Black Holes of Busyness

Finally blogging again after more than 3 weeks...life is crazy.  And I'm going to be putting pjs on kids, putting said kids to bed, and cleaning up the kitchen in between jotting things down in this post.

I have been feeling super-overwhelmed lately, which is leading to battles with depression.  I hate that - I determined as a teenager I would never, ever be depressed, but lately it seems like I've crawled into a dark hole and I can't quite find my way out. Apparently, depression is not always something that is matter of the will.   I've been getting some counseling, which helps.  And today, I ordered Ann Voskamp's book, "1000 Joys" (or something like that).  I think it's a book about thankfulness. I've been meaning to order it forever. I also bought a couple of really nice notebooks for jotting down thankful thoughts.  I'm going to get out of this - sitting around feeling sorry for myself is not something I want to do.

So, why am I overwhelmed?  The house thing is getting to me.  We have only 3 1/2 months until Will's graduation and open house and there is SO much that needs to be done before then.  Paul assures me it will all get done, but I don't believe him.  Between now and then we have so much else that needs to happen.  We leave for our vacation in a couple of weeks.  I want to go, I know we need to go, but I feel guilty about taking the time when we could be using that time to work on the house.  I know I'll come back and say I'm so thankful we went, but it's a little hard for me now.  We've got to go to Iowa City the 3rd weekend in March to watch Ben participate in the state-wide basketball championship for basketball skills.  The boys need to start working on their Camp Coin requirements.  Ben is insisting on going to camp again this summer, which means that I'm going to have to help him extensively with his requirements.  The adoption is looming large.   I have to make graduation announcements for Will and plan his party.  I have to get Will's FAFSA form filled out and then we attend something called "Scholarship Weekend" at Faith in a few weeks.

I'm struggling because my baby is graduating from high school and while I know it's all natural and normal and I couldn't be prouder, I'm also sad because it's the end of parenting him.  For the rest of our days, he'll have a life outside of us and we'll take a backseat to his dreams and desires.  Normal, yes, but sad, nonetheless!

A couple of days ago we got the last of his senior pictures taken and I immediately had a flashback to May of 1995 when I took him in at 6 months for his first photo shoot.  I could still remember the little Sears studio and the red and navy baseball outfit he wore.   This was the last time I would ever take him to get his pictures done.  It went by so fast.

And now I have to have sinus surgery.  It's planned for March 22.  I'm bummed because this will be the third spring in a row that I'm having some sort of surgery!  I was really looking forward to not having to spend all our flex money at one time.  My dr. sent me in for a CT scan of my sinuses a couple of weeks ago and I saw the ENT today.  I have a severely deviated septum, which is probably why I've been sick for the past year with repeated head colds.  He was positive I had to have broken my nose at some point, but I told him I had not.  He said maybe I just banged it really hard then.  Could be.  So, he's going to straighten out the deviation and do a few other things while in there.  It sounds promising, even though I really do not want to have it done.

Our water heater sprung a leak, so tomorrow, instead of working on the house, Paul and Will will be installing a new heater.  I have a suspicion that means I'll be without water for most of the day...grrr... Fortunately, we already had a new water heater.  It's bigger than what we have and has been sitting in a corner of the basement for a couple of months, waiting for Paul to get time to install it.  I guess that time is now.

So, any good news amidst all this stress?  Some...

The adoption is nearly upon us.  Our worker emailed me this week and told me she received the procedendo, which means the appeals processes are completely over.  All that remains to be done is for us to sign some paperwork, meet with an attorney, and get a court date.  I've been trying to get ahold of her to set up a time to get together, but am not having much success with that.  I've been praying this would happen prior to my birthday and am hopeful, still, that may happen.

Here is Eleanor's 18 month picture - so solemn, but so beautiful...

Will got a job - PTL!  I've been praying about that so much.  He's going to be working at Hy-Vee.  He and 6 other new employees were chosen from over 700 applicants.  More than 300 had applied for the position Will got (courtesy clerk, or as they used to call them, "bag boy").  It's hard for me to believe that that many people want to work at Hy-Vee! Is the economy really that bad?  He should be able to transfer to the Ankeny store this fall when he starts at Faith. 

I'm so encouraged with the way Will is taking his future in hand.  I was nowhere near this independent or visionary when I was his age.  On his own, he is investigating scholarships.  He's determined to get through school as debt-free as possible and is planning his post-Faith years accordingly.  He's already poring over class offerings and trying to figure out which credits will transfer from Faith to ISU or DMACC. 

He wrote a story this week for his writing class.  It involves Sesame Street characters.  His teacher was so impressed by it that she wants him to submit it to a creative writing contest.  I asked him if he told her that I had edited it, but he said he didn't.  I can't get any credit anywhere, I guess!  It is a really, really good story.  I just have to smile to myself.  I remember 3 years ago being so worried because I could not get this child to even write a paragraph and now look at him!  I need to remember this when I'm worried about other things in life - most things have a way of working out.

Last month sometime Paul told me not to worry about getting him a present for our anniversary.  That was good, because I didn't have anything planned!  But it soon occurred to me that I could still do something.  This is our 20th anniversary AND it's falling on the 20th of the month, which is something that will never happen again, ever.  So, I wanted to do something extra special.  This brilliant idea came to me of doing something small for him every single day, Feb 1 - 20.  So, I've been hiding small gifts, cards, notes, and treats for him to find every day.  But you know what?  Every morning I've been finding a heart-shaped sticky note hidden in the house  with an odd, but romantic,  message on it from him.  I suspect it's going to make a poem or long limerick once I get them all, but I'm not real sure.  So, it's kind of fun this month around our house!

I picked up some silk boxers for Paul Wed.  They're going to be one of my daily surprises.  I had been looking everywhere for them, but could only find them on the internet, but they were too expensive.  I happened to be at Walmart with Will when I spied just what I was looking for only $7!  Will wanted to know why I thought I needed to get those.  I told him, "You'll understand someday."  Will replied, "I hope not!"  Hah!

We got our picture taken a week ago for our anniversary.  I'll get those back this week.  It turned out really good - not too bad for a couple on the non-friendly side of 40!  We chose the shot of us standing up together because I'm guessing the older we get, the more anniversary pictures we'll have taken where we're seated - being old people and all that.

We had a big snowstorm last week.  Prior to that, we had ice.  But part of that hit on the weekend, so Ben only missed 1 1/2 days of school.  Will did put his car in the ditch, though.  He was on his way to get his drug test for Hy-Vee.  Fortunately, our neighbor came by and pulled him out with his truck!  Times like that, I love small-town living!

Well, that's all I know for now.  Things are going to get better.  I will get through the next few months and what needs to get done will get done.  I won't remain in this black hole forever, I don't think.

But I sure am looking forward to June 2 (the day after Will's graduation/party)!