The title is a description of my old life...but these days I ramble on about widowhood, homeschooling, single parenting, adoption, special-needs parenting, & living a life I never planned for or expected - a life that God, thankfully, continues to strengthen & equip me for daily...
Monday, November 11, 2013
DIARY OF AN UNWILLING WIDOW
Nov. 11, 2013
Today’s Facebook post:
First snow of the
season...Paul loved snow. Whenever it snowed and he was away from home, he
would always call and excitedly ask, "Have you looked out the
window?" If he was home, he'd be outside, taking pictures. All my
scrapbooks are littered with snow pictures, from trace amounts to foot and a half
falls, because Paul thought any snow was worth remembering. For a long time he
had a license plate on his truck that read, "LUVSNOW." When the
nightly weather forecasters would dourly inform their viewers that a big snow
was on the way, Paul would literally be sitting on the couch, leaning forward,
rubbing his hands together, and chortling. When the camera would pan back to
the anchormen and they would dutifully complain about the forecast Paul would
suggest that they needed to a) Grow up, b) Quit their whining, and c) move to
Florida. So, today, I'm really missing him. I miss the phone call, I miss him
running around the yard with my camera. But if I know our Father's heart the
way I think I do, I'm pretty sure Paul has at least one pile of snow in his
corner of Heaven. And that makes me smile.
And that’s why I’m sitting
here in newly purchased fleece pj bottoms, something I would have never done if
Paul were alive.He was particular about
what I wore to bed (let’s just say he was a man!).But last night I practically froze again in
bed and so today when I was at the store I looked for and found some cozy, cute
pj bottoms and tops – and I bought them.I can wear whatever I want to bed now.
Well, it was another too-busy
day.Will spent the entire day hooking
up the woodburner.It was moved to the
basement over the weekend.It’s burning
too hot, though, so we’re going to have a professional come look at it before
we burn the house down.And I bought new
tires today – I’m feeling very responsible, as a result.My old tires weren’t too bad, so I kept
them.But they were a little bit
worn.A friend of mine from church works
for Firestone and he was able to get me his employee discount which made new
tires very affordable!He and his family
met me in Des Moines and then they ran me on some of my errands while we
waited for my tires to get put on.Nice.
This morning David wanted to
know why I had dressed Ellie in a shirt that read, “Angry.”I stopped, paused, and suggested he read the
shirt again.“Oh-h-h,” said David, “I
guess that says, ‘Angel’,” huh?And then
today on Facebook he thanked our veterans who “severed” and are “still
severing.”That conjured up some very
disturbing mental images for me, of angry soldiers pillaging some remote village, machetes in hand as they
whack body parts off poor civilians.I’m
not really sure how to help that boy.These are moments that make a homeschool mom just sigh.
This is going to be a short
post.I just realized how tired I
am.Besides, I want to go try out my new
pjs in my bed!I’ll write more tomorrow.A couple of Sam funnies, though:
other day I heard him exclaim to Ellie, “You stinkin’ lady!” I’m not
really sure what she did to raise his ire, but I thought he used an interesting
word as an insult!
he got his own lunch and informed me that, “Since I’m 6 now, I can do a lot
more stuff!And, Mom, yesterday someone
at church said they think I’m a lot taller now!”He added earnestly, “It won’t be long and I’ll
be a grown man, just like Will!”
You can slow down a little
bit, Buddy – we have time.
Lizzie has a loose tooth, her
first.Guess who is not impressed
with that fact?She’ll say to Sam, “Would
you like to wiggle my tooth?”
“No!” he snaps angrily,
scowling. She knows just how to push
Poor kid – genetics are not
in his favor.All three of his older
brothers were 7 before they lost their first tooth.I’ll never forget how Ben swallowed his – on his
7th birthday, while eating pizza.
All right – I must go.My bed is beckoning and I don’t think my
eyelids are going to allow me to remain upright much longer. I'll chatter on her more tomorrow. I want to, especially because I had a rather startling thought the other day about Paul's death and my attitude choices.