Slow-Down, Hands, Darts, and Gifts

It's Thursday night and I am feeling very unmotivated. Something happens when I actually accomplish my "To-Do" list for the day, such as I did today, and I usually don't feel a whole lot like moving on to the next day's to-do list! Maybe it's because I'm not supposed to be home tonight. Melissa and I were supposed to be going out, but she got sick and hasn't moved off her couch all day, she says. So, that's postponed for a couple of weeks. Bummer!

Things are really slowing down at Paul's work. They've finally gotten through all their routine maintenance checks and since the weather has been so warm they don't have anything to do, like what usually happens in Feb. and March. Fortunately, Paul has been on call this week and he's been able to pick up some after hours calls. He got home this morning around 11, but just now left for an overtime call (it's almost 7pm). I keep thinking it has to get really cold one of these days and then they'll have work to do. I hope so, anyway!

We had the Lozier party last Friday night. I enjoy those things, but at the same time, I dislike them. I just feel kind of awkward. People probably think I'm stuck up because I don't say anything but, even after almost 5 years, I really don't know hardly anybody there. The older I get, the less outgoing I am becoming, too, so that doesn't help, either! We didn't win the big prizes. I keep telling myself it has to happen one of these years, but so far winning is eluding us. But then, as I reminded myself at the party, it's just stuff, you know?! We don't NEED a big screen tv or another computer or an ipad or any of the "good" prizes. We have all we need. But nobody walks away empty handed from these parties. We won a small drill that will be good for household use, a set of 6 nice glass mugs, and 2 $25 gift cards to restaurants we have never heard of. I guess we don't get out much!

The choir cantata was last Sunday night. Will was so funny, I thought. He is not one to care overly much about clothing. I would say he cares more than his dad cares, but not by a wide margin. He's nothing like David, that's for sure! But last Saturday he told me that he had his outfit all planned for the cantata - his black suit with a black shirt, and a bright red tie. It amused me that he put that much thought and effort into his appearance. He looked quite Christmasy! In fact, during the program, Sam whispered to me, "I see Will, and he is wearing a shiny red tie!"

Last Saturday Ben had Kids Club (respite care) up at ChildServe. They took the kids to the zoo where they got to see Santa. I'm not a big fan of Santa, of course, but I figured at 15, this probably wouldn't warp Ben too much. They took pictures of all the kids with Santa and told me that Ben had the best smile of them all. He does have a nice smile, I think! When I dropped Ben off, I was so surprised when he bent down and kissed my cheek! How utterly sweet!

I remember Sunday I was helping Ben get dressed and found myself mentally sighing as I unzipped his pants in order to get his shirt tucked in around his hips where it would hopefully stay (yeah, fat chance!). And then I had to string his belt through the loops. And then I had to adjust his tie so that it was underneath his collar, instead of on top as he had placed it. As it so often does, the thought ran through my mind, "Will he ever be capable of doing these self-care things for himself?" But immediately I had a new thought pop into my head. It was this: God gave ME hands that work because He knew Ben's would not. That's a different way to look at it.

We did get a welcome call this week from Lutheran Services. Ben lost his case worker a couple of week's ago. She got fired. I swear, I had nothing to do with it! :) We've nearly gotten other workers fired in the past, but this one had nothing to do with us. Actually, I don't know why she lost her job, other than being told it had nothing to do with us. But anyway, that was a matter of concern because I had been really pleased with the things our case worker was teaching Ben (independent living skills). We waited so long to get our own worker due to some bureaucratic/clerical error and then we had to wait longer while they searched for someone willing to drive to Swan. And then we only had her for 3 months! But we were told a new worker had been hired. She came over yesterday and I was pleased. She actually lives in Pleasantville and has a son in the school.

We had a nice visit and I definitely felt like we "clicked." However, I think she came bearing fiery darts because I about had to pick myself up off the floor after she left. In our conversation, the new worker mentioned that she had a son with mental health needs and, thus, was familiar with Pville's special ed system - a system that I, so far, have been very pleased with. Then, she mentioned that her son was adopted out of Iowa foster care at age 4. Whoa! That caught my attention!

It turns out that this worker used to head up the state's foster care parental support program and had the second-in-command position for the national association. When I told her what we were getting into she was not delighted. In fact, she told me to be "very, very careful." She went on to tell me horror story after horror story of things she had endured. She told me that I was risking "ruining your family." Of course, the effect on my kids has been my biggest concern when deciding whether or not to pursue this. Sam is just a little guy and more vulnerable and, of course, we are risking things to a certain extent with Ben and his autism.

I felt utterly deflated and full of self-doubt after she left. But I slowly began to pick myself up. I could tell that this worker definitely does not know the Lord. She's a nice lady, but that part is obviously missing. I also know that God has directed our footsteps all along. A year ago at this time I would not have considered adopting through foster care. The fact that I have changed my mind so completely has to be of the Lord. There's the fact, too, that both Paul and I are in such agreement on this. That's not to say that we couldn't both be agreeing on something wrong, but I don't believe that to be the case.

A friend of mine is pursuing an international adoption right now - actually, a special-needs adoption. Her husband posted on their adoption blog last night and I read it and was encouraged. I wrote to her and told her about what had happened that afternoon. Today, she sent me a verse -

Ephesians 6:16

Above all taking the shield of faith wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked

Has God called us to this? Yes. Has God's calling changed because somebody scared me? No. Then what am I to do? I take faith in knowing what God has asked, knowing that He will provide, He will protect, and He will sustain. That's not to say that my flesh won't fail and that my knees won't get wobbly, because they will. That's not to say that there won't be rough waters and times that I am clinging onto the smallest scrap of trust I can hold in my weakened hand. I have no doubt that there will be. I suspect that what we are venturing into is going to be one of the hardest undertakings of our married life, ever. And we thought having and raising Ben had been rough! I have a feeling that may seem like a cakewalk, in comparison, by the time we are finished.

