Stacy Appel and I are
probably pretty close in age. This
realization sent me rushing to my mirror.
In my mind, I am nothing like this woman, but perhaps there are
more similarities than I am wanting to admit.
Man, there's nothing like growing older to humiliate a person and
disassemble the false image of reality we prefer to sport in our minds...
********************************
David
asked me this week if we could order some tracts to give out to the
trick-or-treaters this year. How can I
say no to that? So I told him to do some
internet research, find the one he thinks would be best, and we'll order them.
*********************************
This week
I was attempting to do some schoolwork with Lizzie and told her to go get one
of her workbooks. She protested and then
sighed, saying, "School just isn't really my 'thing'!"
Lizzie
did pray to accept Christ this week. In
time, she may need a prayer or reassurance or rededication, but I really think
she understood what she was doing. I
tried to put her off because I'm not real excited about early childhood
professions of faith. Too often they're
made without full understanding or under pressure to please parents or Sunday
School teachers. But, she is a very
smart little girl so I really should not be surprised that she was able to
grasp the concept of needing a personal Savior, even at the tender age of 5. After she prayed, she was so excited and bounced
down the hallway exclaiming, "I'm saved, I'm saved!" Will quizzed her when he came home yesterday
and told me, "Oh, yeah - she's definitely saved!" Maybe we adults just make it too difficult
sometimes.
My mom
commented that perhaps Paul knew now that Lizzie had made this decisions. I had not thought about that until she said
that. The idea made me smile. I have read accusations in articles about the
sharp rise in adoption by Christian households, accusing these parents of new
children of adopting in order to "convert the heathen." I can guarantee anybody that is NOT
happening. Otherwise, you'd see
Christian families adopting virtual orphanages if it was all about
numbers. But I can say that, as a
parent, I have a definite interest in the eternal state of my children's
souls. Knowing that, had Lizzie remained
in her birth home, it would have been unlikely she would have been exposed to
the gospel at this age, and seeing the early fruit of such exposure - well, all
I can do is smile and tell God, "Thank you!"
*********************************
I had an
absolute nightmare this week. I won't go
into all the details. Somehow dreamers
seem to have this perception that those around them greatly desire to hear
every single detail about their significant-to-them nighttime dreams. I was married to someone like that. Most of us really don't want to hear all the
details of others' nocturnal brain wanderings.
But one part of the dream stuck with me.
Paul and I had been kidnapped by some really bad people. We were taken to this building and
separated. Later, my Littles were
brought to me and it was just awful. But
in my dream, I am being forced to walk around all day with these people. I finally find Paul and he has been tortured
to the point that I know he will not survive.
I stand there, hoping I'm not caught, and tell him one last time that I love him so much. The end of my dream approached and the bad
guys told me that now they needed to decide whether to kill me or not. In my dream, I began praying and telling God
that it looked like I might be getting to meet Him in person that day and I was
ok with that, although I was concerned for my kids that were now in the
clutches of these horrible people. In the
midst of my praying, I woke up. I had
that sudden, relieved, jolt of,
"Oh, it was only a dream!" But
that was followed by, "But Paul really IS dead..." and I felt a bit
sucker-punched in my half asleep, half awake state.
**********************************
Sam's
eyes are definitely green. When he was
younger, I thought they looked kind of blue/gray, which wasn't surprising since
I have blue eyes and so do Will and David.
A few months ago I looked at them and thought they were now looking kind
of greenish. This week I happened to
look at them again and they have a definite green tint. Ben has green eyes, too. Both boys got them from my mom.
Sam
asked me this week in his serious, need-to-know, voice, "Mom, I've been
wondering. Just where is this 'broken
road'?" It took a moment, but I realized
he was referring to the song, "Bless the Broken Road
*************************************
I read
an article about the "kindest" thing a person can say to
a widow. It's "Your husband would
be so proud of you." I thought
about that and I think I concur. I have
heard that a few times now and it leaves such a warm feeling in my heart. I wouldn't say I'm living for Paul's
posthumous approval. I know I'm not doing
everything the exact way he would. But
there is something extraordinary in thinking that perhaps he can see me and
approves of the way I'm raising the kids, keeping the faith, and soldiering on
without his help.
I have a
new song. I heard this for the first
time about a week ago. It's by Mandisa,
called, "You Wouldn't Cry for Me Today." The melody is so pretty and the words are
really encouraging for someone who is missing a loved one. Here's the link to hear it:You Wouldn't Cry for Me
And here
are the lyrics:
All you saw was pain,
all you saw was rain,
But you should see me now.
Moments filled with tears
lasted all those years,
disappeared somehow.
You never said good-bye,
on your knees you cry.
You're still asking why, but
Blue has never been bluer, true has never been truer.
Honey never tasted so sweet,
there's a song in the breeze, a million voices in
praise,
A rose has never smelled redder,
the sun has never been brighter.
If I could find the right words to say,
if you could just look at my face,
if you could just see this place,
You wouldn't cry for me today.
What you think you see,
isn't really me.
I'm already home,
you've got lay it down,
cause Jesus holds me now,
and I am not alone.
Your faith is wearing thin
But I am watching Him,
and He's holding you, too.
What may seem like years, will just be a moment
Oh, the day will come when I'll show you where you're
going,
I can't wait to show you that!
Chorus
But my
turn will come.
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