The title is a description of my old life...but these days I ramble on about widowhood, homeschooling, single parenting, adoption, special-needs parenting, & living a life I never planned for or expected - a life that God, thankfully, continues to strengthen & equip me for daily...
Friday, March 13, 2015
March 13, 2015
This won't be a long post - it's been a pretty
Other than getting sick, that is.I've got a head cold.I'm still moving - it hasn't been bad enough
to send me to bed, but I've got the sneezing, liquid in head, shortness of
breath thing going on.I was thinking
today that I have not had a healthy March in at least 5 years.Four years ago in early March I had the
uterine ablation.That really made my
life much better, but there were a couple weeks of recovery.The next March, I had that nodule removed
from my breast.Painful.The next March I had the nasal surgery done
which is the worst surgery in. the. world.I can't even think of that time without my nose hurting.And then, two days later the kids started
coming down with the chicken pox.Last
year, I started feeling sick on my birthday - in March, of course - with what
turned out to be a nasty, nasty case of the flu.And this year I have this rotten head cold
the kids shared with me.Just once, I'd
like to have a normal March!
This has been Will's Spring Break week.He flew to AZ on Monday to spend time with my
brother and family.He's been sending
pics all week - sounds like he's been having a great adventure!
Of course, everything broke this week while he
was gone!He's coming home to a dvd
player that suddenly doesn't recognize the remote (nor has back up buttons)
anymore and a cracked bathroom mirror.I
also realized last night what bad shape the molding around the bathtub has
gotten into.I need to find out from him
how to fix it.I even dreamed about the
tub last night, it's so bad!
After our long winter, we suddenly had warmer
temperatures this week.I guess this is
the normaltime for this to be
happening, but I'm always surprised when it does.I guess I get into a mindset that winter is
going to last forever.
Of course, the kids think that highs in the
mid-sixties mean they ought to be running outside in tank tops and shorts.I think one of them even suggested it was
time to get the pool up.One day Lizzie
commented seriously, "You are so different from other
moms!"That was because the high
wasn't supposed to top 65 and I told her she needed to be in jeans, not
shorts.I guess all the other moms were
slapping sunscreen on their little ones and driving them to the pool...
My first Stitch Fix box arrived this
week.Now that was fun!I was really excited to see what my stylist
found for me, based on the information I provided for them.I love their system.Returns are super-easy and the check-out
process is on-line.For each item, you
click either, "keep" or "return" and then let them know
what you liked or disliked about each item.That way they get to know your style better for future boxes.
They sent me: a really cute pair of mildly
distressed boyfriend jeans.But...I'm
done with low-rise bottoms.With my
middle-aged, flabby tummy, there's too much spillage that happens.So those, regretfully, went back.
...a berry colored, 3/4 length top...I also
sent this back.I thought the sleeves
had a weird shape to them and the front was too low
...a gray and white horizontally striped sheer
sweater with a cami...initially, I really liked this - until I put it on.Then it was more of a "meh"
thing.It wasn't cheap, either, and if
I'm going to spend that much on a top, it had better make me want to sing.
...a thin, long-sleeved navy top with white,
horizontal stripes.The cuffs are
striped the opposite direction.I love
this and knew I had to have it.I love
it somuch that I am saving it to wear
next week on my birthday! Sometimes you just try on something and you know
it's perfect - this was one such item.
.....a necklace, that I also kept.This purchase surprised me.I almost always accessorize my outfits with
jewelry, but my necklace choices tend to be pretty conservative.I usually like them fitting inside my
neckline and I don't like big, gaudy pieces.The one they sent me is designed to look like the wearer has layered 3
different chains.If I had seen that
thing in a store I would have never even bothered, deeming it
"complicated."But on me - it
looks great.And it wasn't complicated
Well, I won't give my readers a run-down of
everything arrives in my boxes every time I order, but this first time was fun
and I'm still pretty enthusiastic about the whole process.I've set up another shipment for the end of
April.If I do this too often, I'll end
up with far too many clothes.For each
season, I have in my head an approximate number of clothing items I need and I
rarely overbuy, anyway.Long ago, I
realized the foolishness of having too many clothes.You can only wear one thing a day and if your
closet is stuffed, you may get to wear a favorite item only a few times during
the season(that's true for me,
anyway,because I force myself to wear
everything I own before repeating).
The other day Ellie said something about,
"Will's big truck."I realized
that she was referring to Paul's truck.Will insisted we keep the thing, even though I took the insurance off it
and it doesn't run at all at the moment.He wasn't ready to let go of it, which is fine.But I found it interesting and little bit sad
that she doesn't even associate the truck with Paul.
Most who know me know there has been some
tension (to put it mildly) between Paul's side of the family and me since his
death.I haven't written much about it
publicly because I have no desire to badmouth the family and because the whole
thing has been very hurtful to me.It's
a very weighty thing to remove one's self from a family, no matter how
difficult things are - to keep my kids from having a relationship withtheir grandparents and cousins.It has caused a great deal of distress to me
and I don't know that I will ever be "ok" with it.I did what was necessary to protect our
family, but oh, it's been painful.I
imagine I will pray for reconciliation until the day I die.
But this week...
Most people in the world are on Facebook these
days.I tend to be very careful about
what I post there and I don't even post all that often.I figure no one is really all that interested
in my every thought or what I had for supper.I save that kind of mundane for my blog!But not everyone blogs and, apparently, a lot
of people don't seem to care about the impression they give others by posting
every thought that enters their head.
Sometime in the last week a big argument broke
out between (you guessed it) Paul's dad and uncle over when the annual Heywood
Family picnic should occur this summer.Paul's dad is not on FB, but his uncle is and the argument got taken
there.Oh, my goodness...because they
could not agree on a date they each picked their own date and then, tried to
persuade others to attend their picnic.I find the whole thing ironic because isn't the idea of a family picnic
to bring family together?I'm
still FB friends with enough of Paul's extended family that the whole thing
ended up on my feed.
And then, suddenly, in the midst of reading, a
bolt of understanding shot through me.
I am free
By taking the deliberate steps of separation
that I knew to be necessary, I escaped all this craziness!I don't have to hear about it anymore.I don't have to talk things over with Paul
and see him shake his head anymore.I
don't even have to read about it on Facebook if I don't want to.It isno longer any of my concern.And
just like that, a weightlifts from my
This is what freedom feels like!
Well, that kind of freedom, anyway.Today I am chained to my to-do list, the
tissue box, and the Advil Cold and Sinus.I really want to crawl into bed, but I can't.Tonight is our church's annual gym
night.Thekids are crazy-excited about going and I
don't have the heart to tell them that I don't really feel up to it.So, we'll do that.And then tomorrow I get to make a 4 hour
round trip to Iowa City to see Ben perform in a 2 minute and 17 second dance
routine.I deserve the medal for this
Next week I'll be doing some things in
preparation for our Florida trip (I found out I am, indeed, a chaperone, and
will have several kids assigned to me, in addition to Ben.This is something else I should be awarded a
medal for, I think), and turning 44 one day, and entertaining Sara and the
girls the next day, and then going to Omaha for a craft show with my friend,
Kathy.I also want to try to soak up as
much time with my kidlets as possible because I feel like I am going to feel so
guilty for abandoning them while I'm on our trip.
Gotta run...or more realistically, drag myself
around with a tissue permanently stuck in my nose.