Day 530

DIARY OF AN UNWILLING WIDOW

Nov. 15, 2014

Day 530

Snow today!  There's enough that it's accumulating and it's cold enough that it will stick around for awhile.  Boy, is it cold.  It's been this way all week long.  I don't remember it getting this cold this early in past years.  Of course, everyone is saying, "Oh, this means we're going to have a terrible winter!"  I hope not.  I had to drive in the snow today and it was slick and made for  slow-going.  I don't relish the thought of six months of that.

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It's Saturday night and the week is drawing to a close.  I still have a lot to do, though, before I can call it a night.  I'm not even sure where the week went. 

I did get a phone call in the first part of the week from an older couple at church who wanted to give us a fourth of a steer again this year.  What a blessing!  I was able to call the meat locker this week and order that how I liked.  I picked up my Zaycon order yesterday and that was 80 pounds of chicken breasts.  I got them all cut and bagged today.  What a job!  Now, I really need to get my freezers cleaned out.  But that's not going to happen tonight.

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Ellie is still being...Ellie.  This week she bit several people.  Fortunately, they were her siblings so I didn't have any fast explaining to do to irate mothers.  She took apart an ink pen, smeared the ink all over her dresser and then mixed it with water.  She found some sharp object and did the equivalent of "keying" to her sister's dresser.  Today, a friend of mine gave me a china doll for the girls.  I suggested to Lizzie it might be a good idea to hide the doll for awhile lest it meet an untimely demise at the hands of her sister.

She makes my weeks long.

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My face has been breaking out lately.  I've done enough reading to know this is not uncommon as a woman ages, but I wonder what it signifies?  Encroaching menopause?  I hope not.  The last thing I need right now is to go through the change of life!

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Lizzie said to me one day, "If you were to bake Sam and me in the oven  you would only want to eat Sam because he's vanilla and I'm chocolate."  What, huh?  I didn't even know how to begin responding to that one.  It's just wrong on so many levels!

Jenn and I went out Thursday night.  Lizzie was a little put out when she discovered just which friend it was I had supper with.  She thought she should have been invited.  As always, it was a refreshing time.  Jenn has a real gift of encouragement.  This time we talked a lot about the circumstances that brought our children to us through adoption.  It's a really neat thing to look back on the experience and to just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were created to be these childrens' mothers.  They were born, of course, to another woman and entered into a life full of sin and chaos.  But yet, God was able to redeem that situation, pluck those children out of the home, safeguard them, and ultimately nestled them into our hearts.

Today is National Adoption Day.  A friend of mine whose been a long-time foster/adoptive parent and now works for DHS in some capacity, I believe, was at the Polk County Courthouse where a number of adoptions were taking place and where they were celebrating Adoption Day.  She took pictures and put them on Facebook.  Right in front of the courthouse a pick-up was parked with a professional sign protesting adoption.  Apparently this person or persons was actually confronting and harassing families as they walked into the courthouse, too.  It just makes me mad.  Her sign declared that DHS "steals children for money."  Seriously?  I am not saying that DHS gets it right every single time.  Any government agency run by fallible humans is bound to make a mistake here and there.  But to accuse them of child theft for profit?  That's low. 

And stupid.

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Oh, speaking of adoption...Monday night was my Word Weavers group.  For the first time, we had a guest speaker, a woman who has runs her own publishing company in Kansas.  Since we're a small group still we all met at Village Inn for supper before the meeting.  It turned out that in this group of 8, 4 of us were adoptive parents - including our guest speaker!  It was really kind of neat to compare notes.

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Lizzie asked Will this week, "When are you going to get rid of that apple in your neck?"  She was talking about his Adam's apple.

Today, David informed her that she could help him and Sam clean out the van.  He commented, "Many hands make light work!"  Lizzie looked down at her own and protested, "But I don't have many hands - I only have two!"

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Here's yesterday's Facebook post: I knew he could do it.

ew he could do it. never come easy for him and as a result, his confidence levels tend to be on the low side. I've watched him study the driver's manual for several months now and have been impressed with his diligence, although dubious, still, of how that would translate to actual test taking. I finally took him in this morning for the test. I assured him that many young people, his mother included, need multiple testing opportunities and that's ok and to be expected and so forth - trying to cushion the blow of his first failure. The Littles and I then sat out in the courthouse hallway and actually held hands and prayed for David whose self-worth was about to decimated. A few minutes later my son poked his head out the DMV doorway and announced, "Hey, Mom - I passed!"

