Sunday, November 13, 2011

Quaking, Painting, Electing, and Reflecting

I'm home from church tonight and nobody is sick. I'm trying to dredge up some guilt, but it's not working. I just have too much I needed to get done today that I didn't have time to go to church. Now, that sounds bad! But, that's the way it is sometimes. I'm bringing the meal for our class tomorrow night, so that's what I'm working on right now. I think I'm a little tense about that. Paul asked if I was trying to score "brownie points" with the instructors since one of them is our case worker and they eat supper with us each Monday night in class.

As this class nears its end and we are getting closer to the reality of actually doing this, I think I'm getting more stressed. It's just getting so real! And I know, know, know it is not going to be an easy thing. And I like easy! Of course, it may be months off yet, too. We are scurrying around like mad right now trying to get everything done, but it may be months before we have a new child in our home.

This past week the boys and I spent an entire day moving bedrooms around. What an exhausting experience that was - and Will did most of the hard work! Sam is now sleeping underneath Will's loft in his bed. We put Ben and David in the basement and Paul is getting ready to throw up some temporary walls. That much pretty much eliminates all the new space we had in the basement! I spent two days painting the boys' old bedroom and I'm not quite done yet. I hate painting, but I have to admit to having a bit of fun with this. This is the first time in my entire life that I have ever had a reason to paint anything pink! I chose a soft, soft pink. It's quite a change from the navy, hunter, gray, and yellow walls that were in the room previously! As I've painted I find myself wondering about and then praying for this little girl we're hoping to have soon. I definitely feel led, but at the same time, I am quavering in my proverbial boots (not that I would actually wear boots - unless there was something like 10 feet of snow on the ground - but you know what I mean. Boots as a fashion statement are just not my thing).

Tuesday was one of my big painting days. I happened to be painting the wall that faces the street when Ben's school bus drove up and dropped him off. Ben wandered upstairs and asked me, "Is Deana coming today?" Ack! I had completely forgotten about his case worker coming over! I was a mess. I had dried my hair but not styled it so it stuck out in clumps all over my head. I had paint all over me. The house was a mess because I had not taken time to pick up because I was so anxious to get the painting done. The boys have no problem functioning in a messy house, so they, of course, had felt no compulsion to clean it up themselves. And then ding, dong - she was here! She looked pretty shocked when I opened the door. I have always made an effort to present a pretty front when she comes - the house picked up, candles lit, me looking somewhat presentable, etc. But she sure didn't get that this week. Now she knows the real us, I guess. She actually did look a little shocked when I opened the door.

We had our Swan elections this week. Our mayor was unanimously re-elected, which is great. We had a record turn-out. 21 people from Swan showed up to vote. Only 40 are registered! Best of all, Paul got 20 votes so he will be on the city council starting in January. We have another newbie joining the council, as well. Our current city clerk, Jen, and I are swapping places. She got elected to the council and I'm getting her job!

We got our family pictures taken Friday night. Despite Sam deciding to play barber with his hair the day before, they actually turned out well. I was able to disguise Sam's hair cutting experience (curls are great for that - I was just glad he hadn't gone for his bangs!), nobody was sick, or sneezing, or in a bad mood. So we ended up with a decent picture. The last time we did this we all came down with the flu the next day. Fortunately, that didn't happen this time. The next time we get a picture done the boys will be 20, 18, 15, and 7. Wow!! As we were switching out the old photo in the frame from '08 Paul kept exclaiming, "What happened? Where are these little boys?" I wonder the same thing. Time goes by entirely too fast.

Will bought a guitar on Friday with the intention of teaching himself to play. He's pretty tickled. He's wanted one for awhile and since he had his birthday he's really been searching Craig's list. He found one that was less than a year old and came with an instruction dvd, a tuner, and some other goodies.

I'll close with something funny Sam said today. By nature, he is not a very demonstrative child. He's not one to kiss and hug others. He's never told me, "I love you." He's a lot like Will in that regards. Unlike Will, he does want to be held frequently, but I think that is probably because he was held so much as a baby and toddler, coming along so much later. I'm not all that worried by his remoteness. I've had enough kids now to realize that they each come hard-wired a certain way. Just because a child doesn't express emotion easily doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. Well, anyway, David was asking at the table today, "Why is everyone looking at me?" David, unlike his brothers, is very demonstrative and emotional. He's also acutely sensitive to what he perceives others to be thinking about him. Poor kid! But Sam pipes up, "Dat's cuz we all wuv you, Dabid!"
Ha, ha, ha! Paul and I about fell off our chairs! David told me just this week that he is considering a career as a professional comedian (Lord, help us!) but I think Sam may have more of a shot at that someday!

Another busy week awaits me. Tomorrow I have to run Ben out to Penneys to get his birthday picture taken. I have to then come home and work up at City Hall with Jen for awhile. Then our class is in the evening in Ankeny. Somewhere in there I need to stop at the store and buy more napkins because I just discovered tonight that we are out - I did all my shopping yesterday! Ben has allergy shots this week and a birthday the next day. So I'll be making not only a birthday cake for here at home, but birthday treats for the youth group and treats for his class at school.

It's going to be his 15th. Fifteen years since the worst week of my life. Fifteen years since I almost died and they told me to start thinking about taking Ben off life support. Fifteen years of shattered dreams and renewed hope for the future. Ooh, I sense a topic blog coming on! Maybe I'll wait until his 25th birthday, though. I'm too busy right now!

Saturday afternoon Ben goes to the state bowling championships. Then we're going to go out to Incredible Pizza to celebrate that and for his birthday. I wonder if I could squeeze in painting our bedroom this week? I sure would love to get that taken care of.

Well, off to cook some more. Then I have to write a letter to our potential child and a letter to his birth parents. But they'll never see the letter, we've been told. Which begs the question - why??? Who can understand the mind of someone who works for the government?

Gotta run!

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