I'm taking a painting break now. Today it's the outside of the front of my house - the addition part. I painted it a year ago, guessing at matching the gray paint on the rest of the house. I guessed wrong and it has bugged me every time I approach my house from the south, seeing the original siding color next to the too-light addition color. I actually took a pice of siding with me to Walmart this week to match it. The color I ended up with is called "Armory Gray." Sounds attractive, doesn't it?! Now that I am putting it on I am wondering if it truly is a match, though. Argh!
Well, I'm a bit bummed today. It's because I'm vain and empty headed. I've had this whole contacts saga going on for the last month. I had been perfectly content to wear glasses for the past 11 years and then suddenly this winter I decided that I must wear contacts again. So, I got the contact exam and a trial pair was ordered for me - really could not see well out of them at all - most things were fuzzy around the edges. And reading was impossible. So another pair of trials was ordered for me. I got them last Sat. Things are a lot more clear with them, but reading is still difficult. The dr. said I'd probably have to use over the counter reading glasses, which is inconvenient, to say the least. But I looked good! And I bought a very cool pair of sunglasses that I could oh-so-casually push to the top of my head when I went inside places. Never mind that it was driving me crazy not to read and I could really feel my left eye straining. When I had the stroke my entire left side was damaged. My left eye went completely black for a couple of days and every time I've had a mini-stroke it has grayed out in the center. A lot of the strength has returned on that side, but it will probably always be weaker. I should have just stopped the process right then and there, but I wanted contacts!
So Monday I went in to the dr, we determined that this new pair of trials was as close as we were going to get, and I went out front to order my contacts. I was thinking a year's supply would probably be in the $200 range, which I was comfortable paying. I about fell over when told it was $540 and that was with a $30 rebate. I didn't know what to do, feeling very put on the spot. So I paid it and the contacts were ordered. But as the day went on I just felt sicker and sicker about it. What was I doing spending that much money on something I didn't have to have? What was I doing spending that kind of money on something that I couldn't even really use properly? Not only that, but this would be an annual expense. But I wanted them, even if I couldn't actually see out them! And so the thoughts whirled around in my head for rest of the day.
Paul was not real happy when I confessed to him that I had just used up a quarter of our flex spending money on contacts. He didn't throw a fit but I knew. He sighed and said something about delaying his needed knee surgery. Anyway, by the time I got to bed I was just sick over it. I literally could not sleep. I finally woke him up and told him that I was going to try and cancel the order the next day. I did that. And I felt terrible doing so because the dr's office had really worked and worked with me trying to find a pair that would work with my eyesight. And I was denying them a sale. They tried to talk me into ordering a half of year's supply instead and even lowered the price for me. But I just couldn't do it. I just got word this afternoon from them that they were successful in cancelling the sale. I'll never be able to show my face in there again!
So that's why I'm a bit bummed. Now when I look in the mirror I see this huge pair of glasses on this unhappy face. At least I can see that unhappy face, which is more than I can say for when I wore the contacts. It's silly and it's vain, I know. I cringe when I see women my age who just don't take care of themselves and I had begun to throw glasses-wearing women into that category of frumpiness. That's really not fair because I know a woman can be well kept and still wearing glasses. Paul assures me that he still finds me very attractive with glasses, but I think that's part of the husband code - one of the things they have to say in order ensure that they continue to get sex and hot meals. So I appreciate it, but I'm also taking his opinion with a grain of salt.
This whole fiasco is what I was alluding to last fall when I wrote about being convicted about spending too much time on my appearance. I think, if anything, God has used this to impress upon me the importance of finding a balance between using common sense and striving to look my best. Nice is good, obsessive is not. And for me to be willing to see less just for the sake of not having frames on my face falls into the "obsessive" category. It's silly and really quite stupid.
So I've "seen the light" and managed to restore our flex spending balance so that we can that money for things actually needed - like Paul's possible surgery and the fillings we both have scheduled for our teeth. And who knows what else might spring up between now and next March before it renews? But I may need my ego stroked for awhile yet so that I can quit flinching when I look in the mirror. And really - maybe it's not the glasses I'm cringing about, but about how dumb and silly someone as old as I can still be. That's what I'm seeing right now when I look in the mirror.
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