Friday, October 19, 2012


So much to update little time!

This particular post will be a one-subject post, hopefully, a short one, too!

Most know, but I want to make it public - we're keeping the girls!!!  Last Friday was Jenn's birthday (Jenn and Paul are adopting the girls' brother that is closest in age to them - they used to be our girls' foster parents) so I began, at the beginning of last week to pray very specifically that we would have an answer by Jenn's birthday.  On Thursday, Jenn called and asked, "Are you sitting down?"  She had just heard.  I have to admit, I pretty weepy throughout that entire phone call!

There is still an appeals process to get through, but we've been assured that is nothing to worry about, so I'm doing my best not to.  However, I think I will breathe a little better once that period of time is up!  I still feel the need to be a little more guarded on the internet when it comes to posting pictures or specifics about the girls until the appeals process is completed; perhaps until the adoption occurs, too.

I feel like this tremendous burden of worry has been lifted from my shoulders.  I am keeping my girls!  I am a mother to daughters - after all these years!  It's a little mind-boggling.  I've noticed that it's made a difference with Paul this week, too.  He's been affectionate with the girls before, but this week he has really ramped it up.  We're starting to call the girls by their new names.  We're kind of mixing that up - just throwing out the new names every so often.  So far, they seem really receptive to it.  I probably won't make a total name switch-over until the actual adoption, though.  The girls have a lot of "new" being thrown at them.

Monday was what they call the "Good-bye" visit with Birth Mom.  That was emotional.  She did not know until she got to the visit that it was the last one.  Her lawyer had not told her, so she was a bit blindsided by the news.  I honestly felt bad for her.  Jenn and I took pictures of all the kids and their mom.  I got some of my girls alone with her.  One is just breath-takingly poignant and beautiful.  I would love to frame it, it's so good.  But I'm thinking that right now, while we try to establish our own family bonds, it's probably not helpful to have a picture of the birth mother in sight.  But I am definitely saving prints of these pictures for the girls. 

While the kids had their visit, Jenn, Paul, (her Paul, not mine), and I went to a sandwich shop.  We have such an amazing bond, even though we've known each other just a few short months.  I think we probably would have been friends anyway, but the fact that we love the same children definitely helps.  Afterwards we slowly walked back up the sidewalk to the house to claim the children.  Our little ones ran toward us and the birth mom walked slowly towards me and placed Baby in my arms.  I about lost it at that point.  I gave her a hug and told her just how grateful I was.  After all the kids had been claimed Birth Mom and her grandmother walked down the sidewalk towards the bus stop, never looking back.  I could have wept.

And I did on the way home because L was pretty emotional.  She told me that she had started crying during the visit, knowing it was her last one.  She wanted to know why and I had to tell her why in a way that didn't place an undue burden on her.  At that moment all the good things waiting for her (our family, a secure future, etc) didn't matter.  All she knew was that her mother had just walked away - for good.  And there wasn't a thing I could do to ease the pain in her little heart.  I will spend the rest of my life attempting to point this little girl to the One who can ease the hurt - the One who carried that hurt to the cross so long ago.

So, that's where we are now.  I have the freedom to call counselors and doctors and set up appointments.  I can cut their hair if I want (although Baby cut a good chunk of hers today when she got a hold of my sewing scissors!).  They are MY children - for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in plenty and in want.  They are mine, forever and ever.

I have found myself ridiculously close to tears all week long, thinking about how much God has blessed me.  Why He would do that is really beyond my understanding.

  But I am thankful - so very, very thankful.

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