There are few parental satisfactions greater than observing your child accomplish something previously thought impossible. Awhile ago, David expressed an interest in learning how to drive and I encouraged that because right now I am the sole proprietor of Mom's Taxi Service which is tiring and makes for a lot of time on the road.  At the same time, though, I was doubtful of David's ability to pass the written test required for his permit.  Learning and retaining information has never come easy for him and as a result, his confidence levels tend to be on the low side.  I've watched him study for several months and have been impressed with his diligence, although dubious, still, of how that would translate to actual test taking.  I finally took him in this morning for the test.  I assured him that many young people, his mother included, need multiple testing opportunities and that's ok and to be expected and so forth - trying to cushion the blow of his first failure.  The Littles and I then sat out in the courthouse hallway and actually held hands and prayed for David whose self-worth was about to decimated.  A few minutes later my son poked his head out the DMV doorway and announced, "Hey,  Mom - I passed!" 

 

I knew he could do it.

 

What a morning!  I am so proud of that boy.  He was so stunned and excited about passing that when he signed his name for his license he mispelled it!  When we got home, he excitedly posted a picture of his temporary permit and Will, of course, was the first to point this out to him!

 

Now I just have to find someone willing to teach David how to drive.  I really don't want to be that person.

 

Normally, I have gone up to the DOT in Ankeny for all our licensing needs.  I don't know why.  It's never been an enjoyable experience - so crowded with impatient, impersonal employees.  For some reason it just occurred to me this fall that maybe I didn't have to go up there.  I made some phone calls and found out I could just go to the courthouse in Knoxville.  The DMV there shares a room with the property tax people.  It was great.  There wasn't even enough room for all 5 of us to fit in there, so the kids and I stayed out in the hallway while David tested.  The Littles were all over the place when we were in the room, though.  Lizzie saw a posted sign picturing a cell phone with an X through it.  The sign was asking people to refrain from talking on their phone in the room.  Lizzie, who cannot read,  saw the sign, gasped, and exclaimed, "Mom!  You have a cell phone in your purse - you have to get rid of it!"  The DMV lady humored all the Littles by letting them check their vision in the machine multiple times.  They all had many, many questions, and each one had to pose themself against the blue background used for taking license pictures.  It was like trying to herd cats.  At one point, the lady looked at me and said, "You must be so tired!"

 

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I've been having an on-going conversation with my pastor's wife for the past week about the idea of redeeming Paul's death.  I don't mean in the sense of becoming an activist for some cause.  That's probably the most common direction people take when confronted with loss.  There's nothing wrong with that and it's good to bring attention to different disorders and situations.  But, I have no desire to slap a purple ribbon on my coat for epilepsy awareness, either.  I'm wanting something deeper than that.

 

I want to do something with eternal value.  For awhile I was questioning if death can even serve a redemptive purpose since death was never part of God's original plan for mankind.  But I've pretty much worked that out in my  mind and determined that yes, it can. 

 

Yesterday, Marcia sat on my loveseat and looked at the pictures of the kids lined up on the wall.  She pointed them out to me and said that perhaps my greatest act of redeeming Paul's death is to continue parenting the kids in the way Paul desired while alive.  That gives me something to chew on because I had not thought of this in that sense before.

 

I'm sure my thoughts on this will continue to eke out in future blog posts.

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We actually had snow flurries one day earlier this week.  They were the first we'd had this season.  We needed to get going to Learning RX and I was trying, almost frantically, to get everyone out and loaded into the van so we could get on the road.  I got them all done up their coats, with the needed hats and mittens and instructed everyone to get in the van while I grabbed the stuff I needed and locked up the house.  I got outside and not one child was in the van.  Frustration mounted.  But then I saw them.  These three small children of mine stood with arms outstretched, faces to the sky, and little pink tongues extended, catching snowflakes.  The wonder of the moment was not lost on me and I immediately forgot the scolding words I was about to utter.  In another decade, these little ones won't be nearly so excited by the first snow of the season. 

 

Let them be children.  They're only little for a little while.

I knew he could do it.