But we won't ever be alone.

Well, I suppose I could launch into a sermon right about now, but I'll refrain. I have clothes to iron and a house to clean. This will be my last post before Christmas, which is this Sunday. Other than some cooking and cleaning, I'm ready. My parents are driving down Christmas morning.

I did get my first Christmas gift today. Well, that's not quite true. Last night one of my Patch kids gave me a loaf of her mother's strawberry bread (yum!) and homemade salsa. But I got my first gift in the mail. My brother's long-time girlfriend has achieved some notoriety in the sewing world (a world that I did not know actually existed). She designed a pattern for a hat and it is featured in a book called "One Yard Wonders" by Rebecca Yaker and Patricia Hoskins, published by Storey Publishing and available at Barnes and Noble. Ava sent me a copy of the book today. It's neat. I'm definitely not a seamstress (my sewing endeavors being limited to sewing curtains and hemming church pants for little and big boys), but I will enjoy looking through the book. I am so pleased she thought to share it with me.

Have a merry Christmas, everyone!

School, Signs, Mom Smarts, and Something Fun

Ok, this is weird - I wrote this last Wed. and thought I published it. Evidently not! So this is what you should have seen 6 days ago...

I want to finish up my blogging and then I have to make supper, run Ben to his allergy shots, and get to church for Patch club. Tomorrow I HAVE to finish up my Christmas baking. I've been working on it since August (really!) but it is past time for me to be finished.

I took Will into the school yesterday to change his CPI form so that he can take his class next semester. Then we walked down to the high school office and asked the secretary to show us where the class will be held. The secretary said, "Oh, you're the Heywoods, right? Ben's mom?" Then she went on to tell Will that her son played football with him. But how does the high school secretary know Ben? And then she walked us down to the classroom. The teacher was in there and as soon as we poked our heads in she said, "Oh, you must be Will!" It had been more than a month since I had emailed this teacher and she had no idea we were going to stop by. But she remembered his name. And then she said, "You must be Ben's mom!" How does everybody know Ben? We had a nice chat with her. Right now there are only two students registered for the class, but that might change. She said she usually has about a half a dozen students enrolled in it. I had no idea the class would be so small - that's great. Then, Will remembered to ask about a laptop, so we went and chatted with the lady that takes care of that. Will will be issued a laptop to use for the class. He's pretty pleased about that! His teacher asked him where he's thinking of going to college and when Will told her he was looking at Faith she nodded and said, "Oh - the Bible college!" Usually people don't know what we're talking about when we mention that. But, anyway, I'm very pleased. I think this class is going to be good for Will.

Ben had his Christmas program at the school the other night. I was the only one who went. Am I bad because I read a magazine during all the sections of the program in which Ben was not performing? Going to the program got me out of butchering. I had to do some when I got home, but I got to miss the majority of it, thankfully. I don't know know why they persist in having these music programs in the old gymnasium. There just is not room in there for everyone that attends. They have a larger gym in the newer part of the building - use that! I did actually enjoy the program, though. They do such a good job of presenting both sides of Christmas, the secular and the sacred. I know from experience (remembering Ben's "Winter Program" his kindergarten year) that not all public schools do that. Ben did the best he has ever done - he kept his hands at his side, paid attention, didn't sway - I was so pleased! I found out later that his aide bribed him with extra computer time if he remembered to do all those things! Ben reminded me again on the way home that he intends to be in the spring musical. Guess there's no getting out of that one!

Paul got a 50 cent raise last week - yay! It's not as much as the dollar raise he got a year ago, but we'll take it. It's been warm enough this week, though, that he has been coming home from work early. We have yet to have a really cold snap and they are running out of furnace checks to do. I sure hope things aren't super slow for the next six months as they can be some years.

Last week we had a rather interesting city council meeting. After the meeting, before we broke up one member (who tends to be a bit contentious) informed me that my signs are "offensive." I'll back up here. A year ago the city bought a new sign. We use that to inform the residents of upcoming events. When there's nothing to post, I post some short pithy quote. I have had so many people tell me how much they appreciate the things I put up, that they make them "think" as they are leaving town. I'm always careful in what I put up. I never, ever put up anything remotely religious. They're just basic quotes (I get most of them from "Our Iowa" magazine) about life and the different seasons and so on. So I was rather taken aback when she informed me that she found my quotes offensive! She asked if we could just have "Merry Christmas" on the next sign I put up. So do you know what I did? I put up a very short quote on Christmas and then below it wrote, "Merry Christmas." Then I hid the keys to the sign! Ok, I probably didn't win any points with this particular council member, but I was offended that she was offended when there is absolutely nothing offensive in the first place. Sheesh... And then this same council member climbed all over us for not voting for her in the past election. I refused to rise to the bait and even admit whether or not I voted for her because it is none of her business. Our mayor was tripping all over himself trying to explain to her his reasons for not voting for her, but I wasn't about to do that. I just sat there with my mouth shut. Last I knew, voting was a private affair! This next council might be a little interesting...

