Mothering Men (to be), Marriage, and Miscellany

Snow, Trust, the 60s, and my Scribblings

2012-01-27T10:10:00.003-06:00

I have been short on sleep all week long and I am definitely feeling it today. I can't even sleep in tomorrow morning (Sat) because we have to be in Ankeny by 8:30 for Ben's Sp. Olympics event. Maybe a nap on Sunday afternoon?

Well, the big news around here is that ... OUR LICENSES CAME!!! Just ignore this if you're on Facebook, because I already made a big to-do about it over there. But I had prayed, very specifically, at the beginning of last week that God would let us know, one way or the other, by the end of the week if we would be licensed or not. All week long I eagerly trotted to the mailbox, only to be disappointed every day. Saturday I woke with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. It was the last day of the week and there was a real possibility that the mailbox would be empty again. If that happened, I would have to painfully swallow the realization, once again, that God doesn't always do things on my time-table. I hate those moments. Or, we might get a letter, but it might say something like, "We regret to inform you..."

So I left first thing in the morning to do my bi-monthly shopping. Didn't get to go alone, of course. Ben lives for shopping and he wasn't about to let me go alone! David ended up coming too because he wanted to exchange something at Toys R Us. I stood in the bedding dept. at Walmart debating about spending $7 on a mattress pad that I wanted for the new bed that is in the extra bedroom. I wasn't about to put sheets on that thing without some protection for the mattress. But the truth was, we might never have another child using that bed, making the purchase of the pad unnecessary (I bought the pad).

I knew Paul had plans to go to a nearby auction that day. On the way home, David happened to spot Will driving the opposite direction on Hwy 316. I figured he was auction-bound, so I turned around and followed him. I couldn't believe that Paul was still at that auction! We had been gone for a good 6 hours and we had both left at the same time that morning. Sure enough, Will ended up at the auction and I found that most of my neighbors were there, as well. I found Paul in the basement of the house and he told me that he had just bought a complete twin bed for $5. Of course, my ultimate desire is that we adopt 2 children and would, at some point, need yet another bed. He saw the expression on my face though - the one that said, "I think you just wasted money"- smiled, and said, "Have faith!"

I went on home, collecting the mail as I drove in. And in the mailbox was a huge envelope containing our licenses. And the rest is history...Well, not quite. I am still waiting for the phone to ring letting us know a child is ready for us! I have a feeling that it is not going to happen until May, though. I could be wrong - I hope I'm wrong - but it's just a feeling I have.

We found out that we can register at a national adoption registry, which I did this week. I think we kind of excited them because of our experience with and willingness to consider another special needs child. Within an hour of being accepted, I already had 5 "matches" for potential children. All were little girls with special needs. And of course, ALL of them tugged at my heart! How am I supposed to know who to choose? I think for now we're going to wait and see what happens locally first. I know that inter-state adoptions can get tricky.

Want to know what else Paul picked up at the auction? A full size above-ground swimming pool. We already have the highest water bill in town - wonder how much filling that thing will add to it? I have a feeling that DHS will have a few stipulations in place if we think we're going to use it while doing foster care, too! But it might be nice on some of those hot August days. I bet the church youth group kids might like it, too.

Speaking of the youth group, Ben is going to an activity next Friday evening. I'm a little nervous because it's out at Incredible Pizza and he's going to need help with everything from getting and carrying his food (it's a buffet) to managing his pre-loaded game card and not losing it. Basically, he'll need a shadow. And Will is not going to be there. He and some of his friends have decided that Incredible Pizza is NOT where it's at, and they're going to Buffalo Wild Wings instead and then meeting up with the youth group when they get back to church. That's fine and it is does actually make the night cheaper for me, but I'd still feel better if Will was with Ben.

Last night the musical had their first practice on stage. Suddenly, I am the main parent helper and I find myself offering suggestions on wording and positioning. Kids are asking ME for permission to go to the bathroom. Like I know ANYTHING about musicals!!! I think it's more a matter of the presence of authority, although the teacher, who's been doing this for something like 30 years, is actually liking my suggestions. And I don't even like the musical! Well, actually, it's kind of cute, but there are parts I don't particularly care for. It's set in the 60s and is all about women's lib and flower power. Actually, that's the name of it - "Flower Power." Like it or not, the 60s were about rebellion and to have that celebrated rubs my fur a bit the wrong way. Anyway...

Will said that last week when he went to the auction he had Sam in the back of his car and reminded him to buckle his car seat. "So I don't die?" Sam asked. Will affirmed that and Sam said, "Yeah - you'd miss me if I was gone!"

Sunday night someone was playing a trombone solo at church. Of course, the trombone is not a "clean" instrument - it's got a, deep, gravelly sound to it. Sam heard that, laughed, and called out (softly, thankfully!) "tootie!" "Tootie," of course, is his word for a person that passes gas.

A prayer request: a young teenager in our homeschool group in Des Moines died yesterday. He had been battling a brain tumor for the past year. It's sad. Not that any child's death would be easy, but this child was a miracle baby, born later in life to his parents - their only one. And he died on their wedding anniversary, of all days! My heart aches for them. Pray for the Moede family.

A couple of my recent writings are available for your reading pleasure. The first is my most recent (finally!) FaithWriters piece. I really didn't think it was all that great, but I got 6th place in my division and 9th overall, which means it will be published. It's about a really, really embarrassing event: http://www.faithwriters.com/wc-article-editors-previous.php?id=41480

And, today, at the Jewels website is a rather painfully honest post I wrote about loving the unlovable: http://www.jewelsofencouragement.com/

Well, to my delight, it is snowing outside - a lot! That is the first snow I have watched come down all season. The other two, minute, snows we got happened while we slept. Unfortunately, I really need to get the city hall sign changed today - didn't really want to do that in the snow!

I hope it's snowing wherever you are today, too!

Tape, Independence, Friends, and Abandoned Children

2012-01-19T09:51:00.002-06:00

Ok, I swear - I am not responsible for the duct tape on Sam's face in that picture! The kid has developed a fascination for all sorts of tape in recent weeks. He has gone through three entire rolls of Scotch tape in about as many weeks. He makes "balls" out of it, with cut up pieces of my 3X5 cards and then winds the tape around them. I have tried, without success, to convince him to use old pieces of scratch paper. He wants my cards (I keep a stash of cards on my desk - I use them for my myriad of lists that keep me sane). It was yesterday that he came to me, scissors in hand, wondering where the duct tape was. This was the next glimpse I caught of him! I'm trying to remind myself that he's being creative and a few rolls of tape and cards are not really THAT expensive...

I finally started doing some preschool work with him this semester. He's flying right through it. I have pretty much decided that I'm going to start him in kindergarten next fall. I don't plan to graduate him any earlier than 18, but if he can get some basic learning out of the way when he is younger, then he'll have more options for things he is interested in studying when he's towards the end of high school.

I like dressing my kids. Actually, I like dressing myself, too. It's fun to plan outfits, I think. The only person I don't like dressing is Paul because he's a boring dresser. If he would wear the things I would pick out, then I could have some fun with him. I have an elaborate clothing schedule for myself that I follow - it involves little baggies and rolls of the dice. Don't ask - I suspect it all hints at something seriously malformed in my inner brain. Perhaps, Ben's autism is more genetic than we've ever given it credit for! But, anyway, I get a kick out of putting the boys clothes away in their drawers, carefully moving up unworn items to the top drawers and putting the freshly washed items in the bottom drawers. I even enjoy deciding which pair of their jeans will best compliment a certain shirt. My efforts are largely unappreciated. When Will got to about age 10 he informed me that he could now pick out his own clothing. It was about a year and a half ago that he refused to let me lay out his Sunday clothes anymore, as well. Maybe now is a good place to interject the conversation he and I had this morning about the inappropriateness of wearing the exact same t-shirt to class two days in a row. We finally compromised - he pulled a black sweatshirt thingy over the t-shirt in question and declared, "See - now it looks different from yesterday!" I'm shuddering here as I relate this.

David has always been a bit pickier about his clothes. I make sure that he has an ample wardrobe for each season. But he persists in pulling out the exact same 4 shirts and wearing only those. I've kind of given up on him.

Now, I have had a lot of fun with Sam. For one thing, little boys' clothing has gotten a lot cuter in the years since the older boys were this size. And another thing is that we have been given SO much for him. He's one of the best-dressed preschoolers I know. Every day I enjoy picking out his cute little-boy top and matching it to some adorable little-boy pants. And I did all that until recently. About two weeks ago Sam mastered dressing himself. That's fine - the more independence he has is all the less I have to do for him. But then, last week, the kid started pulling out his own clothes from his drawers! He pulls a little chair in the room up to his dresser, stands over his clothes, presses a finger to his lips, and says, "Hmmm, what should I wear today?" Then, he picks a shirt, goes over to the closet, where I keep his pants and jeans, and picks out a pair. And then he dresses himself! Today's high temp is supposed to be about 14 degrees. So I got out a heavy sweatshirt and some corduroy pants - good, warm clothes for a cold, cold day. I laid them on the arm of the couch, intending to dress Sam in a little bit. The next thing I know, he's prancing around the kitchen, fully dressed in an Indianapolis Colts t-shirt and a thin pair of windbreaker pants!

I give up. I'm going to have to get my little girl before I'll get to dress up another human being. And I have a feeling that may not work out so well, either!

Well, let's see...what other angst is there is my life?

Still waiting to hear from the state. Only, this week I found out that another couple in our class already has two placements in their home! That was discouraging, to say the least. Of course, they may have had a different case worker. And, as my friend, Jenny, pointed out to me, their parameters for placement choices may have been broader than ours. Trying to remember that "having faith in God also means having faith in His timing." If I have not heard by the 31st, I will be calling our case worker. Ben fell through the" cracks" for 18 months when we switched his waiver, so it's possible that that has happened again with yet another state agency. Paul did get the bed put together this week. I want to buy a mattress pad for it and then I'll put the sheets on and see about sewing some curtains and maybe a bed skirt. Foolishness or Faith?

We left the boys alone overnight for the first time last Friday. It was just the wisest thing to do. Kathy and I had been wanting to meet up forever in Council Bluffs and it just had not worked out yet. At the same time, a part for Paul's sister's furnace had been ordered and come in to a warehouse in Omaha. Obviously, the smartest thing was to combine those trips. David had an overnight birthday party to attend in Polk City on Friday. So, I loaded the boys up on movies and frozen pizzas and they had fun. Will was able to pick up David on Sat. (not in PC, though - the parents met him halfway in Pleasant Hill). Then, he did drive over to the south side of Des Moines to return the movies. I had intended to just return them on Sunday, paying the extra few dollars for another day of rental. I really did not want Will driving across town when we weren't around. But I left the movie receipt on the table and he saw it and realized that the movies were due Sat. and thought he should return them. It all worked out - he didn't get in an accident - but I would not have asked him to do that.

And Kathy and I had a great time together. I have to say, for being the "armpit" of Iowa (as my audiologist in Waterloo told me shortly before I married and moved out there), Council Bluffs has some amazing shopping now. Their mall has pretty much gone ker-plunct but all these wonderful, single, stores, have popped up on the south side of the city. We didn't even have a need to run over to Omaha because it's all there in Council Bluffs now! I wish something like that could happen in Des Moines. Our south side mall is drying up and some of the surrounding businesses are, as well. To do almost any shopping anymore, I have to travel out to West Des Moines or even to Jordan Creek. And I like Jordan Creek and Valley West, but it takes more time to get there than it did to get to the south side. And it's not even that shopping was our main point to being together. Obviously, I can do that alone. As I told Paul, they could put the two of us in a dungeon somewhere and we'd have a marvelous time, just talking away. He said, "Well, that would sure be a lot cheaper!" Hah! Kathy is one of my few friends that I can just jump into conversation with. We had not spent time together in 13 months and it was like it had been 2 days. There is never any of that awkward small-talk that often has to happen first. Of course, it probably helps that our lives and our tastes are so similar. And we've been friends now for 24 years, which probably has something to do with it, as well. Anyway, it was great!

Paul's dad said to me when we were there, "You sure don't say much, anymore, do you?" I wish I'd been quick enough to think of the verse in Proverbs that says it is better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. But instead, I just said mildly that the older I get, the less talking I am doing. Truthfully, though, it depends who I'm around. Some people I just don't care to have conversations with, anymore. Is that bad?

Oh, and you know what else was nice? Paul and I got to travel without kids! It's so free-ing to be able to have conversations without children in the background, having to find sippy cups, break up fights, stop for the bathroom. It's nice to not have to guard conversations, knowing that little super-sonic ears will pick up the slightest hint of gossip and then broadcast it.

And we're going to do it again. Paul took his Christmas and birthday money from my parents and signed us up for the GARB marriage retreat in 3 weeks. We'll just be in Johnston this time, but we'll be away from the kids! And, he told me, he's taking the day off that Friday so before the conference, we can go antiquing together all day long. We've got those gift cards from the Lozier Christmas party and I think we'll use one for a really nice lunch, too. Maybe one of these years we'll fly to Florida or Hawaii (dream on!) for a week and leave the boys home alone...you know, our 20th anniversary will be here in just 13 short months...

I am a walking bruise right now. I took a very nasty tumble Tuesday off a stepladder. I had the most horrible migraine that I've had in years. The prescription pills I have make me a little dizzy. I didn't think of that and climbed up on the ladder because I needed something out of a top cupboard. I fell backwards and landed in my kitchen laundry basket (where I toss dirty washcloths, towels, etc). I put on Facebook that it was probably something like a Three Stooges clip, landing that perfectly! Unfortunately, the basket wasn't full! And, oh, do I hurt now! If I had been about 30 years older, I bet I would have broken a hip. The good news is that my migraine did eventually fade. Maybe it's just that I had bigger hurts to distract me!

I entered a FaithWriters Challenge last night. I am SO proud of myself! I have not done that since August. Last fall was just so exhausting, physically and mentally, with all the adoption preparations. So I gave myself a "pass" on writing. Well, I still put out my monthly Jewels posts, but that was it. I finally had a faint idea of something I could write about for this week's topic and even though I really didn't have it fleshed out at all in my mind, I went ahead and sat down at the computer last night after we got home from church. I was up past midnight, but I got something submitted! I don't think it's all that good, but it's like getting back on the proverbial horse, I think. You don't expect to win the Preakness first time out of the gate!

Kind of a related funny?: I hurried and shooed everyone out the door after church, telling them that I had to "get home and write" (like I'm some big, important writer and the world is just breathlessly waiting for the next magic words to drip from my fingers). I warned them that I would only be sitting at the computer and if they needed anything, they needed to ask their dad. He would be responsible for getting them to bed and so forth. So, we're in the house, I'm sitting at the computer, and David asked, "Where's Sam?" I didn't think much of it, figuring he was somewhere. Besides, I had writing to do! Let them worry about the little squirt! It was about 15 minutes later that Paul came in the house, carrying a red-faced Sam. Paul had gone out to stuff a blanket in the dog house and when he got closer back to the house, he heard Sam screaming. Nobody had gotten him out of his car seat! He can unbuckle himself, normally, but one of the latches got stuck. Poor kid! He had been left all alone in the car, thinking he would be there all night! I did break from my creative processes and tried to comfort him. It didn't work too well. I think Sam was more mad than anything and he wanted to stew for awhile. Oops! And we wonder why the state doesn't want to trust us with more children?...

Well, I need to scoot. I should slap some make-up on and then head up to city hall. I'd like to go visit my neighbors this afternoon, too, if I have time and they're home. They get so lonely. Then, this evening Ben has musical practice. Tomorrow a storm is supposed to be moving in - could get 4" of snow. Now, that's the winter I have been missing!

Ben, Band-aids, and the Long Arm of the Law

2012-01-12T16:47:00.004-06:00

Supper is in the oven, Paul is working late, and I have an hour and half until I have to take Ben to vocal practice. He is in the spring musical. The first practice is tonight. That was kind of a humbling/awe-inspiring experience for me. I already noted it on Facebook so I won't belabor it here. I think I mentioned before that Ben wanted to be in the musical. I was so nervous about having him try out. But he did absolutely wonderful. He sang a solo (not an entire song - just some lines) in front of his perfectly-abled peers and read lines in a group. I was so impressed! Ben knew he could do it, but I was a little slower to catch on! He got the part of an old man. I'm assuming it has minimal lines, but he got what he wanted, which was to be part of the production. I was pleasantly surprised to hear him sing. He used to be very off-key, but he's a lot better. Since he normally sits on my deaf side in church, I haven't been aware that he has become a better singer. I guess those private vocal lessons he's been getting at school are working!

So, for the next couple of months, I'll be sitting in on practice with him for an hour and a half every Thursday evening. I'm not looking forward to that so much! And maybe, after the first few weeks, I can just drop him off and pick him up when he's finished. But I want to see how things go first before I do that. He won't have his aide to help him and I don't expect the vocal teacher to be able to attend to him specially while working with all the cast.

Ben's new case worker is working out really well. She takes him to stores every week. I had told her what his old worker had said about him being a "menace." But this new one told me that was completely untrue, in her opinion. She was so impressed with Ben's ability at Walmart. She handed him a list of things she needed and he got right on it. She said when he did get in people's way he apologized. She said she can really envision Ben working in a grocery store someday. I told her that's what we've kind of been thinking for awhile.

Sam got his fingers caught in a door last week. David didn't see them and shut the door - split a couple of them right open. So we've been putting bandaids on them every day. I'm too cheap to routinely buy the kiddie bandaids with the characters on them, so at Christmas I always put a box in the younger boys' (now just Sam) stockings. This year all I could find were Snoopy ones. But Sam refused to let me put them on him. He asked me, "Did you pick out the Snoopy bandaids?" I told him yes - I thought he would like them.

"Well, I don't" Sam flatly replied. Ok, then! Guess I may be the one running around with Snoopy bandaids if he's not going to use them!

Sam was so excited after Children's Church this past Sunday. The kids learned about Heaven and they got to make papers with cotton balls and glitter (the probable reason for the excitement, I'm guessing) glued to them. Later Sam asked me, "Do you know they have gold roads up in Heaven?" That was funny, I thought. Usually you hear about the "streets of gold" but not the "roads of gold"!

Last week I had Ben and David write their Christmas thank-yous. The way I do it is to have them stand by me and dictate a note while I type, since my typing will probably be more understandable than theirs. Well, ever since then, Sam has been asking if he can "write a letter to Uncle Matt". He has figured out how to get into my Word program on the computer and he sits there and types away. It's cute!

We were in Council Bluffs a couple of weeks ago. Tell me if this is not an ultimate irony: On Dorothy's fridge was a picture of her grandson, Zach, - Paul's nephew - who is an inmate somewhere in Nebraska. He's been an off and on inmate since he was about 14. The kid - man, now - can't stay out of trouble. Well, anyway, there was a picture of him in his prison khakis taken "professionally" by someone. I don't know if this is something the prison does so the inmates can send home pictures at the holidays or what the deal was. Anyway, they position the inmates in front of an artificial backdrop. It's a picture of mountains and valleys, a peaceful stream, and an eagle swooping overhead. The one thing these prisoners CAN'T do is go out and enjoy nature because they are prisoners! It just seemed awfully ironic to me. Perhaps it would be better to have a background of bars.

We're still waiting to hear from the state on our license...trying to be patient...failing....But on that note: there is a very sad story that has rocked central Iowa this week. Last weekend a 22 year old woman in Huxley gave birth to twins all alone in her apartment. That's quite an accomplishment! I can only imagine how painful and scary that must have been. Why she would do such a thing and not call 911 is a bit baffling. Well, then she killed the baby girls because "she didn't want them" and put their bodies in the trunk of her car. The next day she went to her job at a gas station there in Huxley and a co-worker was alarmed when she noticed that the woman no longer looked hugely pregnant, but yet she refused to say anything about giving birth. So, the co-worker called the police and suggested they might want to follow up on this. They did and now this woman is facing life in prison for the murder of her daughters.

It's a sad, sad story on a number of levels. As a potential adoptive parent, it has really struck me in a different way because I would have taken those babies in a heartbeat. And I know there are hundreds of other couple in the metro who would have done the same. But now they're dead and nobody will ever enjoy those children. A family is devastated by the actions of their daughter and now they're losing her, too, as she will be going to prison for the rest of her life.

The focus of the news media has been on the "safe haven" law that Iowa has. A parent has the freedom to drop their 2 week old or younger baby off at any hospital or police station with no questions asked and the babies will be given to adoptive parents. So the media keeps crying, "Why didn't she do that?" Now, the focus has been turned in the last day to, "What did WE do wrong that chose this woman to not make that choice?" They're suggesting that there has not been enough publicity about the law. But here's the thing: she MURDERED her babies! A woman who would make the choice to do such a horrible thing would probably not have thought to herself, "Well, I could drop these babies off at the hospital 10 miles down the road, or I could just murder them. Hmm, what should I do?" No, murder was in her heart and that's what she chose. A person willing to entertain such an option is, in all likelihood, not going to choose a different, safer option. She didn't choose to kill her children because she didn't know about other options. Now, I'm sure her attorney will plead that she was suffering from temporary insanity or postpartum depression or something and the taxpayers in Story County will be footing the bill for the trial later this year. It's just sad all around.

Ugh - what a note to end on! But I have to do it anyway. Better go feed these kids and get my stack of magazines ready to take to Ben's practice tonight. Oh, there is one good thing happening this weekend - I get to see Kathy!! I haven't seen her since June at the homeschool conference and that really does not count because our time was so limited. But we are going to have all day Saturday together...I can't wait!

Reading and Writing

2012-01-07T15:21:00.004-06:00

It's still Saturday. I just got back from City Hall. I think the key to this new job is going to be not waiting until the last minute to get everything done. If I can make lists of what need to be done and then go up periodically throughout the week, I think it will be more manageable. I gave myself a time limit of an hour and half and then put down my pen and came home.

I've been doing a lot of reading this past week. For Christmas, the in-laws gave me a 2 book set I had asked for. It's the "Marta's Legacy" set by Francine Rivers. Incidentally, they are the first Francine Rivers book that I have ever owned, even though I have read everything she has written. They were not disappointing in the least! I love, love, love Francine Rivers! I have decided that once I have collected all my Erma Bombeck books, I'm going to start collecting Francine's, too. I may need some more book shelves.

Then, Wednesday, my good friend Jenny gave me this book called "K is for Keeps." It was written and self-published by a Debbie Long Spicer, who was Jenny's sister's roommate in college. I am loving it! It's actually a set of blog posts bound into a book. The author and her husband are missionaries to Botswana and while there in 2001, they adopted a brain-injured infant. Oh, it is so good. I am just so taken with the absolute joy that this mother takes in her daughter. In recent years, I have become so convicted that I need to find that kind of joy more easily in raising Ben. At times the difficulty of being his mother and the grief at his condition has caused me to overlook the joy that is Ben.

A couple of months ago Jenny gave me a magazine that she had for some reason - I don't know why she ended up with it. But it's an adoption magazine put out by Bethany services. I found so many helpful articles in it. I finally looked up the subscription price on-line the other day and found out that the magazine is free! It come out quarterly. So I subscribed and my next issue arrived this past week! I am looking forward to going through that.

I renewed my Our Iowa magazine a few weeks ago after my subscription had lapsed. I was reading the latest issue the other night and to my dismay, discovered that the Checkerboard restaurant in Pleasantville was the featured Iowa "mom and pop" restaurant of that issue. We love the Checkerboard, so it's not a big deal, right? Wrong! I wrote an article about the Checkerboard 2 years ago and Our Iowa indicated to me that they were interested in using it but were waiting for the "right" opportunity. Well, they apparently found the right opportunity, but they published a piece written by somebody else! Grrr....

I am getting my writing "bug" back, though. The only writing I did this fall was for my Jewels of Encouragement website and these blogs here. I took a complete break from FaithWriters. I just had too much going on. Plus, the topics were a bit off the wall and I didn't have time to think my way around some of them. But, the old desire is slowly coming back. Last night I wrote my latest piece for Jewels. It's due next Tuesday. I still have some fine-tuning to do on that. I then looked up the latest FW topic. It's "commitment." Wow - that's so broad that I almost don't know what to do with it! I'll see what I can do.

And then last night I was printing off all my writing from 2011. There are two non-computer-literate ladies at church that always want to read what I write. From time to time they ask for copies, so that's what I was doing. I paused to re-read some of my writing and it just made the urge stronger. I need to write! This year, my goal is to write more non-FW stories, though. The biggest nugget I walked away from the August conference was the fact that I need to be building a "platform" of periodical articles. I have my Christian Writers Market Guide and I just need to be picking magazines and writing articles for them. In many ways, writing is a numbers game. The more articles you get out there, the more you'll have published. Of course, some will be rejected. I guess, in a lot of ways, it's like being a salesman. You have to make a whole lot of contacts in order to sell a few things.

All right. Time to step away from the writing and go do some "real" work! I'll be back.

Ron Paul, Clothing Woes, and Ben's Dreams

2012-01-07T11:58:00.002-06:00

Here are the boys from earlier this week, when it was colder. Paul and Will went up to Des Moines to get some firewood from some guy's yard. And then when they got back, ALL the boys unloaded wood.

I unfriended someone yesterday on Facebook. It's this guy I knew from my CBF days at UNI. I just really, really hated hated to do that. But...this guy is a Ron Paul freak. Ok, that's not why I unfriended him. People are free to like who they like in politics. When it comes to Ron Paul, I actually like his fiscal views. But his military views are really scary, in my opinion. He is against any and all military involvement in anything, including Israel. I really believe Iran is shaping itself to be a horrible threat to not only Israel in the very near future, but to the rest of the world. Now - or ever - is not the time to be anti-military! Last May after Bin Laden was taken out a local radio personality had Paul on the air with him and asked him if, had he been president, would he have given the kill order on Bin Laden? And Ron Paul said that he would not have done so. I could never support someone who believes that way.

So anyway, this friend on FB is a radical Ron Paul supporter. The weird thing is, he's not the only one I know. It seems like a lot of Paul supporters are a bit freakish in their devotion. I get the sense that they are following the person, rather than supporting the ideals that he purports. It was not unusual for this guy to put a half a dozen or more posts every day out there that were in support of Ron Paul. He was very disdainful of the other candidates, calling them "neo-cons" (whatever that means). I can take that - as I said, everyone is entitled to their own political beliefs. But this bordered on obsession, I thought.

And then, Thursday, he posted a picture of a little Palestinian girl who had been reportedly decapitated by Israeli forces. It was a disturbing picture to say the least. But more than that, the words bothered me. Underneath the picture were words calling for an end to Israel's defense of their homeland (not that they said it in those terms). I just ignored it at first but as the evening wore on, I couldn't get it out of my mind. I finally decided the next day, that I had had it. I wrote a note to this guy, reminding him that the Bible promises certain destruction and curses for those that do not support Israel. I told him I was not willing to have this stuff coming across my Facebook wall and that I would be de-friending him. And then I did. Of course, he responded with links supposedly supporting his belief that Israel did commit this heinous act. And I'm not saying they didn't. A lot of innocent people get hurt in war. But we do not dare take away our support for Israel in ANY way. It was just one of those moments where I felt convicted enough to take an uncomfortable stand. And now I'm down to 445 FB friends!

On Nov. 30 I ordered an outfit from Chadwick's. I need to back up. Ok, I needed a new dressy outfit this fall and I had the hardest time finding one I liked anywhere. I finally found something I liked in Chadwicks and ordered it, only to have it back ordered twice! I was fearful that one of these days I would get a postcard stating that the item was no longer available. But it finally arrived this week. Ooh, I was excited, because the outfit is so-o-o pretty. It's a long, black pleated skirt with a lettuce hem. The top (they called it a jacket, but I beg to differ - it's a top, not a jacket) is this deep shimmery red with a rosette on the collar. And it was too small! I've noticed in the last year that I am suddenly needing an XL in my clothes instead of the L I've been wearing for decades (thanks to my long arms and broad shoulders). Melissa says it's because I'm middle aged now and my back is spreading. Lovely. Soon, I'll be picking my clothes out of the Womens' department. But I had to order this top by number size, not S,M,L. I picked the wrong number. So, I had to re-order the top in a larger size, which means not only will I be charged for shipping on that, but I'm going to have to pay shipping to send the too-small one back. That is what I do not like about ordering from Chadwicks. They gouge you on shipping. And don't ever order knits from them. They don't last. I'm keeping the skirt, although the elastic is twisted on the top and I'm going to have to cut open the seam to fix that. The quality is definitely not worth the price. If I hadn't been so desperate, I think I would have just said, "forget it." But it's getting harder and harder to find clothing I actually like. So when I do finally find something I like, I end up paying more - especially if I order the wrong size to being with! Oh, and they told me the top is on backorder now until Jan. 21. So I may have my new winter church outfit by March, maybe...if I'm lucky!

Ben is trying out this week for the school musical. This has been a bit of an ordeal for his mother. They have a musical every year. Last year, his vocal teacher called me and asked what I wanted to do. I told her let's not even mess with it. I really cannot see Ben memorizing lines, remembering cues, singing, and acting naturally all at the same time. This is a kid who can't even remember to tuck his underwear inside his jeans when he pulls them on. Well, as soon as school started last August, Ben started telling me that he intended to be in this year's musical. I gave him the vague, "We'll see" that mothers like to use when they don't want to crush their children's dreams right up front. But he didn't forget and proceeded to inform his vocal teacher, his aide, and his homeroom teacher throughout the fall of his intentions. I bet he even told the lunch line ladies and the janitors, too. So now what am I supposed to do?

In November when we had the parent/teacher conferences I chatted with the vocal teacher a bit about this. She assured me that she could find something small for Ben to do so that he would feel a part of the musical, while not being in over his head. I was thinking maybe he'd do something with the stage crew. Well, I get a note this week from Ben's aide letting me know that try-outs are next Tuesday. Try-outs? If Ben has to try out for a position, he won't succeed. Not to mention that the child can NOT have a speaking part since it would involve memorization and all that other stuff that goes with it. I'm torn because I really do want Ben to have new experiences and to have moments of success. They've been so few and far between for him. But at the same time I don't want him to be given a "pity part" and then for him to be a hindrance to rest of the musical members who are trying to put on a quality production. I understand, more than anybody else in the world, that Ben just can't do everything his peers will be able to. I don't expect him to, nor do I expect the world to accommodate him and bend over backwards. Ben has to assimilate to the rest of the world, not vice versa.

So, I wrote an email to the vocal teacher last night expressing some of these concerns. To my surprise, she responded right away. She was very kind and explained that there are actually more students this year than there are speaking parts. While she would like Ben to read some of the lines at the try-outs, it doesn't mean that he will necessarily have to speak during the musical. She told me that he will always be paired with another student, no matter what he ends up doing in the musical. And, she said, Ben's classmates are very aware and very accommodating of his special needs. They like him and they want to see him try. So, with my heart in my throat and reluctant feet, I'll be going with Ben to try-outs on Tuesday night. Who am I to stand in the way of his dreams when he's being so encouraged by everyone else in his vocal class? And then it looks like every Thursday night from now until mid-March, we'll be taking him to rehearsals. That, in and of itself, will be a big thing. His aide won't be there. We're welcome to stay and I think we will at first and maybe we'll end up staying for all the rehearsals. I don't know. As stretching as this is going to be for Ben, I have a feeling it's going to be even more of a stretch for his mama. But you also know who will be sitting in the audience crying when he does well, don't you? Yeah, I thought so...

Well, I made it through my list of things I wanted to write about. Paul and Will are back from their unexpected job. I suppose everyone is going to want to eat soon. David is hovering over me, wanting to know if he can have the computer, so my time here is finished. Maybe by the time I write again we'll have some snow!

First Week

2012-01-07T11:55:00.002-06:00

It's Saturday and I am working through my to-do list. Blogging is on that list. And Paul and Will are -- working! This was an unexpected blessing. It's still warm out and Paul's hours were short as a result. I'm just waiting for winter to hit with a vengeance - blizzard, ice, bitter cold...no such luck yet. I mean Thursday this week, it hit 65 degrees - the first week of January!! If I didn't know better, I'd blame global warming... But first thing this morning, our neighbor Charlotte called and reported that her water heater was leaking. So Paul roused himself out of bed (we both got to sleep in - bliss!) and went over there. It has to be replaced. So, he ran to Menards and bought a new one while Will drained the old heater. At any rate, this job will create some extra money, which is helpful right now. Although, yesterday, I figured up our bills and we actually had enough to cover everything with this latest paycheck without dipping into savings. I was both pleased and surprised.

We did go to Council Bluffs last weekend. You can see Paul below hitting a "pinata" that his nieces made. Kaylee, his sister's daughter, and Elli (his nephew's daughter - technically a great-niece) had spent time making pictures for Paul's upcoming birthday, a banner that went across the basement ceiling and this "deer" pinata filled with goodies. I think they were bored. But they were insistent that Paul had to hit the pinata. They had fun!

Our New Years was pretty boring. I spent the evening reading while Paul, the boys, and his parents played Monopoly. It turned into a 4 hour game, which is precisely why I refuse to play Monopoly. Ever. I finally went to bed around 11:30 and Paul came in at the stroke of midnight, kissed me, and left the room again. I'll give him points for the kiss, I guess!

I was glad to get back Sunday evening, even though it meant stepping back into the whirlwind of my life!

I did a bunch of work this week up at City Hall. I need to get back up there today, too. So, I am officially employed now. I'm not sure why I thought I had time for this, though. Our first meeting of the new year was Thursday. I cleaned and cleaned that building - what a filthy mess! In a few years, we are hoping to build a new community center with a basement. It's going to be kind of a requirement because we are applying for grants for a tornado siren. But in order to get those grants, we need to have a place for people to go. A number of people in town do not have basements. Of course, I'm not all that confident that in the event of a tornado, they could actually make it up to City Hall.

Paul turned 41 on Wednesday. At first he didn't think he was going to have to work that day, but then his manager called and suggested that he come in and do inventory on his truck. So, that was good, even if it meant he was working on his birthday! We had a little party for him after church. I got him some new coveralls for hunting and Will convinced me that I also needed to buy him season 4 of the 24 television series!

I did go see the latest Twilight movie with Julie last week, as I mentioned I was going to do. It was go-o-od! She facebooked me the other day to let me know that we only have 10 months and 8 days until the last and final movie comes out! Now my boys enjoy Twilight and my friend, Melissa has told me that her husband and boys like it, too. But you don't typically see males at the movies. So I was surprised when we entered the theater and there was this middle aged couple (more middle aged than me) sitting a couple of rows in front of us. I bet the husband lost a bet or something. But I had to laugh when the movie was over and I happened to notice the husband - sound asleep!

We did go to the caucuses on Tuesday night. I had planned to take the boys, but we decided at the last minute to leave them home. We found out that Will couldn't caucus because he couldn't register to vote until he's 17 years and 6 months. The news was just saying as long as a person would turn 18 by election day, they could vote this time. But, it wasn't strictly true. Will will be 18 by next November's elections, but only by a few days. He can't register until this May. So anyway, the two of us went. I brought a book and I'm glad I did. It got pretty boring, hearing all the speeches. They did have a group of Knoxville homeschoolers lead the caucus in the pledge to the American flag, which I thought was neat. I was a little dismayed that nobody got up to speak for Michele Bachmann, but of course, there was someone for Ron Paul. Those Ron Paul supporters are a bit freakish. More on that later...

Now, we did get to hear a man who is campaigning for the Iowa legislature and I'm glad I pulled my nose out of my book to listen to him speak. He's a homeschooling dad of NINE from our district. His last name is Heartsill. We'll definitely vote for him in the primaries in June.

So, I voted for Michele and Paul voted for Rick Santorum. I liked Santorum, too, but I figured Michele needed all the votes she could get. As it was, Romney ended up technically winning the state by only 8 votes, and I'm baffled by that. People really want a liberal flip-flopper in the White House? I was able to hear most of Michele's speech the next day when she withdrew from the race. I was really impressed because, typically, these speeches tend to be all about the candidate themselves. But this one wasn't. Instead, she spoke passionately about what is happening in our country and how we had better wake up and stop this socialism that is insidiously taking over the country. I wanted to applaud right there in the kitchen as I listened!

I'll be back later. I need to find some lunch and then head up to City Hall.

City Matters, Travel, Christmas, and Cold

2011-12-29T14:49:00.003-06:00

It's been a week since I last wrote, which is not unusual. Christmas happened during that time, so it really seems like it has been longer than just one week.

I've been spending a lot of time up at City Hall this week. I officially become city clerk on Sunday. Today Jen (the current clerk) and I went through all the files and I refiled absolutely everything, so I would know where it is. Next week, she and I will go to town and get my name on the checkbook and debit card. I have a whole list of office supplies I want to buy and I even need to order a return address stamp that says, "Sarah Heywood, Swan City Clerk" - so official! I just hope I'm up for this. I actually had an honest-to-goodness nightmare one night this week about the job. I woke up gasping, "It's not real!" I just hate that! The mayor seems excited that I am taking this over. I hope he's not disappointed.

We still haven't gotten our official word yet on whether or not we will be licensed as foster/adoptive parents. I assume that we will be, but it would be nice to have the actual notice. Of course, once we get that, I assume the phone calls for placements will start! That will definitely take some wisdom and discernment. We still need to put the bed together.

