Monday, August 26, 2013

Daddy Bye-Bye


August 26, 2013

Daddy Bye-bye

I had not intended to write again so soon, but something has just happened that I want to remember.  I don’t want to forget any details of this moment.

For as long as I knew him, Paul always wore a silver digital watch.  They were the kind that would beep every half hour and hour.  When the bands would wear out, he would write to Timex and they would send him new ones.  In recent years, though, he found that it was actually cheaper to just purchase a whole new watch when the bands broke.  As a result, he had several working watch heads in his bedside table drawer.   Remember, he was a guy that struggled to throw things away!  I found a couple of these watch heads the other day when cleaning out his drawers and set them up on top of the bedside table.  It’s comforting to me to hear their reassuring beeps – reminds me of Paul.

Ellie turned 2 the first of July but her speech has lagged a bit.  I have not worried (after as many kids as I’ve had, I’ve learned to not get too excited about any perceived developmental delays; children have a way of gaining skills when they are supposed to) although I have had numerous people ask me, “Does she ever talk?”  But in the last couple of weeks, her vocabulary has just exploded!

Just now I was changing Ellie’s diaper on my bed and the watches went off on the hour.  Ellie’s eyes got huge and she exclaimed, “Daddy!”  I smiled and told her she was right – those were Daddy’s watches.  She hopped off the bed, ran through the house, and then came into the kitchen where I had moved and excitedly told me, “Daddy bye-bye, Daddy bye-bye!”

  My heart cracked.  I had hoped that of all the children, Ellie might be spared the pain of losing her Daddy.  Since she has appeared to be perfectly unscathed since Paul’s death, I assumed all was good – she was just too young and Paul’s importance in her life was probably minimal.

Ellie began making “steering wheel” motions and kept jabbering, “Daddy bye-bye, Daddy bye-bye!”  Oh, blessed baby…she thinks her daddy drove away from her (after all, his work van disappeared the same day he did).  We all explained to Ellie that Daddy didn’t drive away, but went bye bye to Heaven.  But she stubbornly made her steering motions, making a “vroom, vroom” sound, exclaiming “Daddy bye-bye, Daddy bye-be!”

Death is not particular in who it hurts.  Its sting touches even the smallest of hearts.



1 comment:

  1. HUGS & shared tears................
    Oh, how I remember those moments. My 2yr old seemed to not get it either, then one night in the middle of the night he woke up crying, "MOMMY! Daddy died!!!Daddy died!" His little brain finally got that his father was never coming home again.
    It was a heartbreaking moment. Now I look at the same 9yr old and see how healthy emotionally he is. He has accepted his father's death and has a sensativity to the Holy Spirit that inspires me.
    God is the great Healer.
    Many hugs