I had a little stroke of ingenuity last week. I had bought David a new pair of gloves this fall for the upcoming winter season. I guess I should explain that mittens and gloves drive me absolutely batty. They are forever getting lost and I spend half my time looking for them. I can't stand it when the boys wear non-matching gloves and it drives me nuts when they go out in the snow in non-insulated hand wear and come in with red and chapped hands. I solved that problem with Ben and David by sewing a string to their mitten and running it through their coat sleeves. I know it probably looks a little dorky for Ben since he is 15, but he has yet to lose his $27 pair of specially made mittens (made by a grandma in Alaska - specially designed for those with motor problems - they don't have thumbs). I'm giving him a new stocking hat for Christmas and I know it's just a matter of time before he loses that. I wish there was a way to attach that to his coat. This is a child who would lose his head if it wasn't screwed onto his neck, as my junior high English teacher used to say to me. So anyway, David lost a glove. I looked for it, couldn't find it. He swore up and down he had searched this entire house and it was just nowhere. So, I told him I would buy him a new pair when I went shopping this week. His face lit up and he seemed relieved. And then I added that when I did that I would be sewing the new gloves to a string that we would run through his coat. His face fell. I told him that if he managed to find his missing glove before I went to the store, though, he could continue to keep his gloves in pockets. And wouldn't you know it - that boy somehow managed to find the missing glove! Heh, heh, heh - Smart Mom strikes again!

Oh, I found something really, really cool yesterday. I was at the Bass Pro store in Altoona, getting some new coveralls for Paul's birthday (shh - don't tell him! He's been running around looking for a good deal and I already bought them. Of course, I'm going to have to hurt him if he goes ahead and buys a pair before his birthday comes!). I ended up in the women's clothing section and I discovered camouflage lingerie!!! I had never seen anything like that before. They had little shorty gowns and two piece outfits, too. They're all made out of the silky stuff (which is the only thing I wear to bed, per my husband's request) and designed with a genuine camo print. They had pink with the camo and then the regular green design, too. They were a little pricey - $40, so I didn't get any. But I am going to watch their sale ads and hopefully I can pick up one sometime around our anniversary. Paul will be so surprised and pleased I bet. What could be better than nearly naked woman in camo clothing? We are hoping to get away to the GARB marriage retreat in Johnston a week before our anniversary. I have always wanted to go to that thing and it would be a good chance for the boys to be on their own overnight without us being too far away. But that's going to depend on this foster care/adoption thing, of course. I may have written about this before. That would be a good time to surprise him with the new nighty, though.

Well, time to get back to work. I am looking forward to the next two days because I don't have to go anywhere. I want to finish up my baking and wrapping. Friday evening is the Lozier party. Hopefully, we'll get to go. It will depend on whether or not Paul gets calls since he will be on-call. It would be kind of awkward if I am there alone, since I really don't know anyone and am not employed by the company! But those parties are always fun. They give away good prizes. Of course, I'd be just as pleased if they saved their money and put it into a bonus check for all their employees, instead. But nobody asked me...One of these years we're going to win the $500 mall gift certificate or the big screen tvs they always seem to give away. Now would probably be a good time to insert a verse about not desiring things of the world...

Gotta scoot!

The Boys and the Funeral

This is Sam, taken last Friday. I was trying to get a good shot of him licking the cake beaters and I caught him in-between licks, apparently a little annoyed with my picture taking!

I have so much to get caught up on - I may need to split it between two different blog entries.

Sam is not happy with me again this morning. I kind of feel bad, but it's one of those things that can't be helped. There is a PBS show called "Dinosaur Train" that Sam enjoys. I have always been bothered by the show, though, because of its blatant pro-evolution slant. Sam has come to me insisting that dinosaurs were made "millions of years ago" and won't listen when I correct him. I let that one slide. Will, especially, though, has never liked the show. Will is a huge Answers in Genesis fan and reads all the publications and mail that we get from them and I would assume that's where his angst comes from. Well, I was gone for most of yesterday, finishing my Christmas shopping. But when I got home Will told me that on the show yesterday they had talked about celebrating the "Winter Solstice." That did it for me. Obviously, the solstice is a real thing - it happens every Dec. 21st. But I have noticed a trend in recent years of the celebrating of the solstice. It's done by those who reject Christ and the idea of having a holiday to celebrate Him. Essentially, it's a pagan holiday rooted in worship of the earth. So, I told Sam we wouldn't be watching Dinosaur Train anymore because it "makes God sad." Sam was fine with that last night. But when he woke up this morning and wanted the tv turned on, I had to remind him that Dinosaur Train was on and so we had to wait to turn on the tv. He was definitely not impressed! So we cuddled on the couch and I re-explained my reasons. I think I jollied him out of his bad mood, but I won't be surprised if we go through this every day for awhile.

The boys exchanged names again for Christmas. I posted on Facebook last night about the amazing Captain America shield that Will made for Sam. When Sam told Will that was what he wanted I suggested to Will that he go to Toys R Us and get him a plastic version. Will didn't think that was a good idea and informed me that the would be making a shield for his brother. He used spray paint, a thick piece of scrap plywood, and his dad's power tools. Then he remembered that Sam is left-handed, so when he put the handles on (made out of duct work hangers) he made sure to adjust them accordingly. I am SO impressed. The whole thing did not cost a single penny to make, either! This will be a toy that I will want Sam to hang onto forever.

Will also had me pick up a little Colts t-shirt for Sam from him. The boys all have their favorite football teams and they - particularly Will and David - are forever trying to persuade Sam to pledge allegiance to their team. A couple of weeks ago, David asked him, "So do you like the Cowboys, Sam?" Sam looked at David seriously and said, "I have to like the Colts now, David, because I'm sleeping in Will's room." Hah!

I made cookies last week. They are called "Cowboy" cookies. I have no idea why. It's just the name of the recipe - a combination of chocolate chips, oats, and rice krispies baked into a cookie. So, anyway, Sam was eating one and then he heard me refer to them as "cowboy cookies." Sam threw his half-eaten cookie on the table in disgust and cried, "I don't want to eat a Cowboy cookie - I want to eat a Colts cookie!"

