Friday, March 13, 2015

Day 647

March 13, 2015

Day 647


This won't be a long post - it's been a pretty uneventful week.


Other than getting sick, that is.  I've got a head cold.  I'm still moving - it hasn't been bad enough to send me to bed, but I've got the sneezing, liquid in head, shortness of breath thing going on.  I was thinking today that I have not had a healthy March in at least 5 years.  Four years ago in early March I had the uterine ablation.  That really made my life much better, but there were a couple weeks of recovery.  The next March, I had that nodule removed from my breast.  Painful.  The next March I had the nasal surgery done which is the worst surgery in. the. world.  I can't even think of that time without my nose hurting.  And then, two days later the kids started coming down with the chicken pox.  Last year, I started feeling sick on my birthday - in March, of course - with what turned out to be a nasty, nasty case of the flu.  And this year I have this rotten head cold the kids shared with me.  Just once, I'd like to have a normal March!


This has been Will's Spring Break week.  He flew to AZ on Monday to spend time with my brother and family.  He's been sending pics all week - sounds like he's been having a great adventure!


Of course, everything broke this week while he was gone!  He's coming home to a dvd player that suddenly doesn't recognize the remote (nor has back up buttons) anymore and a cracked bathroom mirror.  I also realized last night what bad shape the molding around the bathtub has gotten into.  I need to find out from him how to fix it.  I even dreamed about the tub last night, it's so bad!


After our long winter, we suddenly had warmer temperatures this week.  I guess this is the normal  time for this to be happening, but I'm always surprised when it does.  I guess I get into a mindset that winter is going to last forever.


Of course, the kids think that highs in the mid-sixties mean they ought to be running outside in tank tops and shorts.  I think one of them even suggested it was time to get the pool up.  One day Lizzie commented seriously, "You are so different from other moms!"  That was because the high wasn't supposed to top 65 and I told her she needed to be in jeans, not shorts.  I guess all the other moms were slapping sunscreen on their little ones and driving them to the pool...


My first Stitch Fix box arrived this week.  Now that was fun!  I was really excited to see what my stylist found for me, based on the information I provided for them.  I love their system.  Returns are super-easy and the check-out process is on-line.  For each item, you click either, "keep" or "return" and then let them know what you liked or disliked about each item.  That way they get to know your style better for future boxes.


They sent me: a really cute pair of mildly distressed boyfriend jeans.  But...I'm done with low-rise bottoms.  With my middle-aged, flabby tummy, there's too much spillage that happens.  So those, regretfully, went back.


...a berry colored, 3/4 length top...I also sent this back.  I thought the sleeves had a weird shape to them and the front was too low


...a gray and white horizontally striped sheer sweater with a cami...initially, I really liked this - until I put it on.  Then it was more of a "meh" thing.  It wasn't cheap, either, and if I'm going to spend that much on a top, it had better make me want to sing.


...a thin, long-sleeved navy top with white, horizontal stripes.  The cuffs are striped the opposite direction.  I love this and knew I had to have it.  I love it so  much that I am saving it to wear next week on my birthday! Sometimes you just try on something and you know it's perfect - this was one such item.


.....a necklace, that I also kept.   This purchase surprised me.  I almost always accessorize my outfits with jewelry, but my necklace choices tend to be pretty conservative.  I usually like them fitting inside my neckline and I don't like big, gaudy pieces.  The one they sent me is designed to look like the wearer has layered 3 different chains.  If I had seen that thing in a store I would have never even bothered, deeming it "complicated."  But on me - it looks great.  And it wasn't complicated at all.


Well, I won't give my readers a run-down of everything arrives in my boxes every time I order, but this first time was fun and I'm still pretty enthusiastic about the whole process.  I've set up another shipment for the end of April.  If I do this too often, I'll end up with far too many clothes.  For each season, I have in my head an approximate number of clothing items I need and I rarely overbuy, anyway.  Long ago, I realized the foolishness of having too many clothes.  You can only wear one thing a day and if your closet is stuffed, you may get to wear a favorite item only a few times during the season  (that's true for me, anyway,  because I force myself to wear everything I own before repeating).



The other day Ellie said something about, "Will's big truck."  I realized that she was referring to Paul's truck.  Will insisted we keep the thing, even though I took the insurance off it and it doesn't run at all at the moment.  He wasn't ready to let go of it, which is fine.  But I found it interesting and little bit sad that she doesn't even associate the truck with Paul.


Most who know me know there has been some tension (to put it mildly) between Paul's side of the family and me since his death.  I haven't written much about it publicly because I have no desire to badmouth the family and because the whole thing has been very hurtful to me.  It's a very weighty thing to remove one's self from a family, no matter how difficult things are - to keep my kids from having a relationship with  their grandparents and cousins.  It has caused a great deal of distress to me and I don't know that I will ever be "ok" with it.  I did what was necessary to protect our family, but oh, it's been painful.  I imagine I will pray for reconciliation until the day I die.


But this week...


Most people in the world are on Facebook these days.  I tend to be very careful about what I post there and I don't even post all that often.  I figure no one is really all that interested in my every thought or what I had for supper.  I save that kind of mundane for my blog!  But not everyone blogs and, apparently, a lot of people don't seem to care about the impression they give others by posting every thought that enters their head.


Sometime in the last week a big argument broke out between (you guessed it) Paul's dad and uncle over when the annual Heywood Family picnic should occur this summer.  Paul's dad is not on FB, but his uncle is and the argument got taken there.  Oh, my goodness...because they could not agree on a date they each picked their own date and then, tried to persuade others to attend their picnic.  I find the whole thing ironic because isn't the idea of a family picnic to bring family together?  I'm still FB friends with enough of Paul's extended family that the whole thing ended up on my feed.


Just, wow...


And then, suddenly, in the midst of reading, a bolt of understanding shot through me.


I am free


By taking the deliberate steps of separation that I knew to be necessary, I escaped all this craziness!  I don't have to hear about it anymore.  I don't have to talk things over with Paul and see him shake his head anymore.  I don't even have to read about it on Facebook if I don't want to.  It is  no longer any of my concern.  And just like that, a weight  lifts from my shoulders.


This is what freedom feels like!



Well, that kind of freedom, anyway.  Today I am chained to my to-do list, the tissue box, and the Advil Cold and Sinus.  I really want to crawl into bed, but I can't.  Tonight is our church's annual gym night.  The  kids are crazy-excited about going and I don't have the heart to tell them that I don't really feel up to it.  So, we'll do that.  And then tomorrow I get to make a 4 hour round trip to Iowa City to see Ben perform in a 2 minute and 17 second dance routine.  I deserve the medal for this one!


Next week I'll be doing some things in preparation for our Florida trip (I found out I am, indeed, a chaperone, and will have several kids assigned to me, in addition to Ben.  This is something else I should be awarded a medal for, I think), and turning 44 one day, and entertaining Sara and the girls the next day, and then going to Omaha for a craft show with my friend, Kathy.  I also want to try to soak up as much time with my kidlets as possible because I feel like I am going to feel so guilty for abandoning them while I'm on our trip.


Gotta run...or more realistically, drag myself around with a tissue permanently stuck in my nose.



























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