We are leaving for Council Bluffs tomorrow. We were kind of up in the air about it all week long. Paul's folks also volunteered to come out here. That would have been fine, except I always worry that they'll want to stay through Sunday and that is something I am just not going to put up with. Paul's dad chooses not to behave himself in public situations and I'm not going to be embarrassed by him any longer at church. But if it came right down to it, there would probably be nothing I could do to keep him from going to our church, short of locking him in a room somewhere. But I have managed to keep him away for 4 years, so I'm crossing my fingers that my luck will hold out until either he dies or I do. And if they came here, then I'd have to cook. Again, that's not such a big deal. I get a little tired of George's comments about my cooking. The last time he was here and opened his mouth, I finally told him, "You know, you don't have to eat it." And then he blustered, "Well, now, I wasn't saying that!" And I went on to tell him that in MY house, nobody criticizes the food and expects to eat. He was quiet after that. Do I sound bitter? Hah! I'm just not really sure what to do with Paul's parents when they come. I really don't want to go anywhere with them because of George's poor behavior, and it gets a little old sitting around the house just looking at eachother... But anyway, we are going out there tomorrow afternoon and will come back on Sunday afternoon. Paul's birthday is next week, so that way they can have a party while we're there. I will probably just curl up in a corner somewhere with a laptop or a book.

Christmas was good. Paul was on call, but it was so warm, he didn't have to fix anybody's furnace. My parents came down and put the ham in the oven while we were at church. It was just a very nice, relaxing day. To my surprise, Paul got me a beautiful pearl necklace for a gift. This is only the second time in our marriage that he has voluntarily bought me jewelry (my wedding rings were involuntary gifts!). I about fell over when I saw the price tag, but he assured me that the necklace had been on sale for a lot less! It's a pretty, two strand twisted affair. The next day I had to go out and buy matching earrings, of course! He also got me a stovetop popcorn popper that I had requested and some antique Anderson Erickson milk bottles. I was so touched by Will. He had a Hobby Lobby gift card that he had not used yet and he used it to buy me a stone cross with a verse on it. I think this is the first time he has ever chosen and bought himself a gift for me. It's kind of nice when they grow up!

I've seen quite a bit of Paul this week, unfortunately. It has been so unseasonably warm this week. We haven't even had a substantial snow yet this season. Christmas was totally brown and I wore my trench coat to church that morning! New Years Eve is supposed to be 57 degrees out! It's insane! But anyway, lack of cold means lack of furnace work for Paul, so I've been seeing him around home quite a bit more. That is definitely going to make bill paying and grocery buying more difficult! I am just praying for a bitterly cold snap and lots and lots of broken down furnaces!

Will told me this week that he would like for me to buy him a dressy vest for church use. I was surprised. He's definitely becoming more fashion conscious all the time!

Something funny and it's not even one of my kids: Last week we had a Christmas party for the Patch kids and a college student who helps out was doing a Bible question game with the kids. He asked, "Which woman did Jesus talk to at the well?" One boy piped up, "The Proverbs 31 woman!" Ha, ha! Not quite!

Earlier this week Paul was talking with one of his co-workers about a particular job. Well, then, the co-worker, Mike, started asking Paul about homeschooling. Apparently, he and his wife pulled their daughter out of school this year and started homeschooling. He had mentioned at to one of their bosses and Gary, the boss, had suggested to Mike that he talk to Paul sometime because he knew that we homeschool, too. So, during that conversation, Paul volunteered me to contact the wife to see if she needed any assistance. So, since then, this co-worker's wife and I have been emailing back and forth and talking on Facebook. It's been so nice! Whoever thought that the day would come when I would be considered a "veteran" homeschooler and worthy to give out advice? I guess this is our 9th year of doing it, though.

Speaking of homeschooling, some new materials I ordered arrived just the day before Christmas. We ordered an entire dvd set from Answers in Genesis about the workings of the human body. They look fascinating. It's for Will for right now but I know I am going to be seriously tempted to sit down and watch them myself! And Sam's new Hooked on Phonics set arrived, too. He was so excited! Today I have been going through our kid bookshelf, pulling out books to read to him. I need to be doing that on a regular and consistent basis. He appears to be quite bright and ready to learn, so there's no reason not to be doing things with him now.

My Jewels post was up earlier this week: http://www.jewelsofencouragement.com/2011/12/who-not-why.html I didn't do funny this time. I tried to, but I couldn't get the words together. I was writing this the day of Joy's funeral and I guess that was just too much on my mind, so I ended up writing about that instead.

Tonight Julie and I are headed to Des Moines for some vampire love! We're going to see "Breaking Dawn" - finally! I think that thing is almost out of all the theaters. I checked yesterday and there's only one left in Des Moines that is showing it. Then, next Monday, my friend Heather and I are going out in the afternoon. She's a friend from church who is currently in grad school, getting her masters in music. But she's home on break and needs to buy some "naughties" for a lingerie shower she's attending. She thought I would be a good help with that! Me - a middle-aged, saggy, housewife! But it will be fun. I need to fit some more work in up at City Hall, I need to go visit my neighbor, Charlotte. Wednesday Ben goes back to school and Will has his first day of class at the school. It's Paul's birthday and that night Patch Club resumes. I promised our mayor that I would thoroughly clean City Hall before next Thursday's meeting (it's not technically in my job description, but I am not going to work in a dirty building). I think next week will be gone before it even gets here!

Gotta run...Happy New Year!

Slow-Down, Hands, Darts, and Gifts

2011-12-22T18:49:00.003-06:00

It's Thursday night and I am feeling very unmotivated. Something happens when I actually accomplish my "To-Do" list for the day, such as I did today, and I usually don't feel a whole lot like moving on to the next day's to-do list! Maybe it's because I'm not supposed to be home tonight. Melissa and I were supposed to be going out, but she got sick and hasn't moved off her couch all day, she says. So, that's postponed for a couple of weeks. Bummer!

Things are really slowing down at Paul's work. They've finally gotten through all their routine maintenance checks and since the weather has been so warm they don't have anything to do, like what usually happens in Feb. and March. Fortunately, Paul has been on call this week and he's been able to pick up some after hours calls. He got home this morning around 11, but just now left for an overtime call (it's almost 7pm). I keep thinking it has to get really cold one of these days and then they'll have work to do. I hope so, anyway!

We had the Lozier party last Friday night. I enjoy those things, but at the same time, I dislike them. I just feel kind of awkward. People probably think I'm stuck up because I don't say anything but, even after almost 5 years, I really don't know hardly anybody there. The older I get, the less outgoing I am becoming, too, so that doesn't help, either! We didn't win the big prizes. I keep telling myself it has to happen one of these years, but so far winning is eluding us. But then, as I reminded myself at the party, it's just stuff, you know?! We don't NEED a big screen tv or another computer or an ipad or any of the "good" prizes. We have all we need. But nobody walks away empty handed from these parties. We won a small drill that will be good for household use, a set of 6 nice glass mugs, and 2 $25 gift cards to restaurants we have never heard of. I guess we don't get out much!

The choir cantata was last Sunday night. Will was so funny, I thought. He is not one to care overly much about clothing. I would say he cares more than his dad cares, but not by a wide margin. He's nothing like David, that's for sure! But last Saturday he told me that he had his outfit all planned for the cantata - his black suit with a black shirt, and a bright red tie. It amused me that he put that much thought and effort into his appearance. He looked quite Christmasy! In fact, during the program, Sam whispered to me, "I see Will, and he is wearing a shiny red tie!"

Last Saturday Ben had Kids Club (respite care) up at ChildServe. They took the kids to the zoo where they got to see Santa. I'm not a big fan of Santa, of course, but I figured at 15, this probably wouldn't warp Ben too much. They took pictures of all the kids with Santa and told me that Ben had the best smile of them all. He does have a nice smile, I think! When I dropped Ben off, I was so surprised when he bent down and kissed my cheek! How utterly sweet!

I remember Sunday I was helping Ben get dressed and found myself mentally sighing as I unzipped his pants in order to get his shirt tucked in around his hips where it would hopefully stay (yeah, fat chance!). And then I had to string his belt through the loops. And then I had to adjust his tie so that it was underneath his collar, instead of on top as he had placed it. As it so often does, the thought ran through my mind, "Will he ever be capable of doing these self-care things for himself?" But immediately I had a new thought pop into my head. It was this: God gave ME hands that work because He knew Ben's would not. That's a different way to look at it.

We did get a welcome call this week from Lutheran Services. Ben lost his case worker a couple of week's ago. She got fired. I swear, I had nothing to do with it! :) We've nearly gotten other workers fired in the past, but this one had nothing to do with us. Actually, I don't know why she lost her job, other than being told it had nothing to do with us. But anyway, that was a matter of concern because I had been really pleased with the things our case worker was teaching Ben (independent living skills). We waited so long to get our own worker due to some bureaucratic/clerical error and then we had to wait longer while they searched for someone willing to drive to Swan. And then we only had her for 3 months! But we were told a new worker had been hired. She came over yesterday and I was pleased. She actually lives in Pleasantville and has a son in the school.

We had a nice visit and I definitely felt like we "clicked." However, I think she came bearing fiery darts because I about had to pick myself up off the floor after she left. In our conversation, the new worker mentioned that she had a son with mental health needs and, thus, was familiar with Pville's special ed system - a system that I, so far, have been very pleased with. Then, she mentioned that her son was adopted out of Iowa foster care at age 4. Whoa! That caught my attention!

It turns out that this worker used to head up the state's foster care parental support program and had the second-in-command position for the national association. When I told her what we were getting into she was not delighted. In fact, she told me to be "very, very careful." She went on to tell me horror story after horror story of things she had endured. She told me that I was risking "ruining your family." Of course, the effect on my kids has been my biggest concern when deciding whether or not to pursue this. Sam is just a little guy and more vulnerable and, of course, we are risking things to a certain extent with Ben and his autism.

I felt utterly deflated and full of self-doubt after she left. But I slowly began to pick myself up. I could tell that this worker definitely does not know the Lord. She's a nice lady, but that part is obviously missing. I also know that God has directed our footsteps all along. A year ago at this time I would not have considered adopting through foster care. The fact that I have changed my mind so completely has to be of the Lord. There's the fact, too, that both Paul and I are in such agreement on this. That's not to say that we couldn't both be agreeing on something wrong, but I don't believe that to be the case.

A friend of mine is pursuing an international adoption right now - actually, a special-needs adoption. Her husband posted on their adoption blog last night and I read it and was encouraged. I wrote to her and told her about what had happened that afternoon. Today, she sent me a verse -

Ephesians 6:16

Above all taking the shield of faith wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked

Has God called us to this? Yes. Has God's calling changed because somebody scared me? No. Then what am I to do? I take faith in knowing what God has asked, knowing that He will provide, He will protect, and He will sustain. That's not to say that my flesh won't fail and that my knees won't get wobbly, because they will. That's not to say that there won't be rough waters and times that I am clinging onto the smallest scrap of trust I can hold in my weakened hand. I have no doubt that there will be. I suspect that what we are venturing into is going to be one of the hardest undertakings of our married life, ever. And we thought having and raising Ben had been rough! I have a feeling that may seem like a cakewalk, in comparison, by the time we are finished.

But we won't ever be alone.

Well, I suppose I could launch into a sermon right about now, but I'll refrain. I have clothes to iron and a house to clean. This will be my last post before Christmas, which is this Sunday. Other than some cooking and cleaning, I'm ready. My parents are driving down Christmas morning.

I did get my first Christmas gift today. Well, that's not quite true. Last night one of my Patch kids gave me a loaf of her mother's strawberry bread (yum!) and homemade salsa. But I got my first gift in the mail. My brother's long-time girlfriend has achieved some notoriety in the sewing world (a world that I did not know actually existed). She designed a pattern for a hat and it is featured in a book called "One Yard Wonders" by Rebecca Yaker and Patricia Hoskins, published by Storey Publishing and available at Barnes and Noble. Ava sent me a copy of the book today. It's neat. I'm definitely not a seamstress (my sewing endeavors being limited to sewing curtains and hemming church pants for little and big boys), but I will enjoy looking through the book. I am so pleased she thought to share it with me.

Have a merry Christmas, everyone!

School, Signs, Mom Smarts, and Something Fun

2011-12-14T13:25:00.004-06:00

Ok, this is weird - I wrote this last Wed. and thought I published it. Evidently not! So this is what you should have seen 6 days ago...

I want to finish up my blogging and then I have to make supper, run Ben to his allergy shots, and get to church for Patch club. Tomorrow I HAVE to finish up my Christmas baking. I've been working on it since August (really!) but it is past time for me to be finished.

I took Will into the school yesterday to change his CPI form so that he can take his class next semester. Then we walked down to the high school office and asked the secretary to show us where the class will be held. The secretary said, "Oh, you're the Heywoods, right? Ben's mom?" Then she went on to tell Will that her son played football with him. But how does the high school secretary know Ben? And then she walked us down to the classroom. The teacher was in there and as soon as we poked our heads in she said, "Oh, you must be Will!" It had been more than a month since I had emailed this teacher and she had no idea we were going to stop by. But she remembered his name. And then she said, "You must be Ben's mom!" How does everybody know Ben? We had a nice chat with her. Right now there are only two students registered for the class, but that might change. She said she usually has about a half a dozen students enrolled in it. I had no idea the class would be so small - that's great. Then, Will remembered to ask about a laptop, so we went and chatted with the lady that takes care of that. Will will be issued a laptop to use for the class. He's pretty pleased about that! His teacher asked him where he's thinking of going to college and when Will told her he was looking at Faith she nodded and said, "Oh - the Bible college!" Usually people don't know what we're talking about when we mention that. But, anyway, I'm very pleased. I think this class is going to be good for Will.

Ben had his Christmas program at the school the other night. I was the only one who went. Am I bad because I read a magazine during all the sections of the program in which Ben was not performing? Going to the program got me out of butchering. I had to do some when I got home, but I got to miss the majority of it, thankfully. I don't know know why they persist in having these music programs in the old gymnasium. There just is not room in there for everyone that attends. They have a larger gym in the newer part of the building - use that! I did actually enjoy the program, though. They do such a good job of presenting both sides of Christmas, the secular and the sacred. I know from experience (remembering Ben's "Winter Program" his kindergarten year) that not all public schools do that. Ben did the best he has ever done - he kept his hands at his side, paid attention, didn't sway - I was so pleased! I found out later that his aide bribed him with extra computer time if he remembered to do all those things! Ben reminded me again on the way home that he intends to be in the spring musical. Guess there's no getting out of that one!

Paul got a 50 cent raise last week - yay! It's not as much as the dollar raise he got a year ago, but we'll take it. It's been warm enough this week, though, that he has been coming home from work early. We have yet to have a really cold snap and they are running out of furnace checks to do. I sure hope things aren't super slow for the next six months as they can be some years.

Last week we had a rather interesting city council meeting. After the meeting, before we broke up one member (who tends to be a bit contentious) informed me that my signs are "offensive." I'll back up here. A year ago the city bought a new sign. We use that to inform the residents of upcoming events. When there's nothing to post, I post some short pithy quote. I have had so many people tell me how much they appreciate the things I put up, that they make them "think" as they are leaving town. I'm always careful in what I put up. I never, ever put up anything remotely religious. They're just basic quotes (I get most of them from "Our Iowa" magazine) about life and the different seasons and so on. So I was rather taken aback when she informed me that she found my quotes offensive! She asked if we could just have "Merry Christmas" on the next sign I put up. So do you know what I did? I put up a very short quote on Christmas and then below it wrote, "Merry Christmas." Then I hid the keys to the sign! Ok, I probably didn't win any points with this particular council member, but I was offended that she was offended when there is absolutely nothing offensive in the first place. Sheesh... And then this same council member climbed all over us for not voting for her in the past election. I refused to rise to the bait and even admit whether or not I voted for her because it is none of her business. Our mayor was tripping all over himself trying to explain to her his reasons for not voting for her, but I wasn't about to do that. I just sat there with my mouth shut. Last I knew, voting was a private affair! This next council might be a little interesting...

I had a little stroke of ingenuity last week. I had bought David a new pair of gloves this fall for the upcoming winter season. I guess I should explain that mittens and gloves drive me absolutely batty. They are forever getting lost and I spend half my time looking for them. I can't stand it when the boys wear non-matching gloves and it drives me nuts when they go out in the snow in non-insulated hand wear and come in with red and chapped hands. I solved that problem with Ben and David by sewing a string to their mitten and running it through their coat sleeves. I know it probably looks a little dorky for Ben since he is 15, but he has yet to lose his $27 pair of specially made mittens (made by a grandma in Alaska - specially designed for those with motor problems - they don't have thumbs). I'm giving him a new stocking hat for Christmas and I know it's just a matter of time before he loses that. I wish there was a way to attach that to his coat. This is a child who would lose his head if it wasn't screwed onto his neck, as my junior high English teacher used to say to me. So anyway, David lost a glove. I looked for it, couldn't find it. He swore up and down he had searched this entire house and it was just nowhere. So, I told him I would buy him a new pair when I went shopping this week. His face lit up and he seemed relieved. And then I added that when I did that I would be sewing the new gloves to a string that we would run through his coat. His face fell. I told him that if he managed to find his missing glove before I went to the store, though, he could continue to keep his gloves in pockets. And wouldn't you know it - that boy somehow managed to find the missing glove! Heh, heh, heh - Smart Mom strikes again!

Oh, I found something really, really cool yesterday. I was at the Bass Pro store in Altoona, getting some new coveralls for Paul's birthday (shh - don't tell him! He's been running around looking for a good deal and I already bought them. Of course, I'm going to have to hurt him if he goes ahead and buys a pair before his birthday comes!). I ended up in the women's clothing section and I discovered camouflage lingerie!!! I had never seen anything like that before. They had little shorty gowns and two piece outfits, too. They're all made out of the silky stuff (which is the only thing I wear to bed, per my husband's request) and designed with a genuine camo print. They had pink with the camo and then the regular green design, too. They were a little pricey - $40, so I didn't get any. But I am going to watch their sale ads and hopefully I can pick up one sometime around our anniversary. Paul will be so surprised and pleased I bet. What could be better than nearly naked woman in camo clothing? We are hoping to get away to the GARB marriage retreat in Johnston a week before our anniversary. I have always wanted to go to that thing and it would be a good chance for the boys to be on their own overnight without us being too far away. But that's going to depend on this foster care/adoption thing, of course. I may have written about this before. That would be a good time to surprise him with the new nighty, though.

Well, time to get back to work. I am looking forward to the next two days because I don't have to go anywhere. I want to finish up my baking and wrapping. Friday evening is the Lozier party. Hopefully, we'll get to go. It will depend on whether or not Paul gets calls since he will be on-call. It would be kind of awkward if I am there alone, since I really don't know anyone and am not employed by the company! But those parties are always fun. They give away good prizes. Of course, I'd be just as pleased if they saved their money and put it into a bonus check for all their employees, instead. But nobody asked me...One of these years we're going to win the $500 mall gift certificate or the big screen tvs they always seem to give away. Now would probably be a good time to insert a verse about not desiring things of the world...

Gotta scoot!

The Boys and the Funeral

2011-12-13T21:20:00.002-06:00

This is Sam, taken last Friday. I was trying to get a good shot of him licking the cake beaters and I caught him in-between licks, apparently a little annoyed with my picture taking!

I have so much to get caught up on - I may need to split it between two different blog entries.

Sam is not happy with me again this morning. I kind of feel bad, but it's one of those things that can't be helped. There is a PBS show called "Dinosaur Train" that Sam enjoys. I have always been bothered by the show, though, because of its blatant pro-evolution slant. Sam has come to me insisting that dinosaurs were made "millions of years ago" and won't listen when I correct him. I let that one slide. Will, especially, though, has never liked the show. Will is a huge Answers in Genesis fan and reads all the publications and mail that we get from them and I would assume that's where his angst comes from. Well, I was gone for most of yesterday, finishing my Christmas shopping. But when I got home Will told me that on the show yesterday they had talked about celebrating the "Winter Solstice." That did it for me. Obviously, the solstice is a real thing - it happens every Dec. 21st. But I have noticed a trend in recent years of the celebrating of the solstice. It's done by those who reject Christ and the idea of having a holiday to celebrate Him. Essentially, it's a pagan holiday rooted in worship of the earth. So, I told Sam we wouldn't be watching Dinosaur Train anymore because it "makes God sad." Sam was fine with that last night. But when he woke up this morning and wanted the tv turned on, I had to remind him that Dinosaur Train was on and so we had to wait to turn on the tv. He was definitely not impressed! So we cuddled on the couch and I re-explained my reasons. I think I jollied him out of his bad mood, but I won't be surprised if we go through this every day for awhile.

The boys exchanged names again for Christmas. I posted on Facebook last night about the amazing Captain America shield that Will made for Sam. When Sam told Will that was what he wanted I suggested to Will that he go to Toys R Us and get him a plastic version. Will didn't think that was a good idea and informed me that the would be making a shield for his brother. He used spray paint, a thick piece of scrap plywood, and his dad's power tools. Then he remembered that Sam is left-handed, so when he put the handles on (made out of duct work hangers) he made sure to adjust them accordingly. I am SO impressed. The whole thing did not cost a single penny to make, either! This will be a toy that I will want Sam to hang onto forever.

Will also had me pick up a little Colts t-shirt for Sam from him. The boys all have their favorite football teams and they - particularly Will and David - are forever trying to persuade Sam to pledge allegiance to their team. A couple of weeks ago, David asked him, "So do you like the Cowboys, Sam?" Sam looked at David seriously and said, "I have to like the Colts now, David, because I'm sleeping in Will's room." Hah!

I made cookies last week. They are called "Cowboy" cookies. I have no idea why. It's just the name of the recipe - a combination of chocolate chips, oats, and rice krispies baked into a cookie. So, anyway, Sam was eating one and then he heard me refer to them as "cowboy cookies." Sam threw his half-eaten cookie on the table in disgust and cried, "I don't want to eat a Cowboy cookie - I want to eat a Colts cookie!"

Onto sadder subjects: Saturday was Joy's funeral. It was a time of sadness and embarrassment for me. Paul was working that morning, so the plan was that I would bring dress clothes to the college (where the funeral was) and he'd change, attend the service, and then change again and go straight back to work. Well, we didn't get there until the starting time of the funeral. Paul decided that he wouldn't bother changing clothes since it was so late and we would undoubtedly just be slipping into the back rows of chairs, since we were late. Instead, we walked into the gymnasium and an usher asked us how many people we had. When I told him "six" he lead us to the second row, right behind the pallbearers! I could have just died! So there we are, dressed nicely, and Paul's in his work uniform, which is a pair of jeans, a polo shirt, and a thermal shirt underneath! Paul is so pragmatic that I don't think he was really bothered, but it was nearly all I could think about!

The funeral was sad. I know the intent was to focus on God's goodness and the promise of Heaven and they did a good job of that. Our pastor preached an amazing message. But at the same time, there is just no way to sugarcoat a tragedy. A young mom died before she was done raising her kids. She will not be there to help guide them into adulthood. A husband has suddenly been left without his lover, his partner, his best friend. I honestly had some mixed feelings concerning the deceased. We had some unpleasant history that was never dealt with but I even found myself tearing up. Maybe it was because of that - that things were never made right. It was a difficult time. Her burial was Monday in Missouri and her husband posted on Facebook that it was honestly the hardest day of his entire life. My heart just aches for him.

Afterwards, though, I caught what I thought was the most poignant moment of the funeral. Over the years at our church, I have slowly come to realize what a heart our pastor has for the people in our church. I think it's his whole family, really, that feels that way. I remember getting my first glimpse of that when we'd been in the church about 6 months. Paul had been fired that day from the job we moved out here to take. He still had two more days on the job, but we were just so hurt and so blown away by this and very uncertain of the future. Well, I was flabbergasted that night when our pastor and his wife drove up to our house. We live a half hour away from them but they came to be with us in our time of need. And there have been incidents like this time and time again in the 7 years we have been at this church. Our pastor hurts for his people. After the funeral I saw our pastor standing over by one of the gymnasium doors and his 18 year old son and another daughter were crying and he put his arms around them. One by one, his other children joined the circle and the whole family just stood there crying for the Brace family. How amazing is that? They weren't crying for themselves - nothing had happened to them. But because it happened to a church family, they felt the pain.

After the funeral I made a wrong turn and ended up getting separated from Paul and Will. But it was ok because I ran into my friend, Julie. Julie had become quite attached to Joy since last spring and both Joy and I were instrumental in leading Julie to the Lord in Sept. I'm not saying that with pride - just stating a fact. Well, Julie was devastated by Joy's death and she just sobbed and sobbed in my arms after the funeral. I know she was saying stuff to me but I couldn't hear any of it, since my deaf ear was closest to her mouth. But I just held her. Sometimes that is all you can do.

It's a good reminder of how God holds us in our times of need. Sometimes, all the wise words in the world won't mean anything, but a comforting set of arms means everything.

Decisions, Death, and Dress

2011-12-06T19:37:00.003-06:00

We had our last class last night and our 3rd home visit this evening. And in the space of time from one to the other we went from being adoption-only to seeking a dual license. This is what we were originally seeking up until two weeks but then we changed our minds and now it's changed again. I won't go into everything that transpired but we came to understand over the past day or so that by seeking only our adoption license we are kind of shooting ourselves in the foot as far as adoption goes. Most children who become available for adoption are adopted by their foster parents. That leaves very few available for adoption-only homes. That's not to say there aren't any out there, but it can mean a long wait - like 2 years or more.

My mind was just in a tizzy this morning, trying to figure out what to do. Paul and I are both very firmly committed to the idea of adopting and neither of us wants a revolving door on our house. Neither one of us is wild about the idea of foster care, although it is something we're willing to do if necessary. I suddenly thought of the lady that spoke at our homeschool conference this summer. She was the one who had adopted something like 18 children out of foster care and she pointed us in the direction to go. So, I facebooked her and we ended up talking on the phone this afternoon. I was so grateful to her for taking time out of her busy day (she homeschools all those kids, too!) to talk with me. She strongly encouraged us to go for our dual license. She said that when we get a call for a foster care placement we can ask where the child is in the system. If she has just been removed from her home, then we'll refuse the placement. But if she's been in for 9 or 10 months and they just need a new foster home that also means that a permanency hearing will be coming up soon. That usually happens right about 12 months into the process, although a judge can defer a decision for a few months longer than that if the birth parents are showing evidence of trying to get their lives back on track.

There is also the possibility of us adopting out of state. Generally speaking, though, that's kind of a last resort, though, because it can be really difficult. But some states won't even consider inter-state adoptions unless the parents have a dual license. Also, if we got into a situation where we had one child whose parents had lost custody but say, she had a baby sibling, the parents might not have lost their rights yet to the younger child. So in order to take both children, we would need to have both types of licenses.

Our worker agreed to recommend us for a dual license, although she will be emphasizing to the licensing board that our preference is for adoption. So now we wait to see what happens next. Our home has passed inspection, we are done with our education, and now it's up to the state. If approved, we will have to take 6 more hours of training in the next 9 months to be certified in CPR, first aid, and medication management.

So, in all reality, we could have another child living with us in 30 days. Or maybe not. If it does come through foster care, though, I will not be able to say anything on my blog about it. I'll mention that we have a placement, but that's all I can say. There's a whole lot of privacy rules we have to follow until an adoption takes place.

Here is my latest Jewels of Encouragement post: http://www.jewelsofencouragement.com/2011/11/something-perfect.html I wrote about our broken nativity set. It was funny - when I unpacked that thing again last weekend I discovered that Joseph is now headless, too. I really should give in and get a new set!

I read an amazing book last week. I got it out of our church library. It's by Terry C. Thomas and called "At Least We were Married." It's quite old, being first published in 1970. In fact, the marriage he wrote about it probably happened before my own parents' and they've been married 43 years! The story was about the courtship between the author and his wife. It was a really sweet telling of that time. They were married in a huge southern wedding in Georgia the day after Thanksgiving. The next evening they were leaving on their honeymoon in the rain when a car crossed the center line and crushed their red VW bug. The bride was killed instantly and the groom was critically injured. In a space of 24 hours they went from utter elation to complete devastation. Can you imagine? It just really made me want to appreciate Paul more because we've had more than 18 years of marriage but it was a good reminder that it could end instantly, at any time. I wanted to know the "rest of the story" so I did an internet search but I didn't find a whole lot. The groom ended up becoming a "Dr" Terry Thomas. I assume that's an educational or Biblical doctor, not a medical doctor. He worked with Bill Bright of Campus Crusade for Christ at the time of the accident. I didn't see anything to indicate that he had ever remarried, but I didn't see anything that said he had not. He did re-release the book at least once. Anyway, it had quite an impact on me.

Joy died Sunday night. I feel crummy because I had finally psyched myself up to go visit her. I was going to make it happen this week. And now it's too late. The funeral is expected to be huge, I guess, so they are having it up at Faith. Sometimes it sure is hard to trace the hand of God. This is the 3rd woman, my age, in my circle of friends of acquaintances to die within the last 2 1/2 years. I'm busy right now getting ready for Christmas and I find myself thinking that a year ago Joy was doing the same thing, having absolutely no clue that it would be her last Christmas. We just never know.

This past weekend was hunting. I didn't count on how exhausting it would be for me! This was the first time we stayed here for the event. A guy from church came over to hunt, as did Will's buddy, Nathanael. I felt obligated to feed the weary hunters so I was up before 6 all three mornings, making them a huge breakfast, and then cleaning that up and making a large lunch. I also had to make supper! I knew they would work up an appetite tromping all those miles in the cold. And, I like to feed people, so I felt the need to cook a lot. I never ever want anyone to leave my house feeling like they didn't get enough to eat (or that it was so bad they had to choke it down out of politeness!). I think I did a good job...maybe.

Today when our case worker was here she was interviewing the boys and asked them, "How does your mom show love to you?" Will replied, "She cooks for us!" To a teenage boy, I guess that is the ultimate expression of love!

This quarter for Sunday School, most of the classes, high school on up, are meeting in the auditorium for a video series. It's called, "Quieting the Noisy Heart" or something like that. I'm looking forward to it, because I feel like I have an entire marching band in my heart at times! That is freeing up quite a bit of space in the downstairs of the church so they decided to reinstitute a former practice of having the younger SS kids meet for a time of singing before breaking into their classes. So I took Sam to the new room on Sunday and it wasn't but a few minutes and he was just sobbing into my coat. I was so baffled! He has always been such an easy-going kid and has transitioned well in all situations. I didn't know what to do. My plan had actually been to skip SS myself and run to Walmart because I needed a few things for lunch for the guys. So I ended up just taking Sam to Walmart with me. And then we hustled back to church in order to be in our pew by the time Ben wandered upstairs from his class. That would have been bad if we hadn't been there for that. Will, Paul, and David were out hunting that morning so there would not have been anyone for Ben to find. Later, Sam told me that he was just "so scared" by going to the new room. I don't understand it, but I guess I'll have to do plenty of preparation this week before next Sunday morning!

It's almost 8:30 - can I go to bed yet? I am feeling so tired. Last night was our last class. It feels so victorious to be finished. We stuck it out, didn't miss a single class, and we accomplished something, learning a few things along the way, too. At the end of class, we had to each talk for a few moments, saying what we had learned, etc. And then, the instructors mentioned something they liked or noticed about us. I was hoping to hear something like, "Oh, you're such a wonderful mother, Sarah, and we know that you'll be fantastic at taking in another child, too" but instead, they mentioned how much they enjoyed my "fashion sense" and my "blingy" clothes and how it gave them something pleasant to look at each week! On one hand, it's nice to have affirmation that my efforts in personal care are noticed and appreciated, but on the other hand, that's not why I was there! So I don't know what to think! I guess I should just be thankful that this 40 year old, middle-aged, increasingly plump gal can be labeled as "fashionable"! Wonder if that will still be true when I'm 80? Probably not so much...and neither will I care when I am 80 years old!

I got the last of my Christmas decorations up today...and, I got all my fall decorations packed away in their tub, which is actually more of an accomplishment. I even decorated the deck. I have avoided that for the past few years since it's been a bit of a mess with all the work on the house. But it's actually cleaned off and attractive looking now. The Christmas spirit has been slow in arriving, but it's finally here, I think. Thursday morning I plan to run up to Des Moines and hopefully finish all my shopping. I don't have a tremendous amount left to do. Amazon has been my best friend this year!!

Paul goes on back-up call this Friday and on first call a week later. It is finally getting awfully cold, which means that I will be essentially a widow for the next two weeks since he'll be busy handling most of the no-heat calls.He goes off call the morning of the 23rd and then he'll be on call again on Christmas Day. My parents are coming down that day, so it should be a nice time.

Better go pluck a certain 4 year old out of the bathtub!

Good News, Thanksgiving, and Resolutions

2011-11-30T13:21:00.003-06:00

Time to finish up this week's blogging!

Joy rallied. They tried some additional steroids and it really brought her around and stopped the brain swelling. My friend Julie went up to see her yesterday. She called me afterwards and said it was just a really strange day. She had gotten a call that morning from Joy's husband saying that she had better come because she might not get another chance to see Joy. So she went and by the time she got to the hospital, her husband was talking about them all being in church together Sunday! Julie was asking me rhetorically, "How do you go from being at death's door, to planning to attend church in just a few days?" Whatever it is, we'll take it. I know Joy and her family are not looking for a cure (although they would take one) but just more time to spend together before she goes Home.

I didn't write about Thanksgiving yet. This year we went out to Council Bluffs. To my surprise, almost everyone - everyone being Paul's nuclear birth family - was there. His one brother didn't come but that's all right because we think he's a bit psychotic and aren't too crazy about having him near our kids. I can get away with saying these things on my blog because absolutely nobody in Paul's family has the slightest interest in reading my blog! There are advantages to being disliked...

It was an ok day. We spent the night on Wed. Paul's sister and family were in town from Ohio and thus, had the upstairs guest bedroom. So we got the downstairs bedroom. It's located underneath the kitchen and the ceiling is not insulated which means every footstep above sounds like a thundering herd of elephants. And Paul's mother was up at 4am putting in the turkey. So our sleep was definitely not uninterrupted!

Neither of Paul's sisters spoke a single word to me the entire time we were there. As Paul reminds me - "Consider the source" but it still bothers me even after all these years. Paul has also tried to remind me over the years that it probably has more to do with him than me. Years ago Paul had to take a stand for truth and righteousness that pitted him against his entire family. I don't think they've ever forgiven him. His sisters, especially, have just never been all that interested in pursuing a relationship with me and have seemingly gone out of their way to take offense when none was intended. I keep telling myself that I "give up" but I guess there is a still a part of me that longs for that sister relationship I had always hoped to attain when marrying. After 19 years, I think it's safe to say that it just isn't going to happen!

But my other sister-in-law, Lisa, and I had a couple of nice conversations. She's been horrible at keeping in contact since we moved, but we have always enjoyed eachother's company. When Lisa found out that we are pursuing adoption she got so excited for us, which was nice. I found out that her son, who is Will's age, and his girlfriend are going to be graduating from high school this May, which is a year early. Since they have a child they apparently got into some accelerated graduation path that their school offers for young parents. Also, they both have full-ride scholarships to the area community college because of their young parenthood status. I want them to succeed in life and so my feelings are divided. I'm happy that they won't be welfare-dependent their entire lives and have a shot at a decent future. But at the same time I'm sitting down with Will and we're poring over college brochures and trying to figure out what kind of scholarships and grants and loans he can qualify for so that he can scrape through and earn a degree himself. It doesn't seem fair to me. I just have to remind myself that 1) life isn't always fair, as much as we would like it to be and 2) You can never go wrong by doing things God's way. Yes, Will will have to work his tail off to get through college but he will have God's hand of blessing on him because he is a young man who earnestly desires to do the right thing and so far, has chosen to do the right things.

One of the nicest things about Thanksgiving? The fried turkey Paul's brother made - yum, yum!

Actually, I think girls are the farthest thing from Will's mind right now, anyway! Last night we were helping Paul lay carpet and I casually asked Will what qualities he was looking for in a future wife. He looked at me like I had grown two heads and replied, "None!" He then said he didn't see a reason to be thinking of those things when he wasn't even looking for a wife right now! I then asked him, jokingly, if he wanted to marry a girl like me someday, and he said well, only for the cooking part, meaning he wants a wife who cooks like I do, but evidently there are other things in me he sees as less-than-desirable - ??? Hard to imagine that!

We did get rest of the carpet down last night - it took forever because we had to piece in a 12" piece along the back wall. This carpet came with a pad already on it, so we had to use carpet tape, which was a new experience - it's kind of handy stuff. But now I have all the furniture in there. We don't have the bed set up because one of the legs is cracked and Paul wants to fix that first. So, I'm trying to be patient, even though I am so anxious to put that thing together with the new sheets and comforter I bought and to just have it ready and waiting for our new little girl!

This weekend is hunting. Nathanael is coming over for a few days to stay and a guy from church is also going to be joining them. So I have some cooking and cleaning to do. My friend, Julie, is coming over on Sat with her little girl while her husband hunts. I'd like to have my Christmas stuff out and up by then, but I don't know if it's going to happen. I hope they get some deer - our supply of venison is getting low! The news has been reporting today that the number of deer have decreased. I guess an all-white deer - something I have never seen before - was killed this morning up in Des Moines by a car. Monday night there was a deer/car accident at Army Post and SE 14th, which surprised me because that's a high traffic area, not really anything rural around. This will be the guys' first experience hunting around here.