Onto sadder subjects: Saturday was Joy's funeral. It was a time of sadness and embarrassment for me. Paul was working that morning, so the plan was that I would bring dress clothes to the college (where the funeral was) and he'd change, attend the service, and then change again and go straight back to work. Well, we didn't get there until the starting time of the funeral. Paul decided that he wouldn't bother changing clothes since it was so late and we would undoubtedly just be slipping into the back rows of chairs, since we were late. Instead, we walked into the gymnasium and an usher asked us how many people we had. When I told him "six" he lead us to the second row, right behind the pallbearers! I could have just died! So there we are, dressed nicely, and Paul's in his work uniform, which is a pair of jeans, a polo shirt, and a thermal shirt underneath! Paul is so pragmatic that I don't think he was really bothered, but it was nearly all I could think about!

The funeral was sad. I know the intent was to focus on God's goodness and the promise of Heaven and they did a good job of that. Our pastor preached an amazing message. But at the same time, there is just no way to sugarcoat a tragedy. A young mom died before she was done raising her kids. She will not be there to help guide them into adulthood. A husband has suddenly been left without his lover, his partner, his best friend. I honestly had some mixed feelings concerning the deceased. We had some unpleasant history that was never dealt with but I even found myself tearing up. Maybe it was because of that - that things were never made right. It was a difficult time. Her burial was Monday in Missouri and her husband posted on Facebook that it was honestly the hardest day of his entire life. My heart just aches for him.

Afterwards, though, I caught what I thought was the most poignant moment of the funeral. Over the years at our church, I have slowly come to realize what a heart our pastor has for the people in our church. I think it's his whole family, really, that feels that way. I remember getting my first glimpse of that when we'd been in the church about 6 months. Paul had been fired that day from the job we moved out here to take. He still had two more days on the job, but we were just so hurt and so blown away by this and very uncertain of the future. Well, I was flabbergasted that night when our pastor and his wife drove up to our house. We live a half hour away from them but they came to be with us in our time of need. And there have been incidents like this time and time again in the 7 years we have been at this church. Our pastor hurts for his people. After the funeral I saw our pastor standing over by one of the gymnasium doors and his 18 year old son and another daughter were crying and he put his arms around them. One by one, his other children joined the circle and the whole family just stood there crying for the Brace family. How amazing is that? They weren't crying for themselves - nothing had happened to them. But because it happened to a church family, they felt the pain.

After the funeral I made a wrong turn and ended up getting separated from Paul and Will. But it was ok because I ran into my friend, Julie. Julie had become quite attached to Joy since last spring and both Joy and I were instrumental in leading Julie to the Lord in Sept. I'm not saying that with pride - just stating a fact. Well, Julie was devastated by Joy's death and she just sobbed and sobbed in my arms after the funeral. I know she was saying stuff to me but I couldn't hear any of it, since my deaf ear was closest to her mouth. But I just held her. Sometimes that is all you can do.

It's a good reminder of how God holds us in our times of need. Sometimes, all the wise words in the world won't mean anything, but a comforting set of arms means everything.

Decisions, Death, and Dress

We had our last class last night and our 3rd home visit this evening. And in the space of time from one to the other we went from being adoption-only to seeking a dual license. This is what we were originally seeking up until two weeks but then we changed our minds and now it's changed again. I won't go into everything that transpired but we came to understand over the past day or so that by seeking only our adoption license we are kind of shooting ourselves in the foot as far as adoption goes. Most children who become available for adoption are adopted by their foster parents. That leaves very few available for adoption-only homes. That's not to say there aren't any out there, but it can mean a long wait - like 2 years or more.

My mind was just in a tizzy this morning, trying to figure out what to do. Paul and I are both very firmly committed to the idea of adopting and neither of us wants a revolving door on our house. Neither one of us is wild about the idea of foster care, although it is something we're willing to do if necessary. I suddenly thought of the lady that spoke at our homeschool conference this summer. She was the one who had adopted something like 18 children out of foster care and she pointed us in the direction to go. So, I facebooked her and we ended up talking on the phone this afternoon. I was so grateful to her for taking time out of her busy day (she homeschools all those kids, too!) to talk with me. She strongly encouraged us to go for our dual license. She said that when we get a call for a foster care placement we can ask where the child is in the system. If she has just been removed from her home, then we'll refuse the placement. But if she's been in for 9 or 10 months and they just need a new foster home that also means that a permanency hearing will be coming up soon. That usually happens right about 12 months into the process, although a judge can defer a decision for a few months longer than that if the birth parents are showing evidence of trying to get their lives back on track.

There is also the possibility of us adopting out of state. Generally speaking, though, that's kind of a last resort, though, because it can be really difficult. But some states won't even consider inter-state adoptions unless the parents have a dual license. Also, if we got into a situation where we had one child whose parents had lost custody but say, she had a baby sibling, the parents might not have lost their rights yet to the younger child. So in order to take both children, we would need to have both types of licenses.

Our worker agreed to recommend us for a dual license, although she will be emphasizing to the licensing board that our preference is for adoption. So now we wait to see what happens next. Our home has passed inspection, we are done with our education, and now it's up to the state. If approved, we will have to take 6 more hours of training in the next 9 months to be certified in CPR, first aid, and medication management.

So, in all reality, we could have another child living with us in 30 days. Or maybe not. If it does come through foster care, though, I will not be able to say anything on my blog about it. I'll mention that we have a placement, but that's all I can say. There's a whole lot of privacy rules we have to follow until an adoption takes place.

Here is my latest Jewels of Encouragement post: http://www.jewelsofencouragement.com/2011/11/something-perfect.html I wrote about our broken nativity set. It was funny - when I unpacked that thing again last weekend I discovered that Joseph is now headless, too. I really should give in and get a new set!

