Friday, July 24, 2009


It's Friday and I am down in the dumps - just one of those days, I guess. Sigh...

The neurologist called yesterday and said my MRI turned out normal. I think that's pretty much the core source of my "dumpiness." I wanted there to be something wrong, something we could point at and say, "Ah-ha - that's the reason!" I asked him if this means I just have to live with feeling awful most of the time and endure the TIAs when they happen and he said yes. So that is that, I guess. I can't expect a doctor to fix what isn't there. Paul thought the news was wonderful news, which really ticked me off and things still aren't right between us. He said, "Well, be happy you don't have a brain tumor!" I never thought I might have a tumor, so that's really a moot point, and unhelpful right now. He also tried pointing out why my life is really good. I didn't want to hear that. I just wanted to wallow in my misery for awhile. I am starting to think my next referral will be to psychiatrist. Maybe I really am nuts. Perhaps all this is just a physical manifestation of a deep rooted psychosis!

So I did have both the MRI and EEG Wed. I haven't heard back on the EEG yet, but I assume it's normal, too. Those tests took almost all day. It was kind of nice to walk out of having the MRI, which ended up being really difficult for me, probably because of all my joint and muscle issues right now, and Paul was there, unexpectedly, in the waiting room. So, we had lunch together.

Oh, and I suppose my misery has to do with money, too. I get really stressed when the paychecks are short and yesterday's was. And the next one will be, too. Since I take care of our money, I bear the brunt of that stress. I have to be careful of how I bring it up to Paul, too, because then he feels like I am complaining that he doesn't work hard enough for us - Mr. Sensitive! Paul has hardly gotten any hours at all the last two weeks. It's been too cool. But even today I thought with the forecast aiming for 90 degrees, they'd have something for him, but they didn't. But yet they hired 3 new guys this spring? I don't understand. But yet, we aren't without resources. Today Paul and Will are working on ripping out and installing a new furnace in an area pastor's house. And Wednesday he did $200 worth of work on somebody's house in Carlisle - a contact from our realtor. So God is providing. But I don't like being this hand to mouth, either! With the exception of that one 90 hour workweek in June, work has just been very, very slow since the end of Feb. I suppose it's the economy, coupled with our cool, wet spring and summer. I don't like it!

Oh, let's see - do I have anything cheerful I could write about? How about stinky feet? Well, I'm not sure how cheerful of a subject that is, really. It's Sam. He currently has two pairs of sandals, and I actually know where all 4 shoes are! I noticed this week that the pair he wears most often are really reeking of foot odor. I covered the soles in baking soda and let it set out yesterday. Now I have them tossing in the washer on the hottest cycle possible. But I have a feeling this isn't going to take care of it. I may have to do an internet search on how to remove that kind of odor from rubber. And I noticed that his leather sandals are now beginning to smell, too. None of the other boys have ever had an excessive problem with feet smell, but I'm wondering if Sam has something different in his make-up and this may be an on-going problem as he grows.

Tuesday Will ended up helping with RAGBRAI at our church. I was supposed to do it, but Will begged to switch with me, instead. It ended up that a bunch of teenagers were there that day, handing out bottled water and tracts. So, it was good for him. David got to hang out, too. He had spent two nights with a friend from church and this friend's family was helping out with the event.

We could have very easily lost David last Sat. We ran up to the downtown DM farmer's market and had trouble finding a parking spot. I was glad Paul had volunteered to go because of that. Well, we needed to cross MLK, a very, very busy downtown road. Paul said "Go" and David shot out running across the intersection, but a car that Paul thought was turning wasn't and if the car had not braked (laying on his horn the entire time, causing David to burst into tears), David would have been hit and maybe killed. I was fine at the time, but later that day and the next I kept reliving the incident, imagining the worst case scenario, seeing his thin body, rocketing through the air as the car made crushing contact with it...ok, that's definitely not cheeful! Thank God for his protection! I have a feeling we will get to Heaven and learn about a lot of other scenarios here on earth where we were protected, not even knowing there was danger.

Wednesday night David was complaining to me that his "bonetail" hurt - ha, ha, ha!

Ben saw a nutritionist at the hospital Tuesday. He weighs 74lbs and is 5'1". So, he's normal in height but at the 5th percentile for weight. The nutritionist said that he will be having a growth spurt soon with the onset of his teen years (she doesn't need to tell me, I have hemmed and let out the hems of Will's church pants more often than I can count, as we have had to buy new pairs to fit his waist and then altered to adjust to his changing height!) and if he doesn't have enough fat reserves, his organs may cannibalize themselves. I think that is probably a worst case scenario. But regardless, he does need to gain. She wants him to put on 20lbs in the next 12 months. And, since his energy levels tend to be low, she's having me give him protein throughout the day. One thing we are doing is cheesecake - seriously! My child is on a cheesecake diet! How many of us could be so lucky! Cheesecake has even more calories than I realized and by giving him one slice a day I am increasing his intake by nearly 400 calories. I'm also going to be making him milk shakes using ice cream and ensure. Ben is so tickled about this. I don't know if it's because it involves food and one of his autistic compulsions has to do with grocery stores. That's the probable connection, I would guess. But he's always studying the protein "schedule" I made up and posted on the fridge and he's telling everybody about his new diet!

I am almost done with my very first article for Regular Baptist Press. It has been my dream for some time to write for them. I don't know if it's something they will be interested in in using, but I wanted to give it a shot. I have a friend who writes for them who is going to critique it first for me. Then, will trembling hands, I will mail it off and we'll see! I must be nervous, because I am finding that I am stalling about finishing that things up. I'm kind of anxious for the next Above Rubies magazine to come out, too. I don't know when that will be. But the editor told me she'd like to use a piece I sent her this winter in it. It's about how we came to conceive Sam. But years ago she told me she was going to use a piece I had written about secondary infertility and she never did, so I'm not holding my breath too hard or long this time. We'll see! And I actually entered a FaithWriter's writing challenge this week. I had not done that since before I started blogging in Jan. But I thought it was time to get back into that practice. And, since this week's topic was "adolescence/teens" and I have some experience now with that, I wrote and entered a piece. I'm quite sure it's not a winning one, though. So, once I know for sure, I'll probably post it here. It wasn't my best work - just kind of a wistful look back at the years of Will's life thus far. But it's sweet.

I had have one nice thing happen this week - my new stool arrived. I have had this thing on my wish list for months now. It's brand new, but it's made to look like a 1950s stepstool/chair. Each set of my grandparents had one in their kitchens. I got mine in fire engine red - it's SO cool! Will and Paul put it together for me since it arrived in 5 zillion pieces. Sam immediately claimed it as his. He pulls out the steps and clamors up on it. He's even standing on it. I'm sure it's just a matter of time before he falls!

It looks like we are going camping next weekend - our first time this year. Our weekends have been too busy until now! We were looking at a campground in Waukee (just west of DM) because I want to go someplace that has a pool. But then Paul's brother in law called this week and they are talking about going to Lake Rathbun next weekend. They have a boat. So, we may go down there instead, if they are still planning on it. No pool, but a boat would be a fun experience, too, and one that we don't get to enjoy very often. Either way, I should return with a little more color to my pasty skin!

Well, that's about it. I really need to do some school with Ben and David. Hopefully, Paul will call and tell me that he and Will are going to work through suppertime, so I won't have to worry about putting anything together. Honestly, if I wasn't married or a mother, I could just live on popcorn. I'd never cook! That's my plan for my elderly widowhood, anyway. Why cook if you don't have to? Gotta scoot...

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