I think we're going to try to do better at having family devos this next year. We were talking the other day, wondering out loud if we are "doing enough" where the boys are concerned, spiritually. It's so easy to take them to church and send them to youth group, but I have to wonder if that's really all that's required. So many young people walk away from the church once they are grown and I'm not entirely sure why. But I know I don't want my boys making that choice. Of course, it will ultimately be up to them, but I want to be able to say that I did everything possible I could as a parent to prevent it. Paul also want to implement a "tv-less" week one week a month. It's not that we'd forgo tv altogether, but we would make an attempt to have it on less during that week. I've been less thrilled with that idea, but I can see the wisdom in it.

A David funny as I close up: The other day he was asking me about "that section of the paper where they list the dead people" and I replied, "You mean the obituary section?" David's eyes got huge and he sputtered, "Mom, I think you just said the "B" word!" I had never put that together before but I guess he'd be right. So now that word is forever ruined for me because I know exactly what I'm going to think about when I hear it! And now, thanks to me, so will my readers! You can thank me later.

More work awaits. I need to take Ben to get his allergy shots in a couple of hours. He ended up staying home from school today because he was having such a rough time with his nose. It's been bothering him since Sunday, really. Monday I got a call to go get him early, too. I sure wish we could conquer those stupid allergies. Then, when I get home I need to zip over to City Hall and meet with a guy we might be hiring to be our water commissioner. And then we'll have to leave for church. My days are a whirlwind...

Little Boy Dreams and Changes

2011-11-29T12:01:00.004-06:00

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My little Hawkeye! Friday the boys and I hit the mall around 8am. Getting up at 6 to get some Black Friday deals was enough of a sacrifice for me! I was not about to go out at midnight and wait in line for hours. We were at Scheels and Sam saw a Hawkeye helmet and was suddenly seized with the great desire to have one. I remembered that I had seen entire outfits before in little kid sizes so we went on the hunt for one. We found one - the last one - in his size and Sam was overjoyed. He used his birthday money to buy the set. Any other kid would have been happy to blow his wad on toys, but Sam has influential older brothers and a Hawkeye outfit was what he wanted! He was so cute. He insisted on hauling the Scheels bag through the mall himself and all the way home kept chattering about how he couldn't wait to get his jersey and helmet on. He wore them all day Friday and Saturday and would have worn them longer except I put them in the hamper. He's been outside tackling his brothers in his helmet. He's so proud of that thing! I pointed out to him that his jersey had gotten a little dirty and he told me, "That's ok - real Hawkeyes get their jerseys dirty, too!" I won't be surprised if he insists on wearing this outfit next fall for his birthday picture - hope it still fits by then! It's going to be one sad day around here when he can't squeeze into his uniform anymore!

Speaking of sad, and this really is: Joy is probably dying today. She's the mom in our church I mentioned three months ago who had been dx with brain cancer. Things have gone swimmingly since the initial dx. She's been in a terrific mood and busy with household things. I read on her blog a couple of weeks ago that she was painting her bathroom or something like that. Then, around Will's birthday she started chemo and radiation. The radiation and tumor itself has caused her brain to swell and unless she responds to some new medication her family has been told it won't be long. I did get a prayer chain phone call this morning and was told that Joy is in an awful lot of pain. Death will be a blessing for her then. But it stinks, you know? Just yesterday, while driving around town, I was hit by a wave of longing for my grandparents who have been dead since 2003. And they were elderly and had lived their lives. I think it would be worse when you have to mourn all the things you thought you'd get to experience with someone and didn't. This world is not where it is. But it's all we know. And so, we grieve. I know Paul is hoping to get up to the hospital to sit with Rod for awhile, husband to husband. I hope someone would do that for Paul if it were me that was dying. But that's not going to happen because I am definitely going to outlive him!

We had our 2nd home visit a week ago. After talking with our worker, we found out that we can be just licensed for adoption. So that's what we're going to do. I've never been all that crazy about the idea of doing foster care, but was willing to do it if that is what it took to eventually adopt. The downsides will be that we will not have spent months with the child, getting to know her and it may take longer to have a child placed with us. But it's not like I don't have anything to do in the meantime! So we will be licensed and then we will wait for a call. I suppose then, we will have a gradual time of getting to know our new child as she is transitioned out of her foster home. The state also has adoption "fairs" twice a year where we could go meet children available for adoption. I think that would be kind of neat, even if it does bring to mind images of picking out a puppy from the pound!

Saturday I ripped up the old carpet in the bedroom (gouging myself only once with the jip knife and nearly breaking Sam's leg, as well). Paul then thought he had to do some re-wiring of the house sine the original wires ran underneath the floorboards in that bedroom. Sunday we put down part of the new carpet. Tonight we will finish it. Then we have to put up a handrail to the basement and hang some co2 detectors. Last night after class we went to Menards and bought a gun cabinet, the co2 detectors, and a needed smoke detector. And then next Tues. is our last home visit! Oh, and we have to move the new furniture into the bedroom, which will be fun! I can't wait to sew a bed skirt and matching curtains, but that's going to be an after-Christmas project.

Our last class is next Monday night. Maybe it's because I've been out of school for so long, but finishing these classes seems like a real accomplishment to me! They've just been so intensive. Maybe it's because my heart has been so tied up with all of this,too.

We have connected with another couple in the class that we discovered are fellow Christians. In fact, the husband is the assistant pastor at an area Baptist church. I'd like to find out their last name so I could find them on Facebook. The mom is a public school teacher in Waukee, although she used to homeschool.

Well, I have more to write, but it will have to be in a later post. I'm kind of scrambling with my to-do list today. I'll be back later!

Dead Dogs and Bowling Balls

2011-11-21T14:45:00.003-06:00

It's a cold Monday. I did some work up at City Hall today and couldn't figure out why the heater wasn't kicking on; my hands were about frozen solid. So I went over and inspected the heater - it was on "fan" and only at 56 degrees!

Paul killed our neighbor's dog on the way to church yesterday. The dog was suicidal and really, it's a miracle it survived this long. The accident was unavoidable. We were late and so we didn't stop. But I called our neighbor right away and left a message. I hated to do that because I really thought it was news I should have delivered in person. Well, she never got my message, so she was kind of upset. She wasn't upset about the dead dog, but at what she saw as unkindness in us not letting her know right away. She was so right and I felt just terrible. Paul went over and apologized to her, too. She assures me everything is fine and that she, frankly, is a bit relieved that she doesn't have to take care of that dog anymore. I still feel bad about it though! So that kind of cast a pall over all of yesterday.

Ben's state bowling meet was Saturday. I was shocked to see his aide, Mrs. K and her sister there. The night before Paul's dad had called to wish Ben a happy late birthday. I had sent my phone upstairs with Ben. Well, unbeknownst to me the little booger was able to figure out my phone and had the dexterity to find Mrs. K's number in my phone and called her and asked her to come Sat. I was so mortified! It's enough that she has to work with him 5 days a week. She definitely deserves to have her weekends off! When I was scolding Ben he assured me that he was very sorry. I reiterated to him that he should have asked me before calling. Ben was quiet a moment and then looked at me and said, "But you would have said 'no'." Well, yes, that's true! As I posted on Facebook, he has figured out that it is easier to apologize than to ask permission!

So anyway, we got to the AMF Lanes in North Des Moines which was packed with special needs individuals and their helpers, along with the Special Olympic helpers - what a madhouse! And Ben starts jumping up and down because he spied Mrs. K! She came over to me and introduced her sister (who looks just like her) and told me that they had been at a big craft show at the fairgrounds. But when Ben called her she realized how important it was to Ben for her to be at his event and she said if she couldn't give up an hour of shopping for him, then there was just something wrong with her! She just loves Ben. I was so touched.

Ben didn't do so great - he got fourth place - out of four bowlers! He actually didn't do too badly for the first game. But then Mrs. K had to leave and it was like Ben just deflated. Never mind that all his brothers and his mom and dad were there cheering him on! And he was getting more tired, too. But he still ended up with a ribbon - which I happened to spy this morning under one of the van seats. I can tell it means a lot to him!

Afterwards we went to Incredible Pizza to celebrate the bowling and Ben's birthday. That is one expensive place. A long time ago I had purchased a $25 gift certificate off Restaurant.com for $10. Even with that, I still spent $31 on our food and then another $20 on the games. And then was seriously limiting how many the boys could play! Sam did get to ride the go-cart, though, so he was pretty pleased.

We found out that over the weekend Ben had made the front page of the Pleasantville newspaper. They had covered the initial bowling event last month. So, a couple from church who lives there cut the whole story out for us. How nice!

Will is signed up to take a college credit class at the high school next semester - Creative Writing. More and more he seems to be leaning towards a career in sports writing. At this point, I would say it's all still pretty much up in the air. But of all his options, he seems to talk about that one the most. I was kind of surprised he agreed to take this class. They spend the first month covering and writing poetry which is definitely not where his writing interests lay (lie? I can never keep those straight). But I did tell him that will be useful when he gets a girlfriend someday! The nice thing is the college credit - that we don't have to pay for.

Last week David was musing outloud about his own future career choices. He said something about doing something someday - I can't remember what - and I pointed out to him that, in my opinion, he has some great people skills and I could see him a career that involves "talking." Of course, I have been convinced since he was about 4 that he's headed for the ministry someday. But I don't want to be the one to plant that seed in his mind. It needs to come from the Lord! David asked me, "Like what?" So I said, "Oh, you know, maybe a teacher, or..." I pointed at the television where a legal scene was on the screen, "A lawyer, maybe, or..." And then David actually said, "Maybe a pastor" and I very quickly agreed with him that would be an option. Then Will interjected, "Or maybe a telemarketer!" Ha, ha, ha! I guess you would need some sort of talking ability for that kind of job, but it's not quite what I was thinking of!

Well, our second attempt at refinancing the house has fallen through. It's very frustrating. Our credit score is fine. We even paid $400 out of our own pocket for an appraisal and the house came in $15,000 above what we paid for it. But both times we've been told that there are no comparable houses in the area and so they can't approve the loan. Right now, it's ok. Our interest rate went down to 2.5% and our monthly payments are very affordable. But for how long? Seven years ago when we bought this house we had no trouble getting a loan and they would have had to find comparable properties. But that was before the bottom of the housing market fell out. Now, if we wanted to move, we couldn't. So I guess we'll just keep digging out the basement!

Every week Ben has a "reading probe." He is given a half sheet of paper with information about a certain subject or thing. His job is to read and comprehend the paragraphs and then be able to answer questions about it on Friday. So I always help him review on Thursday nights. Well, this past week's was about a certain dinosaur. Typically, the paragraph began, "7 million years ago..." I quickly reminded Ben that that was not true. The world was only created about 6000 years ago. The next day he went to school and he informed his aide that the paper was wrong because his mom had said that dinosaurs were only 6000 years old! So he and his aide went to the internet to look it up. Ben was completely frustrated that the internet told them that dinosaurs were roaming the earth 7 million years ago! And, I think, he was inclined to believe the Internet over Mom, just a bit!

We are leaving this Wed. evening for Council Bluffs. We'll be home within 24 hours. Then it looks like I am going shopping on Friday morning with the boys. It won't be for long because they don't want to miss the Iowa-Nebraska game. I'm not real anxious to fight the traffic or crowds. But I need a new purse and Will wants to get to a guitar store. I don't want him driving alone with all of central Iowa out at the malls. So I guess I'm going to get up at a reasonable (no lining up in front of the stores on Thanksgiving evening for this girl!) time and go out for a few hours with the boys. Ben will be happy!

Ben's case manager for his SCL services is coming over in 45 minutes so I had better make sure the house is picked up. Tomorrow I will be cleaning all day long because our next home visit for the adoption is at 5pm. Oh, and speaking of that, I got the prettiest pink flowered sheets at Penneys on Saturday for only $5! I had a $15 savings coupon and they had them on sale for $20. So now I have my first set of pink, feminine twin sheets for our little girl! I can't wait for Paul to get the carpet up there so we can set up the bed and I can get busy sewing a bed skirt and matching curtains. Like I have any time for sewing right now, though!

Today Jen (of the dead dog) told me that she dreamed the other night that we were given twin girls and I had run over to her house in a panic begging for some little girl clothes. It's funny because I had just had the thought last week - "what if we got twin girls?" I highly doubt that would happen, but you never know, I guess.

Gotta go pick up!

Ben, Brown, and Braids

2011-11-18T11:40:00.002-06:00

Ben's birthday was yesterday. I think it was a good day for him. I brought cupcakes to school for him and he had fun passing them out all day long. His aide told me he got birthday wishes all day. Ben was very particular about those cupcakes. We went to Tropik Sun last week out at Jordan Creek to pick out some gummies to top them with. Ben found a box of alphabet gummies and insisted that I pull out every single "B" in there. That was not an easy job! We ended up with about 15 and then we bought some gummy worms for the other cupcakes. I posted something on Facebook about Ben's birthday and got lots of responses, too. I need to sit Ben down in front of my Facebook wall and let him read everything people wrote to him. And the best part - we're done with birthday season!!! I'm pretty sore and stiff today. I spent yesterday painting my bedroom. Today I'm doing the ceiling. I hate painting! I happened to mention how I am risking imminent demise every time I climbed on the stepladder and this morning Paul tightened up the legs on it. I didn't even know you could do that! But that was sure nice of him. I've painted the room darker - now it's all different shades of brown. Paul said it seemed awfully dark in there; I told him it's now our "love cave." Ha, ha, ha! The wall behind our bed is a rich, chocolate brown. Or, as David pointed out, "It's the color of poop!" Thank you, David...

This past Tues. evening was our mom's group meeting for moms of sp. needs kids. My friend Jenny came with me. I've been after her for quite awhile to come. But it takes time to readjust life after being through something traumatic. I know when Ben was little, his therapists would suggest I go to support groups, but I didn't want to. I think I was still operating under the belief that enough therapy would "fix" him. But I was so pleased Jenny came. One of the leaders of the group has a son just two months older than little Rebekah and he has a lot of similar things going on. I was hoping the two would connect, and they did.

This time we had a special speaker, a chiropractor from Altoona. She's one test away from becoming a "wellness coach" too, she said. Anyway, she's into all things healthy. She mentioned that her kids - some of whom are in their teens - have never been to McDonalds. Wow. I did ask her about my Vit D intake. Everyone seems to think that mine is high (except for the dr who put me on it) and I have been concerned that the dosage has been contributing to my kidney stones (I'm dealing with another right now) and my soft fingernails. But she really seemed to think that they are unrelated and told me that in order to overdose on D I would have to take 50,000 ius a day. She also told me that I should not be taking any fish oil until I get my clotting numbers checked, which was news to me. Apparently, fish oil thins the blood and if you are on an anti-coagulant, as I am, that's not good. Anyway, I really liked her. I'd like to see if her office takes our insurance.

She made us a smoothie out of kale, spinach, oranges, apples, water, and bananas. I was dubious about it from the start. The other women stood around slurping theirs down and asking for seconds. I politely sipped mine (it tasted like a liquid salad) and surreptitiously inched closer and closer towards the garbage can so I could privately dump mine. I'll just plan on dying early if the only way around that is drinking spinach smoothies!

My meal went over well with our class on Monday night. I got lots of compliments. It's probably because I didn't bring soup! Crock pots are about the only thing we can bring into the classroom so we have had practically every variety of soup there is. There's only 3 more classes to go! Our next home meeting is this Tuesday evening. Our caseworker mentioned that she will be "delving into" our marriage. That ought to be fun!

One thing one of the teachers happened to mention, off-handedly, Monday night was that one insurance company in the Des Moines area offers "foster care" insurance. There's a $150 deductible but they will replace things your foster kids ruin deliberately. She also mentioned that it will cover treatment for bed bugs. Oh, please, oh please, oh please, don't let a child bring bed bugs or lice into my house!!! I think I would just die!

Wednesday I went over to my hair stylist's house to learn how to french braid. Last week when I went in for my trim, she found pink paint in my hair so I told her what was going on. She almost started crying and told me that she is adopted herself and that she has a real desire to adopt, as well. So then on Monday she called and asked if I wanted to come over and learn how to braid hair. There was another gal there, too. I think I'm going to need a lot more practice before I'll be able to let a child go out in public with the kind of braids I can make! I hope my future daughter is ok with pony tails because that may be all I can muster! Before I left, Sarah (my stylist) gave me a big bag of outgrown little girl's clothing from her daughter. And on top, was a doll. That was when I almost started crying! It was so much fun to get home and sort through the things. Little girls' clothing is so different from little boys'! I'm very grateful for these things because we have been told that we may get a child wearing only a t-shirt and a diaper and we'll have to buy them a new wardrobe immediately. I've been wondering how I'm supposed to take them to the store if the only thing they have to wear is a diaper and a t-shirt! Our teacher mentioned that there is a place in Des Moines that collects clothing and baby things for foster parents, but they don't always have a whole lot. I'll have to try them first. This could all get very expensive, I am thinking.

But my passion is not diminished. My friend, Laurie, a foster and adoptive mom herself, posted a song link on Facebook last night. It was about adoption and I found myself fighting the tears as I watched the video. I am called to do this, to rescue the orphans. I know that like I know nothing else.

This week I was driving and Sam was trying to tell me something. I couldn't quite make out all he was saying, so I asked, "What?" He sighed and would have rolled his eyeballs if he knew how. And then he said, "I really don't like it when you don't listen to me, Mom!" Guess he told me!

Tomorrow Ben goes to his state bowling meet. That will be so much fun. I love Sp. Olympics! I think I have mentioned that a time or two already!

Paul has been teaching Sunday School for the past month - the old people's class. Well, anyone can sit in there, but for whatever reason, a lot of the older people seem to prefer this class. Maybe it's because it's on the main level and they don't have to go manage the steps then. When he told me he was going to do this, I was a little nervous because he tends to be a bit of a "lecturer" when he's passionate about something. I was fearful that the SS class might turn into a real snooze fest. But I have been pleasantly surprised. He actually does a pretty decent job. Last week our pastor sat in there. Of course, he had just had surgery the week before and was probably a bit doped up on painkillers. I was looking at him during the hour and it looked to me like he was dozing off, but I could be wrong. Anyway, he sent Paul the nicest card this week, telling him how much he enjoyed the class (maybe he wasn't sleeping?) and what a good job he was doing. I thought that was SO nice of him!

Well, back to my painting, I guess. I'm also making marshmallow cups today for Christmas. It's too much having these two different projects going on at the same time. I'm fearful that I'm going to end up with paint in my candy and chocolate in my paint!

Quaking, Painting, Electing, and Reflecting

2011-11-13T17:19:00.003-06:00

I'm home from church tonight and nobody is sick. I'm trying to dredge up some guilt, but it's not working. I just have too much I needed to get done today that I didn't have time to go to church. Now, that sounds bad! But, that's the way it is sometimes. I'm bringing the meal for our class tomorrow night, so that's what I'm working on right now. I think I'm a little tense about that. Paul asked if I was trying to score "brownie points" with the instructors since one of them is our case worker and they eat supper with us each Monday night in class.

As this class nears its end and we are getting closer to the reality of actually doing this, I think I'm getting more stressed. It's just getting so real! And I know, know, know it is not going to be an easy thing. And I like easy! Of course, it may be months off yet, too. We are scurrying around like mad right now trying to get everything done, but it may be months before we have a new child in our home.

This past week the boys and I spent an entire day moving bedrooms around. What an exhausting experience that was - and Will did most of the hard work! Sam is now sleeping underneath Will's loft in his bed. We put Ben and David in the basement and Paul is getting ready to throw up some temporary walls. That much pretty much eliminates all the new space we had in the basement! I spent two days painting the boys' old bedroom and I'm not quite done yet. I hate painting, but I have to admit to having a bit of fun with this. This is the first time in my entire life that I have ever had a reason to paint anything pink! I chose a soft, soft pink. It's quite a change from the navy, hunter, gray, and yellow walls that were in the room previously! As I've painted I find myself wondering about and then praying for this little girl we're hoping to have soon. I definitely feel led, but at the same time, I am quavering in my proverbial boots (not that I would actually wear boots - unless there was something like 10 feet of snow on the ground - but you know what I mean. Boots as a fashion statement are just not my thing).

Tuesday was one of my big painting days. I happened to be painting the wall that faces the street when Ben's school bus drove up and dropped him off. Ben wandered upstairs and asked me, "Is Deana coming today?" Ack! I had completely forgotten about his case worker coming over! I was a mess. I had dried my hair but not styled it so it stuck out in clumps all over my head. I had paint all over me. The house was a mess because I had not taken time to pick up because I was so anxious to get the painting done. The boys have no problem functioning in a messy house, so they, of course, had felt no compulsion to clean it up themselves. And then ding, dong - she was here! She looked pretty shocked when I opened the door. I have always made an effort to present a pretty front when she comes - the house picked up, candles lit, me looking somewhat presentable, etc. But she sure didn't get that this week. Now she knows the real us, I guess. She actually did look a little shocked when I opened the door.

We had our Swan elections this week. Our mayor was unanimously re-elected, which is great. We had a record turn-out. 21 people from Swan showed up to vote. Only 40 are registered! Best of all, Paul got 20 votes so he will be on the city council starting in January. We have another newbie joining the council, as well. Our current city clerk, Jen, and I are swapping places. She got elected to the council and I'm getting her job!

We got our family pictures taken Friday night. Despite Sam deciding to play barber with his hair the day before, they actually turned out well. I was able to disguise Sam's hair cutting experience (curls are great for that - I was just glad he hadn't gone for his bangs!), nobody was sick, or sneezing, or in a bad mood. So we ended up with a decent picture. The last time we did this we all came down with the flu the next day. Fortunately, that didn't happen this time. The next time we get a picture done the boys will be 20, 18, 15, and 7. Wow!! As we were switching out the old photo in the frame from '08 Paul kept exclaiming, "What happened? Where are these little boys?" I wonder the same thing. Time goes by entirely too fast.

Will bought a guitar on Friday with the intention of teaching himself to play. He's pretty tickled. He's wanted one for awhile and since he had his birthday he's really been searching Craig's list. He found one that was less than a year old and came with an instruction dvd, a tuner, and some other goodies.

I'll close with something funny Sam said today. By nature, he is not a very demonstrative child. He's not one to kiss and hug others. He's never told me, "I love you." He's a lot like Will in that regards. Unlike Will, he does want to be held frequently, but I think that is probably because he was held so much as a baby and toddler, coming along so much later. I'm not all that worried by his remoteness. I've had enough kids now to realize that they each come hard-wired a certain way. Just because a child doesn't express emotion easily doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. Well, anyway, David was asking at the table today, "Why is everyone looking at me?" David, unlike his brothers, is very demonstrative and emotional. He's also acutely sensitive to what he perceives others to be thinking about him. Poor kid! But Sam pipes up, "Dat's cuz we all wuv you, Dabid!"
Ha, ha, ha! Paul and I about fell off our chairs! David told me just this week that he is considering a career as a professional comedian (Lord, help us!) but I think Sam may have more of a shot at that someday!

Another busy week awaits me. Tomorrow I have to run Ben out to Penneys to get his birthday picture taken. I have to then come home and work up at City Hall with Jen for awhile. Then our class is in the evening in Ankeny. Somewhere in there I need to stop at the store and buy more napkins because I just discovered tonight that we are out - I did all my shopping yesterday! Ben has allergy shots this week and a birthday the next day. So I'll be making not only a birthday cake for here at home, but birthday treats for the youth group and treats for his class at school.

It's going to be his 15th. Fifteen years since the worst week of my life. Fifteen years since I almost died and they told me to start thinking about taking Ben off life support. Fifteen years of shattered dreams and renewed hope for the future. Ooh, I sense a topic blog coming on! Maybe I'll wait until his 25th birthday, though. I'm too busy right now!

Saturday afternoon Ben goes to the state bowling championships. Then we're going to go out to Incredible Pizza to celebrate that and for his birthday. I wonder if I could squeeze in painting our bedroom this week? I sure would love to get that taken care of.

Well, off to cook some more. Then I have to write a letter to our potential child and a letter to his birth parents. But they'll never see the letter, we've been told. Which begs the question - why??? Who can understand the mind of someone who works for the government?

Gotta run!

School, Parties, and Squishing Time

2011-11-05T11:48:00.002-05:00

Here is my pretty new kitchen table and benches. I can totally see the two of us having this someday as our table in our retirement apartment when we're great grandparents!

This past week wasn't too bad, time-wise. And this next week looks pretty manageable, too. That's nice! Maybe I'm actually just as busy as normal, but I'm learning how to handle it better - I don't know!

This past Monday marked the halfway point of our PS-MAPP classes. I'll be so glad when those are completely over! Sometimes it's hard to sit there with all the humanistic teaching. And, I had been warned that the classes would have a very negative tone and they do. I know they are trying to present to us the realities of what we are choosing to do. At the same time, though, I know God is in this and thus, it isn't going to be that horrible! I know there will be tough times and even heartache, but I also believe it's very, very do-able.

We had parent teacher conferences this week at the school. We had nothing but good reports on Ben. All his teachers love him. I found out that he gets to take his current aide to high school with him next year - yay! The sad thing is that she might retire after that! They are planning to turn a teachers' lounge into a learning center for the disabled kids. They are going to put a washer and dryer in there and a full kitchen. That is what SE Warren has and I remember being really impressed by it. I'm so happy Pleasantville is going to have the same thing now! We also met with Ben's vocal teacher. Ben is bound and determined that he is going to be in this year's musical. Last year we opted him out of that, but he has made it plain that he will be participating this year! It makes me nervous, but I don't want to deny him opportunities, either. So, we're going to work closely with his teacher and see what we can come up with for a plan of action.

We met with the guidance counselor, too, for Will. He told us, "Well, I don't know much about homeschooling..." And he wasn't a whole lot of help. Apparently there are a couple of classes Will can take at the school next semester for college credit. However, he's not too keen on doing either. Also, there are some on-line things he can do for credit. So I need to look over those this week and see if any of them are palatable to Will. The school district would pay for everything, so that's like money in the bank as far as credits go, I explained to Will. He is still unconvinced, however.

Will's 17th birthday was Wednesday. That morning I told Sam it was Will's birthday and he gaped at me and exclaimed, "But he's already big!" It was a rainy, dismal day. Will ran over to his coach's house that afternoon to pick up some cds his coach had promised him a long time ago. While there, the starter on his car died! So it's still sitting in his coach's driveway, who assured him there was no hurry on getting it out. He drove Will home and even stopped at Caseys and bought him a hot chocolate. Will came home with a laundry basket full of Christian cds from the 80s and 90s. His coach had put them all on his computer and didn't need them anymore.

Right now Will has 4 friends over. One of them was in a play last night and all of them went to that. Then I picked them up and they watched movies and played video games in our basement all night. All of them are homeschooled and they all range in age 16-19. I think that is so neat that at our church, ages don't really matter. When I was a teenager I would have never dreamed of socializing with someone a grade lower or higher than me! But anyway, I've been doing a lot of cooking the past couple of days. Teenage boys like to eat.

Sam's newest accomplishment is to take a running leap across the kitchen and to throw himself on the countertops. Then, he gets into the cupboards by himself. Never mind that we have a stool out there that he could climb to get up!

I had my yearly exam yesterday - fun, fun! No problems at all there. I got dressed and my dr. handed me a card and said, "Use this to schedule your mammogram." What?! I'm that old??? She said that between 40 and 50 I don't have to do it every year, especially if there is no family history of it, but I should get one done now to establish a base line. So, I have more to look forward to, I guess.

Well, I think I have lunch about ready for the boys. Then I need to run up to Pleasant Hill and pick up David who spent all day yesterday and today with a friend who recently moved up to Polk City. I have a lot on my to-do list today. Fortunately, tonight is the night we set our clocks back so I get an extra hour to get stuff done!

Days of Fun, Furniture, and Football

2011-10-27T09:05:00.002-05:00

Here's my two scare-ers from the party last Sat. night! Those masks are actually Paul's from his boyhood. I knew we had them and I managed to find them last week in the mess that we call our shed.

The party went so well. We had perfect weather, which helped. About 75-100 people showed up, which is more than the entire population of Swan (people invited others from outside). My neighbors, Jen, Lynne, and I worked for most of the day getting ready.

I had a moment of concern on Friday night when I heard that Jen and her boyfriend had broken up because the boyfriend had agreed to drive our wagon for the ride around town and in the cemetery! But she borrowed another truck from someone she knew and Paul drove it. So, the day was saved. Will worked in the haunted house and about lost his voice from standing inside a coffin and then jumping out and scaring people over and over. Sam did not like the haunted house - he was probably too young to go through and we shouldn't have had him to that.

The fellowship (can you use that word with a group of non-Christians?) was really good and we just had a wonderful time. People brought so much food and after the wagon ride we all loaded up on more of it and roasted marshmallows. Now, we just need to start thinking of ways to top this for next year...

Sam's birthday was also on Saturday. We managed to squeeze in a little party for him that afternoon. He seemed to enjoy his presents but has been scowling since last Sat. when we informed him that he was now 4. He lifted his arms above his head and said, "No I'm not - I still can't touch the ceiling!" If anyone asks him how old he is, he just mutters, "I don't know!" and runs off. Poor kid. I think he's going to have to have a lot of birthdays before he can touch the ceiling!

Tuesday was quite the banner day in our household. We got two sets of new (to us) furniture in the same day! Paul took the afternoon off because he had borrowed a truck and trailer and had filled them up with 7 yrs of of scrap metal that had been collecting behind the garage. Getting rid of that stuff alone made my happy! But we also got a new kitchen table and benches. A couple of weeks ago after we got the washer and dryer moved to the basement we moved the dining room table out of the kitchen. Then, I had Will re-assemble our old 42" round table that we've had since our first year of marriage when Paul's mom picked it up at a "divorce" sale for us. Paul saw that and mused out loud, "You know, what we really need is a table with some benches, rather than chairs." Well, wouldn't you know it, but just a few days later he was in a customer's basement, working on the furnace when he spied that very thing. It was a gorgeous, hand-crafted 52" honey-oak (the exact color of our cupboards) rectangular table with a three-piece bench set (the pieces together form an "L" shape). Paul asked the homeowner if he might be interested in selling and he was! So on Tuesday Paul picked that up. I will have to post some pictures. It's so beautiful! I got white heat marks on it yesterday and I'm about beside myself now, trying all different kinds of remedies. I may end up refinishing the top at some point because it does have some nicks and dings from use. But it will have more than that once we're through with it!

Well, then, also on Tuesday I was going through Craig's List, as I have been for the last week since our case worker told us to get a bedroom ready. I found this precious, precious set of furniture. It was exactly what I wanted - white, feminine and it had everything - the bed, the mattress, the dresser. I dropped them an email and then just hovered around the computer hoping I'd hear back. They ended up calling me and said it was mine if I wanted to come get it (I had mentioned the purpose for the furniture which definitely swayed them!). So while Paul and Will were still in town I met them and we headed up to Ankeny to look at the bedroom furniture. I could have just cried - it's everything I've ever dreamed of having for a little daughter. The bed is a white sleigh bed and has delicate flowers painted on the headboard. The dresser is long and has 6 drawers, with the same flowers on the top drawers. And it comes with a tall mirror that sets on top - something every little (and big) girl needs. The top of the mirror is arched and has the same flowers on it. The couple told us they paid $900 new for it, but sold it to us for $150 and it's only 4 years old.

As we loaded up the furniture, it really hit me that this is real - or else we just made a foolish purchase. In some ways, it's like a huge step of faith. We have the furniture; now God will provide the little girl to use it. Of course, we haven't been approved yet, and even if we do, there is always a chance we won't get a child. I'm honestly not trying to jump ahead of ourselves here, but they did tell us to get a bedroom ready! Worst case scenario, I guess we can always re-sell it and give the boys back their bedroom.

Right now the furniture is in the back room. We need to move the boys to the basement, paint (baby pink, I'm thinking), and re-carpet the room. And then we'll get to set up the new furniture. But it has to happen by mid-December, which is when we'll be licensed and have our 3rd and final home visit.

I'm still perusing Craig's List, but now I'm looking for the perfect bedspread. I never dreamed I'd ever get to do this! It's more than a little fun!

Will's final football game of the season was last Friday night. They lost, but it was a good game. Each team kept scoring on each other and creeping up on the scoreboard. Will's coach, whom he just loves, is quitting, and Will is pretty sad about that. In fact, he came home after the game, red-eyed. I know it's hard. But we tried to make it easier - we got pizza from Caseys and surprised him with it when he got home.

Tomorrow evening we are going to see "Courageous" as a family. It's the latest Sherwood Productions movie. They are the ones that put out "Fireproof" a few years ago (my all-time favorite movie). This one is supposed to be about fatherhood. I think I'd better bring a tissue box. That's a subject that tends to get Paul choked up anyway, and I have a feeling he'll be more than a little emotional during the viewing of this one! I might need a hankie or two, myself!

I have a Jewels post up today. I drew a parallel between breast cancer awareness month and becoming aware of sin in our lives: http://www.jewelsofencouragement.com/ Now I've got to come up with something brilliant in time for my next deadline of Nov. 10.

Next Wednesday is Will's birthday. On Friday night he and some friends are going to meet at the Indianola High School to watch a couple of the youth group kids perform in a play. Then, a few friends of his are coming over here to pig out, play video games, and sleep over.

I don't think my weeks are about to get any less busy! I have had paint purchased and sitting in my bedroom for a month now. I just have not had the time to get it on the walls. I don't know when I will. And now Paul is talking about digging out more of the basement next summer, in order to give Ben and David a larger bedroom since they are moving downstairs soon (Sam is moving in with Will). I dread the thought of that mess all over again since we're just now getting cleaned up from last summer's basement project!

But it's worth it. This home where we bought the bedroom furniture from was in a newer section of Ankeny. If you're familiar with Ankeny, you know it's a pretty upscale city, anyway. I don't even think they have a bad section of town! As we were driving our old mini-van and even older (and rustier and noisy) truck up to the house, I definitely felt a little self-conscious and out of place! The home we were ushered into was a showplace - absolutely gorgeous and pristine. The furniture was mostly modern, the walls had interesting paint colors on them (I found out later that the husband is the art director for a major magazine published by Meredith in Johnston), and nothing was out of place. Gorgeous. I was talking with the mom as the guys were loading up the furniture and she commented that she was one of six children, but she had stopped after she got her boy and girl. "That's enough for me!" she laughed, "We're good!" Now, I don't have a problem with people only having two children. I totally believe that God has different plans for different families. But as we left I commented to Will, "I would rather have our smaller, older house and have it filled with children than to live in a house like this and only have two." Ideally, both would be great :) but I really meant that. My children are a gift and a heritage and I'll take the number and mess any day over an outward life of perfection.

Bonfires, Windshields, and Nut-Job Mothers

2011-10-20T17:08:00.003-05:00

Here is Ben this morning, after he got his ribbon!

On to more news: We went to a bonfire last Sat. at some people's house from church. Every fall our church does this. Some years we have it at a park, other years it's at people's houses. I was so delighted that Jenny brought little Rebekah. She is such a little doll and let me carry her all over the place while we were there. She can sign several words now and very definitely makes her opinion known on some things! Jenny also told me that she would be interested in coming to my moms of sp. needs kids group that meets out at Valley Church every month. Yay! But anyway, the bonfire was really nice.

We are having a bonfire Sat. night here in Swan. I'm thinking it probably won't be quite so nice! I say that because last Saturday some friends of our mayor's were setting up the haunted house and I heard one comment that he didn't know if it was such a good idea to be creating such narrow pathways through the house, since some people would be good and drunk by the time they went through it! Good grief! I know there will be drinking at the bonfire - there always is. But it's not like it's a kegger or anything! There's going to be lots of children there, for goodness' sake! There are three of us planning this event - myself and two neighbor ladies. I think it will be fun. The kids will get a kick out of it. We dug a couple of Paul's scary masks out of the shed and David insisted that I buy him some fake blood to squirt all over himself. I love Halloween - I always have. And I realize that there are some Christians that have a real problem with it and that's fine. But the odd thing is that I am starting to get a funny feeling about celebrating it so much. Do you suppose that is the Holy Spirit? We already avoid witches and ghosts, but I am starting to wonder if there's more that we should be staying away from. I kind of hope I'm wrong about this, because after celebrating it for years, the boys would not be amused if I suddenly said, "Oops - no more Halloween!"

At any rate, this Saturday will be a supremely busy. In the morning Paul is taking in Will's junked car (the one he bought to fix his first one) to the scrapyard. And then we have to celebrate Sam's birthday because he turns 4 that day! And then in the early afternoon we have to set up for the party and then in the evening is the party and bonfire. Whew - what a day that will be!

Speaking of Will's car...this Monday Paul got to class almost an hour late because he was working. He told me that he got a phone call from Will before he got there. Will had gotten pulled over by a state trooper because of his cracked windshield (you might recall that Sam fell on his windshield this past summer). We had warned Will that would probably happen at some point and just had not gotten it fixed yet, although Paul had already gotten cost estimates from several different places. We figured we were on the hook for this expense since it was definitely not Will's fault that Sam had climbed on top of his car! So getting that fixed was something we had to add in to our busy week.