I read an amazing book last week. I got it out of our church library. It's by Terry C. Thomas and called "At Least We were Married." It's quite old, being first published in 1970. In fact, the marriage he wrote about it probably happened before my own parents' and they've been married 43 years! The story was about the courtship between the author and his wife. It was a really sweet telling of that time. They were married in a huge southern wedding in Georgia the day after Thanksgiving. The next evening they were leaving on their honeymoon in the rain when a car crossed the center line and crushed their red VW bug. The bride was killed instantly and the groom was critically injured. In a space of 24 hours they went from utter elation to complete devastation. Can you imagine? It just really made me want to appreciate Paul more because we've had more than 18 years of marriage but it was a good reminder that it could end instantly, at any time. I wanted to know the "rest of the story" so I did an internet search but I didn't find a whole lot. The groom ended up becoming a "Dr" Terry Thomas. I assume that's an educational or Biblical doctor, not a medical doctor. He worked with Bill Bright of Campus Crusade for Christ at the time of the accident. I didn't see anything to indicate that he had ever remarried, but I didn't see anything that said he had not. He did re-release the book at least once. Anyway, it had quite an impact on me.

Joy died Sunday night. I feel crummy because I had finally psyched myself up to go visit her. I was going to make it happen this week. And now it's too late. The funeral is expected to be huge, I guess, so they are having it up at Faith. Sometimes it sure is hard to trace the hand of God. This is the 3rd woman, my age, in my circle of friends of acquaintances to die within the last 2 1/2 years. I'm busy right now getting ready for Christmas and I find myself thinking that a year ago Joy was doing the same thing, having absolutely no clue that it would be her last Christmas. We just never know.

This past weekend was hunting. I didn't count on how exhausting it would be for me! This was the first time we stayed here for the event. A guy from church came over to hunt, as did Will's buddy, Nathanael. I felt obligated to feed the weary hunters so I was up before 6 all three mornings, making them a huge breakfast, and then cleaning that up and making a large lunch. I also had to make supper! I knew they would work up an appetite tromping all those miles in the cold. And, I like to feed people, so I felt the need to cook a lot. I never ever want anyone to leave my house feeling like they didn't get enough to eat (or that it was so bad they had to choke it down out of politeness!). I think I did a good job...maybe.

Today when our case worker was here she was interviewing the boys and asked them, "How does your mom show love to you?" Will replied, "She cooks for us!" To a teenage boy, I guess that is the ultimate expression of love!

This quarter for Sunday School, most of the classes, high school on up, are meeting in the auditorium for a video series. It's called, "Quieting the Noisy Heart" or something like that. I'm looking forward to it, because I feel like I have an entire marching band in my heart at times! That is freeing up quite a bit of space in the downstairs of the church so they decided to reinstitute a former practice of having the younger SS kids meet for a time of singing before breaking into their classes. So I took Sam to the new room on Sunday and it wasn't but a few minutes and he was just sobbing into my coat. I was so baffled! He has always been such an easy-going kid and has transitioned well in all situations. I didn't know what to do. My plan had actually been to skip SS myself and run to Walmart because I needed a few things for lunch for the guys. So I ended up just taking Sam to Walmart with me. And then we hustled back to church in order to be in our pew by the time Ben wandered upstairs from his class. That would have been bad if we hadn't been there for that. Will, Paul, and David were out hunting that morning so there would not have been anyone for Ben to find. Later, Sam told me that he was just "so scared" by going to the new room. I don't understand it, but I guess I'll have to do plenty of preparation this week before next Sunday morning!

It's almost 8:30 - can I go to bed yet? I am feeling so tired. Last night was our last class. It feels so victorious to be finished. We stuck it out, didn't miss a single class, and we accomplished something, learning a few things along the way, too. At the end of class, we had to each talk for a few moments, saying what we had learned, etc. And then, the instructors mentioned something they liked or noticed about us. I was hoping to hear something like, "Oh, you're such a wonderful mother, Sarah, and we know that you'll be fantastic at taking in another child, too" but instead, they mentioned how much they enjoyed my "fashion sense" and my "blingy" clothes and how it gave them something pleasant to look at each week! On one hand, it's nice to have affirmation that my efforts in personal care are noticed and appreciated, but on the other hand, that's not why I was there! So I don't know what to think! I guess I should just be thankful that this 40 year old, middle-aged, increasingly plump gal can be labeled as "fashionable"! Wonder if that will still be true when I'm 80? Probably not so much...and neither will I care when I am 80 years old!

I got the last of my Christmas decorations up today...and, I got all my fall decorations packed away in their tub, which is actually more of an accomplishment. I even decorated the deck. I have avoided that for the past few years since it's been a bit of a mess with all the work on the house. But it's actually cleaned off and attractive looking now. The Christmas spirit has been slow in arriving, but it's finally here, I think. Thursday morning I plan to run up to Des Moines and hopefully finish all my shopping. I don't have a tremendous amount left to do. Amazon has been my best friend this year!!

Paul goes on back-up call this Friday and on first call a week later. It is finally getting awfully cold, which means that I will be essentially a widow for the next two weeks since he'll be busy handling most of the no-heat calls.He goes off call the morning of the 23rd and then he'll be on call again on Christmas Day. My parents are coming down that day, so it should be a nice time.

Better go pluck a certain 4 year old out of the bathtub!

Good News, Thanksgiving, and Resolutions

Time to finish up this week's blogging!

