Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Day 464

September 10, 2014

Day 464

What a day.  I did not get a single thing accomplished except making some pumpkin bars.  Of course, when you spend 4 hours driving and a couple of hours in Iowa City, it kind of shoots the entire day.

That wouldn't be so bad except that two weeks from today I'll be doing it all over again.  And then I have to go back again.  And when Ben has surgery (!) it will be yet another IA City trip.  Ugh.

I honestly thought this was a one-time deal.  I couldn't get anyone to do Ben's fillings here, was sent to IA City and I thought they were going to take care of them and send us home!  But no, as it turned out this visit was merely a consultation in which I had to detail Ben's entire dental history along with his behaviors from infancy onward regarding dental treatment.

Bottom line: he now has 4 cavities, two on each side.  Since he tolerated having his teeth counted well today they want to try to fill them normally, with a Novocain and a drill.  Ben hasn't had that since we used to papoose him at Creighton school of dentistry when he was between ages 3 - 8.  Our last dentist in Clive did only laser work which Ben tolerated wonderfully.  IA City wants to do this in two separate visits.  But, if he panics and it doesn't work out then we'll probably just do it surgically because...

Ben's wisdom teeth have to come out.  I hadn't even thought about that.  Will still has his and hasn't been bothered by them so I didn't stop to think that Ben is probably at an age where his are maturing.  The dentist said with the shape of Ben's mouth there is "no way" the teeth are going to come in on their own.  I'm thinking that maybe we should do everything surgically then, anyway, since the teeth are going to have to come out.  But they're telling me that they'd like to see if Ben can handle dental work while awake because if he can then maybe they can do the wisdom teeth in a chair with an IV rather than having to do it at the hospital.  Ok...but that means I'm going to be spending a lot of gas money and time running to Iowa City for all this...sigh...

Actually, if it works out, I'd like to postpone the wisdom teeth removal until next summer so he doesn't have to miss any school.  If I could get it scheduled after he goes to camp and before David starts Driver's Ed (I'll have to load all 5 kids up twice a day to take and retrieve him for about 2 weeks of classes) that would work best I think.

I may have to contact Transportation Reimbursement (Medicaid service) in regards to paying for these trips.  These people are a nightmare to work with, which is why I gave up a few years ago trying to get them to pay for Ben's medical trips.  The stress wasn't worth it.  But with a minimum of 3 more IA City trips in my near future, I'm going to need some help.


So that is that for now, anyway.  What else?

Oh, I have a leak.  All that rain yesterday.  I'm not sure exactly what we got.  I guess I should go look in the wheelbarrow that's been sitting in my front yard for the last week - I'd probably have a good idea then.  But most surrounding cities are reporting totals of 4-6".  My basement stayed perfectly dry, praise the Lord.  But we discovered a wet ceiling panel in the kitchen today.  It came through that old bathroom window upstairs.  That window is actually scheduled to be replaced, along with Will's bedroom window when I have the siding done next month.  I think that window is so ancient the rain went right through it.  I am fearful that there may be an awful lot of wood rot that will be discovered when they go to replace it (which is going to translate into a more expensive job).  I know when Paul replaced the windows on the opposite side of the upstairs in the girls' bedroom he ended up rebuilding the entire wall!  I am also praying the rain did not get into the new drywall there in the kitchen that's right beside where the leak has shown up.  Sometimes I hate being a homeowner.  Correction: I hate being a SINGLE homeowner.  It wasn't too bad when Paul was alive.


I'm really missing him today - and not just because of my leaky ceiling.  I think a trigger for me is long trips when the kids are either being exceptionally quiet or I'm alone.  Ben had his headphones on the entire time so it was just the radio and me for 4 hours.  It's not the depression or feelings of hopelessness, though.  It's just grief.  By now, I recognize its sharp edges and am even comfortable with its presence.  It is no longer paralyzing.  I feel it coming on, kind like a black cloak is descending over me.  Its pointy edges burrow into my stomach and chest and it just sits there for a time and then it quietly leaves - sometimes after a few hours, sometimes a few days.


Lizzie lost another tooth this week, this time a canine tooth on the bottom.  She's getting a decided jack-o-lantern look to her smile!  She showed me her remaining top tooth and that's sitting cockeyed now, too.  She told me she's been wiggling it really hard because she heard me say I hoped she'd have both teeth out before she gets her birthday pictures done next month.  Oh, Lizzie...I told her to stop it.  I didn't mean she needed to pull out her teeth just to please me!