So, Wednesday, we got up bright and early and dropped Will's car off at the glass repair place on the northeast side of Des Moines (Sam's Riverfront Auto and Glass, in case anyone is interested - they gave us the best price). Then, we hopped on I-235 and drove clear out to Jordan Creek mall where I dropped Will and David off. Will has a birthday coming up and wanted to peruse Scheels and get some ideas. That's because his first idea didn't pan out. He called me all excited on Monday and told me that we could buy him a ticket to a November Hawkeye game for $80 for his birthday. David had even agreed to clean out his savings account so he could go too. But I wasn't too thrilled with that idea. It would cost another $40 minimum in gas to drive out there and I'm definitely not crazy about the idea of dropping off two of my children into that college/traffic melee. Fortunately, Paul started shaking his head before I even finished telling him about Will's proposal. See - I'm not a totally over-protective nut-job mom! I told Will that was something that would be more appropriate in his college years, but not right now. I'm quite sure he thinks I'm the protective nut-job, though. Someday, he'll have children and understand...

So anyway, I dropped them off and then drove back to Valley West mall with Sam to get his 4th birthday picture taken. We did that, even though I think I irritated the photographer at Penneys. She seemed rather miffed that I refused to spend over $30 and wouldn't buy any of the special features she offered. Perhaps if she had 4 children who needed new pictures taken every year she might be more understanding...

I went and picked up the boys and then we drove back to the east side to pick up the car. And then my debit card wouldn't go through! The guy tried it 3 times and it still wouldn't go. Talk about mortifying! I told him I knew there were plenty of funds in the account and he was probably thinking, "Sure, Lady..." I finally called Paul and got his number and the card went right through. When I got home I called the bank and they said that two weeks ago my number had been stolen in a hack job out in Pennsylvania. So, when any charges originating in PA came through on the account, the bank refused to pay them and locked the card. That happened on the third for a charge of $169. I was pleased that they had done that, but do you think it might have been nice if they had LET ME KNOW??? A new card is on its way now, I guess.

After we got the car Will headed to Norwalk. Paul had gotten a call from the landlord of one of the apartment units he services. Somebody's heat was not working. And, of course, being on call, Paul is just swamped this week and unable to get to any of his outside jobs. But Will was able to go over and get the furnace going! I was so proud of him! I wonder what they would think if they knew a sixteen year old had fixed their furnace?!

It looks like we will not be heading to Council Bluffs this year for hunting weekend. Paul has found a number of people at church wanting to form a hunting party, so they are just going to stick around here and do it. I have mixed feelings on that. On one hand, it will be nice just to stay home. Any time I have to pack us all up for a weekend away, it's a real chore. But, that particular weekend is always a bit fun because Kathy and I usually go Christmas shopping and I do lunch with my friends, Gloria and Esther, from our old church. Guess it's time to make some new traditions. It will be kind of fun to cook for the guys. I know they get cold and hungry and I can't stand the thought of them hunting on empty stomachs so I can certainly make up a bunch of food for them to eat in between stalking the four legged idiot animals that roam the woods around here...

I had better get the rest of my house picked up. The neighbors are coming over tonight, as I mentioned, to finalize up the party plans. And our mayor is coming over to work on my desktop. It suddenly quit recognizing our mouse this week. It's got some other problems, too. I am fearful that we are going to have to replace that soon. I hope not - it's not even quite 4 years old. Our last desktop lasted 8 yrs. Of course, this one cost 1/3 of what we paid the first time around, too. But, a replacement computer is definitely not in the budget right now, either!

Off to tidy!

Update

2011-10-20T15:41:00.003-05:00

Yes, I know it's been a full two weeks since I last posted, but I have been BUSY!!! We are up to our eyeballs in adoption stuff right now (more on that later), it got cold this week and Paul just happens to be on call, so he's been AWOL from home all week long, I spent 2 days in Waterloo last week, Sam's birthday is this Sat, as is the town Halloween party that two neighbors and I are planning and executing. Also, I'm trying to learn my new job of city clerk, Will is still playing football (last game is tomorrow), today was Special Olympics for Ben, and we're getting all kinds of things done on that house. For example, we moved the washer and dryer to the basement. I now have a dining room again! But I also have some holes in the walls and some painting to do where the laundry area once was.

Other than that, I just don't know how to fill my time!

As I mentioned, today was the Special Olympics bowling event in the Des Moines area. Ooh, what a madhouse that was! But Ben did well and left with a first place ribbon! I am so thankful to his coach, Maureen. Ben's practices were on Monday nights. But our adoption classes are on Monday nights. So Maureen has not only been picking Ben up from school on those nights, but she would bring him all the way back to our house, which was an extra 20 min round trip for her. She did that just so Ben could get a full practice in! And today Ben's aide drove all the way up to the north side of Des Moines to watch Ben perform. And then she insisted on taking him out for lunch before they headed back to school. She told me that somebody recently commented to her at school that she has the "best job" in the entire school because she gets to work with Ben all day. Isn't that cool?

Our foster care/adoption classes are going well. We had our third class this past week. We've had one couple drop out. We just keep getting more and more paperwork to do! They want to thoroughly vet us, I guess. I heard yesterday that several of the references we provided just received long questionnaires to fill out about us and then they are asked to provide other references to tell the state about us! I feel kind of bad about that, that they are having to do all this paperwork for us. Our first home visit was this past Tuesday. Our case worker is actually one of our teachers, too. I haven't decided if that's in our favor or against us! Paul didn't make it home for the interview, but that was ok. I spent all day cleaning, which was good because she asked for a tour of the house! There's a few things we need to take care of, like installing another hand rail, some carbon monoxide detectors, and hanging another door on the bedroom, but it's minor. She told us to go ahead and start getting a bedroom ready, which I think must be a good sign (!). Of course, it is hard to say how long it will be before a child is actually placed with us, though. She thinks it would be best if we used the big bedroom upstairs. So we are going to move Ben and David to the basement and we'll tuck Sam's bed underneath Will's loft. Then when (if) he leaves for college in another year and a half Sam can just have his bed. I need to find a bed, mattress, and dresser for our new daughter. And we have just got to replace that bedroom carpet. We don't really have the money for all that, but it would be silly to not replace the carpet while we have the furniture out. Maybe we can find a remnant piece at Menards or something. Our next visit will be on Nov. 15. At that meeting, we are going to be questioned about our marriage, losses we've experienced, and the boys will also each be interviewed. At the meeting this week, I was asked about my views on education (I homeschool - suppose I have a few views?!), some of my own history, and things like that. It was very non-threatening but I still found myself physically shaking during it! More and more I am finding myself really ok with the possibility that we may be given a child we have to give back at some point. Adoption is still my primary focus, but if we have to do foster care for awhile, it's ok. I mean, I know there will be things I won't like about it, such as being more of the "caregiver" rather than the parent. But I am slowly seeing all of this as part of a bigger picture that God is painting. And, you know, it's hard to say what the timetable on all this will be, too. We may rush, rush, rush and get the paperwork done, the room all ready, the approval stamped,...and then wait and wait and wait for a child. Who knows?

Well, what else is new? I am hobbling around on a broken toe and sprained foot. I was in Waterloo last week, jumped up to help Ben, and ran smack into the wooden leg on my parents' loveseat. Oh, man - that HURT! I couldn't believe just how painful it still was the next day and began to wonder if I had broken my foot or something. So after we got home, I drove back to town and went to Urgent Care where they took x-rays. I did break my little toe and they said my foot was severely sprained. So, I got this orthopaedic sandal thingy to wear since my foot was too swollen and painful to wear a shoe. By the second day of that I had really bad cramps going up my calf! But a 75 yr old friend at church brought me a different sandal she had from her foot surgery because she thought the one I was wearing looked too small. It was, but it was the biggest one that the clinic had. I like this one a lot better. It has a little heel on it, and that took care of my cramp problem. Now I'm just waiting for it to heal.

Other than my accident, I had a really nice couple of days up north. Matt and Kirsti were in town. So, I got to hang out with Kirsti quite a bit. She drove me downtown to pick up a copy of my marriage license that I needed for the adoption. I couldn't believe that we didn't have a copy of that thing! But we didn't. And I got to run over and see Sara for a little bit. She's popping out with the baby. This week the dr. moved her due date back by a day, but I bet this is a late February baby, anyway. She turned 40 yesterday, which kind of cracks me up, too!

Well, I have more to write, but I need to get some more work done around here, first. So, I'll be back in a little bit to post more.

Blessings and Fears

2011-10-05T13:15:00.003-05:00

This is me this past Monday night - our first PS-MAPP class. Wow is about all I can say. What a night! They pack a whole lot of information into a little session. One down and nine to go. Within two weeks we will have our first home visit and by the first of December we will have had a total of three. They sent us home with reams of paperwork. I was up until midnight working on mine last night and still didn't get done. They want to know seemingly everything about your childhood and entire life. I had to fill out lengthy questionnaires on each of the boys. They, themselves, have paperwork to fill out. Now I'm trying to gather our references. Argh - too much! And there is a part of me that keeps whispering that in the end, we will be rejected for some reason.

And if we don't get rejected, I feel almost certain we are walking into a certain amount of pain. Maybe not. But the feeling persists. But then I keep turning to this one particular song. It's called "Blessings" and is sung by Laura Story. It came out this summer and I absolutely love it. I feel like it's really speaking to me for where we are now and from where we have been, such as during our difficult times with Ben. I've been listening to it a lot lately. Here are the lyrics:

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

If you want to listen to it, here's a link. The melody is absolutely beautiful, too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ This past Sunday the 43 year old mom in our church who has terminal brain cancer sang it for special music. Our pastor got up afterwards to preach and couldn't because he was so choked up. It's a very special song.

On the other hand, potential pain notwithstanding, I am starting to get kind of excited. We may have another child soon! My friend Kim, who lives in Texas, was given her first placement last week - 3 days after completing her PS-MAPP classes! It can happen!

Oh let's see, what else is new? Oh, speaking of children...my friend Sara delighted me last week by finally letting me know she is pregnant. On the 18th of this month she'll find out the sex of the baby and on the 19th she'll turn 40! We've been trying to get together for a couple of months now and it just hasn't worked. So that's why she hadn't told me yet. Her news just made my day last week. I am filled with such joy for her family. Babies are a blessing - even if you are forty!

My friend Emily got married last Saturday. I served in her wedding. They had a full meal so I scooped potatoes for quite awhile. I also served drinks and made hors d' oevres plates. It was a beautiful autumn wedding. Unfortunately, just like the wedding we attended in late May, a grandparent of the bride died 3 days before the wedding!

My second Jewels of Encouragement post went up last week. Here's the link: http://www.jewelsofencouragement.com/2011/09/far-more-than-football.html I wrote about football and Will and the Christian life. My posts will now be appearing the 27th of every month. That means that I have an actual deadline every month and it's coming up next week!

I also have to get another Swan newsletter cranked out this month, plan the town's Halloween party, get costumes ready, do all this adoption stuff, get ready for Sam's birthday, and other things. Plus, I am spending hours up at city hall, learning the clerk's job. Pending the council's approval this Thursday night, I am planning to take the clerk's position starting in January. I'm not crazy yet, but it may happen before month's end...

Monday night Will had a JV game. We couldn't go because of our class. But one of his teammates broke his arm during the game. Will said it really turned his stomach to see that arm cocked at such an abnormal angle. Nasty! I'm just thankful it wasn't Will, which sounds kind of awful!

I took the boys in yesterday for the required physical for the adoption. Will didn't have to go because he just had one in August. Ben is up to 112 pounds, which is great! David weighs 88 and is just shy of 5' 1". Sam is 41" tall and weighs 40 lbs on the nose.

Sam just insisted I listen to him tell me the entire life cycle of a butterfly. How does he know words like "chrysalis"? He also told me about the butterflies flying to Mexico in order to get nectar. It must be PBS, because I sure haven't taken the time to teach him things like that! I'm amazed!

Well, I need to get dinner going so I can take Ben in for his allergy shots as soon as he gets home and then we can rush home, eat, and get to church tonight. Patch club is going well. I keep bribing my kids with homemade treats and they are so good for me! One of the moms says she is going to call me the "Sugar Teacher." I just like making them happy!

Oh, and by the way, we are special (underlined 3 times) people. I let Ben's aide know our adoption plans this week since I had to take him out of school to go to the doctor. She wrote me such a sweet note in his notebook regarding it. I don't know about special - "called" maybe. But what if it doesn't work out? Will we still be called then? I think that's a post for another day!

Finding Some Joy

2011-09-26T15:56:00.003-05:00

My busy week is over - what a week that was! But I got everything done that I needed to. The youth group came over and we had a nice time with them. We'll do this again next year, for Will's last season of football. After they left our house around 11pm, they all headed back to the church for an all-nighter. I don't know how those youth leaders do it. I could never stay up all night long!

I had quite the time of it towards the end of the week with some of my personal possessions. On Thursday I was leaning over the washer, pulling out some wet clothes when my cell phone slipped out of my pocket and into the 5 gallon bucket of homemade laundry detergent I keep on the floor. Not good! Fortunately, I had hung onto my previous phone and was able to get service transferred to that. Then, the next day I lost my keys. It's like a key fairy - demon is more like it - came into our house and whisked them away. We have looked absolutely everywhere for them and they are nowhere to be found. So today I went to town and got copies made. How utterly frustrating!

We went to Council Bluffs on Saturday. The whole weekend was kind of discouraging on a number of levels. The wedding reception was the most joy-less one I think I have ever attended. We were sitting there and I asked Paul, "What's wrong here?" He kind of shrugged but said he felt it too. Later that night we were talking and we finally pinned it down to the utter lack of joy on anyone's part. It was like the families involved were just playing a part. It was bizarre and sad. I guess that's what happens when you don't do things God's way.

My focus this week is getting together the papers we need to go forward with our adoption application. We have to have them all in by Oct. 15 - things like our marriage license, dog vaccine records, signed dr reports on all of us, etc. We also have to make a decision by then whether or not we're willing to take an HIV baby/child. I guess I don't have a problem with it. I think the only danger with HIV is in the case of mixing blood. Because of that we'd have to be a little more careful, but there's a big difference between HIV and AIDS. But maybe I should do a little more research on this first. I spent this morning trying to find our marriage license - to no avail. I know we got a copy after we first married because I had to have it to get my Nebraska driver's license. But I have no clue what happened to it. I called the Black Hawk county registrar's office and they said I could pick one up from them - in person - for a $15 fee. So I guess I'll have to do that. Fortunately, I am going up there anyway in a couple of weeks when my brother and family come to town. So that will work out.

Sam came to us last week and announced that he wanted to make a "lever." He went and got a couple of thin boards but was then having trouble figuring out how to attach them. Paul and I just looked at eachother - was this really OUR child? He's only 3! His vocabulary, which has always been good, has just exploded even more in the last couple of weeks. He's becoming quite the chatterer. Yesterday, I overheard someone at our old church ask him, "Does your mom call you 'Sam'?" Sam replied, "Yep - and I call my mom, 'mama' 'cuz she likes that when I do that!" He has been quite cheerfully wetting his pants lately. As he told me matter-of-factly the other day, "I just don't like to come in the house when I'm busy playing!"

Ben got a brand-new bowling ball last week from Special Olympics. We had figured out that the reason he was having trouble bowling was because his hand is so large - but his frame is so thin. For his weight, he can only handle a 10 lb ball. But the span on a 10 lb ball is smaller. So they ordered this ball for him - Ben got to pick it out - and then specially drilled the holes for him. I'm hoping he really can become a good bowler in time. I'm not in favor of the smoking ban in all Iowa businesses (except casinos - follow the money trail on THAT one!) but I do have to admit it is nice to be able to go into bowling alleys now without inhaling all the smoke that used to swirl around inside them. Ben's bowling event is on Oct. 20th.

Well, I had better get started on dinner. Pretty soon I'll have to go pick up Ben from practice. Will's game got cancelled tonight, which is nice. He said it probably had to do with lack of players from the other team. Some of these smaller schools have a hard time putting together JV teams. It's kind of raw out there this afternoon and I'd just as soon spend it indoors, anyway!

Blue Blood

2011-09-18T16:52:00.007-05:00

I realized it has been over a week since I posted, so I thought I'd do that tonight. Plus, I'm experimenting with moving pictures around in my blog, so I can kill 2 birds with one stone - hopefully.

This is a picture of Paul and me from last night. We ended up going to an Andre Rieu concert here in town. We hadn't planned to go. Paul had called a couple of weeks ago and found out that ticket prices started at $47, which seemed a little pricey. In fact, just a week ago we had commented to eachother that for that kind of money, we could spend the night in a hotel away from the kids! But then Tuesday, I got a call from Clear Channel radio telling me that I had won two tickets to the concert! So, I called Paul to let him know that Sat. was going to be a date night and while we were talking, he got a call from Clear Channel letting him know that HE had won 2 tickets as well! We had signed up at the state fair last month. What are the odds of THAT happening? Well, actually, as the week wore on discovered a few other people in my circle of acquaintances had also won tickets, so I'm guessing the odds were pretty good!We're kind of assuming that they were trying to fill up the auditorium and gave Clear Channel many tickets to give away. We gave our other set of tickets to a friend of mine and her husband.

I actually wasn't too sure about the concert. My tastes are more plebeian in nature (you might remember how I referenced a rather crass Toby Keith song in my last post!). I can stand to listen to classical music for a short while, but the yawns kick in if I listen to it for too long. And then as we were walking into the concert I got a little more nervous because I saw all these white heads going in - it was sure to be a snooze fest!

But it was amazing! I never knew classical music could be so much fun! At one point they dumped "snow" on some of the audience and balloons fell from the ceiling later in the program. The 2 1/2 hours just flew by. I could have easily listened for another 2 1/2! So who knows - perhaps we are classier folk than I realized!

I don't have a lot to report on from last week. This next week will be a busy one, though, that's for sure. Friday night, the youth group is attending Will's game in Pleasantville. Then, they are traipsing over to our house for food, then back to the church for an all-nighter. So, you know what I'll be doing all week long! Yeah, I see some definite cooking and cleaning in my future! We have been told that at last count, they are expecting 25-30 kids to come over. I'm wondering how they are all going to fit into my house! Will and I hammered out a menu this week. Tomorrow I shop for the food and then I guess I'll be cooking for rest of the week.

Next Saturday, the day after the youth event, we are headed to Council Bluffs. Paul's nephew is getting married and, while the wedding is taking place at the courthouse, they're having a big reception afterwards. I would be more excited if the bride and groom hadn't been living together for the past two years and didn't already have a child together. Yes, it's good they are doing the right thing, but I'm thinking a quieter, more intimate wedding would be more appropriate, under the circumstances. We are going for Paul's brother and wife because we really like them and want to support them. I know they are relieved that their son is finally marrying his girlfriend. So, we'll show up, give them some money, eat some cake, and spend most of the evening sighing, hoping against hope (and praying) that our children make better choices when they reach adulthood.

I found out this week that I am going to be writing regularly for Jewels for Encouragement. I figured that was the case, but it was nice to get the official say-so on it. My posts will show up the 27th of every month, but I'll put a note here so that you all can view them if you want to.

Life is speeding up, even faster than it was, if that is possible. I looked at the calendar and realized that we do not have a single Saturday free until maybe in November. Wow! And that's the month with two birthdays in it. I think I had better be taking my vitamins! And guess who is planning the town's annual bonfire/Halloween party this year? Yep...the people who normally do it don't want to. So, it was going to be scrapped. I know the kids really look forward to that every year and it's so good for neighborly unity. So, our city clerk and I are taking it on this year. I'll let you know how that goes!

I ordered a manual this week in hopes that it will help David with some of his learning problems. I am just convinced that he has both a visual/motor brain processing delay, as well as an auditory processing problem. I remember when he was 7 and we had him evaluated by the AEA that they did dx him with several learning delays. I kind of brushed the whole thing off since their solution was to bring him to school every day for reading class. That kind of defeated the whole purpose of homeschooling and it took him until he was 9 1/2 before he learned to read, but he did learn. And he's actually a pretty good reader today. But he has some other areas of struggle. They're not terrible and he's really a pretty good student. But they aren't getting better and I'm afraid that if we don't address them, they could have life-long impacts on his learning and eventually his vocation. We have a learning center in Des Moines that I have often wished we could take David to, but I know it's frightfully expensive. My chiropractor told me how he and his wife spent over $30,000 there getting their son's difficulties taken care of. We can't do that. But I did run across this manual in a magazine and finally ordered it recently. Now I'm studying it.

I was kind of encouraged last night while talking to my friend who met us at the concert so we could give them our extra tickets to find out that she is using the same materials with her daughter. It helped to validate my decision to spend $65 that we really could not afford right now. The book came and I was kind of disappointed at how small it was, but I'm reading it now and trying to gain an understanding of the exercises I'll need to do with David in order to re-train his brain. If it works, then I think I'll do some of it with Ben, too. I'm thinking that I need to get David on some specific vitamins, too, to help his brain function better. I'm kind of excited because David is such a creative boy and I know he's capable of so much more than what he can express right now. The manual explains that when you have a processing disorder it's like there is a wall between the right and left sides of the brain. The exercises in the manual help create a "bridge" to cross between the sides.

Well, tomorrow is my shopping day and I need to get some things ready for that, along with cleaning up the house. Will dumped a pile of laundry in front of the washer and informed me that it is all stuff that needs to be washed and dried by tomorrow's game. I've been thinking that it is past time that that boy learn how to do his own laundry. What do you think?

I'll probably write again in a week or so, post-youth group activity and wedding, so I'll have some things to report on. I'll probably be exhausted!

Memories

2011-09-10T14:27:00.005-05:00

Another sniffly Saturday...sure will be glad when the frost hits and these allergies are no more!

Well, let's see, another week has gone by and I've got a few things to report on. Patch Club started this week. That is something our church does on on Wed. nights for the elementary school kids. Our pastor's wife called me this year to ask if I'd help. I was thinking, "No, no, no!" but found my mouth saying, "Ok!" But the first night went fine. I've got the kindergarten through third graders. I had 8 this past Wed. And it actually went well. Of course, I bribed them with candy. Kids will do about anything for sugar.

Last Sunday my friend Julie got saved. It was wonderful! She and I have been walking together once a week and emailing back and forth since last March. Her family started attending our church last fall and I figured out pretty quickly after I got to talking with her that she was not saved. So I've been praying and explaining things as she asked. Last Sunday during the final hymn Julie turned to me and asked for a tissue because she was crying. Church ended and I was cleaning up the pew and she was just sitting there, still. And I'm thinking to myself, ok, what should I do now? Do I leave her alone or say something or what? So I finally tapped her on the shoulder and asked, "You ok?" She bursts into tears, grabs onto me, and says, "I'm tired of fighting! I'm ready to get saved!" So my mind instantly started whirling. What to do now? Do I find the pastor's wife? Do I do this myself? So I finally asked, "What do you want to do?" A couple other women in the church had reached out to her recently so Julie asked me to get them for her. I found a room for us and when everyone got in there, Julie gave her life to the Lord. It was wonderful. I can't even remember the last time I was part of something like that. It's been almost a week and I'm still rejoicing!

Well, how to segue from that to something else? Well, I do have other good news, but it's not nearly so important as the above. I got 7th place in the most recent FaithWriters Challenge. Here's the link: http://www.faithwriters.com/wc-article-editors-previous.php?id=40666 It had been SO long since I had placed that I had kind of given up on it. I thought maybe I had lost my touch. So getting that was a real encouragement to me this week! This one will be published. The basic premise of this story was one that I actually wrote over a year ago for another challenge entry. But there was some problem with the billing on my account and I wasn't able to enter that week. Well, I thought I had saved the piece when we wiped out my computer this summer, but I discovered that I had not! But I was able to take that idea and re-write it to fit the topic. The story is primarily a conversation between a mother and her grown son. But there's a little "twist" at the end that makes it kind of interesting.

I mentioned a week or so ago that a devotional I wrote for the Jewels of Encouragement blog was going up this week. Here's the link to that one: http://www.jewelsofencouragement.com/2011/09/wisdom-in-whirlwind.html I got some really nice compliments on this one. I'm anxious to write for them again!

Oh, and speaking of writing, Will is back to blogging. He had decided to abandon his blog and just do his writing in the form of notes on Facebook, but I suggested that he also post his notes to his blog, because I know he had readers who don't Facebook. Here's the link to his blog:http://runningtherace-sportsandlife.blogspot.com/

I sold my buffet yesterday. This was my massive, 6 foot long one I've had out in the back room for the past 7 yrs. It was with a pang that I let it go, but I needed the space more than I needed it. The lady that bought it called me at 8:30 in the morning to ask if she could come down and look at it. Oh my goodness - I wasn't dressed, the house was a mess, and the buffet had seven years worth of stuff in it! I managed to get it unloaded, vacuumed out and lemon-oiled. But I couldn't do much with myself or the house. And of course she was one of these young, cute moms - made me feel decidedly dowdy when she showed up. And they asked to use my bathroom - it was on my list to clean it yesterday, but I hadn't gotten that far at 8:30 in the morning! But I did get to hold her 3 month old who slobbered over me. He got fussy as they were loading the buffet so I swooped him up. It was blissful!

Sam decided to learn how to button and unbutton his clothes this week. It only took him a day. He was recounting that to me today and also reminded me that he now wipes his own bottom. I praised him and said, "Oh, you're getting to be such a big boy!" "Yeah, " Sam agreed, but then sighed, "But I still can't write my 'A's'"! I've started trying to teach him some writing skills and it is coming along very slowly. He'll get there. I'm actually surprised at how much he is already able to do for not even being 4 yet. But then, he hangs around with teenagers all day long. I guess some of that was bound to wear off on him!

This morning Sam wanted to know where his dad and Will were. I told him that they had gone to fix Will's car. Sam cupped his face in his hands and exclaimed, "But I broke the windshield!" I was surprised he even remembered that. He added, "I might do it again!" I told him to just stay off the hood of the car and it shouldn't be a problem!

Well, tomorrow is the 10th anniversary of Sept. 11th, 2001. Everyone seems to be pausing to remember that, which is good. When Julie and I went for our walk this past week, Pleasantville had placed flags all along part of the walking trail. I remember that Tuesday well, as I'm sure everyone does. It was a beautiful, sunny, late summer day in the Midwest. I had just dropped Will off at school and I had Ben and David in the van with me. We were sitting in the parking lot of Center Baptist Church in Omaha. I had a MOPS steering committee meeting and was just waiting for the others to arrive. I was listening to the Christian radio station when the announcer came on and said there had been a terrible accident - a plane had flown into one of the Twin Towers. I didn't think a whole lot of it until a moment or two later when the suddenly stopped playing music and announced that another plane had hit the towers and this was no accident. I remember that the head of Grace University (who sponsored the radio station) then came on and said that he suspected that some guy named Osama bin Laden was behind these attacks. When he said that I remembered a Readers Digest article I had read some years earlier that suggested that bin Laden was the greatest physical threat to the United States. I didn't really know what they meant by that and of course, nobody would ever attack the United States! But it all came back to me when I heard this college head suggest this.

I remember at the meeting that we had to tell the pastor's wife what had happened. She hadn't heard yet. Afterwards I drove to Paul's work. I just felt this need to gather my loved ones around. I called my mom, to make sure that my brother, who flied (and still flies) frequently for his job wasn't on those planes. I called the school where Will attended. They told me I was welcome to come pick him up, but I didn't. Wanting to do something - anything - I called the blood bank to see if I could donate. All those injured people were going to need extra blood. I got home, turned on the tv, and didn't move for the next few hours. I sat there, along with all of America and the rest of the world, in stunned disbelief and grief as the images from New York, the Pentagon, and Shanksville, Pennsylvania aired. I cried when the entire congress gathered on the steps of - where were they, actually? Anyway - they stood there together and sang, "God Bless America" and it seemed to me to be the single-most united act I had ever seen in my lifetime.

And I remember the next day, driving Will to school when all of a sudden I felt this fierce patriotic pride surge through my being. The day before had been about grief. Now, it was about pride. Nobody can keep the United States of America down for long. That's why I have come to appreciate Toby Keith's song "The Red, White, and Blue" where he personifies the country as having a "big, black eye" from this event but turning around to give the bad guys a "boot in the ____."

I don't know if we're any safer today. I don't know when the next attack will come, if it will. But I do know that ten years later, I still tear up when I think of the events of that day. I don't even cry when I think about the days my own babies were born. But there's something about 9-11...

So, anyway, that's where my thoughts are as we come upon this anniversary. Ten years later, I am still so patriotic and so in love with this country. My boys, who were little guys then, are now big guys. And while I find myself praying for the Lord's perfect will in their lives and futures, I have to admit, that if one of these boys donned a uniform and went to fight for this great nation - I think I'd nearly burst wide open from pride.

September...the month of memories...

Heeding the Call

2011-09-09T13:01:00.002-05:00

For a few months now I've been asking for prayer as we sought God's will on something. I'm ready to blog about it. I'm going to give two versions. The first is the "nutshell" one, the second is the mini-series one. Depending on what you have for time, you may want to go with the first!

Version 1) We believe God is calling us to adopt another child. Things are moving fairly rapidly on this and more than likely, we will be new parents again this next year.

Version 2) When I was somewhere around the age of 12 I read a Readers Digest condensed book about a soldier who fell in love with a little girl in an orphanage while in Vietnam. After the war, he moved Heaven and earth and was able to return to Vietnam and adopt the little girl. Her new family named her "Kim," I remember. I was so moved by that story that I decided right then that when I grew up I would someday like to adopt, as well. I never forgot that and when Paul and I were dating I informed him that if we were to marry I would like for us to consider adoption at some point. He was agreeable.

Well, we did marry, of course, and the babies came quickly for awhile there. Adoption was the farthest thing from my mind during those busy years! But then infertility struck and after awhile, we began talking about the possibility of finishing our family by adopting. I even made a couple of phone calls - one to an adoption agency and another to an organization that provides temporary and permanent housing for children in need. But the time wasn't right and I didn't know where to go next, so we just dropped the idea. And then, eventually, Sam came along and I had the stroke and my days became more focused on survival as I fought to overcome the effects of the stroke, care for a newborn, and deal with Ben, whose behavior was beginning to take some alarming downward turns.

But I never forgot about adopting. At the same time, though, I assumed our family was complete with the arrival of Sam. After all, the doctors scared us into getting a vasectomy so I knew we wouldn't be birthing any more children - even though we had totally planned to have a fifth in order to give Sam a sibling close in age. As time passed a drumbeat began resounding in my heart about the possibility of adoption. Every time I would read a story about the subject, my heart would constrict. I felt jealous when I learned of others who had adopted. Hearing testimonies about adoptions would nearly drive me to tears.

But there are a lot of good reasons for us NOT to adopt. And I reminded myself of these reasons over and over. But the drumbeat wouldn't go away. So, finally, in the spring of 2010 I prayed. I remembered that Sam had come about as the result of a "fleece" prayer I had prayed in the winter of 2007. If God could so clearly show His hand then, couldn't He do it again? I told the Lord that I would completely zip my mouth in regards to the subject of adoption - not that I brought it up that regularly, anyway - but if God wanted us to pursue this, then He needed to have Paul come to me and bring up the subject. And so I became deliberately mum on this subject. Not one word about the possibility escaped my lips.

And then last December 9, Paul and I were on a date. We were eating and he suddenly reached into his billfold and handed me a little post-it note. On it was the name of an adoption agency. That day he had been in a customer's home and had noticed that she had children who didn't "match" her in looks and asked if she was adoptive parent. She confirmed this and she and Paul ended up talking for a very long time on the subject. Here was my sign! And I was excited. For about three days...

And then all the doubts came rushing in. I knew we couldn't afford an international or private adoption. Yes, God could provide the money, but would He? I wasn't too keen on the idea of begging our friends and family for the funds, either, especially when we already had a houseful of children. It seems like most months we're barely scraping by when it comes to finances, so what we were doing even thinking about adding another child that we would be financially responsible to care for? And then what about time? I live in a whirlwind most days, running from one activity or chore to the next. Having more children would make that even harder. My work load would increase considerably. What about Ben? Things were so rough in our house until he started school. He was so happy going to school which calmed our household down, which, in turn, made all of us happy again. Did I really want to take a chance on disrupting that? What about my writing? It's hard enough finding the time and quiet to write what I do. More children would make that harder. And so on - I came up with many, many objections to what it seemed God might be calling us to do.

While all these thoughts were swirling through my head I slowly began to find myself considering more and more the idea of providing foster care to a child in hopes that we might be able to adopt it at some point. I had always been very opposed to this idea, though, because I know a couple of families that had to give their adopted children back once they got into adolescence. These children were never able to overcome the abuse and neglect of their early years. I also couldn't stand the idea of loving a child and then having to give him back because some relative crawled out of the woodwork or a birth parent cleaned up their act. Did I really want to deal with the emotional baggage a foster child would probably have? The answers were no, no, no! What I would like to do is to come up with $25,000, fly to some foreign country, and bring home a cute, cuddly little girl, who would love me forever. But slowly, my resistance to the idea of fostering to adopt began to crumble more and more.

April rolled around. I had been nearly completely silent on the whole idea of adoption since the previous December. One day Paul asked me, "So what are you thinking about this? You haven't said anything!" I told him my thoughts. I told him that I was scared to death to love a child that might never be capable of loving me back. I could invest years, energy, money, and love into a child that might turn around and stomp all over my heart someday. But even as I said that, I immediately was given a vision of Christ dying on the cross. Isn't that what Christ did for us? He opened up His arms wide in love for the whole world and look how He was rejected. Am I called to do anything less? Paul then said something that made me think. He said, "You know, life is so short. If we can make a difference in someone's life, I think we ought to consider it."

Mother's Day came. I got my usual gifts from the boys and then Paul handed me a small package wrapped in pink, girly paper. I didn't know it at the time but apparently he had bought this gift with a certain amount of trepidation. He told me later he was fully prepared to take it back if I reacted badly! I opened it up and it was a small, pink photo album that said, "Baby Girl" across the front. That was a little puzzling, since we have neither! Inside was a letter that he had written. Peppered with Bible verses to back up his points, Paul wrote that he was committed to doing whatever it took in the next year for us to adopt a little girl. At that point, my defenses crumbled. I started crying and accepted the reality that we were, indeed, going to pursue this.

For the next few weeks, I lived in a state of confusion though. I had agreed to explore the possibility of adoption. But how? Where were we to even start? I explored the international websites and was dismayed by the cost of an international adoption. On some of the applications it appeared that my stroke history might make me ineligible. I could probably figure out how to get the ball rolling on a foster care adoption, but I still didn't know who to call. I remember thinking that I just wished God would drop a baby on our doorstep, so I would know what to do!

About this time, we got a brochure in the mail for the upcoming homeschool conference. I looked through the offered workshops and one caught my eye. It was entitled simply, "Adoption - a Calling." I knew nothing about it, other than the title. I thought I could relate to the title because it seemed like this was indeed a "calling" that we were experiencing. Paul arranged to get off work to attend the seminar with me and we went. It was taught by a couple from the Fort Dodge area. We had never seen them before in our lives. They started the workshop by giving a brief overview of the four different types of adoption - international, private, foster care, and relative adoptions. And then they told their story. This couple has adopted close to 19 children, I think, nearly all of them out of the foster care system. They have one biological child, a little boy born the same month as Sam. I was transfixed by their story. Afterwards, Paul and I stayed and asked this couple question after question.

As we left the room, finally, I told Paul, "I think our family is about to get a little bigger!" But then I added a few minutes later, "But I don't want twenty children!" Paul exclaimed, "Good! Because I don't, either!"

The next day I was wandering the curriculum hall, buying materials for the boys. Suddenly, I stumbled across a booth emblazoned with the name, "Iowa KidsNet." I had just learned the previous day that this was the organization that headed up the foster care and adoption services in the state of Iowa. I talked with the lady there. And I talked with her some more. And some more! And then I called her the next Monday and talked with her again! The first step, we learned, was to take an orientation class. Unfortunately, due to funding cuts, the classes were hard to get into. But she got us into a class that supposedly was full.

The night before we went to this class, we met with our pastor. We both really wanted to get his input into this. I honestly half expected him to tell us that we were nuts. We had enough on our plates and we would be insane to bring another child or two into our home and add to the chaos. But he didn't. He looked at us and told us that he thought we could do this. He said he wouldn't tell that to just anyone, but he had observed us for the past 6 1/2 years, saw the way we parent, and was confident that if God was indeed leading us this direction, we could do it. Wow!

About a week previously, Paul had gone up to camp as a counselor. While he was there he ran into my parents' pastor from Waterloo and asked to speak with him. A number of years ago this pastor and his wife adopted a sibling group of five out of Iowa foster care. So he was able to have a nice long chat with this pastor. And then he spoke with the maintenance head at camp, who I went to school with. He and his wife added a sixth child a few years ago through foster care. They told him both the same thing - there will be struggles, but the reward will be worth it.

We went to the orientation class and came away greatly encouraged. I suspect that the orientation class is an attempt to "weed out" the parents that might be tempted to do foster care for less than stellar reasons (the state does pay a stipend per child per month). We met a couple there who was in the process of renewing their license. They had completed the training 4 years earlier and ended up bringing home a baby girl from the hospital less than six months later, adopting her when she was a year old. But now they wanted to add to their family. I'm not holding out for a newborn, but wouldn't it be something if that's the way it worked out for us? We were fingerprinted at the meeting and turned in reams of paperwork so background checks could be run on us (they came back clear!).