Joy rallied. They tried some additional steroids and it really brought her around and stopped the brain swelling. My friend Julie went up to see her yesterday. She called me afterwards and said it was just a really strange day. She had gotten a call that morning from Joy's husband saying that she had better come because she might not get another chance to see Joy. So she went and by the time she got to the hospital, her husband was talking about them all being in church together Sunday! Julie was asking me rhetorically, "How do you go from being at death's door, to planning to attend church in just a few days?" Whatever it is, we'll take it. I know Joy and her family are not looking for a cure (although they would take one) but just more time to spend together before she goes Home.

I didn't write about Thanksgiving yet. This year we went out to Council Bluffs. To my surprise, almost everyone - everyone being Paul's nuclear birth family - was there. His one brother didn't come but that's all right because we think he's a bit psychotic and aren't too crazy about having him near our kids. I can get away with saying these things on my blog because absolutely nobody in Paul's family has the slightest interest in reading my blog! There are advantages to being disliked...

It was an ok day. We spent the night on Wed. Paul's sister and family were in town from Ohio and thus, had the upstairs guest bedroom. So we got the downstairs bedroom. It's located underneath the kitchen and the ceiling is not insulated which means every footstep above sounds like a thundering herd of elephants. And Paul's mother was up at 4am putting in the turkey. So our sleep was definitely not uninterrupted!

Neither of Paul's sisters spoke a single word to me the entire time we were there. As Paul reminds me - "Consider the source" but it still bothers me even after all these years. Paul has also tried to remind me over the years that it probably has more to do with him than me. Years ago Paul had to take a stand for truth and righteousness that pitted him against his entire family. I don't think they've ever forgiven him. His sisters, especially, have just never been all that interested in pursuing a relationship with me and have seemingly gone out of their way to take offense when none was intended. I keep telling myself that I "give up" but I guess there is a still a part of me that longs for that sister relationship I had always hoped to attain when marrying. After 19 years, I think it's safe to say that it just isn't going to happen!

But my other sister-in-law, Lisa, and I had a couple of nice conversations. She's been horrible at keeping in contact since we moved, but we have always enjoyed eachother's company. When Lisa found out that we are pursuing adoption she got so excited for us, which was nice. I found out that her son, who is Will's age, and his girlfriend are going to be graduating from high school this May, which is a year early. Since they have a child they apparently got into some accelerated graduation path that their school offers for young parents. Also, they both have full-ride scholarships to the area community college because of their young parenthood status. I want them to succeed in life and so my feelings are divided. I'm happy that they won't be welfare-dependent their entire lives and have a shot at a decent future. But at the same time I'm sitting down with Will and we're poring over college brochures and trying to figure out what kind of scholarships and grants and loans he can qualify for so that he can scrape through and earn a degree himself. It doesn't seem fair to me. I just have to remind myself that 1) life isn't always fair, as much as we would like it to be and 2) You can never go wrong by doing things God's way. Yes, Will will have to work his tail off to get through college but he will have God's hand of blessing on him because he is a young man who earnestly desires to do the right thing and so far, has chosen to do the right things.

One of the nicest things about Thanksgiving? The fried turkey Paul's brother made - yum, yum!

Actually, I think girls are the farthest thing from Will's mind right now, anyway! Last night we were helping Paul lay carpet and I casually asked Will what qualities he was looking for in a future wife. He looked at me like I had grown two heads and replied, "None!" He then said he didn't see a reason to be thinking of those things when he wasn't even looking for a wife right now! I then asked him, jokingly, if he wanted to marry a girl like me someday, and he said well, only for the cooking part, meaning he wants a wife who cooks like I do, but evidently there are other things in me he sees as less-than-desirable - ??? Hard to imagine that!

We did get rest of the carpet down last night - it took forever because we had to piece in a 12" piece along the back wall. This carpet came with a pad already on it, so we had to use carpet tape, which was a new experience - it's kind of handy stuff. But now I have all the furniture in there. We don't have the bed set up because one of the legs is cracked and Paul wants to fix that first. So, I'm trying to be patient, even though I am so anxious to put that thing together with the new sheets and comforter I bought and to just have it ready and waiting for our new little girl!

This weekend is hunting. Nathanael is coming over for a few days to stay and a guy from church is also going to be joining them. So I have some cooking and cleaning to do. My friend, Julie, is coming over on Sat with her little girl while her husband hunts. I'd like to have my Christmas stuff out and up by then, but I don't know if it's going to happen. I hope they get some deer - our supply of venison is getting low! The news has been reporting today that the number of deer have decreased. I guess an all-white deer - something I have never seen before - was killed this morning up in Des Moines by a car. Monday night there was a deer/car accident at Army Post and SE 14th, which surprised me because that's a high traffic area, not really anything rural around. This will be the guys' first experience hunting around here.

I think we're going to try to do better at having family devos this next year. We were talking the other day, wondering out loud if we are "doing enough" where the boys are concerned, spiritually. It's so easy to take them to church and send them to youth group, but I have to wonder if that's really all that's required. So many young people walk away from the church once they are grown and I'm not entirely sure why. But I know I don't want my boys making that choice. Of course, it will ultimately be up to them, but I want to be able to say that I did everything possible I could as a parent to prevent it. Paul also want to implement a "tv-less" week one week a month. It's not that we'd forgo tv altogether, but we would make an attempt to have it on less during that week. I've been less thrilled with that idea, but I can see the wisdom in it.

A David funny as I close up: The other day he was asking me about "that section of the paper where they list the dead people" and I replied, "You mean the obituary section?" David's eyes got huge and he sputtered, "Mom, I think you just said the "B" word!" I had never put that together before but I guess he'd be right. So now that word is forever ruined for me because I know exactly what I'm going to think about when I hear it! And now, thanks to me, so will my readers! You can thank me later.

