Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Blessings and Fears

This is me this past Monday night - our first PS-MAPP class. Wow is about all I can say. What a night! They pack a whole lot of information into a little session. One down and nine to go. Within two weeks we will have our first home visit and by the first of December we will have had a total of three. They sent us home with reams of paperwork. I was up until midnight working on mine last night and still didn't get done. They want to know seemingly everything about your childhood and entire life. I had to fill out lengthy questionnaires on each of the boys. They, themselves, have paperwork to fill out. Now I'm trying to gather our references. Argh - too much! And there is a part of me that keeps whispering that in the end, we will be rejected for some reason.

And if we don't get rejected, I feel almost certain we are walking into a certain amount of pain. Maybe not. But the feeling persists. But then I keep turning to this one particular song. It's called "Blessings" and is sung by Laura Story. It came out this summer and I absolutely love it. I feel like it's really speaking to me for where we are now and from where we have been, such as during our difficult times with Ben. I've been listening to it a lot lately. Here are the lyrics:

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

If you want to listen to it, here's a link. The melody is absolutely beautiful, too: This past Sunday the 43 year old mom in our church who has terminal brain cancer sang it for special music. Our pastor got up afterwards to preach and couldn't because he was so choked up. It's a very special song.

On the other hand, potential pain notwithstanding, I am starting to get kind of excited. We may have another child soon! My friend Kim, who lives in Texas, was given her first placement last week - 3 days after completing her PS-MAPP classes! It can happen!

Oh let's see, what else is new? Oh, speaking of friend Sara delighted me last week by finally letting me know she is pregnant. On the 18th of this month she'll find out the sex of the baby and on the 19th she'll turn 40! We've been trying to get together for a couple of months now and it just hasn't worked. So that's why she hadn't told me yet. Her news just made my day last week. I am filled with such joy for her family. Babies are a blessing - even if you are forty!

My friend Emily got married last Saturday. I served in her wedding. They had a full meal so I scooped potatoes for quite awhile. I also served drinks and made hors d' oevres plates. It was a beautiful autumn wedding. Unfortunately, just like the wedding we attended in late May, a grandparent of the bride died 3 days before the wedding!

My second Jewels of Encouragement post went up last week. Here's the link: I wrote about football and Will and the Christian life. My posts will now be appearing the 27th of every month. That means that I have an actual deadline every month and it's coming up next week!

I also have to get another Swan newsletter cranked out this month, plan the town's Halloween party, get costumes ready, do all this adoption stuff, get ready for Sam's birthday, and other things. Plus, I am spending hours up at city hall, learning the clerk's job. Pending the council's approval this Thursday night, I am planning to take the clerk's position starting in January. I'm not crazy yet, but it may happen before month's end...

Monday night Will had a JV game. We couldn't go because of our class. But one of his teammates broke his arm during the game. Will said it really turned his stomach to see that arm cocked at such an abnormal angle. Nasty! I'm just thankful it wasn't Will, which sounds kind of awful!

I took the boys in yesterday for the required physical for the adoption. Will didn't have to go because he just had one in August. Ben is up to 112 pounds, which is great! David weighs 88 and is just shy of 5' 1". Sam is 41" tall and weighs 40 lbs on the nose.

Sam just insisted I listen to him tell me the entire life cycle of a butterfly. How does he know words like "chrysalis"? He also told me about the butterflies flying to Mexico in order to get nectar. It must be PBS, because I sure haven't taken the time to teach him things like that! I'm amazed!

Well, I need to get dinner going so I can take Ben in for his allergy shots as soon as he gets home and then we can rush home, eat, and get to church tonight. Patch club is going well. I keep bribing my kids with homemade treats and they are so good for me! One of the moms says she is going to call me the "Sugar Teacher." I just like making them happy!

Oh, and by the way, we are special (underlined 3 times) people. I let Ben's aide know our adoption plans this week since I had to take him out of school to go to the doctor. She wrote me such a sweet note in his notebook regarding it. I don't know about special - "called" maybe. But what if it doesn't work out? Will we still be called then? I think that's a post for another day!

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