We found out later this summer that the classes we need to take in order to become licensed were full and few and far between. We finally got into a set that would not be beginning until late January. It was a little disappointing, but I reasoned that God had His hand on this and if we needed to wait, then there was a reason. Besides, there's the not-so-small matter of having a bedroom ready for another child. Our plan is to move one or more of the boys down to the new basement, building a room down there, and thus freeing up one of the upstairs bedrooms. And that's going to take a little bit of time. Well, I then got a call two weeks ago letting me know that an opening had come up and we could begin our classes on Oct. 3! We will complete them on Dec. 5th. During that time, we will have our home study and once we're licensed in Dec, we can begin taking children.

My desire, though, is for adoption. I do not have any intention of having a stream of children come through our home. However, we may not necessarily get to adopt the first child that is placed with us. I'm making it very clear to the powers that be that we want to adopt and would prefer to have only children who will soon be available for adoption placed with us. But I'm not sure how much say-so we will have on that.

So this is our news. Am I excited? Yes. Am I apprehensive? Oh yes! I know that we are taking a tremendous risk by opening our hearts and home to a child who has been already been hurt by those that were supposed to protect them. All my previous objections - time, money, resources - are still factors. But this is the thing: they don't matter. When God calls you, everything else falls by the wayside. Will we sacrifice to heed this call? Of course. Will we lose things we might have kept otherwise? There's no doubt.

And, I have to keep in mind, too, that just because we have come this far on the journey and the end appears in sight, we may never actually get another child. There is a possibility that God has been simply calling us to obedience, like He did with Abraham when He asked him to sacrifice his son. Time will tell. Throughout these months, the one thought I have returned to time and time again is this: I don't want to get to Heaven someday and have God look at me sadly and say, "I had so much planned for you - if only you had obeyed."

So, whether I'm on the verge of becoming a mother of one more - or several more - remains to be seen. Whatever happens, though, I know that I have the confidence that we are stepping out in perfect (or in my case, inperfect) faith and obedience. Wherever we end up will be the center of God's will.

And that's a good place to be.

Glimpses of Hope

2011-09-03T10:42:00.003-05:00

It's raining out right now - the sky just opened up and it started to pour. Makes for a sleepy Saturday...well, allergy drugs can do that, too!

Paul didn't work much this week for his regular job. It's that time of year. However, he ended up getting an unexpected furnace install job this week. And the deck addition/ramp he's been doing for our neighbor has been taking him longer than expected. This morning he's up in Des Moines checking on a couple of other small side jobs he hasn't had time for yet. I'm feeling thankful - God is meeting our needs! Paul and Will have to get Will's car going this week (it's hoisted up at our neighbor's in his garage) and Paul suspects that they are going to get back to furnace checks soon at work, which will mean normal 40 hour weeks. Too much going on! His knee has been dealing him fits lately, too. I have a fuzzy feeling that next spring we're going to be visiting the surgeon about that one. He's had trouble off and on the last year and a half or so with that knee. That's the same one he had the operation on in '92.

School is back in full swing now. Will hasn't gotten many days in because of helping Paul, but he'll make those up later. Actually, David has been helping quite a bit, too. We had an interesting situation this week at school with Ben. I won't go into all the details because I already facebooked about this to some of my friends and I've told a bunch of others already. And I hate to be redundant! But anyway, Ben has become aware of some of the emotional needs of one of the students in his self-contained classroom. This little guy is a 6th grader and this is his first year in a new building, room, and with a new teacher. He's having a difficult time adjusting. Ben has mentioned that to me several times since the start of the school year. And then my jaw about hit the floor this week when Ben told me, "That reminds me of when I was in kindergarten and I was so scared." One of the classic traits of autism is an inability to empathize with others. But Ben was not only able to bring up long-ago emotion, but was able to connect that with how his classmate might be feeling. So, he and I talked about ways that he could possibly be a friend to this new little guy.

I was so excited by this turn of events that I just had to say something to Ben's aide. She and I send a notebook back and forth every day, so we can keep each other appraised of Ben's day and night and any concerns that pop up. The thing with special education is that there is such a shroud of privacy around each student. And that's good for the most part. But it made me feel a bit trepidacious (is that a word?) in broaching the subject. But I just had to! So I started this note - "It's probably none of my business, but...." And I just told his aide that Ben was observing what was going on and had a desire to help. I didn't know if there was really anything he could do, but I wanted them to be aware. Well, the next day, I got Ben's notebook back and his aide wrote me this long note about how they took my suggestion and they started having the two boys take walks together. She said the little guy never cried once all day long (and he had been crying every day) and several times that day they had found him with his head just resting on Ben's shoulders. He finally felt safe! She told me yesterday that the same thing happened again.

I'm just thrilled beyond words. I remember how two years ago at this time I was in real despair over Ben. I could not envision a future for him that didn't involve some sort of incarceration (seriously!). My days were SO difficult with him. And now - I am filled with all kinds of hope for his future! I'm just praising God here!

Ben is involved with bowling this fall for Special Olympics. Monday I took him down to Knoxville for his first practice. A bowling alley there opens up their lanes for practice for the kids, which I think is so neat. I won't have to take him every week. His coach has a daughter in the Olympics who attends the same school as Ben so she's going to pick the two of them up and take them and then I'll just have to retrieve Ben. This is going to be interesting because Will has games on Monday nights and then in Oct. Paul and I are starting some Monday night classes in Ankeny, which is located a good hour away from Knoxville. Agh....

Ben also happens to be drug-free at the moment. That was never really one of our goals with him; it just kind of happened this summer. He's been taking Namenda for a couple of years now. I saw changes right off the bat with the drug and then has his dosage was adjusted downward, the effects didn't seem to be that great. But his dr. didn't want to adjust them upward again. However, he started school a year ago and that did a lot to improve those behaviors that we were wanting the Namenda to take care of. Well, this spring Ben's insurance changed and because of that we were going to need to get letters from Ben's teachers stating that they felt he needed the drug in order to function before his insurance would agree to cover it. I'm willing to do that if I need to, but I haven't been convinced of a real need for the drug for the past 6 months or so. So, we decided to just let it go for now. If his behavior or learning spirals downward then we'll do what we need to to get him back on it. And then he's been on a very low dose of Risperdone for the past couple of years because of some aggression toward his brothers. That has totally disappeared so I told the psychiatrist I didn't see a need for Ben to take that anymore, either. So, we don't even have to go back to this guy unless Ben needs to go back on his meds. Anyway, it's all interesting. I figured Ben would be in psychiatric care the rest of his life.

Ben also has somebody new to work with him. Her name is Deana and her card says "counselor." She is going to be coming into our home every Tuesday afternoon and will be teaching Ben safety skills and she'll be teaching him the basics of meal planning, shopping, and cooking. This is part of the services he gets with his new ID waiver through the state. She can also provide respite care if we need it. It's all part of what they call "Supported Community Living" training. His future is on the way!

Sam is running around this morning with a football, declaring, "I Iowa Hawkeye!" The first game of the Hawkeye season just started ten minutes ago and it's on in the kitchen. Fall has officially started!

Last week I got started on my Christmas baking and I was explaining to Sam that that was why he couldn't eat all the treats I had just made - they were for Christmas. His eyes got big and he exclaimed, "You mean, we're going to have Kissmas again?!" Ha, ha, ha...

I got to out with my friend Melissa Thursday night. I needed that! It had been a busy 3 months since we had our last girls' night. But we behaved ourselves and were both home by 11 pm. I think that's because we both have kiddos to get up for school early the next morning! I'll see her again tonight because we're having a picnic at church (indoors, I hope) for the youth group and their families.

Will injured his shoulder last night during the game (which they lost - they are 3 for 3 now!). He's holding it pretty close to his chest today.

Well, I need to get moving on my to-do list. You won't want to miss my next post. It's going to be about some pretty big changes God seems to be leading our family into. I'm finally free to talk about that. I'd write it all out today but I've got too much other stuff I have to get done. It'll happen next week, I promise!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

2011-08-27T12:12:00.002-05:00

That's Ben with his grandma at the State Fair last week. He had a dr's appt. this week. They measured him and his height is up to 5'8" now. That's a full two inches taller than I am. All these boys are going to end up towering over me. Even last night at Will's football game I noticed that he is as tall as or taller than the majority of his teammates - which is to be expected, I guess, now that he's a junior.

I am in the throes of allergy suffering now. I'm going to try not to complain too much about it because it happens every August and it will go away sometime in Oct. I'm used to this. But right now I'm not sleeping well, my body hurts, my eyes feel like they have sand in them, I sneeze all the time and I'm drifting through my days in a drug-induced haze. Bear that in mind as you read anything I write in the next few weeks - no doubt, it will be colored by my physical laments. If it's just strange, then that's the drugs talking!

Ben got back to school on Tuesday. He was so happy to be there, his aide told me. I'm not surprised! I did start homeschooling the other two this week. I think they got a couple days in. I'm trying to work more with Sam this year since he'll be 4 in a couple of months. He wants to do certain things, like recite his letters, because he knows them. But he is resisting doing anything with numbers or learning to write his letters. I'm not too worried about it. I'd rather he spend most of his time doing hands-on learning, anyway - namely, playing. Someone from church gave us a bike for him a few weeks ago with training wheels. At first Sam was really intimidated by it but his dad and David have worked with him on it and he's gotten to the point where he can ride around our driveway. But he can't figure out braking and so he runs into the back stoop to stop! I offered to teach him how to use the brakes but he told me he'd rather just run into that thing instead. Ok! So if he wants to spend most of his day doing things like that, I'm good with it.

We got some sobering news at the end of this week. A mom in our congregation - just three years older than me - has been diagnosed with brain cancer. She's had terrible headaches all summer, I knew, but I assumed it was just migraines, with which I am too familiar. Nobody knows yet what the dr's are predicting for an outcome, but it sure doesn't sound very good right now. We know this family quite well. We're not really friends with them, but my heart just aches for them. They've got 4 kids, all pre-teens and teenagers. I can easily put myself in her shoes and I know it's not the possibility of dying young that would bother me. It's leaving my kids without a mom that would be upsetting. But yet, I have to wonder - is that arrogance? Shouldn't I trust that if God were to call me home at a younger age, He would also take good care of my children? But still, you can't deny that losing a parent in childhood has got to have a profound effect on one's life. Pray for the Brace family.

I'm supposed to write a cheerful, encouraging devotional for a blog this weekend, but now this news is on my heart. Between that and physically feeling crummy, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do that. I found out that FaithWriters has a daily devotional blog. Different members contribute every day. Kristi told me about it. Her posts come out on the 20th of every month. She told me last week that they have an opening, so I contacted the moderator, and now I'm in! Now I just have to come up with something people want to read. When my first post goes up I'll be sure to let you all know so you can see it.

Will's first football game of the season was last night. Like last year, he's playing both JV and Varsity, which means two games a week, every Monday and Friday. I think that's going to kill us, financially! I spent $14 just getting in last night. And a lot of these games are an hour away or so, which is extra gas expense. The team is not very big this year, so much so that this is the last year of their 1-A rating. Next year they go to just "A." I didn't know there was anything smaller than a 1-A! Will did get quite a bit of playing time last night. He's not a real aggressive player, which I think probably has a lot to do with his personality in general. He's so laid-back and gentle that he has difficulty, I think, turning into a mean football machine out on the field. But several times I did see him him plow into an opponent and I'd get all excited and cheer. And then, at one point, I saw one of the other guys try to take him down and I found myself feeling all offended. Silly mommy! You can't take the "mom" part out of "football mom," I guess!

The boys lost night. I knew it was going to be a rough night when the opponent scored a touch-down in the first 30 seconds of the game! Of course, they were playing Carlisle, which isn't even a 1-A school. They just do this first game for fun, although I think it does count. It's called the "Highway 5 Rivalry Game" since both schools are located within 15 minutes of eachother and both are located just off Highway 5.

I had been chatting with one woman next to me on the bleachers during the game. She works in the high school as an associate for a student with Downs Syndrome. That girl, incidentally, is one of the cheerleaders - I love watching her! Well, she knows I'm Ben's mom and that I homeschool the other boys so we were talking. In the course of our conversation I discovered that she is a Christian, which was neat to find out! Then, she leaned towards me and said, "I could never let my son out on the field to play. I don't know how these mothers do it!" I just smiled and said something about trusting the Lord to protect them. Then a look of horror crossed her face and she said, "Oh no! Does your son play?!" I told her he did and which number he is. She exclaimed, "I never would have said that if I had known!" I just laughed because I truly was not offended. I honestly don't worry about Will getting injured on the field. It could happen, obviously, but a lot of things could happen that never do.

I was lucky, later, that I didn't offend this same woman! The dance team came out and performed a couple of numbers. I was bothered by this because I felt that the moves were awfully sexual in nature, just the ways the girls were moving their bodies. Maybe I'm a fuddy duddy or hyper-sensitive because I have boys, but it bugged me. The lady beside me leaned in closer to say something and I honestly expected her to say something along those same lines, since I knew she was now a Christian. Instead, she pointed out her daughter to me who was on the field performing on the team! Ai-yi-yi! I'm glad I let her talk and didn't open my mouth too quickly!

Paul is at the men's retreat this weekend. I had decided long ago that I would not be going this year to the ladies' retreat because I was spending money on my Michigan trip and it would be better to stagger the expense of those two trips (our church retreats cost $45, which is a chunk of change when you're counting every penny). So, a few weeks ago Paul asked me if I was going to the Ladies' Retreat and I told him I wasn't. Feeling virtuous, I opened my mouth to tell him why I wasn't going. But before I could speak he said, "Good! Then I'll go to Men's retreat!" Well, so much for saving money! This year they were offering target shooting and he was particularly excited about that. He even had to call me last night to tell me how good he had done! He'll be home sometime tonight.

Well, off to sniffle some more while I run through my to-do list...

Fair Fun, Bad Bodies, and Melancholy Musings

2011-08-20T20:24:00.004-05:00

I entitled my last post, "Whirlwind" because the weekend I was writing about was just that - a whirlwind of activity in a short period of time. That's what I could call this entire week that just ended, too. My goodness, it was busy! I am hopeful that this next week will be easier - maybe. I had wanted to sit down with my notes from the weekend and re-absorb them all. I wanted to develop a plan for building my "platform" (magazine and blog article successes that a future agent will look at when deciding whether or not to represent you and your finished book). But I didn't get any of that done. This next week is the start of school, both for Ben and hopefully for the other boys. Why I think I'm going to get anything extra done with that going on, I don't know. Unless, maybe falling back into a routine will enable me to get more done. I don't know!

I actually did get everything done on today's "to-do" list. But that's because I gave myself a shortened list. I'm not sure that counts!

Paul's parents came up yesterday to go to the state fair with us. Why a set of 70 somethings would think it's fun to tramp miles all over a hot fairground, I have no idea. I certainly do not enjoy it, and I can't imagine being 30 years older than I am now and being willing to do such a thing. So, of course, I had to spend Thursday cleaning my house. Then we went to the fair yesterday. This year, the weather has actually been milder than normal during the fair. But when you're out in the sun all day, it's still hot. I just really do not enjoy the fair, although most Iowans seem to think it's the best thing since fried twinkies on a stick. Actually, this year's newest "stick" item was fried butter on a stick. That has got to be one disgusting treat! But anyway, the vendors don't change, the animals don't change, the long walking doesn't change. But yet, I keep getting dragged back again and again.

They spent half of today at our house, too, playing board games with the boys. I made a nice lunch and then had to rush off to attend a bridal shower for a friend. They assured me that they would be gone by the time I came home, but they weren't. They were all playing Yahtzee when I walked in.

I think the boys had fun at the fair. Will upgraded his phone at the US Cellular booth and added texting to his line. He's paying for it himself! Ben contented himself with a foot-long sucker that left sticky trails all over his face and neck. David waited all day to buy himself some cotton candy, and I found a sturdy hand-made wooden sword (only $5!) for Sam at one display area. I'm glad somebody enjoyed themselves! Afterwards, we all went to Pizza Hut and I about fell asleep right in my cheese.

My feet and legs were just throbbing when I went to bed last night but they weren't too bad today. That's good because I had enough other aches and pains. My sciatic nerve flared up earlier this week and it's always the worst in the morning, after I've been laying down all night. It's not waking me up in the night any more when I roll over so I know the inflammation is going down, but it's still pretty painful. And then Thursday I dropped my iron on big toe and just smashed it. Fortunately, it wasn't a hot iron. I knocked it off the dryer and it went flying onto my foot. There was blood everywhere - completely ripped away all the skin from the nail. It's nasty - and painful!

Sam has had his share of troubles this week, too. When I came back Sunday night I was alarmed to see how inflamed his poison ivy rash had gotten in my absence. In fact, after I gave him a bath on Sunday evening he just screamed and screamed for a good half hour. Now, I think some of that was him "playing" me, but he definitely wasn't comfortable. I was all set to take him to the ER, but then he did calm down enough to go to sleep. The next day I took him to his doctor. On top of the poison ivy, he had a secondary infection - pus all over his little leg. So we started a steroid/antibiotic cream regimen. He's been bandaged up like a mummy all week long, but he's definitely on the mend now. It never did spread to his face - just his arms and legs.

And we got troubling news about Will's ears this week. We have known for 4 years that he has a hearing loss in his left ear. But I think I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that the dr. who did his sports physical in July thought he had a loss in his right ear, as well. So on Tues. of this week both of us went to see Dr. Greiman, my ENT up at Mercy. Since I am deaf in my right ear and getting older, my left ear hearing is slowly fading. Actually, my report came back good again this year - very little change from last year's test.

But then they put Will in the sound booth and it just about broke my heart to hear the recorded voice instructing Will to say certain words and he was mute because he didn't hear them. I don't mind being half-deaf myself, but I hate that my child is! I have managed to cope just fine and I suppose Will will, too. He's not going to have any choice, but I just hate that he has to deal with this. Anyway, the dr. said that Will has the hearing of a 40 year old man. His left ear is quite severely damaged and the right has some loss as well, although not nearly so much as the other. He's probably going to need hearing aids within the next few years. However, the dr. does not think it is hereditary. He believes Will's loss was caused by loud noises and mine by a fever I had as a baby.

He gave a lot of suggestions for protecting the rest of Will's hearing. I was ready to have him hang up his gun, but the dr. told us that there is a product that should enable him to still be able to hunt. It's called "Game Ears" and apparently it's some sort of headset that actually amplifies the approach of the deer and then shuts down when a gun is fired, protecting the ears. But Will HAS to protect his hearing around power tools (we got him some earplugs on a string to wear) and when listening to music. Even before his appointment, Will went to Walmart and bought some over the ear earphones to replace his earbuds. Although, he has always been really careful when using his mp3 player. It's Ben's ears I ought to worry about when it comes to music.

In the big scheme of things, hearing loss is not that big of a deal compared to other things - including some of the things his brother has to deal with, physically. And I don't think anyone gets through life without having something go wrong with their bodies. But I don't have to like it. And I don't!

We are getting our house re-financed now. The appraiser comes next Friday. So Paul has been working like a madman, trying to get things done enough for the house to appraise where we need it to. He finished the little bit of sanding around the office door and got paint on it. He hung some more shelves up for me out here in the office. He and Will got the wall frame built for the basement and I think they're stringing the electrical and putting up the styrofoam as I type this.He even stuck some drywall up over the bare wall out in the stairwell over the basement steps. The kitchen is getting pushed out that way when we start remodeling it but he thought it would look better for the appraiser with the drywall up. He's so busy. He has a number of side jobs to be moving on, as well. Actually, I'm grateful because hours are thin right now and the side jobs are the only way that we're able to pay the bills. But his head is just swimming with all these details and trying to figure out what to do when. Tomorrow he'll miss his Sunday nap again. One of our neighbors broke his hip earlier this summer when his giant dog knocked him down. His son, who lives with him, has hired Paul to extend out a deck and build a wheelchair ramp for when his dad comes home - which should be happening this week. So Paul has to spend tomorrow afternoon at Menards buying the material for that. I'm grateful, though - grateful for the way God is providing our needs and grateful for my hard-working husband.

I had another thought about the FaithWriter's conference I wanted to share. There was one unique factor about this gathering of people. Normally, when I am in a group of people, there's a good mix of talkers and non-talkers, extroverts and introverts. I used to be more extroverted (as Paul once said, I used to be "fun"!). But age and maybe maturity has changed that over the years. I'm much quieter, especially in a group setting, now. I'm not one to speak just for the sake of hearing my own voice and I am not the person greeting somebody new. Like I said a couple of weeks ago, my Melancholy is really showing these days! But at this conference, there was a whole lot of standing around and looking at eachother. Oh, there were a couple of more spirited women there, but for the most part, everyone was pretty quiet. If a conversation was struck up, then there would be chattering, but it wasn't what you could call vivacious. I puzzled on this a bit and then it hit me: most of these women (and a few men that were there) were just like me! That's what gives us all our creative and sometimes moody edge. Duh! It was definitely a unique gathering.

Well, I think I am headed for a bath. The boys are all eagerly watching IPTV, which airs coverage of the previous day of the state fair. Since we went yesterday, they are hoping to catch glimpses of themselves on tv. There were only 10,000 people there - I'm sure they'll see themselves!

I do need to get Sam to bed. He didn't nap at all. Right now he is alternately standing on, lifting, and sitting on a watermelon that Paul's mom brought for us. I'm thinking this can't end well. I just mopped Thursday - don't want to do it again any time soon. Uh, oh - the kid just retrieved his new sword and brought it out to the kitchen. That watermelon is definitely headed for a bad end!

Whirlwind

2011-08-16T18:33:00.001-05:00

I made it safely to and from Detroit and here is my report:

I was pretty nervous when I left Thursday. I had already received an email from Kristi (pictured above with yours truly - by the way, that shot there was about the 25th picture taken of the two of us. One or the other of us - usually me - kept objecting to the shots of our double chins) that her flight had already been detoured that morning and I just knew that would happen to me, too! I'm not familiar with flying, only having ever flown once before in my adult life - and that was with Paul who did all the navigating. But it went great!

I'm sure I must have looked like a little kid, so excited. I kept peering out my window and was just delighted to watch the earth fall away as we gained altitude. It was SO neat to be flying on top of the clouds! We landed in Chicago right on schedule and I just LOVED that place - so huge and so bustling (a lot more bustling than the Des Moines airport!). I found that I had to take a shuttle to get to my concourse, which was a surprise, but I managed fine. I landed in Detroit around 9:30 Eastern time and my ride picked me up an hour later.

While I was waiting in line in Chicago, a Chinese young man turned to me and in halting English asked if he could use my phone to call his parents. That made me a little nervous because I'm pretty sure that our unlimited calling plan every month doesn't include service to Shanghi! But he explained that he needed to call his host parents in Detroit - he was a foreign exchange student. Only, his English was pretty limited so he ended up handing the phone to me and I talked with the host on the other end. She ended up calling me back twice verifying flight times. At first I was a little hesitant about helping this guy because, of course, I didn't know him. But then the thought went through my mind that as nervous as I was about flying to Michigan, how much more nervous this young man must be flying around the world and to a country where he couldn't even speak the language well. Compassion won out.

I got picked up and began meeting fellow FaithWriters. That was neat - strange people were hugging me. I recognized the name of one of the ones who greeted me - everything she writes is like gold. But she found out my name and said, "Oh, I LOVE your stories!" The next day I discovered that this gal - Lisa - just got her first book published. And yet, she loves MY stories! I bought one of her books and she autographed it for me.

The hotel was nice and quite a bit fancier than the Comfort Inns that we tend to gravitate towards. Only, for all that fanciness, we didn't even have a fridge or microwave in our room! But we did have Sleep Number beds! So-o-o neat. I'm thinking that our next mattress purchase will have to be one of those. Unless of course, the economy totally collapses in the next 10 years (when we'll need a new mattress), the Chinese take us over to recover what is owed to them, and we all end up sleeping on bamboo mats. But that's a post for another day.

Kristi ended up getting in around 1:30am, after being routed all over the country. We talked until 3:30 am when we finally decided that we HAD to sleep. The next day we slept in until 9:30am and then went shopping. The hotel was very close to a mall and a number of little strip malls, so we just hotfooted over there. Kristi's luggage was lost so she had to buy new clothing and necessities. My luggage wasn't lost, but I'm always up for a shopping trip! It was a really nice time of getting to know one another at a face-to-face level.

The conference started Friday night. I was so impressed with the truly Christian emphasis of it. One of our first speakers challenged us with the idea of are we writers first, or are we Christians first? God may have totally different plans for our life that don't necessarily involve writing the way that we, ourselves envision. I appreciated that.

Saturday was to start with a breakfast. So Kristi and I set our alarm for 6:30am. We were sleeping and all of a sudden I was awakened by Kristi exclaiming, "Is someone breaking into our room?" Well, that wasn't happening, but a transformer had blown outside and so our alarm didn't go off. We had overslept by 35 minutes. But you know, it's amazing how fast you can get ready when the only person you have to get ready is yourself. We were showered, dressed, and make-upped in just 30 minutes. We got down to breakfast and discovered that we were the lucky ones. We still had lights and electricity. Some people had to come down with wet hair because they didn't have any power at all in their rooms. I would have skipped the conference if that was me!

All day long we went from one workshop to the next. I took copious notes and am anxious to go over them again. I learned SO much! But the hotel was losing more and more power as the day went on. And this is August. Granted, August in Michigan is a little cooler than Iowa, but it was still hot. The rooms were dim because the power was lessening and they were hot. Poor Kristi about fell asleep in one session! Eventually, in the late afternoon, full power was finally restored, much to my relief. At one point Kristi and I had gone up to our room and we had to use our cell phones for light in the bathroom!

I had a critiquing session with one of the big editors who was at the conference. This experience took the wind out of my sails a bit. She took one of my pieces and had thoroughly critiqued it. By the time we were done, I felt like I should just put up my pen forever - why did I think I could ever write? But the more I thought about it, the more grateful I became. If I want praise for my writing I already have plenty of people who will gladly give that to me. But those people can't help me advance to where I want to go. This editor can. She knows what it takes. And I don't have it yet. But if I follow her directions, I might just develop it in time. And, really, it was quite generous of this lady to give her time to a lowly beginner writer like me. My desire is that editors clamor for my writing because it's just so amazing. But that's not going to happen. Writing is hard work. And if I want to succeed I'm going to have to get over any pride I've got, knuckle down, and learn how to do it right. Then, just maybe, I may have a chance at success.

Fortunately for my battered pride, Paul had slipped a couple of cards in my luggage. One was a cute "Miss You!" card that he had labeled for me to open on Friday. The one that I opened on Saturday was breath-taking. It was a card that said, "I believe in you" and he had written this letter in there about how he did just that and how he knew I could make this happen. I ended up tucking that one in my purse to pull out and read again on the way home. It was so special.

We finished up the conference on Saturday night. There was some big meeting going on next door and they were so loud that we could hear their music and yelling clear across the hall where we were having our little conference. But yet, prior to our evening sessions, the coordinators for the other meeting had come over and demanded that WE keep it down and not interrupt their meeting. Whatever! (eyeball rolling here).

Kristi and I turned in early Sat. night (well, prior to midnight - early for us!). She had to be up at 3 to get her ride to the airport at 4. We asked for wake-up calls for both of us, but we never got them. I could not shut off my brain that night. Even on my lovely Sleep Number bed, I tossed and turned. Finally, at 12:30am, I got up and tried to lightly cover Kristi's eyes with an extra pillow. She had assured me that if I wanted to watch tv it wouldn't bother her sleep, but I wanted to be extra careful. Well, I think she thought I was trying to smother her in her sleep, because I woke her up! Anyway, I watched stupid, mind-numbing tv until I was finally able to turn in for good at 1:30 am. Then, I woke up at 3 with Kristi and sadly said good-bye to her. :( I was up by 7:45.

You know, besides the conference and besides Kristi, what I really enjoyed about this trip? The solitude. Unless you live a life like I do where you are constantly being talked to and needed for something, I think it's hard to appreciate just how wonderful it is to be totally alone. I had an hour or so in the hotel room all by myself and I had hours alone at the airports and on the planes. It was wonderful! My mom assures me that thirty years from now I won't find alone time quite so amazing, but I sure appreciate it right now!

A couple of the other Faith Writers took me and another lady to the airport and I ended up having 3 hours to myself in the Detroit airport. My flight was nearly an hour late. And I sat in there and froze. It was rainy outside and cool inside. Eventually we boarded and ended up in Chicago again. Now, I was supposed to have about an hour layover in Chicago. But since my flight was late, I no longer had that time. I figured that United would probably put me on another flight but I wasn't sure what the protocol for that was - could I amble through the airport, miss my flight, and then assume they would get me home via another plane? Or was I expected to do my best to catch my planned flight? I decided to opt for the latter, which is really unfortunate, because I would have loved to have more time to explore O'Hare. As it was, I raced from one end to the other, trying to get to my gate. I wasn't running, but I sure was walking fast! I went so fast, in fact, that I gave myself some pretty nasty shinsplints. My hip, which had been bothering me slightly all weekend, completely went out and I've been in some serious agony since then.

But I made my flight! As I got to gate B7, they were loading the last of the passengers. I gasped to the clerk as I handed him my boarding pass, "Is this Des Moines?" Funny man replied, "Actually, this is Chicago, but the flight is headed for Des Moines!" Grrr....

And then we began descending near Des Moines. I looked out my window and I could see the track at Simpson College where Ben participated in Special Olympics this spring. And then I saw the water tower in Norwalk and could clearly read the town name emblazoned on the side. We landed and I turned on my phone which immediately began to ring and I could see that I had three messages. My phone had been silent for my entire trip...back to reality!

I walked off the plane and rode down the escalator. And my family was waiting for me, all smiles. Sam told me he had not missed me, but I think the others did. We went out for ice-cream and I regaled them all with my adventures and then we went to church, where I nearly fell asleep.

I want to go back. Maybe not next year, but some other year soon. I need to go back so I can keep learning. And I will enjoy myself each time I go. But the best part, I suspect, will always be when I ride down that escalator and see all my men.

Waiting for me.

Itchiness

2011-08-09T10:41:00.002-05:00

Will is home for good - hence, this picture. Actually, this was taken the Sunday before he left for his last two weeks up at camp. Sam and I went and got him, along with another camper on Friday. That pretty much took up my whole day.

Will came back and immediately got into some poison ivy. I thought he'd gotten into it up at camp, but apparently, it was from pulling weeds around here on Sat. He was so miserable by Sunday night. It was all over his face. So I finally just took him to the ER at Blank at 11:30 that night. I don't think it was an emergency, but he couldn't sleep and I really wasn't going to have time to take him anywhere on Monday. Plus, he was to start football practice first thing Mon. and I wanted to know if it was even ok for him to do that with this stuff all over his body (it was). So, he's on steroids and Benedryl now, along with $20 worth of creams I bought yesterday for him. Now, Sam has something going on on his left leg. He's got a couple of really hard yellow blisters and a rash, along with a couple of deep scrapes. I don't know what it is! If it's still bad tomorrow, I'm going to see if the dr. can see him when I take Ben in for his allergy shots. In the meantime, I'm treating it as if it is poison ivy, too - minus the steroids.

I leave the day after tomorrow for my Michigan trip! I'm starting to get excited - still nervous about the solo flying, but excited for the trip. I feel like my writing is in such a rut - I'm hoping what I learn will shake that up. Plus, it is going to be so much fun to spend time with Kristi!

I have been struggling with depression for the last month, too, which is really unusual for me. Perhaps this get-away will loosen the hold that this blackness has on me? I feel like I've been living on St. John's Wort for weeks now and I've even contemplated getting a prescription. But I had a bad experience with Zoloft about 10 years ago and I've never wanted to be on anti-depressants since. It's just very irritating because my normal self is generally pretty happy and content with life and when that is suddenly not my first nature anymore, it makes me even more depressed! Needless to say, I am quickly developing an empathy for those that struggle with this condition on a daily basis for most of their lives. Ugh! I hope this passes quickly!

A number of years ago, like back in the 80s, the rage in Christian circles was to figure out your "personality" type, based on 4 predominate personalities. I knew then that I was what they called a "Melancholy", but I had strong Choleric parts to my personality as well. Well, I think the Melancholy is finally taking over. Sigh...Not that being one is a bad thing, necessarily, but I do think they are more prone to depressive episodes. I should find that book sometime from the library and read up again on the personalities, just for fun - or insight.

I got the results back on my Factor V Leiden test - negative. I was so sure that I had it and I found myself disappointed with the results. I wanted a reason for my stroke 4 years ago and had so hoped that this was it. But I guess it's not. So, that means that the possibility of another stroke is still hanging over my head, as I guess it probably will all my life. But, I could also get hit by a mack truck tomorrow (or die in a plane crash) - there are no guarantees of anything in life! The boys are pleased though, because they were not thrilled with the idea of getting tested themselves.

I took the boys in for their 6 month dental check-ups last week. No cavities, but the dentist is telling me that David is probably going to need braces at some point. I questioned him about his lower teeth, which are a concern. They are coming in awfully crooked. His top ones aren't so bad. So, now I have a referral for an orthodontist. I still need to call him. The dentist said there's no real hurry on this (good!), but I suppose we should plan on using some of (or all) next year's flex spending money for it. I am not sure what insurance will cover. David is kind of freaking out about the possibility, but I'm not going to ruin his chances of snagging a good wife because he doesn't have a nice smile!

Last Monday I was at the school, dropping off Ben's registration and my CPI forms for the other boys. I ran into the mother of one Ben's classmates and so I struck up a superficial conversation with her. I asked if they had gone anywhere this summer and she sadly shook her head. I immediately felt like an idiot because her son is very, very autistic and has some extremely difficult behaviors. They probably have difficulty going anywhere, let alone on vacation. So, I contritely said, "Oh, it's probably hard for you to go anywhere, isn't it?" She shook her head again and burst out, "My husband left me this summer!" Oh! I felt horrible! I hugged her and told her how sorry I was. We ended up becoming Facebook friends and have been chatting back and forth over the last week. But wow - and I think I have reasons to feel depressed!

It looks like we are re-financing our house. I'm letting Paul take care of that. I have enough to worry about. With the bank we are going with, we'll even cut 3 years off our mortgage, without raising our payments. But now he's on a tear now to get things fixed up before the appraiser comes out in a week and a half. We've debated about moving and that may still happen at some point, but I think we're going to wait until Ben is closer to finishing school. And, rather than sell this house, we'd really like to turn it into a rental property at some point. But for now, it's just our house.

Last week when I got Will we stopped at a Subway and Sam announced that he could "read" my cup. I asked him what it said and he began to spell out, "S...U...B...W...A...Y" I said, "So what does that spell?" Sam triumphantly announced, "It says, 'pop'!"

Well, I had better keep moving. I am meeting a friend of mine from church for lunch. She's actually a 23 year old college student, pursuing her masters in music. She and I struck up a friendship a few years ago and now she wants me to help her find some clothes for this next year of school. She may know music, but I know fashion! Well, I know fashion for 40 year olds, that is. I'm not sure how much help I'll actually be!

Gs, Journeys, and Junk

2011-07-28T19:58:00.003-05:00

I'm so glad to be back on the computer again! My darling children downloaded a game last week onto my laptop. I discovered Sun. night that we were up to 4.8G and we're only allotted 5G a month! Once we went over by just 600 MB and it cost us an extra $100. So, our use on the internet was extremely limited until today when our new billing cycle began.

I visited my friend Jenny today. I mentioned her a year or more ago. She's my friend that gave birth to little Rebekah, with some pretty serious needs. Rebekah has been home since she was six months old, but somehow in the 10 months since then I have just never made it over to visit with them. Of course, I know their lives are very busy with therapists in and out of the home and all the dr's visits and even surgery that's had to happen. Jenny started bringing Rebekah to church in April and my heart has just melted every time I've seen that little girl. She's so obviously handicapped - but so obviously God's creation. Today I got to hold her for the first time and it was wonderful! If it weren't for Ben, I don't think I'd feel quite this tenderness towards those with special needs. And it was good for both Jenny and I to talk. There's just something about talking with someone who's been through the same fires. Sometimes I feel bad, though, that I don't have it more "together" after almost 15 years on this journey. I feel like I'm in a stage of life now where I should be more of an encouragement to moms just starting out on this road. But sometimes I still feel just as needy and heartbroken as I did nearly 15 years ago. I think it's a journey without a destination.

But I found out today in talking with Jenny and the one therapist that happened to be at her house, that little Rebekah and Ben share the same occupational therapist, Brandi. I did not know that. And then someone said - and I can't remember if it was Jenny quoting Brandi, or if it was this lady that was there today from the AEA. Anyway, it was said that if you are going to have a handicapped child in this area, Pleasantville school is the best place for them. I couldn't believe it! Pville is the smallest school in this area. In fact, it's so little that there have been fears that it may close at some point. They graduate about 40 seniors a year. How thankful I am, though, that God lead us to that school - and that it is only 10 min away from our house! Ben starts his transitional schooling next week for 2 hours a day and he is so excited to be going back!

So, then I got home, got on the computer, and haven't been off since. I uploaded July's pictures to Facebook, which took forever since I had a lot from our vacation. I don't upload every picture we take. I know that I have no desire to look through all 16 shots of one kid blowing out birthday candles, like some people post. So I try to choose the best photos of every event and just post those. And this way I can be more choosy about which shots of ME go up! I'm not going to show everything. I had one picture Paul took of David and me at the water park. Actually, it's kind of a cute picture, with his expression and I don't look half-drowned, which is always a plus. But it's a full-body shot of me in my bathing suit! I'm not posting that for the entire world to see - not with my post-csectioned tummy (kangaroo pouch) and too-friendly dimpled thighs. They're neighbors now - my thighs. Used to be they wouldn't have anything to do with each other. Now they like to rub against each other all the time. I wish they would go back to being merely acquaintances.