More work awaits. I need to take Ben to get his allergy shots in a couple of hours. He ended up staying home from school today because he was having such a rough time with his nose. It's been bothering him since Sunday, really. Monday I got a call to go get him early, too. I sure wish we could conquer those stupid allergies. Then, when I get home I need to zip over to City Hall and meet with a guy we might be hiring to be our water commissioner. And then we'll have to leave for church. My days are a whirlwind...

Little Boy Dreams and Changes

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My little Hawkeye! Friday the boys and I hit the mall around 8am. Getting up at 6 to get some Black Friday deals was enough of a sacrifice for me! I was not about to go out at midnight and wait in line for hours. We were at Scheels and Sam saw a Hawkeye helmet and was suddenly seized with the great desire to have one. I remembered that I had seen entire outfits before in little kid sizes so we went on the hunt for one. We found one - the last one - in his size and Sam was overjoyed. He used his birthday money to buy the set. Any other kid would have been happy to blow his wad on toys, but Sam has influential older brothers and a Hawkeye outfit was what he wanted! He was so cute. He insisted on hauling the Scheels bag through the mall himself and all the way home kept chattering about how he couldn't wait to get his jersey and helmet on. He wore them all day Friday and Saturday and would have worn them longer except I put them in the hamper. He's been outside tackling his brothers in his helmet. He's so proud of that thing! I pointed out to him that his jersey had gotten a little dirty and he told me, "That's ok - real Hawkeyes get their jerseys dirty, too!" I won't be surprised if he insists on wearing this outfit next fall for his birthday picture - hope it still fits by then! It's going to be one sad day around here when he can't squeeze into his uniform anymore!

Speaking of sad, and this really is: Joy is probably dying today. She's the mom in our church I mentioned three months ago who had been dx with brain cancer. Things have gone swimmingly since the initial dx. She's been in a terrific mood and busy with household things. I read on her blog a couple of weeks ago that she was painting her bathroom or something like that. Then, around Will's birthday she started chemo and radiation. The radiation and tumor itself has caused her brain to swell and unless she responds to some new medication her family has been told it won't be long. I did get a prayer chain phone call this morning and was told that Joy is in an awful lot of pain. Death will be a blessing for her then. But it stinks, you know? Just yesterday, while driving around town, I was hit by a wave of longing for my grandparents who have been dead since 2003. And they were elderly and had lived their lives. I think it would be worse when you have to mourn all the things you thought you'd get to experience with someone and didn't. This world is not where it is. But it's all we know. And so, we grieve. I know Paul is hoping to get up to the hospital to sit with Rod for awhile, husband to husband. I hope someone would do that for Paul if it were me that was dying. But that's not going to happen because I am definitely going to outlive him!

We had our 2nd home visit a week ago. After talking with our worker, we found out that we can be just licensed for adoption. So that's what we're going to do. I've never been all that crazy about the idea of doing foster care, but was willing to do it if that is what it took to eventually adopt. The downsides will be that we will not have spent months with the child, getting to know her and it may take longer to have a child placed with us. But it's not like I don't have anything to do in the meantime! So we will be licensed and then we will wait for a call. I suppose then, we will have a gradual time of getting to know our new child as she is transitioned out of her foster home. The state also has adoption "fairs" twice a year where we could go meet children available for adoption. I think that would be kind of neat, even if it does bring to mind images of picking out a puppy from the pound!

Saturday I ripped up the old carpet in the bedroom (gouging myself only once with the jip knife and nearly breaking Sam's leg, as well). Paul then thought he had to do some re-wiring of the house sine the original wires ran underneath the floorboards in that bedroom. Sunday we put down part of the new carpet. Tonight we will finish it. Then we have to put up a handrail to the basement and hang some co2 detectors. Last night after class we went to Menards and bought a gun cabinet, the co2 detectors, and a needed smoke detector. And then next Tues. is our last home visit! Oh, and we have to move the new furniture into the bedroom, which will be fun! I can't wait to sew a bed skirt and matching curtains, but that's going to be an after-Christmas project.

Our last class is next Monday night. Maybe it's because I've been out of school for so long, but finishing these classes seems like a real accomplishment to me! They've just been so intensive. Maybe it's because my heart has been so tied up with all of this,too.

We have connected with another couple in the class that we discovered are fellow Christians. In fact, the husband is the assistant pastor at an area Baptist church. I'd like to find out their last name so I could find them on Facebook. The mom is a public school teacher in Waukee, although she used to homeschool.

Well, I have more to write, but it will have to be in a later post. I'm kind of scrambling with my to-do list today. I'll be back later!

Dead Dogs and Bowling Balls

It's a cold Monday. I did some work up at City Hall today and couldn't figure out why the heater wasn't kicking on; my hands were about frozen solid. So I went over and inspected the heater - it was on "fan" and only at 56 degrees!

Paul killed our neighbor's dog on the way to church yesterday. The dog was suicidal and really, it's a miracle it survived this long. The accident was unavoidable. We were late and so we didn't stop. But I called our neighbor right away and left a message. I hated to do that because I really thought it was news I should have delivered in person. Well, she never got my message, so she was kind of upset. She wasn't upset about the dead dog, but at what she saw as unkindness in us not letting her know right away. She was so right and I felt just terrible. Paul went over and apologized to her, too. She assures me everything is fine and that she, frankly, is a bit relieved that she doesn't have to take care of that dog anymore. I still feel bad about it though! So that kind of cast a pall over all of yesterday.