One night this week I found her curled up on the floor with her blanket and pillow.  I managed to rouse her enough to get her to climb back into her bed.  The next morning I asked her why she had been on the floor and she said simply, "Oh, there was a spider in my bed."  Well, that might make me sleep on the floor, too...

I was at Goodwill with her last Friday and while I was standing in line she was browsing through all the stuff on display near the check-out aisle.  There was a rack of granny panties that I presume some store couldn't sell and donated.  I wonder why they always feature a youngish woman on those panty packages?  I don't think anyone under 60 wears those kind of underwear!  But Lizzie, who is not a quiet child, had to pipe up, "Oh, look, Mom!  This is the kind of underwear YOU wear!"  And of course, the checkout lane at Goodwill was exceptionally long when she made her erroneous observation!

Yesterday, I took the Littles to a kid consignment store while David was at Learning RX.  While there, Sam and Lizzie asked to get their Halloween costumes.  It was as good as time as any, so I was agreeable.  Sam chose a camo hunting costume.  I made Lizzie narrow her choices down to three to try on.  One was a bear with a furry brown head.  Lizzie looked at herself in the mirror and seriously commented, "Well, it's a good thing I'm already brown because I match!"  I couldn't help it - I laughed!  She ended up going with a white Cleopatra costume, though.  It looked just stunning against her previously mentioned brown skin.  Unfortunately for her, she lives in Iowa and there's no way I'm going to let her traipse all over town bare-armed the last night of October - not unless I want a sick kid for the next week!  So we're going to have to find a white turtleneck to put under that, along with some long underwear and sweatpants!


There is a great deal of satisfaction I am finding in knowing that you raised a child and you raised him well.  I had one of those moments yesterday when Will texted me a picture of one of the pages in a book he's reading for a class.  He wrote, "should be 'accepted,'right?"  He had found an error - "excepted" instead of "accepted."  He makes me proud.  I suspect that what he was reading was probably old English and they did some funky stuff with the language back then.  But I'm just pleased as all get out that he knows the difference between the two words and can recognize misusage!


I had a brainstorm this week about the basement desks.  Paul had his desk and I had mine, which is actually a painted metal, drop-leaf antique table from the 50s.  After he died I did re-do the files in his desk drawers to make them easier for me to access and rearranged some of the other drawers.  But I haven't actually used his desk for much, other than storing some scrapbooking supplies on top of it.  Last week I found myself frustrated as I attempted to pay bills amidst all the clutter of crafty things on my table.  But I've always paid bills there - that's MY space and Paul's desk was his.  A couple of days later it suddenly occurred to me that there is no reason I can't use Paul's desk for my own now.  Why not use my table only for scrapbooking and other crafty endeavors and use Paul's desk for bill paying and organization?  It's an obvious solution but it took me this long to come up with it!  I got that all switched around and oh, it's  nice now!


I'm nearly done with my "Widows Wear Stilettos" book.  I really have appreciated this book.  It's a practical widows manual covering all kinds of topics regarding this new station in life.  One thing the author covers is eventual dating and remarriage.  She even tells you what to say and what not to say on a first date about your deceased mate.  That's good to know.  Knowing myself, I'd probably lay out the whole sorry story of Paul's death on my first date and scare off the poor guy.  One thing she brought up that I thought was interesting was that a lot of men don't want to date widows.  That surprised me because I would think that a man would appreciate a widow (obviously faithful - stood by her man until the end) over a divorcee.  But the author said that men, by and large, prefer the divorced because they don't feel then like they have to compete with a dead man.  Plus, a divorced woman probably has some animosity toward her former husband, so he's definitely going to look good in comparison.  But a widow - too much "baggage" was the word the author used.

Well, that's depressing to those of us hoping to find love again someday!  But, I have to remind myself that all this is said leaving God out of the equation.  The right man won't be scared off.

Someday - not now.  I'm just thinking ahead.


That's all I've got.  I want to take a bath and crawl into bed.  I've got my electric blanket back on my bed and I think I will appreciate that tonight.  Fall arrived quickly this year.  I'm not complaining! I love the cooler temps and putting away of summer.  Fall is comforting.

I hope my section of Heaven is in an eternal autumn state - leaves crunching on the ground, pumpkins decorating the front porch of my mansion, a fire crackling inside the front door...









































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