And I'm blogging now. I was supposed to go to Ladies' Bible study but decided to stay home. I'm tired of running around all the time. I've got to drive over to Indianola several times in the next few days and I just needed a night off. Paul went to Knoxville to an auction. He says he's going to look at an advertised pie safe for me (I found one on vacation that I almost bought, but decided not to) but I think he just wanted an excuse to go. I really don't have room for a pie safe right now, anyway. Once the kitchen gets remodeled, then it would be a different story. Paul says that's going to happen this fall. I told him I want the outside cleaned up first. There's siding pieces and wood and other construction materials laying around as well as many, many metal items that need to be hauled to the salvage yard. I'm just tired of it and he's not starting another mess in here until he gets the first one cleaned up! I think I'm getting cranky. Living in a fixer-upper can do that to a person.

Paul has been a cripple this week. Last Sat. he thought he would be funny and tried to sit on Will. Will pushed back and sent his dad flying into the couch where he heard his ribs go "crunch." He has been in agony every since, although it's finally starting to get a little better. He even had me take him to Urgent Care for x-rays. Nothing was broken, though. He hasn't been able to roll over in bed and he's been living on the pain prescriptions they gave him. But he went to the chiropractor this week, which makes me cringe. I wouldn't want anyone popping on me if I was in that much pain! Paul is starting to seem a little more human now, so I guess the pain is lessening somewhat. I bet it will be a long time before he tries to mess with Will again, though!

I have to admit, I was a little put-out when he injured himself in such a foolish way last week. We finally had a Saturday where he was home all day and could get some work done on the house. And then he wrecked that by getting hurt. But, he did redeem himself by building my bathroom cabinet that day - in between moans, that is. He and Will got it hung up and now I've got a place for towels and blankets. I'm liking it!

David and Sam have come down with summer colds. They're sneezing and dripping snot everywhere - disgusting. Sam keeps asking for "more medicine." Think I'm raising a future drug addict? If they share with me, I am not going to be happy. I don't get sick because I don't have time. Seriously - I don't get sick. I went this whole past winter season without so much as a cold. I think that probably has more to do with all the Vit D I take than anything else. But I don't have time to be down with anything. The last time I was sick like that was the day that Paul, Will, and I had the flu at the same time. Sam was 13 months old and very mobile. He did something with my keys that day and we've never found them since. I don't want to lose anything else, so I can't get sick!

Will had his physical last week. He's healthy - almost 5'11" and weighs 161 lbs. But they called me back to the room and announced to me that Will has a hearing loss. We've known since '07 that he was missing some of the hearing in his left ear and have tried to make him see the importance of limiting his mp3 player use and using ear plugs when hunting, as a result. But they told me he only has 50% hearing in that ear and that he has some loss in his right ear, as well! I was not happy. But, I'm trying not to get too worked up about it - yet. On the 16th of Aug, I'm taking Will to see my ENT. I have a yearly check-up every summer to monitor my hearing situation and they have a professional sound booth there and can more accurately test hearing than a regular dr's office can. Obviously, a person can live with less-than-perfect hearing. I have, my entire life. But the hearing in my right ear has always been very good, which compensated for having none in the left. But as I am getting older, that "good" ear is diminishing and I find myself more and more frustrated with the inability to hear at times. A hearing aide is in my future, but hopefully not for awhile yet. I just have to think that being partially deaf in both ears would be a lot harder than being completely deaf in only one ear, as I am.

Well, the kids at church got a lesson on the birds and the - well, birds - last night, thanks to yours truly. My friend Deb and I ended up taking the school-aged kids down to pray since the regular person didn't show up. So, after we did that, we took the kids outside to play. I noticed a hawk nearby who appeared to be grappling with a bunny. There were tufts of what I thought was fur all over the ground and it looked like quite a struggle had ensued. I gathered all the kids around and instructed them to watch as this was quite educational. So they did. And then all of a sudden, the hawk lifted his prey into the air and I realized it wasn't a bunny, but another bird. Deb and I looked at each other and I exclaimed, "I didn't know they eat their own!" And then the second bird suddenly freed herself and flew off. And that's when it dawned on me - it wasn't a meal that we interrupted. It was something else, entirely! Oh my goodness - Deb and I laughed so hard. Fortunately, most of the kids couldn't figure out what we thought was so funny! I'm surprised I haven't had to field any phone calls after that one!

Well, I had better turn the computer over to the kids so they can spew their germs all over it. Ick! They've been bugging me all afternoon and evening for it. I need to do some picking up around here and then herd the kids to bed. We may get a thunderstorm tonight - I sure hope so. It's been a long, hot summer.

Only one more week and Will will be home for good! Am I normal? I go crazy stuck at home with them for so long that I have to get out and do things by myself from time to time. But when they're gone I miss them like crazy. Maybe I just miss all the stuff he does around here, like changing the garbage and killing the mice! Well, Will tends to have a very "calming" manner to him. I might not miss some of the more excitable ones so much! Give me a chance to find out!

Gotta run. Next week Ben starts school, part-time. Oh, guess I mentioned that already - maybe I'm excited or something! And two weeks from today I'll be in Michigan! I'm so nervous about the whole flying-alone thing that I'm not even looking forward to the trip yet. I need to get over that!

Vacation Report

2011-07-22T11:49:00.001-05:00

Ok, this is not the greatest picture of all the boys, but it shows them at one of our favorite stops on our recent vacation - Lambert's Restaurant in Sikesville, Missouri, home of the "throwed rolls."

And by the way, "vacation" is a misnomer. There was nothing relaxing about this trip! I think we are going to have to be old and gray before we actually get to rest while on vacation!

We left early on Thurs. morning and drove to Kansas City to go to Worlds of Fun. It had been 21 years since we were there last. It sure was hot! Fortunately, they do have some air conditioned buildings there and every so often, along the walkways they have these fans blowing mists of water, which help. Paul discovered, though, that his head and stomach cannot handle roller coasters like they used to be able to. I remember last Aug. he was starting to have trouble when we went to Adventureland. He's getting old! They had stricter rules there, too, about letting little people onto certain rides. So Sam had to sit out most of the rides. Fortunately, they do have a section of the park just for little ones. He loved that, especially the bumper cars!

Probably the funniest part of the day was when we were watching this show. It was loud, but the building was air conditioned, so we didn't care too much. The performers were putting on old tv theme songs and oldie songs. At one point, they drew Paul out of his seat, put flowers around his neck and had him dancing up on stage! Then, they stuck he and this other lady behind these cut-outs of Sonny and Cher and had them sing, "I Got You, Babe" into the microphone. It was funny - I could see his red face from where we were sitting!

Friday we drove down to Branson. That's when we stopped at Lamberts. We had visited there 3 years ago and knew we had to go back. It's an amazing place! We thought getting there on a weekday, a little past the typical lunch time, would mean that we could get right in. Not so! We had to wait an hour and a half for a table. Fortunately, there were plenty of antique stores nearby that we could browse in while we waited. A lot of people know about Lamberts, evidently! Definitely worth the wait, though.

Saturday morning we had to get up early to go to a time share presentation. I hate those things but it helped pay for our vacation, so we sucked it up and went. Do people ever actually say "yes" to these salesmen? That afternoon we took the boys mini-golfing at an indoor place - thankfully. It was still awfully hot!

That night we went to the Noah show. This was almost as expensive as Worlds of Fun. But it was so awesome! Even the boys said they liked it better than WOF, which surprised me. There is the Sight and Sound theater in Branson that for 35 years has been committed to bringing the Bible to life through musicals. This was an amazing show. The audience was made to feel as though they were inside the ark during part of the show. I loved how as the story drew to a close, the musical didn't end with the final scene of Noah's family exiting the ark and seeing the first rainbow. Instead, the sides of the ark on the stage fell away and just the crosspieces remained, forming a cross shape. Then, an actor dressed as Jesus came forward and gave the "rest of the story" with a clear Gospel message. Very cool!

During the show, I was watching the family in front of us. They had two boys and the oldest clearly had autism. He was very distressed at different points in the show because he couldn't handle the extra stimulation happening on stage. But his parents did a good job with him, doing "deep compressions" on his arms and legs to calm him down and talking him through some of the more difficult parts. I wanted to say something to them but never got the chance.

On Sunday we visited a church in Branson. There are churches everywhere down south! This one was a little more modern - but I couldn't find any fault with the pastor's message. He did call the second service the "hangover service" which I didn't think was in very good taste. And he also said, "Holy Crap!" during his message. But, other than that, it was fine. It was obviously a seeker-friendly church and very, very involved in donating to worthy organizations. Different, but not wrong.

Sunday afternoon we took the boys to a water park in Branson. It was both indoor and outdoor, which was nice, since it was still so hot. I really enjoyed myself there, especially on the Lazy River! I love those things!

That night we drove to Sedalia, Mo and spent the night. The next day we drove home, making a few stops along the way. We ate lunch at an Applebees, per the boys' request. They had never eaten at one before and wanted to see what they were like. I've eaten there many, many times, but we indulged them. Our last stop was in Lamoni, Iowa. I had read about an Amish store down there that has been put together with the help of Graceland University. We didn't get into town until 7pm so I was just sure that the store would be closed already. But it wasn't!

It was neat as we were driving through town to see the Amish homes there and we met quite a few buggies along the way. I felt so sorry for the drivers in their dark clothing when it was still over a 100 degrees. How awful to have to live without air conditioning! But the store was really cool (literally and figuratively). The lady running it was delighted to see our family and had to make a big deal out of the fact that we had all boys. She raised 5 daughters, so could relate, somewhat. I ended up buying a new step basket since the boys destroyed my other one. They had better not touch this one! On the bottom, the Amish family dated and signed it, along with all the names in their family. They mentioned on it that they have a baby named "Verna." So, so cool!

And now we're home and I am still exhausted! I just have not caught up yet! Fortunately, this week has not been too terribly busy and I've been able to kind of ease into it.

I found out this week that my dad has a gene that causes excessive clotting - it's called Factor V Leiden. When he was in the hospital a few weeks ago an old friend on Facebook contacted me and suggested that Dad get tested because she had been through a similar experience herself. At first the dr. kind of poo-poohed the idea but he did agree to do the testing. More than likely, I have the gene, too. I'm getting my blood drawn this Monday to find out for sure. I'm kind of excited by this news because if I do have it, it would explain why I had the stroke, which has always been a troubling mystery. I don't know what they do once somebody is identified as having this defective gene. I already take an aspirin every day, but maybe they'll want to have me start on an anti-coagulant since I'm obviously at a higher risk for clots and thus, strokes. That's if I have it. If I do, though, I will need to get the boys tested as well, since I may very well have passed it on to them.

Yesterday we met with Ben's new case worker for his waiver. Somehow, he "fell through the cracks" when we applied and were granted this waiver in 2010. I always kind of wondered why I was never contacted but then I would forget. But anyway, his case worker is a lovely person and I very much enjoyed meeting her yesterday. She'll be coming to our house once every 3 months and calling monthly. Ben is eligible for a host of services through this waiver including respite care, which he already gets, Easter Seals camps, and a $5000 grant if we needed to modify anything in our home or vehicle for him. We don't need that yet and may never need it. We can also get someone to come into our home and teach him basic life skills - money management, cooking, telephone skills, etc.

I also found out that shortly before Ben's 18th birthday we will have to hire a lawyer and apply to the courts to be appointed Ben's legal guardians. If we don't, we will no longer be able to make decisions or to even be on his bank accounts. We couldn't even sign his IEPs for him. It's crazy! And then we'll have to do it again someday before our deaths should he outlive us, which I assume he will. I thought being parent was equivalent to being a legal guardian, but I guess that's only until the 18th birthday.

Ben's case manager commented several times how impressed she was with Ben's manners and ability to communicate. That made me feel good! She said that because of that he will be a good candidate for job training - actual job jobs, not just work done in a separate work space, like they do with more handicapped adults. I'm so glad to hear that because that is what I want for him. Apparently there is an organization in Indianola that he'll be able to work with once he turns 16 that will teach him job skills and basic things like attention to detail, clocking in, keeping focused on the job at hand, etc.

Oh, and on the subject of Ben: I was asked to write a piece for the series, "Growing Up with Autism" for an autism blog. I ended up writing about our education journey with him. You can read it here: http://manyhatsmommy.com/ Scroll down a little bit and I'm the second paragraph in. There's a good picture of the two of us there. David snapped that for me yesterday.

Well, this is what I know for now. This afternoon I have to run Will up to Des Moines for his sports physical. He leaves Monday for two straight weeks at camp. He'll be at Sr. High camp next week and then just as soon as that ends on Sat. he'll be working the last Family camp of the season. He gets back on Friday, the 5th, and starts practice on the next Monday. It suddenly occurred to him on Wed. of this week that he needs a physical before then! Normally, he gets them at the school, but that wasn't going to work this time with him being gone. Fortunately, I was able to get him in with one of the drs where I started going this spring.

I had better stop typing. Today, I was trying to pick up a thumbtack out of a little basket on my desk. I wasn't very successful. I stabbed my pointer finger pretty badly. In fact, I had to pull the thumb tack OUT of my finger. Owww! It's starting to throb now. Better give it a rest! Time for some lunch and another chapter in my current murder mystery, "Lye in Wait."

Light, Destructive Kids, and the Maid

2011-07-09T20:00:00.003-05:00

As I blog, a new-found light is spilling across my computer screen - I like it! Paul just cut a hole for a window in my office. Wow, that is really going to lighten it up in here! Of course, I will be happier once the window is actually in, since the bugs are flying in with the hole.

I am almost done with today's to-do list. And that's good since it's already 8 pm! I'm feeling it, too. Yesterday was a non-stop day. First, I took David to the foot dr. to have his plantar warts worked on. Then, from there we drove up to Clear Lake to pick up Will and another teen from church who had been working. We went to 2 different fast food joints to pick up lunch and then we headed back. It's a 2 hour plus drive. We drove straight to the Indianola pool and got there at 4. It worked out well because we were having a mom "get-together" from church at the pool. That was actually supposed to happen Thurs, but it rained. David was so disappointed that I told him we could go Fri. when it was re-scheduled. So we spent 2 hours at the pool. Then, we drove home and I had Will throw my scrapbooking stuff in the van and I drove back to Indianola and scrapbooked until 11. Then, I came home and collapsed into bed. I was up by 7:30 this morning in order to be at the park clean-up day. Normally I would skip something like that but I felt kind of obligated, since I am on the council. Plus, the mayor had commented to me this last week that he knew the only people that would show up for this would be himself and his dad. So then I felt like I HAD to go! Paul came a little bit later with his chainsaw and we were able to take down a few trees. But I did beg out early. I knew I had this long list to accomplish today and it wasn't going to happen if I wasn't home. Plus, my allergies were threatening to start bugging me. Plus, it was hot. I hate heat. Plus, it was yard work. I hate yard work.

I've got homemade caramel corn baking in the oven. It smells so good! I also made a new dessert that I am guaranteed not to have to share. It's a chocolate cherry trifle - layers of pound cake, chocolate pudding, cool-whip, and cherry pie filling. Yum, yum! Wonder how many miles I'll have to put on the treadmill to walk that thing off?

Monday was the 4th of July. I was sad because Will wasn't here again. Actually, I was mildly depressed all week. I am having the hardest time with this kid being gone so much. At this rate, I'm going to end up in a psychiatrist's office when he goes off to college! I've got to shake out of this! But he's here now and will be around for the next two weeks (and then he'll be gone for 2 weeks straight again) so I'm happy!

Our neighbors (actually, the afore-mentioned mayor) were setting off illegal fireworks Sun. night. Sam ran into the house so excited and told me, "It's like stars out there - only there are red stars!" We did get to Pville on Mon. night for their display - they did not disappoint. Wow - what a show!

Tues. night Sam came into the house and anxiously told me, "Mom - I broke Will's car!" I thought maybe he had dented it or something with a stick, since he was carrying one. But no...he shattered the windshield. Apparently, he had been climbing on the car (which prompted a new rule) and fell. He told me his "butt hurt" so I'm guessing he went down on his bottom at the top of the windshield. ARgh - I could not believe it! Sam assured me, "It's ok, Mom - we have duct tape!" If only it were that easy...I hated having to write to Will and tell him what had happened. I just hope that if Paul is able to fix the damage from the accident, that we can replace the windshield, as well. I have never owned such a destructive child, before. Ben was rough - but he was mostly rough on himself. We made lots and lots of ER trips with him when he was a preschooler. But Sam is destructive to our stuff! I think half the problem is that he is so confident in everything he does. It doesn't occur to him that he could get hurt or he could hurt things because he sees his dad and brothers doing similar things (although I'm not aware that any of them climb on vehicles like monkeys). And maybe we're not watching him well enough, since, after all, we had a long break of not having to watch little children closely. Although, when the windshield incident happened, Paul was not 15 feet away, putting siding on the house. But, as any mom knows, there is a huge difference between being in the approximate vicinity of and actually watching.

I have a cover on my loveseat because we're too poor to actually buy matching furniture. Maybe someday! But, in the meantime, I have one of those stretchy covers for it. So, periodically, I have to throw it (the cover, not the loveseat) in the washer and dryer. Sam knows that when I do that he can play on the loveseat in a manner that he normally cannot when the cover is on. So, I got the cover cleaned and told Sam his playtime was over. He didn't like that, so I told him, "Ok, you can slide one more time." Sam replied, "No, I need lots of numbers!"

Sam just came and asked me to "get a dress" on him. I wanted to write that so I can laugh someday when I re-read this. He's actually asking me to get him dressed, but that's how he says it right now. He wants to run outside for a little bit before he goes to bed. He ought to sleep well. He and David spent all afternoon in our pool and Sam didn't get a nap. He told me just now that it isn't dark and it won't be dark for another "20 hours." Good to know!

I had a phone call this week from DHS - no worries, though. About 16 months ago I applied for Ben to be on a different waiver than the one he has been on because I had heard that it offered more transitory services for young adults and closer contact with a case manager. I've kind of felt like we were on our own with the old waiver. So he qualified and I've waited and waited for a call. And then I kind of forgot about it. Somehow, Ben fell through the cracks and just this week his new case manager received his file! We had a really nice visit and she's coming to meet with us in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, I have a whole sheaf of papers to fill out. The bad thing is that his old waiver expired in the meantime, so Ben doesn't currently have any waiver services. So, we need to get this thing moving. Ahh - the efficiency and aptitude of govt. employees!

We are leaving for Missouri this Thurs. and we'll be there for several days. It will be nice to get away for a little vacation. We're going to Worlds of Fun on Thurs. I haven't been there in 21 years - the first summer that we were dating. Will checked the weather forecast and Missouri is saying "hot and humid" for that day - ick. Well, at least we'll be in air conditioning for the rest of the trip to Branson.

Well, I've got one more head to do a haircut on and a very messy kitchen to clean. My writing break is over - back to being the scullery maid.

No More Oatmeal Kisses

2011-06-30T16:46:00.003-05:00

Anybody who knows me knows what a huge Erma Bombeck fan I am. I believe I have read everything she ever wrote. My mom had a couple of her books and my grandma had them all, I think. I spent many, many hours as a child reading those books and not understanding everything I read. But I knew loved the honest way that Erma spoke. I think, more than any other writer, she influenced my own writing style - which tends to be transparent.

As a mom, I've checked out many Erma books from the library and read them repeatedly. I understand them a lot better now! Recently, I made the decision to start collecting them. Every pay day that we can squeeze out a few extra dollars, I'm going to order an Erma book from Amazon. "At Wit's End" should be arriving any day now. I'm going to have a special bookshelf, just for my Erma books.

Mostly, Erma made her readers nod their heads and laugh. Nearly everybody could empathize with her realistic portrayals of marriage and motherhood, especially in the quickly changing days in which Erma wrote. But sometimes she made her readers cry. I don't care how many times I read this particular piece of hers -- I can't get to the end without the tears welling up. Recently, I typed it up and framed it and stuck it on the wall in my office. Now I can't go into the bathroom, which is right beside the wall where I hung it, without crying. I suppose that's ok. Bathrooms are a good place to cry.

No More Oatmeal Kisses

A young mother writes: “I know you’ve written before about the empty-nest syndrome, that lonely period after the children are grown and gone. Right now I’m up to my eyeballs in laundry and muddy boots. The baby is teething; the boys are fighting. My husband just called and said to eat without him, and I fell off my diet. Lay it on me again, will you?”

OK. One of these days, you’ll shout, “Why don’t you kids grow up and act your age!” And they will. Or, “You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do . . . and don’t slam the door!” And they won’t.

You’ll straighten up the boys’ bedroom neat and tidy: bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you’ll say out loud, “Now I want it to stay this way.” And it will.

You’ll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn’t been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you’ll say, “Now, there’s a meal for company.” And you’ll eat it alone.

You’ll say, “I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do you hear?” And you’ll have it.

No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti. No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms. No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps. No more clothespins under the sofa. No more playpens to arrange a room around.

No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent. No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathroom. No more iron-on patches, rubber bands for ponytails, tight boots or wet knotted shoestrings.

Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it. No baby-sitter for New Year’s Eve. Washing only once a week. Seeing a steak that isn’t ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.
No PTA meetings. No car pools. No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o’clock at night. Having your own roll of Scotch tape.

Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark. No knees to heal, no responsibility.

Only a voice crying, “Why don’t you grow up?” and the silence echoing, “I did.”

Cameras, Clots, and Cars

2011-06-29T15:15:00.003-05:00

I thought I would just sit down and blog - but it wasn't so easy. I wanted to include this picture of the infamous mud pit up at camp. That's David, there, in the middle. But then my desktop suddenly decided it no longer wished to recognize my new camera.

After being on the phone quite awhile with a Samsung tech, she suggested that I just use the camera on my laptop, which does recognize my camera. And this was after I had just downloaded Windows Photo Gallery for my desktop. Grrr...

So, it took a little bit of work, but I finally have a picture and I can begin blogging on my desktop, rather than my laptop, which is my preference. But it's a hassle now that I have to first download the pics on my laptop, save the post, and then re-open on my desktop. I know there has to be a way to force my desktop to recognize my camera, but I don't know what it is. But anyway, enough of that!

I think everyone has heard, but for posterity's sake, if nothing else - Will was involved in his first car accident last Tuesday. We're still not sure if he was at fault or not. He swears up and down that the light was green when he checked and I believe him. He is a good driver. But he ended up getting hit by an older Vietnamese couple who don't speak English. Will was so rattled by the event that he blurted out to the police officer that the light must have been yellow instead of green when he looked and therefore, he would have run a red light. So, he got a $200 ticket. I don't know yet if we're just going to pay it or go to the court date. Will was just devastated by the whole thing. And I felt so horrible, too. Not only do I have to worry about the financial end of things (our insurance premiums, for one!) but I hurt because he hurts. He worked so hard for that car and was so proud of it.

However, the car may be fixable. The night of the accident Paul was sure that it was totaled (we only carried liability on it). But after looking at it some more and then talking to the guy at the garage where it was towed to he is wondering now if he might be able to repair it. But he's been on call this week and hasn't had time to look. Speaking of the garage, though...the night of the accident we were told that there was a $3 per day parking fee there. Fine. So, last Wed. night Paul borrowed a trailer from his work and went and got the car. It was $15 a day to park it there! So, with the towing and parking fee and a $20 "paperwork" fee, we had to fork out $132 to get Will's car back.

Oh, speaking of cars... the new Pixar "Cars" movie is out. The boys have the original one and we all enjoyed it. But I'm hearing quite a bit of feedback now from my friends on Facebook that this sequel is one to avoid. Apparently, it's just a piece of propaganda, with a "big oil is bad" and "alternative energy is good" message. I'm sorry, but my kids are not going to watch it. They get enough indoctrination in the world, as it is, but I'm not going to allow it to happen under my watch - or with my money (what little there is left of it). We watched this documentary Sun. night at church called "Agenda." We had seen it previously in our SS class a few weeks ago. It was put out by an either current or former Idaho legislator. I can't remember his name. But the film is very eye-opening. It's about communism and the inroads it has made into the United States. Even things like the women's' movement of the 1970s was based in communism. I had no idea! It's an excellent film - I would highly recommend its viewing.

My dad is in the hospital. He was rushed there by ambulance yesterday because a CAT scan showed that he had two blood clots in his lungs. Kind of scary, esp. with our family history of strokes. But he's doing better today. They have found a 3rd clot in his leg - probably the source of the two that got to his lungs. However, they're letting him move around, which surprises me and they may let him go home tomorrow. He's having to give himself heparin-like shots in his stomach. And I guess he's going to be on a stronger anti-coagulant drug for 6 months, too. When my mom developed a blood clot in her lung after her pacemaker surgery in '97, they didn't let her off the bed. But this must be something different. It's times like this that I get frustrated that I don't live closer. I would love to be able to drop everything and run to the hospital or to be able to bring over meals - or anything! My mom sent an email to me yesterday afternoon but I didn't get it until last night when I got home around 9. So that put me a bit of a concerned tizzy. I was on the phone with her until around 10 and then I just could not fall asleep after all that! It was a blood clot that went to my brain on Oct. 30, 2007. As a result, blood clots tend to scare me! But I was able to talk to Dad this afternoon and he sounded very good. So I guess all is well - ??? They are running some tests, trying to see if a determining factor can be found for the cause of the clots. But we won't know those results for another week.

Last Sat. I was up at 6am (a horrible time to be awake, by the way) and loaded all 4 boys into the van. The tricky part was that I had to put the younger 3 in church clothes and then hope that they would last through breakfast and lunch in the van. I had to drop Will off at camp, which is 2+ hours away. Then, we turned around and drove back to Indianola, where we had a wedding to attend. That's the one that I didn't think I was going to get to go to. But Will suggested that I could drop him off at camp early and he could go out with some friends who were also working until it was time for him to report to work. It was a damp, cool day - probably not what the bride had envisioned when she started planning her June wedding!

It was a really different wedding from what I'm used to. I've been to many nice weddings and I've been to somewhat tacky ones (groomsmen in shirt sleeves, a boombox on stage for the wedding music, etc). But I can honestly say I had never been to a cowboy wedding before!

The groom was a young man in our church and I really don't know the bride. But I think I know her a little better now! Both were only 19 last weekend - awfully young. But, if the couple is spiritually mature and the groom is able to support a wife and any little kidlets that might surprise them -- why not? It wasn't like Paul and I were a whole lot older. He had just turned 22 when we get married and I was a month away from that birthday. And we both still had a lo-o-ot of growing up to do! Which we did - together.

But anyway. Apparently the bride likes horses. I mean - really likes horses. The entry way was decorated with a saddle and the church platform had 3 more! There was also a rustic, wood-burned sign as you walked in that said, "Will you marry me?" Wonder if that's how the groom proposed? Now I did like this: The sign-in table was covered with an old quilt. I love things like that - so pretty and country-like. The bride's flowers were yellow daisies. Oh, she also had two big wagon wheels up on the church platform, too, decorated with daisies. That was kind of cute. The bridesmaids wore dark blue gowns. I don't know - if it were me, I probably would have dressed them in gingham. And maybe the groomsmen should have worn cowboy hats. But then they'd be in church and you're not supposed to wear hats in church, I don't think. The pews were decorated with hanging mason jars with pretend candles in them. Oh, and when the pastor (the groom's brother) was marrying them he was illustrating the concept of the woman being the "weaker vessel." He said, "It's like this. You, Jake, (the groom) are a pair of work boots - all dusty and muddy. But your bride here - she's your Sunday boots that are all polished and nice!" I wanted to laugh out loud!

To each his own and I would never begrudge someone their cowboy wedding if that's what they like and is a true reflection of them. Personally, I am a little more traditional and prefer a bit of elegance when it comes to weddings, but that doesn't matter. I am thinking, too, that the older I get, the more fuddy-duddier I am getting in my thinking and I always promised myself I wouldn't do that! When my own kids get married I am going to keep my lips totally zipped and if they want to march down the aisle dressed like Star Wars characters I will not breathe a word. I may blog about it at length, but my kids will never know what they just did to their poor mother! I'll just be happy that they found somebody willing to marry them!

It may be a bit of struggle with Sam. I tried to point out to him the other day the importance of not chewing with one's mouth open. With his mouthful of food, he informed me that "I wike to eat this way!" and totally refused to close his mouth. Yeah, marrying that one off may be a bit of a struggle...

This was the same day that he ate EIGHT chicken nuggets at McDonalds. Yes, I know what I've said about those things and I would still argue that they really do not constitute food. However, when you're in a hurry and on a budget and trying to meet the desires of several short, demanding people, it's easy to let your ideals slip. But still - eight? I don't think I can even do that and my stomach has to be at least 4 times the size of a 3 year old's!

Oh, my last little bit of news. Well, it's not really news. But anyway, we ordered Paul's new wedding ring last week, finally. This is his 3rd wedding ring. I sure hope it's the last one. It's supposed to be "unscratchable" so we'll see. It's just a basic, shiny, white-gold band - no diamonds like his last one. But since he tends to be hard on his rings, that's just as well, I guess. He said now that he has his new ring the women can quit throwing themselves at him. Let's hope so!

It's going to be a hot one tomorrow and Friday. They said it will feel like 108 out. I plan to hunker down in my air conditioned house all day! I don't have any plans to go anywhere and am hoping to get a lot done. I thought about taking the boys to the pool, but it will be so crowded. Besides, we're going in a week with a bunch of moms from church. We can wait. As long as I have air conditioning, I'm happy! And it will be a treat to have a day where I don't have to go anywhere, either. Paul is on call this week so I imagine that I will not see much of him for the next couple of days. That's ok - he needs to earn money for our upcoming vacation!

Better get supper out of the oven...

Together Again

2011-06-20T15:48:00.003-05:00

This is a good week because all my family is back under one roof! I did enjoy my "easier" week last week (esp. not having to cook!) but oh, I missed them, esp. as the week wore on! Paul, Will, and David got home around 2 and we had to leave 20 min. later to get the boys to their homeschool softball games. It was a really, really nice day even though I typically hate that last softball day of the season. It's always SO hot and we have to sit through 4 games and then risk botulism and fly-borne illnesses by eating picnic food.

Fortunately, this year it wasn't too terribly hot. And for some reason, numbers were really down at the games. I guess families had other things they had to do. Paul couldn't keep his hands off me, which is always fun - kind of a nice reminder of our dating days! That's what a week of separation will do to you!

Camp was good, I hear. Personally, I would like to shoot whoever came up with the idea of making a gigantic mud pit for the campers this year. Both Paul and David came home with ruined clothing. I had even heard about the mud pit before hand so I sent disposable clothes with David. That was fine for the first day he went in but he wore a good shirt for the second time! And Paul assured me that he had no intention of going in any mud pit, so I didn't send him any clothes. Well, apparently he changed his mind and wore a white shirt into the pit. Grrr....

Paul ended up being the head counselor in a cabin of 12 boys with only 2 of them being children he already knew. They put 2 other churches in with him, including one 18 yr old counselor. So that was a new experience for him. He has such a heart for children, though, and it was a good place for him, esp. with some of the more challenging kids he had to deal with during the week. He also had the opportunity (?) to work on some of the camp's equipment while up there.

I bought a treadmill last week off Craig's list. It wasn't until I was halfway home that it dawned on me that neither Paul nor Will was home to unload it out of my van and into the basement! Fortunately, I was able to sweet-talk our mayor into helping me! So, I've been using that every day. I'm up to 7 min. now. I'm taking it slow - no reason to rush good health!

I also bought a weed-eater for Paul for Father's Day. Now, that was a new experience, since I know approximately zero about men's tools. I had no idea there was such a wide variety available with quite a price range. So, I spent quite a bit of time at Menards and Sears, trying to figure out the best option. I finally went with a Craftsman because you can't go wrong with a Craftsman, right? Hopefully not. Paul seemed pleased with it, though, so maybe I chose well!

This weekend David wants to go to the annual Des Moines Arts Festival in the downtown. I hate downtown events because of the parking. But he's been wanting to go for sometime so I told him I would take him this year. And then Sat. I have to take Will back up to camp. I could just about cry because I'm going to have to miss a wedding at church I was looking forward to. But I guess that's part of having kids...

Today Sam etched a set of "train tracks" into my table with the edge of an ink pen. Grrr...I almost think it would be easier if he were this diabolical child who was intent on causing harm. Instead, he's always surprised when I'm not as impressed with his efforts as he is.

But then, on the other end of the spectrum, there's Will. We have been getting a LOT of rain lately. Since the walls are not done in the basement the rain keeps coming in the turning the dirt into mud that runs all over the floor. I've tried to clean what I can, but it's been pointless since it keeps raining. Today, Will moved all the stuff out of the way, commandeered David into involuntary service and cleaned and scrubbed and mopped and cleaned the whole thing up. Bless his heart. I told him how grateful I was and how his behavior was that of a man - a very fine man.

I guess I should be starting supper soon (back to cooking and all, you know). I've gotten quite a bit done today. This week shouldn't be too rough. I want to visit a couple of older friends, I need to stop at the bank and change Ben's bank account since they are wanting to now charge me $9 a month for the privilege of banking with them (grrr...). Ben has Social Skills tomorrow and I have my support group meeting in the evening. And I need to work on figuring tax witholdings with the city clerk, with a conference call to the IRS. She's also supposed to be showing me how to do water bills. So, all in all, a pretty easy week. I'm glad!

I'm cleaning the stove right now (self-cleaning). And I'm getting a headache. Better go pop some pills. I think my back is getting back to normal. My sciatic nerve flared up again so badly last week that I was practically paralyzed for a couple of mornings. I found some exercises on-line that are supposed to help, so I'm hoping that will take care of it, along with the regular treadmill exercise. I need my body in good working order!

Camp, Cameras, and Conferences

2011-06-13T18:09:00.005-05:00

I can't believe how this day has slipped right by me! Paul, Will, and David took off early this AM for Jr. Boys camp (Will is working). This is the only day this week I didn't have to go anywhere, other than to take Ben to summer school (which I did in a torrential downpour and thunderstorm!) I wanted to make the most of it because of that. I did make a sizable dent in my laundry mounds, which is nice.

Last week was absolutely hectic beyond belief. It seemed like I had a lot to do. In addition, we had VBS every evening. The first evening we had 10 students (4s and 5s) - not bad. By Wed. night we had 21! The lowest it ever got after that was 19! Oh, my goodness - that was WORK! But I had good helpers.

I drowned my camera last week. I threw it in a waterproof bag for VBS and tossed my water bottle in there, too. Yep. The bag was waterproof - the camera, not so much! So, that was an unexpected expense!

Then, Friday and Sat. was the homeschool conference. It was really, really good, even though I only got to attend one class. I can't believe we've been doing this for 9 years now! On Friday I went to lunch with Kathy and Rich, who came just for the day. Then, Sat. my parents came down to sit with the boys. Of course, they had to admire my new bathroom and office first! It had been a year since they were here last. On my way to the conference I got a phone call from my brother's friend, Jeff. I'm Facebook friends with him, but not really "real-life" friends. Well, he and his wife were at the conference for the first time and feeling a bit lost as to what to buy for their child. So, we ended up having lunch together and I told them what I know, which doesn't seem like much. I have spent so many years "experimenting" with different curriculums for my kids and making changes that I don't know that I'm an expert. Each child has different needs. But anyway, I was able to buy most of what I need at the conference. I still need to order a Dave Ramsey homeschool course for Will's Economics class this year and I'm looking into a curriculum that might help David with his learning struggles. We'll see.

That's Ben up above, after the Sp. Olympics events in Ames in May.

Will got back on Sat afternoon while I was gone. He was at Water and Work camp, which is held in conjunction with Sp. Needs Camp. That is his favorite week of all, he tells me. He told me that one of Ben's teammates was up there! I was under the impression that Sp. Needs camp is mainly for adults - maybe not. I had no idea this girl was from a Christian family. Maybe she's not - maybe her family is taking advantage of a safe camping environment for their challenged daughter. Anyway, Will will be gone most of the summer. He got 4 weeks to work, plus he was gone last week and he'll be gone in late July for Sr. High camp.

Last night we ended up having a bit of a slumber party at our house. Some friends of ours from Council Bluffs met us in Des Moines and gave us their 9 year old to take to camp. And then the other boy from church who was going up was already planning to spend the night.

Well, that's what I know for now. I would ask for continued prayer in regards to the subject I mentioned last month (about us being crazy). We're starting to turn doorknobs now, as we seek God's will. I made some phonecalls today and we have our first meeting in a couple of weeks. I'm excited, scared to death, and trying to not let my heart engage. I promise, as SOON as I can talk about it, I will! But for now, please, please pray for wisdom for us!

Well, off to chisel away at Mt. Laundry again!

Culture Clash

2011-06-07T17:30:00.001-05:00

Our topic was "drop-out." I did about as crummy on this one as I did on my story about the mom whose baby explodes all over her. Oh well - I think I'm in a bit of a writing slump right now.

Culture Clash

My daughter is a drop-out. Should I be more worried? After all, her chances of a good future may well be gone now. All the things that could have been hers…won’t. I imagine that people I know are probably shaking their heads as they contemplate the lack of Kaylee’s future.