Ben's state bowling meet was Saturday. I was shocked to see his aide, Mrs. K and her sister there. The night before Paul's dad had called to wish Ben a happy late birthday. I had sent my phone upstairs with Ben. Well, unbeknownst to me the little booger was able to figure out my phone and had the dexterity to find Mrs. K's number in my phone and called her and asked her to come Sat. I was so mortified! It's enough that she has to work with him 5 days a week. She definitely deserves to have her weekends off! When I was scolding Ben he assured me that he was very sorry. I reiterated to him that he should have asked me before calling. Ben was quiet a moment and then looked at me and said, "But you would have said 'no'." Well, yes, that's true! As I posted on Facebook, he has figured out that it is easier to apologize than to ask permission!

So anyway, we got to the AMF Lanes in North Des Moines which was packed with special needs individuals and their helpers, along with the Special Olympic helpers - what a madhouse! And Ben starts jumping up and down because he spied Mrs. K! She came over to me and introduced her sister (who looks just like her) and told me that they had been at a big craft show at the fairgrounds. But when Ben called her she realized how important it was to Ben for her to be at his event and she said if she couldn't give up an hour of shopping for him, then there was just something wrong with her! She just loves Ben. I was so touched.

Ben didn't do so great - he got fourth place - out of four bowlers! He actually didn't do too badly for the first game. But then Mrs. K had to leave and it was like Ben just deflated. Never mind that all his brothers and his mom and dad were there cheering him on! And he was getting more tired, too. But he still ended up with a ribbon - which I happened to spy this morning under one of the van seats. I can tell it means a lot to him!

Afterwards we went to Incredible Pizza to celebrate the bowling and Ben's birthday. That is one expensive place. A long time ago I had purchased a $25 gift certificate off Restaurant.com for $10. Even with that, I still spent $31 on our food and then another $20 on the games. And then was seriously limiting how many the boys could play! Sam did get to ride the go-cart, though, so he was pretty pleased.

We found out that over the weekend Ben had made the front page of the Pleasantville newspaper. They had covered the initial bowling event last month. So, a couple from church who lives there cut the whole story out for us. How nice!

Will is signed up to take a college credit class at the high school next semester - Creative Writing. More and more he seems to be leaning towards a career in sports writing. At this point, I would say it's all still pretty much up in the air. But of all his options, he seems to talk about that one the most. I was kind of surprised he agreed to take this class. They spend the first month covering and writing poetry which is definitely not where his writing interests lay (lie? I can never keep those straight). But I did tell him that will be useful when he gets a girlfriend someday! The nice thing is the college credit - that we don't have to pay for.

Last week David was musing outloud about his own future career choices. He said something about doing something someday - I can't remember what - and I pointed out to him that, in my opinion, he has some great people skills and I could see him a career that involves "talking." Of course, I have been convinced since he was about 4 that he's headed for the ministry someday. But I don't want to be the one to plant that seed in his mind. It needs to come from the Lord! David asked me, "Like what?" So I said, "Oh, you know, maybe a teacher, or..." I pointed at the television where a legal scene was on the screen, "A lawyer, maybe, or..." And then David actually said, "Maybe a pastor" and I very quickly agreed with him that would be an option. Then Will interjected, "Or maybe a telemarketer!" Ha, ha, ha! I guess you would need some sort of talking ability for that kind of job, but it's not quite what I was thinking of!

Well, our second attempt at refinancing the house has fallen through. It's very frustrating. Our credit score is fine. We even paid $400 out of our own pocket for an appraisal and the house came in $15,000 above what we paid for it. But both times we've been told that there are no comparable houses in the area and so they can't approve the loan. Right now, it's ok. Our interest rate went down to 2.5% and our monthly payments are very affordable. But for how long? Seven years ago when we bought this house we had no trouble getting a loan and they would have had to find comparable properties. But that was before the bottom of the housing market fell out. Now, if we wanted to move, we couldn't. So I guess we'll just keep digging out the basement!

Every week Ben has a "reading probe." He is given a half sheet of paper with information about a certain subject or thing. His job is to read and comprehend the paragraphs and then be able to answer questions about it on Friday. So I always help him review on Thursday nights. Well, this past week's was about a certain dinosaur. Typically, the paragraph began, "7 million years ago..." I quickly reminded Ben that that was not true. The world was only created about 6000 years ago. The next day he went to school and he informed his aide that the paper was wrong because his mom had said that dinosaurs were only 6000 years old! So he and his aide went to the internet to look it up. Ben was completely frustrated that the internet told them that dinosaurs were roaming the earth 7 million years ago! And, I think, he was inclined to believe the Internet over Mom, just a bit!

We are leaving this Wed. evening for Council Bluffs. We'll be home within 24 hours. Then it looks like I am going shopping on Friday morning with the boys. It won't be for long because they don't want to miss the Iowa-Nebraska game. I'm not real anxious to fight the traffic or crowds. But I need a new purse and Will wants to get to a guitar store. I don't want him driving alone with all of central Iowa out at the malls. So I guess I'm going to get up at a reasonable (no lining up in front of the stores on Thanksgiving evening for this girl!) time and go out for a few hours with the boys. Ben will be happy!

Ben's case manager for his SCL services is coming over in 45 minutes so I had better make sure the house is picked up. Tomorrow I will be cleaning all day long because our next home visit for the adoption is at 5pm. Oh, and speaking of that, I got the prettiest pink flowered sheets at Penneys on Saturday for only $5! I had a $15 savings coupon and they had them on sale for $20. So now I have my first set of pink, feminine twin sheets for our little girl! I can't wait for Paul to get the carpet up there so we can set up the bed and I can get busy sewing a bed skirt and matching curtains. Like I have any time for sewing right now, though!

Today Jen (of the dead dog) told me that she dreamed the other night that we were given twin girls and I had run over to her house in a panic begging for some little girl clothes. It's funny because I had just had the thought last week - "what if we got twin girls?" I highly doubt that would happen, but you never know, I guess.

Gotta go pick up!