Thursday, July 12, 2012

Joy in the Valley

I'm ba-a-ack!  Well, kind of.  I used to be so good at blogging but this last month - oh, boy...

We are nearly done with week 3 of having  our new additions.  I think we're settling in.  There have been some definite behavior issues to address, but it's been good because it has forced me to evaluate my own parenting and re-think some things.  Overall, I'd say things are great and  bonding is happening.  I'm tired, but I think that's to be expected.  Last week I was definitely feeling drained in all different ways - mentally, physically, emotionally.  This week I am doing better and starting to emerge out of the fog, I think.  A little bit ago we met (well, I met)  with the court-appointed attorney who represents our girls - their guardian ad lit um, I think he's called.  He was very helpful to me and helped provide some reassurance I was hoping for.  This process is one of a lot of emotional ups and downs because nothing is settled yet.  But in the midst of all the uncertainty we have two little girls who need some stability and consistency, regardless of what their foster mama is feeling at the moment.  It's definitely one of the tougher things I have ever taken on!  God is control and His will will be accomplished, regardless of what the final outcome is.

I did realize this week that I am going to have to change my shopping locales, though.  For 8 years I have been using a certain Walmart in Des Moines but Monday, someone who knows our girls approached me.  She was perfectly nice, but it kind of freaked me out.  I do not want to have encounters like this.  So I'm going to have to make some shopping changes.  It helped too, that I had this big ordeal that day checking out.  I was attempting to purchase some storage tubs and the cashier tried to inform me that she could not sell them to me because they were "not in the system."  The whole ordeal probably took about a half hour.  I stubbornly insisted that Walmart would sell me the tubs because I had just carted them for an hour and a half throughout the store and I was not leaving without them.  In the end, I got what I wanted, but I was more than a little steamed about the whole episode.  I'm thinking there are some better Walmarts in the metro area where I could do my shopping!

This week Paul and the older boys are all up at camp.  It's been a nice week and it's been a rough week because of that.  I enjoy not having to cook and getting to watch movies every night.  But it's been hard because I am parenting 3 small children all by myself.  The things I normally have the older boys do - taking out the garbage, feeding the dog, taking care of the dishwasher,  bringing down laundry, picking up, etc - I have to do myself.  And I miss having Paul around.  He's just my rock, especially in the churning waters we currently find ourselves wading through.  Yesterday, my friend Julie and her little girl came over (we had a 1 yr old, a 2 yr old, a 3 yr old and a 4 yr old at our house yesterday!).  I enjoyed it so much.  I think I just have been that deprived of adult conversation! I remember these days when Will, Ben, and David were small.  It is one of the toughest seasons of motherhood, I think.

Before they left, David told Sam he would be the "man of the house" this week.  Sam took that to heart.  Yesterday I went to get the mail and he stopped me and said, "I'm the man of the house and mans get the mail!"  Then today he was quite disgusted at his sister who objected to him telling her he was the boss of her.  As he told me, "Being a man means being the boss!"  Poor kid!

Paul had to get stitches a couple of weeks ago.  He got hurt working on a furnace.  It was right on his knuckle.  He ended up getting the nurse up at camp to take the stitches out for him.

I have lost 10 lbs in just the last couple of months.  I realized a couple of weeks ago I was down 6 and then I weighed myself earlier this week and another 4 have gone missing.  I had begun to notice that my pants were feeling awfully loose these days.  That part of weight loss is annoying.  At first I was just baffled because I haven't changed anything - I'm eating the same and I'm not exercising (in fact, I sold my treadmill to make room for a baby crib).  But it finally occurred to me that I have been taking a magnesium supplement since the end of April.  By doing so, I have been able to quit taking my migraine medication.  And one of the side effects of that medications is weight gain.  That weight crept on so slowly that I never attributed it to the drug - figured it was just because I was getting older.  But when I saw Dr. Miller in Jefferson this April he commented to me that the drug I was on does cause weight gain, although, he admitted, he didn't really think I was being bothered by that.  So that would be my guess as to why the pounds have come off.  Or else I have cancer and don't know it yet.

My grandma died last week.  That's been kind of upsetting to me.  It wasn't totally unexpected, but yet, I was surprised.  I suppose I would have felt the same even if Grandma had been 110.  I'll probably blog about her one of these days.  She was a terribly influential person in my life.  Now, I have no grandparents at all.  I suppose that's not uncommon for being 41 years old.  But it's still sad, I think.

The day after Grandma's death, Charlotte called.  You may recall from earlier posts that I am close with my neighbors (late 60s), James and Charlotte.  In fact, I had just been up to see them a few days earlier.  At the time James mentioned that he had been coughing up blood for a few days.  He ended up in the hospital the next day and I was able to get up to Mercy last Sat. to visit for awhile.  Then, that Friday Charlotte called to let me know that they had just found out James had stage 4 lung cancer.  It's not treatable and he doesn't have long.  That is also upsetting to me and more than a little sad.

Today I am painting my back door - red.  I had forgotten how much I hate working with red paint until I got this thing going.  You have to put coat after coat on it before it looks right.  My plan this week had been to paint both sides of the door (the other side will be white with blue trim, the kitchen side is white with yellow trim) and to sand and paint Baby's dresser.  Yes, well, plans are always nice...Baby may have her dresser by the time she's 12, if I am lucky.

We will get through this time.  A year from now, I'm going to be smiling as I look back on how far we have all come.   And even though the "getting there" may be a little uncomfortable, it's not without its own joys.  I am choosing to embrace life, even in the valley.

1 comment:

  1. Embracing life even in the valley. I LOVE IT!!! You are not allowed to get cancer cuz I say so so the weight loss is from no more migraine med-although I am trying to loose/tone a few, but Prednisone for my asthma is not aiding in this battle. ARGH. For now I'm just trying to decrease my sugar intake and breathe better-I'm hoping that will help! Love reading your blogs!!