I would be more concerned, except…my daughter is six months old.

It all started innocently enough. During my pregnancy my husband, Brice, and I had moved halfway across the world for his job. Technically, it was only the difference from Oklahoma to New York, but we may have as well planted ourselves in the jungles of Ecuador for the culture shock we experienced.

So, I had Kaylee and soon the walls of our little apartment were closing in on me. Everything I read assured me that motherhood would be all-fulfilling. I don’t know, but it’s kind of hard to feel fulfilled when your only companion sleeps for fifteen hours of the day and uses you as a milking machine for the other nine. If I didn’t get someone to talk to, I was going to go nuts. I suggested to Brice that we fly my mother out for an extended visit. He got this horrified look on his face and came home the next day with an address and phone number for a nearby Me and Mommy class.

So I went. Wow -- we sure weren’t in Kansas anymore! The minute I opened the door to this class I was assaulted with the smells of money, class, teething biscuits, and baby poop. I guess some smells transcend social class.

Introductions were made and one mother, who had apparently come straight from a tennis lesson, judging by the perky little tennis outfit she wore (that I would bet next week’s paycheck had never been on a court, ever), cooed to my daughter,

“And who do we have here?” Since my daughter was intent on stuffing her fist into her mouth, and, thus, unable to answer, I replied that this was Kaylee.

“Oh!” exclaimed Miss Tennis, “What an ordinary name!” That kind of took me aback. Wasn’t “ordinary” ok when naming one’s progeny? Apparently not. As the mothers took their places in a large circle, babes in lap, I started noticing the sticky labels attached to their children’s designer duds. There were a couple of “Juliets,” a “Gwyneth,” and even a “Rupert.” We sure were a far way from Oklahoma.

We clapped and sang while the babies drooled. I could be wrong, but I began to get the feeling that this class really didn’t have a whole lot to do with the children.

The mother to my right suddenly turned to me.

“Have you gotten on a waiting list yet?” she asked,

At the baffled look I gave her, she elaborated, “For preschool. You’ve got to get on a list, you know. If your daughter doesn’t get into the right preschool, then she has no chance at all of getting into Kindergarten.”

Ok, so this was news to me. I was pretty sure that all kids went to kindergarten, “right” preschool or not. But then another mother jumped in and I soon realized they were babbling about the right kindergarten. Of course.

“Well, it was nice to meet you” Miss Tennis stood in front of me, hoisting her chubby baby on her hip, “But we’ve got get going. Hugh, here, has his Chinese lesson and we can’t be late.” Uh huh. Well, I guess if China ever takes over America, then it might be handy to speak the language.

I wandered around the room for a bit, while holding Kaylee, and caught pieces of conversation:

“The French Riviera is just so hot that time of year, you know.”

“And they only paid six million for it!”

“Oh, and then our nanny said...”

And then I wandered right out the door, into the September sunshine. Kaylee babbled at a butterfly that swooped down and alighted on her stroller. We stopped in the park, got down on a blanket, and looked at the ants carrying a piece of food to their home and laughed at a puppy who got away from his owner.

And that’s when I decided that both Kaylee and her mother would be forever high society drop-outs. All the culture, prestige, and riches I was ever going to need was sitting right there, gurgling and drooling as the mid-day sun peeked through the leaves above us.

A Place for James

2011-06-07T17:28:00.001-05:00

Funny story on this one: I totally screwed up. For some reason, I thought the topic was "outburst" - it wasn't. But I did pretty well, regardless of messing up the topic, which is supposed to be central to whatever you write about!

A Place for James

Eyeing her son, James, nervously, Anne tried to relax as the church service started.

“Please be good!” Anne silently implored her nine-year old son. As he began to slightly rock his body, Anne placed a warning hand on his thigh.

Anne needed to be in church. For months now, she had felt the voice of God calling her, pleading with her to return to the Father. Anne knew where she belonged and to Whom she belonged and her heart yearned to fellowship with other believers as she found her way back.

But there was James, afflicted with autism. As Anne kept an eye on him, hoping he would be calm and not have an outburst today, she reflected on the years that had brought her to the place she was today. Anne was a young, single mother when she realized that something wasn’t quite “right” with James. Already adrift from the Lord, Anne felt her remaining faith slip away with James’ diagnosis. The next few years were spent maintaining a balance between work and finding the best therapies for James. Mothering alone was tough enough, but mothering a child locked inside his own mind was nearly impossible at times. Sometimes Anne felt as though she would crumble beneath the weight of all she bore.

Anne…Anne…

But yet, when she thought she could bear no more, she heard the voice of the One Who had borne it all. And slowly, Anne crept toward the Voice. Eventually, her creeping turned to running and she leapt into the lap of the great Comforter.

And now Anne needed a church. But she wasn’t the only one. Anne reasoned that if she needed Jesus, then how much more James must need Him, too. Her son wasn’t unintelligent. When he was calm, he could be quite reasonable. Surely, he could still be taught those needed truths.

“A-a-gh” James began to make a guttural sound of distress in his throat. Anne looked around for the nearest exit. If James did have an outburst, she needed to get him out of the service as quickly as possible.

They had already tried two other churches. The last time, an aged deacon had helplessly tried to explain to Anne, “It’s not that we don’t appreciate you coming to our services. But your boy -- we just can’t give him what he needs here.” Anne and James had been quietly, if kindly, kicked out.

As James’ rocking increased, Anne felt the old despair wash over her. Any moment now, James would erupt and no doubt, they would be asked to leave. Only this time, there wasn’t anywhere else to go.

Anne tugged on her son’s arm and urged him to stand. Her heart aching, she led him quietly out of the auditorium before a full outburst could occur.

Was there no place for James? Was there no place for his mother?

In the foyer, Anne coaxed James’ arms into his coat.

“Miss?”

Anne turned. A pleasant-looking, middle-aged woman was scurrying her direction.

“I’m sorry,” the woman began, “But I couldn’t help but notice you leaving the auditorium.” She smiled and paused.

“I have a granddaughter with autism,” she continued simply. The kindness emanating from the unknown woman seemed to wrap its way around Anne. It was so real that she could nearly feel it.

“The thing is…” the woman paused, “I know it’s difficult. And I would like to help.”

Anne smiled, although she couldn’t imagine what kind of help this woman could offer. Help was very hard to find when it came to dealing with James.

“I could take your son for you while you attend church,” the woman offered. “I know how it is for my son and his wife. They take turns attending church so that someone can stay home with my granddaughter. But I was thinking that maybe I could take your boy into another room while you attend church and maybe he and I could have our own service.”

Anne smiled while she tried to think of a nice way to turn the woman down. She didn’t want to foist her son onto this kind woman. But yet…

Hope sprung up in Anne’s breast. Could this possibly work?

“Please?” the woman asked and Anne found herself nodding her head. And to her amazement, James willingly took the woman’s hand and walked away.

Anne…Anne…

A smile crept across Anne‘s face. Today she had not only heard the voice of God, but she had seen Him, too.

Doing it All

2011-06-07T17:16:00.002-05:00

I have 4 FaithWriter's entries that I still haven't put up on my blog - getting to them now. Here's the first, called, "Missing the Mark on Mother's Day." I'm not going to publish it here, because it's getting published in one of their anthologies. But if you want to read it, here's the link: http://www.faithwriters.com/wc-article-level4-previous.php?id=39410. I liked this one - it's funny. Oh, and speaking of anthologies, there's one coming out in just a few weeks - my first! I'm not sure which stories of mine will be in there, but I'm excited!!!

Ok, here's a story I wrote for the subject of "Blow-out." I knew it wasn't very good because it was all narrative and that's a no-no when it comes to writing. Apparently, it was horrid because I didn't place at all, anywhere! Maybe it was just too gross, I don't know.

Doing it All

Opening my back door, I ease into the house. I set my purse and keys down on the counter and rifle through the mail I collected before entering. It’s just sale flyers today. I see one for diapers and it doesn’t take but a minute for a memory to re-surface and a smile to form across my face.

Today was my first day on the job after a twenty-three year hiatus from the working world. And the reason for that is a diaper. A very stinky, runny, horrible diaper.

A blow-out.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was my first day of work at the firm of Mason-Bigman. I was all dressed up in my “power” suit - navy pinstripe, I think it was. I still remember those shoulder pads! I recall distinctly the white blouse I wore underneath it with the little bowtie around the neck. I was so proud of that outfit! I remember my husband, Mike, whistled at me as he left for his job, and encouraged me to go “wow” my new employers.

And I probably would have, except that by the time I was to enter the hallowed halls of that firm, that same white blouse was covered in icky, yellow-brown infant diarrhea.

I laugh as the memories roll through my mind. You see, I was a brand-new college graduate back then all set to amaze the world and begin my climb up the corporate ladder. But I was also a new mother. Mike and I had married the summer after our junior year of college and on graduation day, instead of marching down the aisle, I was pushing out ten -pound Kevin in the hospital.

And while Kevin was a bit of a surprise, I told myself it didn’t matter. After all, this was the eighties. Women could have it all. In fact, my professors in college assured us that, in fact, it was vital that our future children see their mothers fulfilled in the workplace. The 1950s were long gone, along with poodle skirts and sock hops. There was no such creature as June Cleaver anymore. To do anything less was a betrayal of all the hard-fought victories that had been won by the women who marched before in pursuit of equal rights. I owed it to them to do it all. I owed it to myself.

And, too, there was the certain matter of my college degree. That thing was hard earned -- how could I walk away from all that work? I just couldn’t, that’s what.

But none of those college professors told me how I would fall in love with my child the moment they placed him in my arms. They didn’t tell me how sweet the days would be and how I would lose myself in those big blue eyes. They didn’t tell me that I would creep into his room at night, just to make sure he was still breathing or that motherhood would re-define my womanhood.

But, I still clung to the belief that I could do it all. As the weeks rolled on I began to prepare myself for entering the work force. I scouted around for good daycare and ended up choosing a grandmotherly friend of a friend to watch Kevin for me.

And then the morning of my interview arrived. Grabbing the diaper bag and my new briefcase in one hand, and scooping up Kevin in the other, I prepared to enter the Land of the Modern Woman. I walked out the front door. And then it happened…

Kevin screwed up his little face, turned beet red, and exploded. Rivulets of baby diarrhea ran down my white blouse, dripping onto the briefcase. It was so disgusting. And yet, that blow-out remains one of the most defining moments of my entire life.

Standing in our driveway, holding a wailing baby, my clothes covered in excrement, while it dripped onto my high heeled shoes and the pavement, I was rocked with a sudden realization. Anybody could go work at Mason-Bigmans. But only I could be Kevin’s mommy.

And that’s why I smile today on this, my first day back to work. It came twenty-three years later than I had planned, but I learned along the way that I was right - women can do it all.

They just can’t do it all at once.

Tired!

2011-06-04T10:59:00.003-05:00

I have my computer back! It still has a few glitches that need to be worked out, but at least I have it back. Our mayor ended up getting rid of Vista and putting Windows XP on it. I think I would have preferred Windows 7 because that is what my laptop has, but he had a disk for XP and to buy one for 7 would have cost about $70, so I decided I could be happy with XP!

I'm surprised I'm awake at all today. Yesterday my allergies were rough and I ended up taking quite a few pills, which made me woozy. Then, Melissa and I went out last night. We met earlier than normal, thinking we'd be home sooner, but it didn't quite work out that way! We did a little bit of shopping (even bought the same top at Kohls - how Jr. Highish is that? Hope we don't both show up at church wearing them on the same day!). We went to a movie out at Jordan Creek. Neither of us had been there and I was surprised at how pricey they are. Of course, had we driven back to Copper Creek ( a cheaper theater in Pleasant Hill) we would have spent the difference plus more in gas. We saw, "Something Borrowed" - a total chick flick. But it made me laugh! Then we ended up in my van talking until 12 in the morning! Why am I surprised?

I drove home listening to George Norrie interviewing a licensed hypnotherapist who specializes in taking people back to their past alien encounters. They were just getting to the good stuff - the increase in half alien babies born to humans in the past decade (apparently the aliens are a dying race due to environmental factors on their planet,as well as too much inbreeding over the past centuries) when I got home. Bummer!

And then Ben bounces down the steps at 6 this morning, all set to play the Wii until I chased him back to bed. I had to get up an hour later and take him to Respite Care. They are taking the kids to see Kung Foo Panda II today - better him than me. I had to sit through most of the First Kung Fu Panda movie and thought it was really dumb! So, I get out to Johnston and they tell me that Ben is not on the list for the day! Grrr....I had a set of email exchanges with the coordinator earlier this week that told me Ben WAS on the list. But they let him stay, providing not all the kids showed up and they would be over their staff to client ratio. I haven't had a phone call, so all must be good.

So, anyway, I'm going on about 5 hours of sleep today. I've got a list a mile long to accomplish, including going to interview my neighbors for the next issue of the Swan newsletter, which is way overdue. They are in their 80s, so I'm sure they'll have plenty of stories for me.

This next week is VBS and I'm teaching the pre-primaries. That's always exhausting. And then we have the homeschool conference on Friday and Sat. I know Paul is taking time off on Friday morning to attend a certain workshop with me, but I'm not sure he'll make it to anything else. And that's fine. I honestly didn't see any other workshops that excited me. I just need to buy books. And then next Sun. I have to get David and Paul and possibly Will packed for Jr. Boys camp and they leave bright and early that Monday morning.

And have I mentioned that we don't have air yet in our house? ARgh!!! I about cried this week when Paul had me go get parts for an AC that I assumed was ours - until I found out it was for someone else! The money from that is very much needed, but still --! I need air, too! He said he was going to work on ours this weekend, but he didn't get home last night until after 9 and he's out working again this morning. I have no idea how long he'll go today.

We attended a nice wedding a week ago. It was beautiful. They draped yards and yards of purple fabric along the church ceiling and it just gave this "tent" effect. That poor family, though! A week before the wedding, the bride's parents hosted their last son's high school graduation party out at their house. They had out of town guests staying with them by this point. Then, two days later, the brides grandfather suffered a massive stroke and he died two days after that, which was 3 days before the wedding. So, they had the wedding as planned and then there was a big funeral at church on Tuesday. I went to that and took the boys. I hope the bride's parents got some rest this week! The father of the bride is our assistant pastor and he and his wife are in charge of VBS, so there won't be any rest for them this week.

Oh, I forgot to mention Ben's Sp. Olympics event at Iowa State a week and a half ago. He played Bocce ball for this one. We drove up to Jack Trice Stadium and Sam exclaimed, "That's the Cyclones - boo!" A school bus then picked us up from there (David was thrilled, getting to ride a bus for the first time in his life!) and took us to the Lied Center. Ben's team played two rounds of the game and they got the GOLD! The medal ceremony was so neat. They have the athletes stand up on the stage and they bring the medals on a pillow and each athlete has his name announced in a microphone. Of course, Ben was more interested in the microphone and I couldn't get him to look my direction for a picture!

I threw out my back this week - bending over a shopping cart, of all things. I just felt this sickening ripple across my hips and I about fell to my knees. I've been living on Advil ever since. I think it's my sciatic nerve which has given me more trouble in recent years. I just can't depend on this body for anything, anymore!

Well, back to my list. Now I can take "Blogging" off of it!

Computer Woes

2011-05-28T11:15:00.003-05:00

I have had a frustrating week - mainly because I have not been able to use my desktop for internet purposes since Tues. I woke up Wed morning and my air card refused to connect. I spent an hour on the phone with tech support and then I made a trip out to US Cellular. Paul ended up buying a new air card that evening - and still no success. My neighbor, a computer whiz, who has the same broadband connection system we do, is working on the system. He thinks it's because I have Vista on the desktop. But even he hasn't gotten it figured out yet. So, the only internet I currently have is on my laptop, which is frustrating, to say the least. I sure hope he figures out something soon!

I now have my red office. I painted all day last Friday and it looked pretty good, I thought, when I got done. Painting was a bit of an ordeal because of all the furniture moving around I had to do - it's a small space. Then, I went away Sat. to go camping, got back Sun. night and realized I would need yet another coat. Grrr.... So, Monday morning I ran to Menards and bought more paint and then had to move furniture all over again! As I put it on, I began to feel very dubious about getting any good results. But once it dried, I have been pleasantly surprised. I'm not so sure I'll ever paint anything red again, but I like this! I had Will hang up my office decorations, which was fun, since I've been collecting things and dreaming about this room for months!

We did go camping last weekend. It was kind of cool and windy and Sat. night it rained. So, Sunday aft. we went ahead and packed up. We were north of Ames and ended up finding an antique mall in Story City. Oh, wow - it was amazing! I came this close to buying a Hoosier cabinet. But the owner didn't want to come down in price and it would have needed a little bit of work. Plus, with the big table still in the kitchen, I really don't have a place for it yet, until we get it moved, which won't happen until we get the woodburner down into the basement - which won't happen until we dig out more of the basement! But I am going to continue to keep my eyes open for one and I'll save my birthday and Christmas monies and maybe someday I'll be able to afford an even nicer one than the one I spied at the store. Paul did find me a metal milk box to put on the front porch. These hearken back to the days when milk was delivered in glass bottles to homes. I think that is a thing of the past, although I have a friend in England who still gets her milk that way. The box is in really good condition and even says, "Anderson-Erikson" on it. I have had an old rusty milk can on the porch for a couple of years. I think I am going to try to spraypaint that this summer.

Well, here's another khaki skirt update: I got a card in the mail last week from Chadwicks and they discontinued the skirt that was on backorder for me! Grrr.... So, I immediately went on-line and found something similar at LL Bean. I called them and they only had one size that might fit me. Most of the reviews I read stated that the skirt runs larger than the size would indicate. Of course, at the rate my middle is expanding, that might not be such a bad thing! And, wouldn't you know it, that skirt is on backorder too! I have fuzzy feeling I'm not going to have a khaki skirt for awhile...

Yesterday was David's birthday. I started a Facebook page for him, per my promise to him about 2 yrs ago. Of course, when I made that promise, I didn't realize that you have to be 13 to have a FB page. I didn't find that out until recently and David has been so, so excited about having his own page. I just didn't have the heart to make him wait another year. But it really bothered me to have to list a different year of birth for him than what is true. I won't do that again. Last night, Paul's 30 yr old nephew called to let me know that David had requested him as a friend on FB and he was going to turn him down, but he wanted to explain why, so David didn't get his feelings hurt. His reasoning was that sometimes he posts inappropriate things and he thought David was too young to see those things. I was appreciative of that - I hadn't even thought that far ahead. Of course,though, I can't help but think that it would be much better to live one's life so that you never have to fear WHO might see what you write. Facebook is a very public forum and you never know who might be reading your posts. I suppose I'm just a fuddy duddy, though...

David had to go to the wart dr. on his birthday, of all days! He has a couple of plantar warts on the bottom of his foot. He was not impressed! Then I had to run a couple of errands and we stopped by Mercy Hospital to visit our friend James. He is the husband of Charlotte, whom I wrote about last month, asking for prayer. He has all kinds of lung issues and they got the best of him and he's been hospitalized for the last week. I didn't know until Thurs. when Charlotte called me, though. I told her not to do that again! I want to know when they are having difficulties. Mercy has a McDonalds in it, so since it was after lunchtime I took David down there for lunch. I even ate mcnuggets, which I swore some time ago I would never do again, because they are so bad for you. But they were on sale. And they're really, really good! David has been craving one of their new strawberry lemonades, so I got that for him, too. He had a nice birthday lunch, anyway.

When we got home, David disappeared for a minute and then came back into the house with a dozen roses for me. Paul had picked them up and hidden them in the garage fridge, telling David to give them to me sometime on Friday - so sweet!

Our plan had been to go to Chick Fil-A last evening, because David loves their food. But Paul didn't get home until 9:30! He was working on a job that another local HVAC place totally screwed up and it took him awhile. So, he stopped by Pizza Hut and brought home some pizzas instead. We told David we'll do the chicken some other time.

Well, I had better wrap this up. We need to leave in an hour or so for a wedding. It's kind of a gloomy day for a wedding, but hopefully, it will clear off. It will be a big one, though, no matter what the weather. I'm serving the food at this one.

Busy Season

2011-05-19T15:00:00.003-05:00

It's another tremendously busy week here. I am starting to think that the problem isn't my schedule, but it's me. I'm getting this way every week - feeling panicky and short of breath because I have SO much to do. But maybe it's just because it's May and things typically speed up then. I don't know. If I didn't have to sleep, then things would be so much better. Think of all that extra time I would have to get things done!

We had Ben's IEP mtg last Friday. It went well. The principal and teachers told me repeatedly what a delight Ben is. The principal said that his day just is not complete unless he's had a chance to see Ben. They also told me how bright and intelligent he is - music to my ears. A year ago at this time I didn't even care how much or if Ben got educated. I just needed him to be somewhere else. But to find out that he's learning and he's learning well - very sweet to hear. We made the right decision with him.

We decided to let Ben start riding the bus. This week he has been riding on the way to school and we'll probably have him start riding home next week. Boy, was that one tough for me! I would prefer to totally protect him and get private transportation for him. But I had a chat with the bus driver before Ben started and that definitely helped put my mind at ease. He's actually a pastor somewhere and just drives buses to supplement his income. They've put some protective measures in place for Ben and he's been excited all week long to ride! So -- it might be ok! This loosening of my grip on Ben continues to be a rather painful process...

Oh, speaking of pain...my brother-in-law (married to Paul's sister) was grinding a battery or something like that on Sun. and the grinding wheel malfunctioned, sending the wheel into his eye. He was wearing safety goggles and it just either broke through them, or pushed them up. Anyway, the wheel went into his eye and he had to have emergency surgery. They don't know yet if they'll be able to save the eye. The big concern right now is that he avoid infection because it's an open portal to the brain. To that end, they had him leave the hospital on Monday, saying he'd be less likely to get an infection at home than in the hospital. Ooh - nasty! Just makes me shiver!

Will did the sound for a wedding at church last Friday night. It ended up being quite chilly and rainy that evening. Will said that the bride and groom rode away from the church, from Indianola to Des Moines, on a motorcycle! Can you imagine doing that in the cold?!

There is another wedding at church next weekend. I've been asked to help serve at the reception in Norwalk. That kind of tickled me. The best part is that I won't have to try to feed my kids at the reception. It's always stressful whenever we do any kind of buffet, trying to get food for both Sam and Ben. Now, it will all be on Paul. I'll probably owe him, big time...

This week Sam told me that there is a snake "guarding the garage." I thought that was kind of a funny way to express that. It wasn't until later that I remembered David saying something about a garter snake out by the garage. That's what Sam was talking about, only he misunderstood and thought that the snake was a "guard" snake - ha, ha, ha!

Yesterday David had to get his picture taken for his upcoming birthday. And I had a bunch of errands to run, too. So we ended up being in town together all day long. He's really delightful company. But one of my errands was that I needed to buy some new undies for me. Well, David thought he was just going to die, having to spend time in the underwear section at Target. He cried, "I don't know where to look, Mom!" It didn't take that long to find what I needed, but by the sounds of distress David was making you would have thought I spent hours in there. Later, I told David just how much I had enjoyed spending the day with him. He replied that he had enjoyed it, too, "except for the underwear part, Mom!" Poor kid!

Last weekend our news was reporting a story that school officials in Marshalltown, which is north of here, have become discouraged by the number of tardies the students in the district are racking up. So you know what they are doing? They're sending wake-up calls to all the kids! I could NOT believe it! Is this the ultimate welfare state or what? How utterly, utterly stupid. It just goes to show you the total lack of responsibility out there - in the kids and their parents, and the lack of expectation of responsibility expected by the school officials. Give me a stinkin' break, as my husband would say.

I finally gave in and went to the chiropractor this week for my poor neck that I was complaining about in my last post. I found out that when I had sneezed, I knocked a rib out of place which put pressure on my neck. How is that even possible? It took 2 visits, but I'm finally feeling better - which is good because I was in a LOT of pain. The bad thing is that I found out that this chiropractor no longer takes our insurance of Jan. 1. Bummer! But he's so good, which is why I went to him instead my regular chiro. in Pville who does my monthly "maintenance" work.

Ok, I think I have covered it all. Maybe next week will be easier? Not counting on it. I have another city newsletter to crank out, David's birthday to shop for, VBS to plan (I am teaching the pre-primaries), Special Olympics in Ames, and an interview to conduct for my newsletter. Plus, I need to figure out our homeschooling needs for the next year since the conference is in a couple of weeks. This weekend I am hoping to get our office re-painted. Then, if it doesn't rain - and it might - we are going camping on Sat. night as a family. Paul and the older boys are headed up to Clear Lake tomorrow to attend the Father/Son retreat and then I'm supposed to meet them somewhere on Sat. Just a little bit of busyness...

It's a season -- a very long and tiring season, but temporary. I hope.

Breathing, Writing, and Mothering

2011-05-11T17:26:00.000-05:00

You know, I had really thought this week was going to be less busy than last week, but halfway through it, things are not looking too good for that. I need some time to slow down and breathe! I find it so hard to believe that someday I will be gray-haired (well, that part I can believe), stooped, living alone, and wishing for company and trying to find things to while away the time. How nice it would be if I could just spread some of this busyness over the next few decades. I'd never have to worry about how to fill my days, that's for sure!

I did well with last week's FaithWriters. So well, in fact, that they're going to publish it! Here's the link: http://www.faithwriters.com/wc-article-level4-previous.php?id=39410 I wrote about feeling inadequate in light of the Proverbs 31 woman. I told Paul about this story and he commented, "You totally stole that from your own life!" Yeah, pretty much! I have to come up with another one for tonight. It's ok. I know what I'm going to write about. I'm just hoping we keep our electricity so I can it. I guess I can always use my laptop, though. There's tornadoes and bad storms right now to the west of us.

And my FW interview went up this week. Here it is: http://faithwriters.com/blog/2011/05/09/interview-with-member-sarah-heywood/ My mom said it is "Erma Bombeckian" in style. That's good, since Erma is my number 1 writing inspiration! I was just thinking this week that I want to get a copy of every book that woman ever wrote. I've read them all multiple times, but I don't own any.

Mother's Day was very nice this week. The day before I got pampered at Valley Church. We had a speaker that I liked, but had me scratching my head at some of the things she had to say, too. But that was ok. We all got 15 min professional massages. We got spa treatments where our hands and feet got babied while we rested with warm packs around our necks and cooling pads over our eyes. We got hand massages. We made bracelets. They had drawings and I won a basket full of home spa stuff - all Beauticontrol things. I won some gerbera daisies potted in a cute yellow pail. They're still blooming, too. I've just never had anyone pay that much attention to me and desire to minister to me in that way. I came away feeling incredibly blessed!

For Mother's Day I got my lunch out, cards, and a gift (a pizza stone and cookie sheet - suppose there's a message there?). Then Paul gave me a very special gift. I'm going to write about it soon. It's not that I can't now, but I'm still battling some internal things about this. I know - makes me sound all mysterious, doesn't it? I've got a secret and I'm not telling... It's not that. Paul and I are on the verge of stepping out in total faith to do something that probably sounds crazy. I'd like my readers to consider me to be somewhat sane until I start talking about this publicly. So, give me a few more weeks of that! In the meantime, I've got a whole lot more empathy for the Biblical Noah.

I got Kristi's and my hotel room booked this week. Three months from today and we'll be in Michigan!

Something disturbing...I was in a Christian book store this week. Well, it was Family Christian out at Jordan Creek - no need to protect their privacy, I guess. Up near the front of their register they had a DVD. I don't remember the title, but the actress on the front was dressed completely inappropriately for a Christian movie. It wasn't that her dress was just cut a little too low. But her chest was pushed outward and upward, leaving nothing to the imagination. You'd like to think that you're not going to have to encounter something like that at a Christian book store, but apparently you do. I grabbed the DVD and asked the clerk about it. She looked at me blankly. So I pointed out to her my objection. She just shrugged. I should have hunted down the manager, but I just left. It's irritating and it's sad at the same time.

I had a city council mtg last night. Wow - this one got a little heated. People sure are different when they get a little power. I find the whole process very frustrating and it makes me want to just go find an acreage where I would have NO neighbors and no responsibility. Yeah, well, I think people can find you, no matter where you go, unfortunately.

We've had a heat wave this week, but the temps are slowly falling now - thankfully. I say, "thankfully" because Paul doesn't have our AC hooked up yet. That's rather ironic, considering that he has spent the last 3 days, rushing around putting in and fixing other people's air conditioners! Yesterday was pretty awful, but we got by with fans. I had the boys sleep downstairs in the living room, too. Today started out hot, but some storms rolled through, which really helped. By this weekend we could be back into long sleeves again! What's that I heard about Iowa having bi-polar weather?!

David and Sam set up our little slide and pool yesterday and spent all afternoon cooling off in that. I feel bad, though, because both boys ended up sunburned. I never even thought about getting out the sunblock. I think this is definitely a check mark in the "bad mom" column!

Ben's IEP meeting is this Friday morning. Prayers would be appreciated about that. We need to hammer out next year. The only sticky point I see right now is figuring out his transportation next year, since I am not too wild about the idea of him riding the school bus. We're also going to have him attend that last hour that he's been coming home during this year.

Found out today that a girlfriend is expecting twin babies on Christmas Day. And she's older than I am. These will be babies 5 & 6 for her, should the pregnancy survive. My friend has had a lot of trouble carrying babies, though, in recent years.

I thought I would be thrifty today and instead of buying hashbrowns for a recipe, I grated my own potatoes. That took a lot of work. And now I see that my hash brown casserole is gray. I guess people buy the bagged ones for a reason! Live and learn...

Off to eat, help Ben study for a science test, drop some stuff off at my neighbor's, and write a winning story for FaithWriters. Just another night in Paradise...

The Zoo, FaithWriters, and Felons

2011-05-04T10:12:00.003-05:00

I have been running around like a madwoman since last weekend and I'm not seeing a reprieve in sight! I had hoped that Thurs. and Fri. would be "free" days for me, but they're not anymore. Apparently, Ben some "olympics" thing tomorrow at Simpson college. I was JUST called about it this morning. I'm not sure what it is - it's not affiliated with Special Olympics, but area sp. needs kids get together and do sporting events. At any rate, I have to go. And I just arranged to visit an older friend on Fri. so David can do his service project for Camp Coins. It has just been non-stop this week! But Sat. morning is my "Spa Day" over at Valley Church so that may be a chance for me to slow down for a bit!

This is us last weekend at the Omaha zoo. It was a nice day, weather-wise. I really enjoyed myself. It sure was a lot of walking, though! My knees were starting to protest by the day's end. Then that night Paul's parents had company - a family from their church. But the odd thing is that this family is younger than us and we were friends with them long before Paul's folks. So it worked out well to see them. Then Sunday we visited our old church and went out to eat with Paul's folks. Then we spent that afternoon visiting Paul's grandma and then we had to pick up a radio for Will's car at Paul's brother's -in-law house. It was just a lot. We got home in time that night to hear the news that Bin Ladan had been killed.

I guess I could pontificate on that more. But I'll just limit myself to saying - justice was done. And there's nothing wrong with smiling when that has been accomplished.

My mom had eye surgery on Mon. morning. Other than getting lost on my way there (stupid Mapquest) everything went well. The surgery was quick and the surgeon is confidant that she'll now be seeing better. In fact, in the recovery area we could already tell that things were working better. So, I was glad I could go sit with them and be involved.

I have some really good news - I'm going to the FaithWriter's conference!!! And the even better news is that my friend Kristi in CA is going too! I think I wrote last week about how I didn't know if it would work out. Well, my brother had told me he'd check on flights for me just so I'd have an idea of what it would cost to go. He called me Sun. night as I was hurtling down I-80 and told me that he had some airline miles he had earned and he didn't think he was going to be able to use them before they expired. Could I use them? Could I?!! So, anyway, he managed to book me a flight from Des Moines to Michigan for only $10! I have a 2 hr layover in Chicago, which is fine. I'm so thrilled! I'm excited to go, but I'm excited about the plane rides, too. I will have 6 hours each way of nobody talking to me, nobody needing anything, no whining - it's going to be Heaven on earth...er, in the sky.

So, I had emailed Kristi to let her know that I definitely was going now so knowing that spurred her to decide herself to go, too. So we're going to finally meet face to face and be roomies for 3 nights at the conference!!! August cannot come quickly enough! We were on the phone for almost an hour last night, chatting this whole thing up. It's going to be so fun!

So that's been my happy news all week long. And speaking of FaithWriters, I have to write another story tonight. But I know what I'm going to write, so it shouldn't be that difficult. I've gotten a couple of nice comments on last week's story. I went for more of a humor angle this time and I think it turned out well.

Now something not so fun..Friday night as we were heading to Council Bluffs we stopped in Mingo to get some supper. We had planned to stop in Anita and eat at this steakhouse I read about in "Our Iowa." But the highway was closed both directions when we got off the interstate for construction - totally bummed me out! So, we ate an A&W instead. As we were leaving, I glanced at the front page of the CB newspaper they had by the door and on it they had a photograph of a scuzzy looking guy in an orange jumpsuit, with his hands shackled, sitting in the witness box for a trial. I saw that his name was "Woolsoncroft" and he was on trial for murder. The name stirred something in my murky memory bank and I asked Paul, "Hey, don't you have some relatives with that last name?" He shrugged his shoulders and said he didn't know. You have to remember that Paul has a huge extended family. His dad is one of 17 kids, his mom is the oldest of 11. His grandma is also one of 11 and the majority of all these people still live in SW Iowa. Paul is just lucky he didn't accidentally marry some relative! Well, the next day Paul tells me, "You remember the paper you were looking at?..." He asked his mom and it turned out that the guy on trial is Paul's 2nd cousin! I won't get into all the details but this is the son of Paul's gr. aunt and uncle that won all that money in the IA Lottery last year. I suppose that's being eaten up my legal fees now? The whole case has to do with a meth addiction. Paul's cousin did not directly murder a young woman who died, but he was involved. Ugh - just makes me shiver!

Ok, there's got to be something better to write about! Ben has started talking about being baptized. He seems to be giving the right answers when we question him, so maybe he is ready. At our church, people who desire baptism have to go through a little workbook first. So I emailed our pastor and asked him for one. I figure we can go through the book with Ben and when we get done then we can determine better if he truly understands the importance and reason for baptism. He's been asking a lot of questions lately about eternal security and keeps asking me to remind him of the verse that promises that nobody can snatch us out of the Father's hand once we are saved. He is also beginning to sense the need for personal Bible reading and prayer. He told me that once he graduates from high school he plans to spend a lot of time "studying God's Word." I told him he didn't have to wait until then! And he did tell me last night when I went upstairs to tuck him in that he had just prayed by himself. So he's getting it! He has a good example in his brothers. Both Will and David are so good about Bible reading. I've never forced them to do it, or even suggested it, I don't think. But it's something they have both picked up on their own. Praise the Lord!

I had an unexpected compliment yesterday afternoon - just have to share because it kind of tickled me, being old and slightly overweight now. I was at Walmart, buying some more allergy meds for the boys. The stuff I get for them has to bought behind the counter because of the scourge of meth addictions in the midwest, like I mentioned earlier with Paul's relative. Pseudophedrine is an ingredient used in the drug, so now you can't buy it unless they run your driver's license first. So I did that and I got rejected. My first thought was that it was because I've bought too much of the stuff and now I'm on the "alert" list! But it was just something with the computer. So, the clerk asked for my license back and said she was going to hang onto it for a couple of minutes in case the computer rejected it again. Then she joked, "But I'm not going to steal it and pretend to be you!" I laughed and said that was possible. She replied, "Oh, no, I'd have to be a lot taller and prettier to pass as you!" It's probably pitiful the way small compliments can totally lift my spirits like that!

Well, my house is a mess and the boys are all outside playing ball. I suppose I could force them back in here to work. But, it's such a nice day out and they're only boys once, so...guess I'll go do some cleaning!

Forgiven

2011-04-26T14:06:00.002-05:00

This is a piece I wrote about a month ago - it's the last one I wrote. I NEED to get one written for this week, but my mind is stuck. I did pretty well with this one, as I recall. It didn't make it into the top 10, but it got something like 12th, I think.

Forgiven

“Hi, Baby! Mama’s here!” Scrambling around the one-hundred year old oak tree and dodging some fallen branches, I call out, while settling myself in front of my favorite pine tree. I’m in the woods behind our house and it’s just me, nature, and the memory of what should have been.

A nearby squirrel looks at me quizzically and I’m sure I do look a little odd, sitting Indian-style on the ground in front of this tree, while chattering away. I smooth out the grass and move a couple of pine cones off to the side. Years ago I chose this private spot as a memorial for my child. Sometimes I bring flowers to place under the tree. It seems to me that every person who has died ought to have a place where they can be remembered by those who loved them.

Even if they were murdered.

The story started my senior of college. It was in the early spring of the year and things were good. I was all set to graduate and I had just landed an excellent job that I’d start in June. College life and studying would soon be over and I’d be living in the big city, in my own apartment, and starting my way up the corporate ladder.

Buoyed by this excitement, I attended a frat party one night and made some stupid -- sinful-- choices. The morning after the party I had a terrific headache and a sense of shame that the hottest of showers wouldn’t wash away.

I didn’t find out until a few weeks later, but I was left with more than that. I was pregnant. So panicked, I didn’t know what to do. I was always one of those people who said I didn’t “believe” in abortion. But yet, when it became my reality, I found out that my belief wasn’t grounded in anything but shifting sand. There was no way I could have this baby. I was starting this wonderful job and I was quite sure that my employers would not be amused when they discovered my pregnancy. And my parents -- it would just break their hearts if they knew. It never occurred to me that their hearts would be ripped wide open if they knew I had taken the life of their first grandchild.

So, I did it. I laid on that table and I let that doctor dismember my child, piece by piece, suctioning his little body up like he was nothing more than unwanted garbage laying on the floor. Part of me wanted to cry, but I reminded myself of the lies repeated to me by the clinic - every child deserves to be wanted, I had my career to think of, there would always be time for babies later.

And while my baby’s life ended, mine went on. I graduated, moved, and gleefully started that first job. Anytime, a loose thought about what I had done would surface, I would tamp it down. I was not going to think about it!

In time, I married, and then, a few years later, our first child was born. Everything was supposed to be perfect, but I found myself submerged in the deepest, darkest pit of my life. Every time I looked into my new baby’s face, I saw the face of the one I had murdered. I was in a hole so deep and so dark, I couldn’t climb out myself. There was only One who could lift me out, and I knew He wouldn’t touch me because I had killed my baby. Separated for eternity, I deserved every evil and bad thing that would come my way.

Well, eventually my wise husband figured out what might be the root of my angst. Through much prayer and steady counseling, I finally found myself being lifted out of that slippery pit. One day I suddenly realized the truth: I was free! My sin was covered in the blood of Jesus. I no longer had to pay for what I had done.

I was forgiven.

But the reality remains that I am still separated from this beloved child and will be for all my days. And that’s why I slip out of my busy house, visit this makeshift memorial, and talk to him. It makes me feel close to a child that should be in my arms. And it causes me to long for the day, when stepping through Heaven‘s gates, I’ll finally hold him close.

For eternity.

David, the Amazing Flying Machine

2011-04-25T18:03:00.003-05:00

Here is a picture taken yesterday while the boys hunted eggs. I love this because of what David is doing in the background. He's catapulted himself off the dirt pile, and is headed towards the trampoline (he made it!). Looking through the rest of my Easter photos, I have another one of David mid-air, as he jumps off the front porch. He's always moving!

Charlotte, whom I asked my readers to pray for last week, did survive her procedure. In fact, the results came back better than expected. Apparently, her heart is not on the verge of collapsing. So, that's good news. I was quite relieved when I heard.

A month or so ago we moved a desk into the boys room for David. He placed it right in front of one of the windows up there. Well, a pair of blue jays have built a nest not too far from the window. David has had the pleasure of watching them build it and is anxiously waiting to see if there will be baby blue jays at some point. And yet, another reason why home education is wonderful!

We bought mattresses for the bunk beds Sat. night. It actually ended up turning into a mini-date. We went to Lebeda and then to Village Inn. It was a rainy Friday night - kind of a nice date night type of night.

Well, I've covered all my listed topics. I've been informed that tonight's supper smells "bad." Always nice to hear! I also just had a discussion with a certain teenager on why playing airsoft wars is not appropriate when schoolwork hasn't been finished. Grr...Maybe it's time for me to go to bed.

The Zoo, Travel Plans, and my Hair

2011-04-25T16:23:00.003-05:00

I don't think I ever thoroughly woke up today - yawn! I need to start supper pretty quick here, but I've been wanting to update since the weekend, which didn't happen.

It's raining out - again! We did have a somewhat sunny Easter yesterday. There is a chance that the boys' games will be rained out again tomorrow night - which wouldn't break my heart! And then it's supposed to dry up and warm up by the end of this week. That's good, because we are going camping. We're going to go somewhere by Omaha and take in the zoo while out there. The last time the boys and I were at that zoo, it was 2004. I can't remember the last time Paul went. And then we moved out here and visited the Des Moines zoo - what a disappointment! There is just no comparison between the two! I am looking forward to Sam's reaction to all the animals. We'll spend all day Sat. there. I know Paul wants to see his grandma while we are out there because she just fell and broke her wrist. Not sure if we'll see his folks or not. Of course, his mother would kill us if she found out we had been in town, but hadn't visited...

I may -- or may not -- be going to Detroit this summer. My plan for the last year has been to attend the FaithWriters conference this Aug. I think it would be good for my writing and it would be an enjoyable time. But money has been SO tight for months now, although that should be changing once the weather warms up and Paul can get back to normal hours and even overtime. And, the clincher was that Paul discovered that he has to renew his licenses late this year, which will be oh, I think, something like $600 to do. That has to be done every 3 years - it's just a tax, that's all it is. So, I had regretfully decided that we both couldn't invest in our careers in the same year.

But then, yesterday, I heard from my dear friend, Kristi, who got me involved in FW in the first place. She's giving serious consideration to going to the conference. I just can't not go if she goes! So - I don't know! Paul thought about it and finally said that he has 4 bids out right now for new AC systems. If he gets all 4 jobs, then he didn't see why I couldn't go. So - I'll be praying! I have to register by June, so I'll know by then, anyway.

I am going to something fun next weekend, the day before Mother's Day. And no, it's not our church's annual Mother/Daughter brunch. I went to that once and just felt really out of place and uncomfortable, not having a mother nearby to bring or a daughter. People have told me not to mind and pointed out other female-less people who have attended. That's fine for them, but I just don't want to go if I have to go alone and sit alone and have it be so obvious that I am ALONE - kind of a like a single person attending a Valentine's banquet, I would imagine. The church where I attend a support group for sp. needs moms is hosting an event that morning, just for sp. needs mothers. There will be a speaker, who, herself, is a mom of a child with sp. needs. Then, we will all get massages, make-overs, and an opportunity to make some jewelry. It's totally free, too. Oh, and I think they're going to feed us, too. This definitely beats a Mother/Daughter brunch!

I have found some hair products I have to brag on for a few minutes. But, first, I have to back up. Back in March, after I had my surgery, I watched a lot of tv. I happened to catch an infomercial one day about a product line called "Wen." I had never heard of them before. It's designed by a Hollywood hair guy. But the commercial made it sound so great so I knew I wanted to try their shampoo. I did some research on-line and couldn't find anything negative - and found lots positive - about the line. They had a good introductory deal where you got a full bottle of the shampoo/conditioner, some styling gel, and some texturizing stuff, as well as a cool comb for a low, introductory price. Out of curiosity, I looked to see what Amazon sold their products for - woo-ee! Not a cheap line at all...So, I started using it and it is good stuff. Oddly enough, I found that it worked better when I alternated it with using regular shampoo. It seemed to build up on my hair.

Well, a few weeks ago I happened to be reading my Good Housekeeping and they mentioned and pictured a product by Organix called "Morroccan argan oil." I tore it out, thinking I might try it sometime, since the Wen stuff wasn't the end all and be all of hair products that I had hoped. Last week, I was at Walmart and just happened to stumble across some of this oil - and it was only $6 for a good sized bottle! I bought some and used it - oh my goodness! My hair has never been so soft and manageable in all my life! I know I sound like a commercial, but this is good stuff! The next day I went back to the store and bought their Moroccan shampoo and conditioner. I'm alternating it with the Wen until I get the Wen stuff used up. 12 oz bottles of Wen shampoo sell on Amazon for about $30, not including shipping. I can buy a 13 oz bottle of Organix shampoo for $6 with no tax and shipping and it works even better! Anytime I find something that actually works on this stubborn hair of mine, I get excited!

Well, I need to take my lovely head of hair into the kitchen and get dinner started. I've got more to share, so I'll be back soon!

A Tiny Hand

2011-04-20T11:31:00.002-05:00

A Tiny Hand

A tiny hand we'll never hold,
a child without a name,
Your coos and giggles
won't touch our ears,
but we loved you just the same.
The twinkle in your little eyes
was not for us to see.
We longed to hold you in our arms,
but it never came to be.
God now holds your tiny hand;
He's given you a name.
Your coos and giggles grace Heaven's ears,
but we'll miss you, just the same.
The twinkle in your little eyes,
now lights the sky at night.
God holds you close in loving arms,
you're always in His sight.
A tiny hand we'll never hold,
we have no reason why,
but we'll always hold you in our heart,
Even though we said good-bye.

--Denise Hanstad--

It was ten years ago today - April 20, 2001, that we said good-bye to our fourth child. And while the hurt has healed in the ensuing decade, it's a date forever embedded in my heart - a date that belongs to a little one whose hand we'll never hold.

This fourth child of ours doesn't have a name, but he has a story and a place in our family history. We only knew of his existence for a few days. I was surprised when, the day after Easter, I discovered that I was pregnant. We had tried to conceive a few months earlier, without success. But we had stopped trying because we didn't want to have another baby born in the fall (which is humorous, given the rest of the story, that came much later!). But the surprise quickly gave way to joy and I was delighted to be planning for this fourth child. I immediately began thinking about names and bedroom arrangements. Knowing I would be delivered at exactly 36 weeks, I flipped through the calendar, and was able to determine that he would probably be born on Nov. 30th. Our third son would be 2 1/2 at the time of the new baby's birth and that was good spacing, in my mind. We were set!

And amidst all my planning, I fell in love with this new baby inside me. It was so exciting to wonder who he would be, who he would look like, what his strengths would be. I couldn't wait for fall, when I'd meet him for the first time.

And then, just a few days later I started to bleed. And within a few hours, a very unsympathetic ER doc confirmed what I already knew - our baby was no longer with us. In many ways, it's hard to describe the feelings that followed. I felt very hollow and I told myself that it was ok - it was just one of those things that happen, you know? I didn't have any control over it, although I secretly felt like I had failed to keep my baby alive and safe. I went about my day, as normal. My brother had unexpectedly dropped in the night before, so I busied myself in the kitchen, preparing a company meal.

That night I even went to the school building where our church held Awana meetings for kids. We hadn't announced the pregnancy yet, so nobody knew. But Paul shared the news with some. I was walking down the hallway and one of the women from our church - my age - called out to me, scurried up, and asked how I was doing. She had heard, and having lost two babies herself, was concerned. I turned to her...and I lost it. For the first time that day I sobbed. I cried for the next hour straight as friends held me and wept with me. I will never forget that night for as long as I live.

And for the next few weeks, I lived in the shadows of grief. I physically hurt as the miscarriage took place and I felt emotionally eviscerated. A part of my heart had died that Friday in April. For the first time, I knew what it was to be truly broken-hearted.

I remember, wondering, too, at the depth of my grief. After all, we had only known of this baby for a few days. Shouldn't the hurt be proportionate to the length of time we knew? I have friends who miscarried repeatedly; it only happened to me once. I have friends who carried babies to term - and then had to give them back. My loss couldn't even begin to compare. But my heart didn't understand that. And so I mourned.

And, eventually, the tears did dry. As spring bloomed, I began to look with anticipation to the next child God would send, because after all, now He "owed" us another baby! And those of you who know the rest of our story, know that that didn't work out as planned! For the next 6 years God would take me down paths I didn't want to go, as He taught me numerous lessons and reshaped my attitudes about family planning, submission to God's will, and being thankful in all circumstances.

On this side of things now, I can say I'm thankful that things happened as they did. At the time of the miscarriage, we were very firmly set on the idea of having 4 children (all to born within our own specified time-table, of course!). Had we not lost that baby, we would never have known our precious Samuel, who didn't come to us until 2007. And I might still be believing that my life was mine to plan and to own.

But still...every April 20th, I pause and remember the child we'll never hold here on earth, the child whose laughter is, no doubt, ringing across the streets of Heaven. If he's anything like his brothers, he probably has the angels shaking their heads, the peaceful lambs and lions looking for a quieter place to lay down, and God Almighty chuckling at his antics.

I miss him.

Proms, Colds, and the Quest for Khaki

2011-04-18T19:16:00.003-05:00

Here is Will last Friday night, all dressed up for Prom Alternative. The kids had a nice time, even though the weather was icky. 13 kids and 4 chaperons went out to eat at a nice restaurant and then they drove down to Kansas City. I didn't realize that they were staying in cabins, but it sounds like they were really cute and cozy. And then the kids went to Worlds of Fun. Fortunately, for them, it was warmer in KC than it was in Des Moines!

We are having rainy, cold weather and have been since mid-week of last week. Ugh! Of course, the up side may be that the boys' first softball game tomorrow night will be cancelled. But I was going to miss it anyway with my support group.

Sam has caught a cold. It's so surprising because we haven't been sick at all since - well, I can't remember when. It isn't keeping him down, any, but he just keeps wiping snot across his face so he has these two big dirty patches on his face where the mucus attracts all kinds of stuff. Gross.

One day last week he was complaining that he had hurt his finger. I dutifully looked and told him I didn't see any blood. He replied confidently, "That's 'cuz I'm going to bleed tomorrow!" That would explain it!

I shopped today alone, which was nice. I was on a quest for a khaki skirt. No luck. I'd like a mid-calf one. The one I have, I have outgrown and it's too painful to try to button it anymore. Sad day... So anyway, I figured I'd just order off the internet - except I cannot find a long khaki skirt. My Chadwick's catalog came last week and they had one. I called to order it - and they were all out. So, I searched all over W. Des Moines today for one and didn't find one. I even looked for shorter khaki skirts and couldn't find one of those! But I did end up ordering one out of Chadwicks when I got home - I hope 25" is long enough to cover my knees. At my age, I have no desire to show off any excess body parts. Although, my friend Melissa did tell me a week or so ago that I have nice knees. I think that's a compliment! That's good anyway, since everyone will be seeing them in this skirt. I'm going to have to up my application of tanning lotion to my legs, I think. And, all the while, I'll be keeping my eyes peeled for a nice, long skirt. Oh, by the way, I did find LONG skirts - 36-39" in length. Those would be for homeschool moms only, I'm thinking. But not this homeschool mom.

Here is an article I wrote for a blog for autism awareness month:http://manyhatsmommy.com/2011/04/16/insight-saturday-church-autism/ This was published last Sat. It's on the same topic that I wrote for RBP. But I completely re-wrote it since RBP now owns my other piece. I got some nice comments on it. What's kind of cool is that within moments of it being posted, another website picked it up, too. So, I guess I went viral! Here's the site for that if you want to see it: http://paper.li/GilTheJenius/1300111208/2011/04/16 You have to scroll down; I'm on the right side.

I would like my readers to pray for my friend, Charlotte. She is my neighbor and I've gotten in the habit of visiting her every couple of weeks. She calls me frequently and we just enjoy eachother's company. Charlotte was born with a heart defect, but has lived to the age of 65. When she was teenager, she had open heart surgery and it was pretty traumatic. Well, Charlotte has not felt well for months and drs are telling her that she needs open heart surgery again - ASAP. But she feels that she has lived a good, long life and is willing to take the risk of dropping dead at any moment over having surgery. Of course, this makes me sad because I hate to think of losing her. This Wed. Charlotte is having a heart catheterization and she has asked me to come see her tomorrow in case she does not survive the procedure. Of course, she may have years of life left yet - nobody ever really knows for sure. But the drs. are not so optimistic. And, I have concerns about Charlotte's spiritual well-being. She's a good, tender-hearted, kind person, but of course, there is more to attaining eternal life than that. So, I'm troubled on two levels. Pray with me, please.

Well, this is the latest on the Heywood House...stay tuned for the next episode!

Brags and Sighs

2011-04-13T19:33:00.003-05:00

Here's the rest of what's been going on since I last posted...

First, here is an article that Will wrote. He did this as a guest blogger for a blog devoted to autism. http://manyhatsmommy.com/2011/04/10/super-kids-sunday-will-heywood/ I thought he did a nice job with this. He was also able to use this as an assignment for his writing class, so he got double mileage out of it! I'm proud of him!

You know how kids make your chest puff up one moment, and the next they leave you scratching your head? Yeah! Well, it was the same day that Will's article was published that he called me to come see something that was on tv. I went in and saw that it was advertisement for a company called "Acme Tools." I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to be seeing, but Will sat there, looking expectantly at me. When he saw I wasn't "getting" it, he asked, "Why would a company name themselves after zits?" I was soon laughing, but not for the reason he thought!

The rest of my funnies have to do with Sam. I was busy the other day - typing away, of course. Sam came to get me to show me something. What he showed me was that he managed to take my iron, a spare extension cord out of the mudroom, and plugged them together. He was having difficulty, though, finding a place to plug the extension cord into! Argh! That could have been bad!

Sunday night we had a musical group from a Des Moines Christian school minister at our church. They did a really good, really cute version of "Only a Boy Named David." They started singing and Sam piped up seriously, "They're singing about you, Dabid!"

During that same concert, he turned to me after listening to a song, and earnestly asked, "What's a soul?" Ack - how do you explain that quietly, succinctly, and in a manner that a 3 yr old can understand? I don't think I quite managed.

We've had warmer weather this week, although that's supposed to start changing tomorrow. We might have snow by Saturday! But, anyway, the flies have already figured out it's warmer and we're starting to see them every so often in the house. Sam loves it. He asks me for the "hitter" so he can try to kill them. I'm reminded of that old Mother Goose rhyme about the tailor that killed 99 flies in a single swing - or something like that.

I picked up some sandals for Sam today at a consignment store. They're flip flop slides and I wasn't sure how he'd do with them, but so far he doesn't seem to have a problem keeping them on his feet. They are just identical to the ones I bought Ben new earlier this month. Sam was delighted with his new shoes, but tonight he was observing Ben's pair and commented with an air of injustice, "Ben's are bigger than mine!" Sometimes you just really don't know how to respond to things...

Well, this may be all I know. Tomorrow is shaping up to be a busy day. I have to sew a pocket square for Will's suit. Then I have to get dinner ready early. At 3:30 my neighbor is picking me up and we're heading to Knoxville to attend another Emergency Management meeting. And then from there I'll be heading to Ladies' Bible study. I may be glad when Friday arrives, although it's supposed to rain all day. David informed me today that he is scheduled for softball practice on Friday, and since his practices have been running close to 2 hours apiece (Thankfully, Will has been taking him) I'm not going to be upset if it's a wet day on Friday! I do not want to sit in my van and try to entertain Ben and Sam while David practices ball. Besides, I want to make it over to church to see all the teenagers in their prom finery and I doubt I'd have time to do that and take David to practice.

Until next time...

Special Athletes

2011-04-13T18:33:00.003-05:00

Look at my boy run! Looking at this picture I was suddenly reminded of when Ben was about 5. He couldn't run at all. He could do kind of a fast shuffle, but I just yearned for him to be able to pick up his feet and fly like other boys. He runs now. It's not perfect, but he can do it. That sudden knowledge just makes my heart sing. How many other things will he be able to do someday that he can't now? It's so hard to see beyond the present. And, of course, I often think of Heaven when I think of Ben. I can't wait to see him run from one corner of Eternity to the other. I am so looking forward to sitting down with him and having long conversations. But to get little glimpses of Heaven right now - so precious!

Yesterday was Ben's first Special Olympics and it was such a special day. I didn't know what to expect at all. It was amazing. We got there in time for the opening ceremony. They had athletes carry the special Olympic torch, the American flag, and the Iowa flag. They had an athlete sing the National Anthem. To anyone listening and not knowing what was going on, they surely would have cringed as they heard the screeching, warbling rendition of "The Star Spangled Banner." But, as a mom standing there, it was just beautiful! And then, to my utter amazement, they had an Army chaplain open the events in prayer. I couldn't believe it! In his prayer he talked about how all humans are made in the image of God and how special each of the participants in the Olympics were to their Creator. It just made tears come to my eyes!

The games were great. There were volunteers everywhere. When any athlete ran, there were volunteers cheering him on. When he crossed the finish line, he was met by a whole squadron of volunteers hugging him, giving him high fives and encouragement. I saw one race where two volunteers literally wrapped their arms around one athlete's shoulders and helped him run the race. Everywhere you looked, you saw smiles.

I told Paul that this was one of the few times where I didn't feel like an oddity because I have a child who isn't just like other kids. Everyone did! I also was reminded, as I looked around, that I need to count my blessings. There are disabilities far, far worse than what Ben has.

I had a chance to chat with the mothers of the boys in Ben's class at school, as well as some of the other para-educators who came along. That was so nice because I don't see them that often. They all saw Sam and started calling him, "Mini-Ben"! :)

We even ran into our pastor's son, who is Will's age. He was volunteering. And he told me that one of the moms in my SS class at church had been there, looking for us because she wanted to see Ben run. I was so touched by that. She called me today so I was able to let her know how Ben had done.

Ben did just fine. He got 2nd place in the 50m dash, which is what he is running in the above picture. He got 3rd place in the softball throwing contest and his team got 2nd in the relay race. Ben didn't seem to care one way or the other how he did, but I told him we'll hang his ribbons in his room. He thought that would be a good idea.

The day was absolutely gorgeous. I even sunburned my forehead and nose! Of course, it could have been the neon yellow Marion Co. Sp. Olympics tee I was wearing - reflecting the sun right up into my face. They did mention, though, that these April games have taken place in snow, rain, and storm warnings - so I think we got lucky this year!

Oh, Ben and I also got Sp. Olympics jackets. Ben's is embroidered with his name and mine says, "Ben's Mom." I love that!

In late May we will travel up to Ames for the state games. Ben is competing in Bocce ball.

I've already determined that, from now on, whenever I have an opportunity to donate to Special Olympics, I will, and I would urge my readers to do the same. When you have a child with unique needs, you spend his lifetime looking for something he can excel in. And every time he tries to do something and can't, it breaks your heart just a little bit more. Special Olympics allows every individual with special needs to be a champion for one day. It's bigger than the ribbons they take home and it's even bigger than the applause they receive. It's the feeling in their heart that they are winners - and that's something that time won't dim.

Ramblings

2011-04-04T19:54:00.003-05:00

I just did something I never dreamed I would get to do. I'm in just in shock, so, so amazed.

I helped my son set up his own blog!

A couple of hours ago Will came to me and out of the blue, said, "I want to start a blog - can you help me?" I couldn't get to the computer fast enough! Remember, this is the the child, who 8 months ago, had trouble writing a simple paragraph. Now, he's blogging! His address is http://runningtherace-sportsandlife.blogspot.com. He hasn't actually written his first post yet - says he will work on that tonight while watching the big basketball game. He tells me the blog will be about sports, as well as general things about the Christian life from a teen perspective. His writing teacher has commented to both of us, on a couple of different occasions, that she can really see Will as a sports journalist someday. Maybe!

My mom commented the other day that watching Will at this stage of his life is like watching a flower begin to unfold. Last week we found out that Will can be an official volunteer for the Special Olympics event next week if we get some paperwork filled out. And then if he takes some training offered in May, he can be an actual Sp. Olympics coach. Having him help with Ben was his idea all along. The lady who heads it up told me she is so thankful for Will because her older, college-aged kids used to help, but now they're too busy with school and all.

And then Will casually mentioned last week that he's been asked to run the sound for an upcoming wedding at church. How cool is that?!

Speaking of cool... I am now a newsletter editor. About 10 days ago our mayor called me and asked what I thought about the idea of putting out a Swan newsletter. Of course, I immediately loved the idea. So, I played around with it last week and then last Fri. night sat down with him and we figured out a template and got the thing written. This is going to come out every other month. Right at the top, it says, "Editor: Sarah Heywood" and I will have a column in each one to write whatever I want to. Then, I'm filling the rest of the newsletter with upcoming events, resident interviews, snippets of history, pithy quotes, etc. Our first issue went out tonight. In fact, residents may be reading it even as now type.

While I was at the mayor's house, his big mutt walked right in front of me and I went flying. It's really no surprise since I regularly trip over my own feet. I had no chance with a dog that size. What a blow to my ego and my body! I woke up the next morning, just groaning from the pain. I am still sore, several days later. I hit the floor pretty hard!

I moved into my new office last Wed. That has been pretty exciting! We've got everything set up in here now. I am just waiting for some frames to go on sale and then I'll be able to hang decorative things. And then, that same day, we totally re-arranged the back room since now the computer desk and my desk were no longer in there. I can't believe how much room there is in there now! As soon as Paul gets the basement ready, then we will move the laundry down there and the piano will come in from the garage to the back room. And, eventually, the wood burner will also go downstairs and the dining table will go in its place. But that's probably a year or more away. It is just SO nice to be able to be finally beginning to reap the rewards of all the hard work on this house. It's been so long and such a mess and so it's extra gratifying to be able to finally use the stuff that's gotten done!

Oh, and Paul got the water lines hooked up to the fridge a couple of weeks ago. Wowee, is that nice! I am still getting such a kick out of being able to get crushed ice, cubes, and water out of my freezer door, with just the push of a button. I feel a bit like a pampered princess! Ice will do that to me...

We went to Waterloo last Sat. and had a nice visit with my parents. They are re-doing their bathroom, too (actually turning two back to back bathrooms into one larger room) and some things they didn't need from them so we inherited them. My mom is having eye surgery in May. I've known that for awhile but I didn't realize it was happening in Des Moines. So, I told them I'll plan on sitting with them at the clinic during the surgery.

Last night Sam drove a nail into both my table and one of the matching chairs. He didn't get it all the way through, but he left a definite imprint. Ugh. I couldn't holler at him because he didn't know he was doing anything wrong. He just loves to "work." So, I finally went and got him a piece of firewood and told him he could nail on that. He did, for a good hour. And then this morning he was back at it. Happy boy! Mom - not so happy!

Last week Sam came home with this beautiful stained and varnished wooden cross, about 8" high. A retired gentleman in our church made one for each of the two and three year olds in the church. His wife wrote each child's name on the back, along with theirs. Sam was showing it to me and flipped it over. He said seriously, "This says that Jesus died on the cross and He came back to life." :)

Maybe I can make an early night of it. I am so tired. I just have not totally recovered from the surgery yet. But it's been 4 weeks tomorrow! Maybe once I start working out my energy levels will come back, too. I took some of my birthday money and ordered an mp3 player. I'm thinking that walking will be a lot easier if I'm being entertained at the same time. I hope so. I just hate feeling like a slug and these extra pounds are really weighing me down.

I ran errands for most of today. Last night Ben and I knocked out a good chunk of our Walmarting. But I still had a lot of places to go. Paul didn't have any work today so he ended up going to town with the boys and I. We ran a few errands. Will was at his writing class. After his class, he drove out to W. Des Moines and met me at Target. We were able to buy his suit there for Prom Alternative. We ended up going with a gray one. I got him a black shirt at Penneys. I think I'm going to try to find a yellow pocket kerchief (or whatever they are called) because he needs something to brighten up the whole look. I'm not so crazy about the yellow and black Hawkeye tie with the gray suit, but it doesn't look terrible, so we'll live with it. Then, Paul and all the boys went home in Will's car, so I was blissfully alone for rest of my errands.

I had a big surprise today. I was at Hy-Vee, ready to check out and there was this clerk, standing at the end of his lane, waiting for customers. As he stood there, he bounced up and down on the soles of his feet and I thought, "I know that guy..." I got closer and became more sure of it. I glanced at his name tag to make sure and I was SO right. It was Jeff, an old friend from my CBF days. I used to spend hours up in his dorm room, playing backgammon with him and some of the others. In fact, he sang at our wedding. What fun it was to run into him today! I had not seen or spoken to Jeff since our wedding day. He's the same as always, plus about twenty pounds. He remembered me, which was flattering. He's probably typing tonight, "She's the same, plus a few pounds and lines around the face..." I had forgotten that Jeff was originally from Des Moines. I believe he spent most of the past 18 years out in one of the Carolinas, though. He's moved back and is living with his dad. His mom died a few years ago. So, anyway - that was my treat for the day.

I spent a good deal of time looking for shoes today. I was unsuccessful. I need a pair of strappy navy heels to go with my new summer dress and a pair of simple white flip flops for summer. You would think somebody would have those. And I'm not a super-frugal shopper when it comes to clothing myself, so it's not like I was looking for $10 shoes. I finally gave up and came home ordered some off Zappos. My sister-in-law told me about that site, so I figured I'd give it a try - free shipping either way, so that's a deal. But then, the first pair of navy shoes I wanted were only available in a wide width, so I had to go with my second choice. The hardships of my life - nearly unbearable, I tell you!

But all that running around wore me out. So, I think I'm going to go give Will the air card so he can create his first post. And I'm going to go sink into a bubble bath with People magazine (hey, I had a coupon!). And maybe, just maybe, I'll get to bed early tonight!

And the Party Goes On...

2011-03-27T10:42:00.002-05:00

But I think it's over now! Sara came down Thurs. with the girls and made a huge deal out of my birthday. She brought me THREE cakes, including one that was an "over the hill" cake. She took rice krispie treat stuff, molded it into the shape of a hill, slathered melted chocolate over the top and poured crushed oreos on top of that to get a "hill." Then she had candles that spelled out "over the hill." She also gave me a bunch of "old" stuff. And she gave me the above sign, along with a tiara and cape that she made. It's all going in my new office when I move in there in a week or so. Afterwards, we went out to Jordan Creek and walked around all night. What a nice friend I have!

Oh, let's see, what else has been going on in my world besides turning 40?... The day before my birthday the boys and I, minus Ben, went to the St. Patrick's Day parade in downtown Des Moines. We had nice, curb-side seats, but I was disgusted by the children, and especially adults, that just crowded in front of us. I mean, people were clear up to the yellow line for the entire parade! How rude!

That night I was planning to go to Ladies Bible study and was sitting on the couch eating frozen pizza, getting ready to leave, when all of a sudden, my sister-in-law, Lisa walked in my house! I about fell over! She and Micheal just dropped in on us. They live in Council Bluffs and needed a break from their hectic household, so they decided to go to Branson. And they went out of their way to come out this far and swing down by our place. They said they came to deliver my birthday card in person - and they gave me $40! I was so touched by that!

Well, my bathroom is almost done! I have never had such a luxurious bathroom in my life. Of course, compared to the one we just tore out (mushy floor, bowed walls, sagging suspended ceiling) just about anything could be considered "luxurious!" I've been enjoying the extra deep and wide tub for a couple of weeks now. Paul got the shower sides up this weekend, so I'm assuming the next thing is the shower head. He installed a toilet this week and I've been using the double sink vanity for about 10 days now. Oh, it is SO nice! He just needs to build my towel cabinet and we'll be good! Yesterday he also worked on the passageway between our bedroom and the office. He's going to put a door in there. He said he wants to put the baseboards on in the office and then we'll be able to move the computer desk and my desk out there. Can't wait!

We got the fooseball table moved to the basement this weekend. It is SO nice to have it out of the boys' bedroom, after 6 1/2 years of it taking up so much space up there! We moved in a desk for David and totally re-arranged the room. Now Sam's bed is over in the corner, in a somewhat private area, blocked in by his dresser and toy shelf. He's surrounded by all his toys and he's happy!

I saw the dr. this week about my side pain again. He wants me to have a pelvic ultrasound and an abdominal ultrasound. He's wondering, too, if it could be related to my uterus. But I don't know. I've had a massive UTI over the last few days, which makes me think it IS my kidneys, even though the ultrasounds on those came back clear. I'm not too anxious to have further testing done and use up more of our flex spending, esp. since I have a funny feeling that my surgery charges are going to wipe out that account anyway. But yet, if there is something wrong - and generally, pain indicates that there is - I really should get it taken care of.

And it's all pretty minor in comparison, anyway. There is a boy in our homeschool group who is 12 years old and just found out that he has an untreatable brain tumor and will live only about 6 more months. Devastating. And this child was a miracle baby. His parents were unable to have children and finally had him in their 40s. And now they have to give him back. I can't even imagine. You might pray for the Moede family, if you think of it.

I am home today with David who has been suffering either with a cold or severe allergies the last two days. I think we can make it to evening church, though. I gave him a sleeping pill last night which helped him finally get a decent night's sleep and he seems to be doing better this morning - just raw around his nostrils. Poor kid!

Ben goes back to school tomorrow after a week of Spring Break. Thank you, Jesus! The week got a little long. He just doesn't know what to do with himself. I've got to fill up this summer with some activities for him. Now they will be back to attending on Mondays, too, until summer break.

And I'm caught up, I think. Paul has heard rumors that they are handing out bonuses at work this week, so that will be helpful, since hours are still way, way, way down. I'm looking forward to some good news tomorrow in regards to that!

Fabulous Forty

2011-03-22T19:16:00.003-05:00

You're going to have to twist your neck to look at this one. Paul has the bad habit (always has) of holding the camera at an angle. I'm wanting to frame this in a frame Sara gave me for Christmas; I have a fuzzy feeling I'll be filling in part of the fill space with black cardstock. Oh well.

Well, I am 40 years old now and so far, I'm loving it! No, I have long anticipated hitting this milestone, even if it is the traditional start of middle age and the descent into elderly-hood. I still have not reached an age where I dread turning the next number or am tempted to lie and say I'm younger. And then, also, when Julie died last year I promised myself that I would never disparage birthdays. Birthdays mean you're still alive.

And, in my case, birthdays mean an opportunity for others to show how much they love me.

My actual day was Friday. It was a quiet day. Paul didn't have to work and he mentioned that morning that Nathanael, who is Will's 18 yr old homeschooled church friend and the son of good friends of ours, was coming over to help with the work on the house. Paul has really been hitting that hard for the past few weeks. Last week, especially, he worked so hard. Every single night he was up way past midnight. Since the work is on the other side of our bedroom and Paul has made a walkway between our bedroom and what will be the new office, I had a hard time sleeping. I was a little perturbed that Paul hadn't told me Nathanael was coming. I certainly didn't mind - he is a stellar young man - but I would have liked some advance notice so I could get some meals planned and the house cleaned up! Paul said that was why he didn't tell me. I had just had surgery and he knew I would rush around getting things ready. Nice thought, but I will kill him if he ever does that again.

So, I spent the morning, rushing around, throwing together a meal for lunch and picking up, all the while muttering under my breath. But I got things done. I spent rest of the day doing mundane things like paying bills and making a grocery list. We decided to go to the Machine Shed for supper and Paul says, "Oh, by the way, Nathanael is spending the night." Well, that was a little odd (to have a non-family member with us for a b-day celebration) but that was fine. So, we did that and then afterwards, Paul stopped by Walmart and picked up a little ice cream cake. And we went home and I opened my cards. Paul had put $40 cash in the card from him and also in the card from the boys.

I got quite a bit of cash for my birthday - lots of $40 gifts. I am giving serious thought to buying a used treadmill. Also, Menards has some antique-looking fan backed chairs that I have long admired. So I may pick up a couple of those for the deck.

I had plans for Saturday. A few weeks ago my friend Debbie from church had suggested that she and I, plus another friend from church, Danielle, all go out the day after my birthday for lunch and some shopping since all 3 of us have March birthdays. I had been looking forward to that ever since. I made lunch for all the guys in the morning and got some of my Sun. meal ready. Paul, Will and Nathanael were working full-bore on the house. At one point, Paul asked me, "Where is it you're going again?" I reminded him and he said, "Oh yeah - I remember you now saying something about that." He's good.

So, I met Debbie and Danielle in Des Moines. While I was waiting for them I got really, really dizzy and had a minor mini stroke. But it didn't bother me too much. I'm still having a bit of trouble with my eye, but that's all. We had a nice time. We went to Olive Garden and then picked up my new sunglasses in W. Des Moines and then did some shopping at Valley West Mall. It was just a nice, nice time. Paul called me while I was gone and asked me to pick up some nails for him at Menards. That's not unusual. But by the time I got done with that, I was so tired. My thinking was that I'd get home, take a short nap, and then finish making Sunday's meal.

So, I drove home and rather than going in the front door as I normally do, I walked around the back because I wanted to see how much work the guys had gotten done putting the siding on the new addition. I stepped into the mudroom and was shocked to see that it had all been cleaned up and vacuumed. Wow! That was a big job. Then I stepped into the back room and into the dark kitchen and was met with shouts of...

"SURPRISE!!!!" Half my Sunday School class was crowded into our kitchen. I could not believe it! Paul had totally pulled off the surprise of my life! He had supper ready, there were two cakes on the table, and everyone brought me presents. It was such a wonderful night! You know, we live a half hour from our church and most of the people there live right in Indianola. But yet, they were willing to drive out to Swan to celebrate with us. One couple actually lives quite a ways south of church and had an hour drive from our house. I was just so touched by everyone's care for me.

And Paul - boy, did he impress me! He had been planning this for a year, he said. Not only has he been up to his eyeballs in house work, but he's had this to do, too. He had given out invitations a few weeks ago. He and Debbie cooked up the scheme of getting me out of the house. The whole thing with Nathanael coming over was so that he could things ready. I guess as soon as I left, he and the boys quickly laid down the new linoleum in the office and bathroom and then Paul took off to Walmart to pick up all the food and cakes. And then they all cleaned the house, top to bottom. I will never understand why that man loves me so much and is willing to do so much for me.

One thing that struck me was this: I've always been reluctant to invite people to our home because it's just an old farmhouse and it's been a construction zone since we moved in. I have been to the homes of my friends from church and they all have very nice ones. But it occurred to me the other night when everyone was crowded into my house - they didn't care. They were there for me and for Paul and they like us, old house and all. What a wonderful feeling!

Today, my pastor's wife Facebooked me to apologize for not making it Sat. She's been sick for 6 weeks now and is just having a difficult time. I told her not to worry about it and commented to her that I still am feeling "warm and fuzzy" from Sat. night. I really am.

If my fortieth birthday is any indication of what this decade of life will be, then it's going to be a WONDERFUL time!